Reviews for RoleplayBy : AlishaV |
First off, let me say that I expected to be traumatized by this fiction, as I have been with so many in the past. The summary was also something that was making me leery of trying it. But, I like the actors and show so I couldn’t resist. I was very pleasantly surprised by it! Good job with that as it doesn’t happen often with me, especially in this section of the archive!
There were a couple things I noticed though….
First one was this line…
I mean, sure the lines were right, but this was the WB not freakin’ HBO.
Actually, the show is on the CW not WB. I know it’s a nitpick but my brain seized upon it and wouldn’t let it go.
There were also some minor spelling and punctuation errors (I believe you misspelled Jared’s last name once) but not something that would detract from the overall reading experience, just something that, for me, my brain zeros in on. A beta would be most helpful in this area, giving it a good shine and polish.
The summary, though, might be something you want to improve. It doesn’t at all convey what the story is like and is rather off-putting. I know there is limited space to work with (I struggle with that every time I post a new one) but a rewording might help and make it to where it draws more into it!
However, the interaction between the two, the way you played it out, the tension… all wonderful! I was impressed and liked it very much! It went slow and at a believable pace. The way you went about easing them into it was something good as well. I liked it, and it was most original! The whole premise would make a wonderful fanfic for the show. Then there was the heat of the sex scenes… most impressive! I very much enjoy this!
In closing, thank you for a wonderful, entertaining read. I hope to see more from you soon!
Danyealle
PS sorry about the last one, forgot to log outta the mod account LMAO!
Report Review
While AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. The AFF system includes a rigorous and complex abuse control system in order to prevent improper use of the AFF service, and we hope that its deployment indicates a good-faith effort to eliminate any illegal material on the site in a fair and unbiased manner. This abuse control system is run in accordance with the strict guidelines specified above.
All works displayed here, whether pictorial or literary, are the property of their owners and not Adult-FanFiction.org. Opinions stated in profiles of users may not reflect the opinions or views of Adult-FanFiction.org or any of its owners, agents, or related entities.
Website Domain ©2002-2017 by Apollo. PHP scripting, CSS style sheets, Database layout & Original artwork ©2005-2017 C. Kennington. Restructured Database & Forum skins ©2007-2017 J. Salva. Images, coding, and any other potentially liftable content may not be used without express written permission from their respective creator(s). Thank you for visiting!
Powered by Fiction Portal 2.0
Modifications © Manta2g, DemonGoddess
Site Owner - Apollo