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Reviews for The Play -Complete

By : neelix
  • From neelix on September 28, 2008
    Hey JunoMagic,

    I wanted to pop in and say thanks for the contructive critisim...

    RE: the horrendous errors - I know... *shakes head in shame* - This was written almost a year ago now, I think, when I had only just started to write. I have since done an English course and relearned how to write proper English!

    I should go back and doctor it - and I will when I have more time!

    As for the plot. I could have expanded it but it orginally started as a one shot PWP, which took on a life of its own.

    Thaknks again for reading and commenting :)
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  • From JunoMagic on September 14, 2008
    One damn hot final scene, that one. Daring. Bizarre. Smoking. (Also funny - what with Cal noticing.)

    Thank you for sharing this story.
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  • From JunoMagic on September 14, 2008
    I really like this story. The premise is amazing! It's so simple and original, but most of all it provides you with a very plausible story to build up the romance. I can absolutely see that happening - when a single, older actor is suddenly faced with the physical intimacy of that scene and the right woman. I enjoyed the erotic element very much. The intimate scenes were tastefully written, hot, but not overdone. What I regret a little is how much opportunity for plot has not been used. I see a lot of potential for more conflict, both "inside" the heroine (so apparently she only got the job because she has beautiful, big boobs - what is that going to do to her self-esteem? getting emotionally closer to the hero, won't she wonder if it's all about her body?), and outside (first no one notices what's happening - I think you could have put in loads more tension with the whole papparazzi problem ... or if the director was not so nice, but sees her only as what her hired her for, namely, big boobs ... and the flat mate with her AR obsession ...). I think you missed out on a lot of obstacles and conflict that could have turned this into a "real" romance novel (and not just a short NC-17 novella). On the second read-through I'm also noticing a number of typos/punctuation error (a few its that should have been it's, missing commas and the like). In spite of the criticism, a really good story, even at second glance.
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  • From LadyVoldemort87 on May 08, 2008
    This was a brilliant story!
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  • From Angie30 on April 19, 2008
    Hey, Now it makes sense lol I tried to send you a message to but it didn't work. Do you have yahoo messenger by chance? If you do just type in my yahoo addy.


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  • From neelix on April 19, 2008
    Hi guys, just wanted to stick my head in and say thanks for reviewing this. Check out my other Alan fics if you haven't already.

    Thanks again, feeling the love.
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  • From Wolf0307 on April 19, 2008
    Amazing, seductive, and a read that I will come back to for a very long time. Wonderful job!!
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  • From Angie30 on April 16, 2008
    I have to say part 16 of this story was VERY HOT! I had to re-read it after you mentioned the Wedding Date, I was like when did he ask her. lol
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  • From Angie30 on April 15, 2008
    Oh I forgot to say thank you for leaving a review on my story! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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  • From Angie30 on April 15, 2008
    Oh my goodness, I so loved this story and the ending was fantastic! I was blown away with the marriage, woo hoo! I'm going to add this to my favorite list along with your other stories. :)
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  • From Angie30 on April 13, 2008
    Earth shattering indeed! Fabulous job on the lemons! *Heads off to take a cold shower*
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  • From Angie30 on April 11, 2008
    Definetly incredible Lemons!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  • From Angie30 on April 10, 2008
    Love that they made up! I'm so hooked on your stories they are fabulous!
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  • From Angie30 on April 07, 2008
    Thank you for the hot shower scene! Oh boy I think Alan made a mess of things with Carrie, hope he can patch things up with her.
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  • From Lauriurix on April 06, 2008
    oh man n_n

    i dont know how about keeping em on stage n they keep on developing their relation ? =)
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