Hi, I've just read the  first chapter of your story. First of all, let me say that you are a very good writer. You write very well, the style is perfect and there are no errors. There is a balance between dialogues, description of the place and  of the protagonist's feelings. Well done! Then, Niall at the beginning seemed very scary, with those terrible, long theeth. I thought he would have hurt Rashel a lot. She told that her father abused her, so it was a terrible situation, a situation that breaks inside people who live it in truth and I think you described it quite well. Maybe you could add that Rashel cries every day, that she is scared, that she hasn't the strength to ask for help because yes, she is strong, but she is too scared. But for the rest, the story is good, as I previously said. In the end, Niall was not bad, as I prevoiusly thought. Yes, he is a vampire (or at least I think so, as he has those teeth) but he didn't want to kill the girl, which surprised me because I thought the contrary. He wanted to reassure her and to help her, which was a beautiful thing, but you described very well the fact that she was puzzled, tht she didn't understand this supernatural thing that he could read her mind and that he has canines. I think that she was also terrified, because even if Niall anted to help her, she couldn't believe it at all. It is a really good story!

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BronxWench,

AFF Archive Moderator

Your disclaimer doesn't have any of the parts we need to see.

It can be worded however you like, as long as it's clear you are saying you

• Don't know the person or persons you are writing about. You need to name each of the persons you are writing about, or the band they belong to. For example, it is not enough to just state an organization like WWE or WWF. You need to name each wrestler.


• That it is a work of fiction. Examples would be: This is a work of fiction. This is a fictional story.


• Say that no money/profit is made. Saying that it’s just for fun or just for entertainment purposes is not enough.

Saying you don't own the person or persons is not correct; you must say that you don't know them.

What happens if the disclaimer isn't fixed? We allow seven (7) days for the story to be corrected. After that, we hide it, and it will stay hidden until it's corrected or until it's been thirty (30) days since we hid it. At that point, we do delete the story. If we do hide your story, you can always access it through your Control Panel in your archive profile even while it's hidden. If we do hide your story, and you've fixed it, you can contact the ToS team with the name of your story, your username and the fandom where the story is located to have your story made visible again. You can contact us by email at TOS_team@adult-fanfiction.org. Just one thing: Re-uploads of hidden stories are deleted immediately with no additional warning given.

Here's a link to the Terms of Service:

http://www.adult-fanfiction.org/tos.php

This link is to the FAQ about disclaimers, with some examples:

http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=3560

We also suggest taking a few minutes to read the Content Guidelines:

http://www.adult-fanfiction.org/guidelines.php

You can remove this review once your disclaimer is corrected.

Thank you,

Foe, AFF Archive Moderator