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August 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
That would have been really sexy. You need MUCH more detail and MUCH more plot, but saying that, it is really good for a first attempt. Message me back and I'll help you improve and write your next fic and maybe be your beta?
schedule
March 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well it was hot and all that but it was kinda rushed. Try to make it longer and a much more longer and detailed Sex scene. Im not trying to flame you or nothing Im just giving you some ideas.