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Crossover from Hell: Sordid Beginnings	By : jediragsniffer Category: Individual Celebrities > Orlando Bloom Views: 2094 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Orlando Bloom. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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T'was sometime in March that Dexy and Ida decided to live up to their reputation and write a Sue. After all, their other female OC stories had been pegged as Sues; why not do it right? Meet the Sues:

Jedi Knight Ida Talath: The plainest alien princess ever to complete her Padawan training.

Dexy McKenna: Foul-mouthed pessimistic winged psychic. She sees dead people. She's short, too

We failed at creating Sues. We actually came up with interesting, complex characters. Fools, we. However, we have begun to spin what we feel is a most entertaining yarn. If you want a good laugh (and an occasional spot of good writing), look no further. Here's the short and sweet of it:

Fandoms: Lord of the Rings, X-Men, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Van Helsing, X-Files, etc.
Warnings: Slash, Sex, Slashy Sex, Het Sex, Narcissistic Sex…, Trucker Tongues, blatant disregard to canon, and a bastardization of Fox Mulder that a thousand apologies will never amend.
Oh, did I mention Orlando Bloom? This is the love and laugh at Orlando Bloom hour, Prime Time. If chuckles at Orli's expense is your cup of tea, tune in!

Disclaimer: George owns most of what we’re messing with, Tolkien owns a bit as well, and the rest of the copyrighted material will belong to J.K Rowling, Chris Carter and Twentieth Century Fox, and Marvel Comics (though not necessarily in that order). For the hell of it we’ll mention Bruckheimer, and Mickey. Orlando Bloom is his own person. The events in this story are complete fiction. I repeat: none of what is mentioned in this story happened. It’s fiction. In short: Roses are Red, Violets are blue, and the recognizable is not ours, so please don’t sue. Any similarity between this story and others is purely coincidental.

This is an epilogue shitfic! loop for the epic pos, "Crossover From Hell." The bunn(ies) that simply would not fuck off and die. It's Legorli centric. Tell us what you think! Flames welcome!

Orlando was worried. No, worry didn’t even begin to describe what he was feeling. **Relax! Maybe he hasn’t seen it yet. Maybe you’ll get to explain.** Swallowing the lump that had appeared in his throat, he made his way into the darkened club. The music was loud enough to hurt, but he paid it no mind, squinting in the dark to make out any familiar faces.
They’d all agreed to meet here tonight to blow off some steam. He glanced around warily before finally making out a familiar shape near the back wall. There was Logan, Dexy’s beau, standing menacingly against the wall, his arms folded across his chest, just begging for someone to start some shit with him. Seated at the table before him were Dexy and Remus Lupin, who were uncharacteristically chatty with one another, or so it appeared from a distance. Orlando sighee wae was glad his sister appeared to be having a good time, but he’d hoped he’d be able to draw her away unnoticed. He really needed to talk to her. Two young men, not much younger then himself, slipped into the two chairs on his side of the table, laughing heartily and struggling to separate themselves from each other long enough to sit down. Ah, Harry and Draco.

Orlando risked a glance at the table beside the one his lil’ sis occupied, and his breath caught in his throat. Seated at the table were two severe looking people, each trying to look like they were enjoying themselves, but struggling with the very idea of *fun.* They’d changed from their usual attire of sweat-inducing brown robes, but they were still every bit the somber role of Jedi Knights. Ida Talath, and Legolas Greenleaf, the former of which was looking right at him. Orlando winced. He’d not wanted to be noticed right away. He waved shyly before looking at the floor, suddenly finding his boots very interesting. What was be going to say? Gathering his courage, he looked up again, and started when he saw the seat beside Ida mysteriously empty. Looking around frantically, he despaired when he failed to sight the elf. Where was he? **Great, he won’t even face me. What have I done?** Depressed, Orlando began to slowly wander over to the group, catching Dexy’s eye as he did so. She winked at him, smiling slightly before returning her attention to Remus. Orlando shook his head. He’d never thought he’d see the day.
“Hey, Orli!” Harry bellowed, obviously pretty far into his cups already. “See ‘em headlines, eh? Way to go!”
Orlando paled. **Oh fucking hell.** “You, ah, saw that, eh?” he stammered, blushing to the roots of his hair. Thank god this place was dark.

Malfoy smirked. “Fuck yes, we saw it. Who the fuck hasn’t? Way to go mate! Colin fucking Farrell! Jesus, you lucky fuck.”

Orli noticed for the first time that everyone was ing.ing. Beaming at him in one way or another. Pride, envy, amusement, they were all present. There was one distinct absence that worried him though. “Uh, Ida? Where’s Legolas?”

“He’s right behind you.” Orlando startled when he heard that silken, aristocratic voice in his ear. He whipped around and found himself faced with a pair of cold, icy eyes. The Jedi Knight had folded his arms across his chest in a fashion similar to the ever-emotionally distant Wolverine, and the posture did little to ease Orlando’s quaking nerves.
“I, uh, I can explain.” He stumbled, the heat rising in his cheeks even as he felt the beginnings of tears prickle the corner of his eyes. **Fuck fuck fuck. I will not lose him, I will not lose him.**

The elf raised one delicately curved eyebrow. “Can you now?” The words slipped off his tongue in smooth, silvery waves. Orlando felt himself yearning to hear that melodic voice raised in hearty laughter. **Just get through this, first.**

“I can! Look, it was nothing just a stupid fucking thing that Ridley made us do, and I really need this fucking part, and if I don’t get it, my career will be fucking over, not to mention that it might as well be now because my career means nothing to me without you and I’m so fucking sorry, and it’ll never happen again and you need to know that I love you and that’s all that matters, surely?” He stopped, drawing in a long shaking breath and staring at the floor again as the threatening tears finally took over. He choked back a sob, trembling with the desperate desire to quell his emotions. **You’re such a fucking girl, ‘Lando. You WILL NOT cry. Fucking pansy.**

~**Don't EVER think of yourself that way, Penneth.**~

Orli jumped, hearing his lover’s voice in his head. That always freaked him out. A gentle hand reached out and cupped his jaw, forcing him to look up and meet Legolas’ icy gaze. “Hush, little one.” The elf wiped a stray tear away, and stepped forward to place a tender kiss upon Orlando’s lips. “I know you love me, darling. And I know you would never cheat on me.” He brushed a few stray curls behind Orli’s ears. “You are mine, Orlando.” He breathed into the smaller mans ear. Orli shivered, his knees going weak and he clutched desperately to the Jedi for support. Legolas nipped gently at his ear before he spoke again. “So long as this Farrell fellow understands that you belong to me, I see no reason why you shouldn’t take this part.”

Orlando’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What? Are you sure?’ the elf nodded. “Oh! Thank you so much!” Overjoyed, he smashed his lips to the elf’s, who eagerly responded to the kiss, and promptly took over. A sudden war whoop brought them from their passionate embrace, and Orlando turned to see his sister grinning maniacally, and several other members of their party clapping enthusiastically. Orlando blushed.

“Come dance with me.” A gentle voice murmured in his ear, and he allowed himself to be pulled onto the dance floor and drawn into his lover’s arms. They moved together gracefully, Orli’s head pillowed on Legolas’ strong shoulder. The elf tightened his hold on the slighter man, holding him possessively as they rocked in unison with the retro beat. Legolas kissed the Pantene curls softly and smiled. Fuck he loved the Terran media.

Dexy McKenna laughed at her idiotic brother, shaking her head as he moved off with Legolas to dance. On the table, covered in moisture rings from various glasses, sat a copy of The Sun. The cover announced in bold: BLOOM AND FARRELL HEAT THINGS UP. Under the headlines was a questionable photo of the two hot actors locked in a passionate kiss. Fucking incredible.

still feels like our first night togr
fr
feels like the first kiss and it's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
still holdin' on, you're still the one
first time our eyes met - the same feeling I get
Only feels much stronger - I wanna love you longer
You still turn the fire on…
So if you're feelin' lonely don't
You're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me - I know not what I do
Please forgive me - I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me - this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do
Please believe me - every word I say is true
Please forgive me - I can't stop loving you

Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch
We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough
I'm still holdin' on - you're still number one
I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves - I remember you yeah
I remember the night - you know I still do
So if you're feelin' lonely don't
You're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should

Please forgive me - I know not what I do
Please forgive me - I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me - this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me - if Id yad ya like I do
Oh believe me - every word I say is true
Please forgive me - I can't stop loving you

One thing I'm sure of - is the way we make love
The one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'…

Please forgive me - I know not what I do
Please forgive me - I can't stop loving you
Don't deny me - this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me - if I need you like I do
Babe believe me-every word i say is true
Please forgive me - If I can´t stop loving you
Never leave me-I don't know what I do
Please forgive me- I Can´t stop loving you

Can't stop loving you
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Crossover from Hell: Sordid Beginnings