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September 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hmm... it's sweet and great and awesome... and way too short XD
I'd have loved some sweet short lemony scene in the hotel room... but... well I guess that's my pervy side speaking ;)
Yours
Raphaela
I'd have loved some sweet short lemony scene in the hotel room... but... well I guess that's my pervy side speaking ;)
Yours
Raphaela
schedule
January 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this was so great! i love the relationship between Till and Richard! oh and Flake was so evil, it ws awesome.
schedule
November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Though I did enjoy this fic, especially the way you described Richard throughout, I do have some con-crit to offer;
'his eyes like throwing metallic blue flashlights'
That makes no sense whatsoever. There are a few sentences like this that just don't fit, and though it's obvious what they're intended to mean they're a bit confusing to say the least, and take away the focus of what's really going on. I'd suggest a proof reader go over it just so you can catch slip-ups like this.
Otherwise, this is promising! Keep up the good work.
'his eyes like throwing metallic blue flashlights'
That makes no sense whatsoever. There are a few sentences like this that just don't fit, and though it's obvious what they're intended to mean they're a bit confusing to say the least, and take away the focus of what's really going on. I'd suggest a proof reader go over it just so you can catch slip-ups like this.
Otherwise, this is promising! Keep up the good work.
schedule
November 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Awesome!!!! Please write a sequel!!!!!