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A Lesson Well Learned	By : EnchanteNoir Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Malice Mizer Views: 1574 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Malice Mizer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-A Lesson Well Learned
- 1
~GAH be gentle... okay so I wrote this a while ago and finally decided to get off my lazy butt and put it on here... please be gentle... It was my first attempt at writing a J ROCK fic... maybe I'll put my one on here with me and Yoshiki... we'll see... but be gentle about this one... no flaming... I don't like it and won't take it. Please review though if you liked it that way I know whather to bother continuing to write J Rock Fanfiction or whether just to stick to American Bands and Anime.~

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NO ONE... but Yoshiki... MWAHAHAHAHAHA I have kidnapped him... no just kidding he's not even in this fic, I just love him. Anyway enjoy the story... no suing... after all I am just a poor college student you will get nothing.

A Lesson Well Learned

The scent of vanilla incense filled the air candlelight flickering across the room as he closed his eyes and again listened to the beat of the music he had playing attempting to get the song out without flaw. He had to practice if he was to perform it live, but he couldn’t really concentrate tonight. It was the anniversary of the day he turned and walked out of Malice Mizer leaving behind the man he wanted to deny loving with every fiber of his being. After all… the “Ice Queen” could never love him back could he? As the beginning of that tape played and Gackt didn’t sing merely sat down and listened to the song allowing his memories to take him back to that night.

It had been an eerie day all day and he hadn’t wanted to do what he knew must be done. He had to leave or lose his mind if he stayed. He had played the game long enough and saw finally that it was all for naught. He would never love him back regardless of anything he tried to show him that he did indeed love him. He moved into the studio then before anyone else had arrived, very early for him indeed, for anyone besides Mana… he knew he would be there. He was always early.

He had found him sitting down on a bench in a beautiful dress of his own designs that was black with a light blue trim, ribbons danced throughout the leather corset he wore. He had been tuning his guitar, and had no idea what Gackt had been about to tell him.

“Hello Mana…”

“Hello Gackt-San… you are here early, is something wrong?” Mana looked up from his guitar tilting his head at his friend his beautiful eyes watching him closely, long lashes framing those enchanting orbs.

Gackt had froze for a moment not sure what to say then. It was almost as if he planned on forgetting the whole thing, but he wasn’t happy. He loved him and despite all he had tried to get close to him Mana would always grow frigid. Shaking his head then he looked away from Mana’s eyes and spoke softly.

“I am leaving Mana.”

“Oh? When will you be back in town? You know we have to work on new material…”

It had been almost sweet to see the innocence in Mana’s eyes at that moment. He really had no clue what Gackt had been talking about. Sighing softly he spoke again the truth of his words.

“I’m not… Mana… I am leaving Malice Mizer. There is nothing left for me here… I need to go do my own thing.”

Gackt stood there watching the shocked emotion on Mana’s beautiful doll-like features and suddenly wanted to reach out to caress him. His mind told him not to that it was merely nothing, that Mana was unable to feel anything.

“I don’t understand…”

It was the first words from the doll’s lips and Gackt had sighed about to speak when Mana’s whole persona went from innocent and shocked to pissed.

“What the hell do you mean you are leaving… that there is nothing more for you here?! How dare you stand there before me and tell me some something like that?!”

The shock on Gackt’s face at Mana’s words was apparent. The mere language that Mana had spoken had sent him into shock. It wasn’t like Mana to curse… but he seemed angry and it only fueled Gackt’s wanting to leave when in his heart he was begging with Mana to give him a reason to stay.

“Just like I said Mana… there is nothing for me here… what I wanted and desired is never going to be given to me, and I realized that I am no longer happy being here, playing this… game.”

“GAME?! What the hell do you mean?!”

“What I said Mana… I don’t have to explain myself to you… I am leaving, I just thought you had the right to know before I just up and left. I am going to work on my own career now, and get financially stable.”

“That is such a bullshit excuse Camui!”

“Yeah well it’s the only one you’re getting Mana-Chan. Goodbye.”

He turned then to walk out the door but before he could get two good steps in Mana had grabbed him by the arm and spun him around quite forcefully. He blinked and stared at him in surprise, and wasn’t prepared for the slap that came across his face.

“You bastard! How dare you do this to me! To Malice Mizer!”

“It hurts to be the one being turned away doesn’t it Mana? Now you know what I have gone through, only I am fed up, and now I am walking away. Sayonara.”

He had pushed him off him causing him to fall and hit the ground in a swirl of black cloths leaving him there like a broken china doll. Mana had sat there in shock from being pushed with tears in his beautiful eyes and Gackt had simply turned and walked away that quickly. He didn’t see Mana again until Kami’s funeral and that had been one of the hardest blows for him. Kami had always been his best friend and to lose him like that had not been easy for him. It was worse with having to see Mana so beautiful in his grief for the beautiful drummer. Kozi had comforted him when he cried and Gackt had longed to go to him, to hold him and attempt to soothe the tears that had fallen from the Doll’s eyes. So perfect was Mana… even in his sadness, but he hadn’t even gone to him then, simply turned and left when the funeral was over.

It had been horrible for him, the nightmares that followed with seeing Mana’s tears, the pain in his heart, how alone he felt. He blamed himself for it all, Kami’s death, Mana’s pain, his own pain. He made everyone suffer with his decision when in truth he had only thought of himself, of saving himself from the pain of loving Mana. Shaking his head as his music began to play he pushed the thoughts out of his head and began to sing.

yasashiku sasayaita anata no koe
doko ni iru no…
zetsubou ni mo nareteshimatta
kono yo no hate de wa
chinmoku de tamotareta yasuragi o kowashiteshimae
hikari ga furitatsu toki ga kuru mae ni
kiesaru kono sekai de anata to aishitsuzukeru
tamerai mo mayoi mo iranai
tsuite oide…

Mana didn’t even know why he was bothering coming here. He should have just stayed home. He was sure he didn’t want to see him, but he had sucked up his own pride and decided he was going to make Gackt-San see him whether he liked it or not. He missed him and was simply tired of crying, the endless tears, the memories, the pain he had gone through since he left. He had tried to stay away to give him what he wanted, but he needed him now. He had been so shocked when he left, it was a blow he hadn’t been prepared for, and yet now he knew why he left. Or… he thinks he knows why he left. Either way tonight would be the final answer of whether or not he was right. Gackt-San loved him… and he had been too blind in his own sorrow as thinking him untouchable that he hadn’t showed him his own love for him. Yes… he loved Gackt. He had loved him since he first laid eyes on him, the flutters he had felt in his heart when they were close to each other, and be it on stage or off. Gackt had always treated him like a lady, taking his hand when they walked and put it on his arm, opening doors for him, ordering for him, on stage it was the same. He would look to him when he sung, reach out to him on emotional parts, hug him when he came running across the stage, the way he felt when he danced against him, the obvious hard-on he had thought he imagined when he was kneeled down in front of him at the concert where they performed Illumanti live. It had been little things like that, that he should have noticed and didn’t, and everyday he cursed himself for it.

Shaking his head and pulling himself out of his little dream world he ended up in front of his door and raised his hand to knock. This was the address he had been given, and he swore if the damn people lied to him he would go back there and break their necks. Smoothing out the black skirt that held white crosses all over it, a matching corset fell over top a white Victorian blouse that was trimmed in lace and it spilled out the front, his hair left loose like Gackt-San had liked it when they were together the front cut into straight bangs. He looked like a walking china doll; his knee high heeled platforms had been hell to wear walking up the damn hill to this place. Sighing he took a breath and was about to knock when he heard singing. He listened to the words of the song completely stunned before checking the door to see if it was locked. It wasn’t. Moving in he shut the door behind him and moved toward where he heard the voice to see Gackt singing to amazingly… a rather large portrait of… him.

kie saru kono sekai de anata to kataritsuzukeru
subete ga ima omoi no mama ni
kiesaru kono sekai de anata to aishi tsuzukeru
tamerai mo mayoi mo iranai
tsuite oide…

He fell to the floor and sobbed softly lowering his head. How had he managed to cause so much pain? Why couldn’t he have just admitted that he loved him… that everyday he had began to breathe for him. He had been selfish and unmistakably surrounded by his own needs and never looked for anyone else’s. His decisions had killed Kami, his best friend, and turned Mana into this doll of shattered pieces.

Mana was stunned into silence… unable to say anything. The pain he felt in those lyrics was shocking. He hadn’t been prepared to see him so utterly broken. Sighing softly he moved to him and lightly placed a gloved hand on his hair lightly caressing him before he kneeled before him. The song was like an “I Miss You Malice Mizer” or “I Miss You Mana” song and it was heart wrenching.

“Gackt-San… I will always be with you.”

Gackt gasped and his eyes flew open and he looked up right into the face of Mana. He was dreaming he had to be. Mana was cold-hearted and would have never come to him willingly, but here he was kneeling right in front of him looking like the china doll he had fell in love with. Reaching up he looked up into his eyes and lightly caressed his cheek.

“Mana…”

Mana smiled softly helping Gackt up off the ground and over to a couch where the two sat down Mana handing Gackt a handkerchief from his purse so that he may wipe his eyes. He grew silent then, the pain in Gackt’s words when he left was stuck in his head. Just like I said Mana… there is nothing for me here… what I wanted and desired is never going to be given to me, and I realized that I am no longer happy being here, playing this… game. He sighed softly before looking to Gackt as he wiped his eyes his hands resting in his lap.

“Do you wish to explain now Gackt-San? Why did you leave me…why did you leave Malice Mizer?”

Gackt wiped his eyes sighing softly. He wasn’t prepared to have Mana here… it was painful to see his doll so beautiful, so flawless, and yet the hurt in his eyes told the truth. Sighing hearing the question he looked to him in the eyes and did the only thing he could. He danced the subject.

“Mana there was a lot of reasons…”

Mana held up his hand before he could finish cutting him off. Taking a deep breath he calmed his temper trying to make this a civilized conversation unlike the last time they spoke. He had been so shocked that he was actually leaving, so hurt, that he had allowed his temper to get the best of him.

“Do not lie to me Camui. When you said that what you wanted and desired would never be given to you what did you mean?”

“Mana…”

“Camui… I am not going to play this game of ‘Please don’t make me say it’. Did you mean me when you said those words?”

“Mana I…”

“Answer me.”

Gackt sighed softly lowering his head before nodding not believing he was actually telling him this, but it was very true. He had been talking about Mana when he said those words.

“Yes.”

Mana nodded his head wondering how they could have been so stupid. They had each hid their own feelings from each other and refused to speak their minds. Mana was a very shy person, and when he realized he was in love with Gackt it had been shocking to him, and he had wanted to deny it. When he finally gave into the feeling and started sending Gackt hints he had completely ignored them and that is what pissed him off and made him grow cold. Now that it was out in the open and Gackt did have feelings for him Mana was at a loss of what to do… or how to tell him that he felt the same. Sighing he moved his hand to lay it overtop Gackt’s and looked up into his eyes only a moment before he leaned forward and kissed him softly, just a light press of his lips against the man he had loved and lost, and yet could never get over, his eyes fluttering closed. Not a few moments later he opened them with a soft blush.

“Gackt I…”

“Shhh…” Gackt placed his fingertips against his lips letting Mana know the words were not needed. Removing them slowly he leaned forward and kissed him again softly, his lips trailing against his out of love and understanding. His heart was pounding, but it was worth it, as he laid the beautiful man back so that he could prove to the beautiful creature how much they deserved to be together. Mana was his and he wasn’t letting him go this time.

THE END

~Okay so there you have it my first ever J Rock Fic being posted here on AFF.Net. Okay seriously tell me what you thought in a review. If you loved it... great... if you want to write me telling me never again to write another J Rock fic... okay great too. At least I know you're honest... just don't flame me for the story idea. ::nods:: ~
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A Lesson Well Learned