Reviews for Waking Up

BY : LazyNinjas

  • From IceTop on April 04, 2016

    Fun concept looking forward to more, would be cool to see them have sex with each other during or after he swaps.

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  • From LizzyBathory on March 31, 2016

    I have enjoyed the first two chapters so far! Your descriptions in the sex scenes are pretty vivid and entertaining! This kind of body-swapping premise can be fun if done correctly, and you seem to be on the right track.
    The second chapter felt a bit rushed, though. And the part with the grandmother having the book felt too much like tacked-on exposition that you could soften by adding some details -- like saying the title of the book was "hand-written" instead of suggesting the book had a printed title (which seems unlikely). Maybe you could go back and expand that scene?
    I'd love to see a third chapter, but you should vary your formula. Don't do another chapter of 1. wake up, 2. masturbate, 3. shower, 4. go to awards show, 5. meet someone, 6. have sex with that someone. Add some variety, and it'll be a more interesting chapter and a better story overall.
    Another sign of you rushing comes late in chapter 2, when you write "Demi" and "D" instead of Emma, suggesting this chapter's star was changed? And also, switching back and forth on whether the sex involved "my" penis or the other guys' shaft. Just go over the piece again and clean up the little stumbling blocks and it'll read more smoothly!
    Keep writing!

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