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Reviews for Deal

By : XIIIth
  • From Reema on January 23, 2007
    you have got to update this asap!!
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  • From ANON - Andrew on October 05, 2005
    Good story but need the second chapter and any other chapters. Please do them
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  • From ANON - Mercika on September 25, 2005
    No offence ... I read the first couple of lines, and stopped.
    I find it hard to read stories which are not presented/layed out clearly enough.
    Maybe you should find I beta, who would help you present you story in a better condition.
    I'm sure you would get alot more people reading and reviewing you story if you did.
    ~ Mercika
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  • From Mikai on August 12, 2005
    Mmm, mm! That was pretty damn good! I wish Randy offered me a deal like that. lol It's turning out pretty good, you should continue. Just a bit of constructive criticism though, space out your paragraphs and re-check your spelling. Other than that, it's awesome.
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  • From ANON - TO cool on July 29, 2005
    Super cool keep on writing
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  • From Siarra on July 29, 2005
    For your first published fic this is quite nice, although it is rather lacking in some qualities. First of all the randomness of the time you spend on description gives an odd feel to the story; you write the surroundings with extreme detail but when it comes to the characters themselves it gets sparse, leaving them without much personality to speak of. The dialogue is another thing. You have Cena down perfectly but the others' lines are very out of character, and even worse, out of place. I'm referring to Randy getting all logical and reasonable when Cena interrupts their little...fun. The lines don't sound like something anyone might say in the situation, and I don't think I've ever heard the word "homoerotic" used outside very bookish context.
    Other than those little hitches the fic is going very nicely and I'll be sure to come back to see how you're going to continue. After all, I'm just a yaoi-fangirl who likes wrestling just a little bit too much for her own good. ;)
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  • From ANON - Jenny20 on July 28, 2005
    Great job i like the story keep it up and can't wait for the next chapter
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  • From ANON - aimee orton on July 27, 2005
    sooo cool, keep updateing sounds wicked, damn im curious lol

    good job real good job xxx
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  • From ANON - Banana on July 27, 2005
    I thought it would flow with the dialogue, it seems that I'm wrong. I'm editing the story as to change all the little imperfections that are driving me crazy. Thank you, I'll remove the word at once.
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  • From ANON - Frey on July 26, 2005
    It's ok..., but I suggest you use a different word for "Fag" as it is a derogatory term, It does not mean gay (homosexual)... and please don't use that word anymore
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