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Reviews for Steal my love, Steal my kisses

By : PunkyEmoFreak
  • From Safir84 on October 25, 2008
    Awesome one-shot you've got here, I really liked it! The plot was great and so was the character portrayal, and the sex was hot! Well, of course, lol! I also really liked how you wrote it, very good! However, I did find some typos and grammar mistakes! Such as:

    “He didn’t respond to my words, he just caught my chin in his hand before pressing "out" lips together and I was gone, melting into his arms and falling for him all over again like I did the first time this happened."

    Shouldn't it be "our", instead of "out", right?! That was just a weird typo, huh?!

    "He broke our lips apart for a moment and I whimpered, my sweeter "then" candy essence leaving my lips."

    Shouldn't it be "than", instead of "then"?!

    "With all the people he could- "as does- have", he still comes to me."

    I think this part in said sentence sounds a bit weird, maybe it's just me but still...

    "He wiped the excess gel onto the covers of the bed, "grabbing my legs and wrapping them around my waist." I took a deep breath to relax, I didn’t need to make this any harder "then" it was going to be. I should have let him prepare me… but I couldn’t. I needed it "to" bad. “Now… please…” I mumbled, he pressed "out" lips together "" the same as he pushed his hips hard to my own, burying himself deep inside of me."

    "grabbing my legs and wrapping them around my waist." That part, sounds a bit weird too, I mean; one can't wrap one selves legs around ones body, right?! So I guess, maybe it should have been; "grabbing my legs and wrapping them around his waist.", instead, huh?!

    And, here, shouldn't it be "than", instead of "then"?! And shouldn't it have been "too bad", in "I needed it "to" bad." Or maybe "so", instead!

    "He wouldn’t hold out much longer "then" me, I was already tighter "then" any girl he could be with- my pleasure only added to his."

    Should be "than", instead, like this; "He wouldn’t hold out much longer than me," and "I was already tighter than any girl he could be with"!

    "He said softly, I couldn’t even say good-night before my brother "was" dashed out of the room."

    Shouldn't it have been; "before my brother dashed out of the room." Oh well...!

    "I could hear the shower running in Tom’s room next to mine and it took all "" I "have" to just stay in my own bathroom."

    Shouldn't it be "had", instead!? Or possibly "that I have"!

    "I don’t know why I don’t just turn him away at night, ever since the first night when he came into my bunk on the bus, drunk and falling over himself, I haven’t been able to turn him away. He gave me the softest kiss then too- he thought I was someone else I think. But it didn’t matter, I let him know it was me. He swore that he already knew and he kissed me again."

    I love this part, one of my favorites, I guess, lol! So cute and funny!

    "It down on me then", while I let the hot water wash both mine and Tom’s come off my body is that the reason I don’t turn him away… is because I love him."

    Shouldn't it be "it dawns on then", instead!?

    "As long as I’ve known him, he’s never fucked anyone more "then" once."

    Should be "than", instead!

    "Five months ago this started… and it scares me to know "" end knowing it could stop any minute, especially when I don’t want it too."

    This sentence sounds a bit weird, I think that maybe you've just forgot to type in a few words!

    Okay, that's it! No more, constructive criticism from me, at least for this fic, lol! I hope this will help you improve any future work and such and remember to always re-read the chapter before posting, because then you'll be able to spot typos and such much easier!

    Well done!


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  • From ANON - Gelly Bely on October 21, 2008
    I love the way you make your stories!!
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