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A Charitable Cause	By : brebrechan Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Gorillaz Views: 2825 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Gorillaz. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-A Charitable Cause
- 1
Just getting over the respiratory infection, high wired nerves and insane amount of sleeping... I bring a story. This one has been in my head a while. I finally got it finished. Whoora, hooray.

Title: A Charitable Cause
Rated: MA
Warnings: By default, always profanity. BUTTSEX, gay male buttsex. Well, of course. Although it's not long, and it's not intensely described, it's still got a lemon twist. This isn't Sprite, guys, we're talkin' 7-UP citrus here. Though it's no Cirtus X, hahahaha. *takes pipe from mouth and puts down newspaper* [Not that I've tried it, but, dude, CITRUS X title ALONE...]
Summary: In order to gain new fans, more publicity and a higher boost of rating on the respect scale, the band decide to take part in a celebrity car wash. Even Murdoc, albeit reluctantly. But we all know just how much car washes are synonymous with arousing. ;D Murdoc x 2D [surprise!]
Disclaimer: Gorillaz does not belong to me. It belongs to Jamie, Damon, Gorillaz Partnership, etc.

Pardon any grammar/spelling mistakes. I'M ONLY HUMAN.

~~~

"I've noticed one thing about celebrities. One thing that helps boost up their popularity and reputation. And I think we should consider doing it as well."

Russel dropped a newspaper on the large, round rosewood table. 2D sat on the left side, sucking down a cherry slushie. Noodle sat on the right side, hands together and on the table, looking professional. Murdoc sat at the other end of the table in the largest chair, posed and looking like royalty amongst his "court."

The Satanist snatched the paper up as 2D leaned in to look at it. Murdoc examined the front page for a moment, before the brow over his red eye cocked. He looked o're the paper at Russel, who just sat down adjacent of him. "What is this bullshit?" he demanded, before tossing the paper out in the middle of the table again.

On the front page of the paper was an article about "International Celebrity Charity Car Washes," showing images of popular singers, bands, actors and actresses hosing and washing down cars of all types from all over the world. Well, specifically, America and Australia.

"Well," Russel said, "in Hollywood, they had this idea that celebrities all around the world would gather for one week and do car washes for charities. Each day of the seven long charity fund in each country, or states in the US, there'd be new celebrities doing the car wash. Lotsa famous people have signed up for it. Here in the UK, you got people like Hugh Grant, J.K. Rowling and even Mick Jones aiding the cause."

"Hmm... Mick Jones..." Noodle thought about this for a moment. Then she smiled and said, "He is from The Clash, right?"

"Harry Potter!" 2D exclaimed when he heard J.K. Rowling's name.

"Hugh Grant issa pussy," Murdoc grumbled. He then sighed and sagged back in his large, leather chair, looking about ready to ooze off. "What's all this gotta do with us?"

Russel blinked. Surely Murdoc knew what he was suggesting? Surely Murdoc wasn't dumb? Surely this was a question he'd except from 2D?

"I think we should join. The British Celebrity Car Washes start in two days. And they're still lookin' for someone to fill in Tuesday's slot."

"No feckin' way," Murdoc growled. He swished a hand at him. "I never once put anythin' into charities an' don't plan to start now."

"Giving to charities equals very good karma," Noodle giggled.

"Car what?" 2D blinked.

"My karma's all ready fucked," Murdoc chuckled darkly.

"Well, I think it would be a good publicity move if we did something like this," Russel explained. He picked the paper up and shook it at the three. "Consider it, jus' for a minute, now. I mean, we'd get our band some attention... We'd be helpin' people out... We'd surely gain more fans 'cause of our good intentions an' nature, despite if it'll just be a cover up for you, Murdoc."

Murdoc grinned all his fangs, sniggering deep in his throat.

Russel concluded, "Not to mention, I got some more info on this thing and we can promote any of our work or whatever if we want, too. Free pluggin'."

"I've all ready figured that much as it was," Murdoc stated. He was trying to regain Russel's confidence that he wasn't airheaded by his earlier reply. He knew the benefits of doing this charity thing. "But thing is, I'm busy Tuesday an' I don't want to spend an afternoon washin' people's cars. I'm a bloody rock star! Not some two-bit car washer!"

"I used to wash cars for money when I was back at home," 2D said, smiling proudly. He then frowned when he recalled the less brighter moments of those memories. "Though, I took the idea of car washin' from the bums I saw who'd run out in the middle of the street when the light was red an' try an' get the cars washed... Once I got hit an' broke me ankle... Then the bum who I borrowed the idea from said I was on 'is territory an' takin' 'is ideas an' he beat me up. I lost a toof. Way in the back, can you see-ahhh?" He ended his rambling by pulling back on the corner of his mouth and pointing inside. Noodle tilted her head.

Murdoc blinked at 2D then looked back at Russel. "Point is, I'm not going to degrade myself by doing... car washes." He finished with a disturbed shudder.

"Degrade yourself helpin' out people an' earnin' money for charity!?" Russel snapped, completely blown away.

"Precisely. Before you know it, I'll have people callin' me to 'sit their puppies an' when a girl comes to fuck a rock star, such as myself, she ain't doin' it for the sensitive bits. You really think I'm gonna get any pooty tang--"

"Murdoc said pooty tang!"

"Shut up, dullard! Anyway... you really think a girl is gonna wanna fuck a rock star who does sissy shit like that!?

"Your reputation won't be ruined," Russel sighed. He added a bit forcefully, "... and girls will still want to bang you."

"Tha's right!" 2D echoed in agreement. He looked at Murdoc, beaming. "There's still alotta girls who like guys who do stuff like that!"

"Chivalry, my fine half-witted friend, died. A long time ago."

"But I think it'll be neat!!" 2D stated, firmly, eyebrows knit. He then looked frightened for a moment as he held his slushie close. "Jus' so, you knows, there ain't no bums around..."

Murdoc blinked at him, one eyelid at a time. He then pointed at his pink, sloshy ice drink. "Y'know, I hear you get a real kicker when you drink that stuff reaaaaally fast," he said fondly.

"True?"

"True."

2D bounced a moment then went to sucking down his flavored ice drink as quickly as possible.

Noodle stood up and raised her hand high in the air. "I vote yes for car washing!" she declared. "Russel-san is right. It is good way to promote new album and yet, also good way to build respect amongst both old and new fans."

"One hell of a way to waste a day, too," Murdoc said.

"Oh, what's one day out of your miserable life gonna matter?" Russel huffed.

"I could be doin' better things."

Russel didn't want to ask what.

2D suddenly screamed, dropped his slushie, grabbed his head and flopped around in agony in his seat from the massive brain freeze he got. Murdoc pointed and laughed at him. 2D fell out of his chair and writhed on the ground, his band mate still laughing his ass off. Russel took a chunk of articles out of the paper, rolled into a think ball and tossed it at Murdoc. It hit him smack dab in the eye, causing him to shriek and grab at his face.

"Well, all who agree on doin' the charity car washing, raise your hands," Russel said, immediately raising his. Noodle waved her hand frantically in the air. Murdoc glowered at the American, one hand on his eye, the other firmly planted on the table. After crying for a moment, then hushing down into silence, 2D weakly rose a hand peeking out from behind the table.

"Three against one," Russel chuckled, "you lose, Muds."

"Goddammit!" Murdoc seethed. As usual, he took his blame out on 2D, giving him a kick in the back. And as usual, Russel ended up grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and giving him a good shake around as punishment. And as usual, Noodle remained sitting there and watching with amusement as her family quarreled.

~~~

Although Murdoc had made it quite clear he wasn't going to participate in this whole celebrity charity car wash thing, it looked as if his words fell on deaf ears. After the conference, Russel made a few calls and managed to get the Gorillaz in as the celebrity band for the ICCCW charity cause on Tuesday.

"Wut--wut exactly are we--I mean--who we're doin' this for?" 2D asked as he dug through his drawers to find his swim trunks. He noticed some of his clothes had gone missing since he last put them away two days ago from laundry. He knew who to blame for that. No wonder Murdoc was able to make patches for his curtains.

Noodle sat on the edge of his bed, playing her Game Boy. Little sound effects like "piko piko" or "bip bip" would constantly be sung from the little hand held game. "Russel-san says it is for British charity program, H.B. Wiggley Family."

"Wiggely?"

"Yes. H.B. Wiggley for correction of cough medicine addicts," Noodle said, half withdrawn in her game.

2D blinked. "Cough medicine addicts?" he repeated. Noodle just continued pounding buttons on the Game Boy. "I thought... maybe... wuz for cancer or... sumfin' big like that..." he mumbled.

"Russel-san say it is only charity with no celebrity sponsorship on the ICCCW program. All things for cancer, AIDS and other such ailments have been taken."

"... I see," 2D replied, thoughtfully. He stared into space for a moment, before whining, "I can't find my thing! The beach shorts!"

"Oh!" Noodle suddenly squeaked. 2D snapped his head back at her. "I saw them," she said. Before 2D could inquire where, she said quickly, "... but if they are of the turquoise turtle one... then I did see it... but only pieces of it... in blender."

2D's face went bland and annoyed. He'd get Murdoc back for this... one day or year or... something. "Now I gotta go get new swim trunks!" he grunted, hands on his hips.

"I need a new bathing suit, too. We go together?"

"All right!"

"So, our charity is the H.B. Wiggley Family. They're a foundation for rehabilitation of cough medicine addicts."

Murdoc stopped typing on his computer. A minute later, he turned and stared at Russel. Russel stared quietly in return. "... For serious?" Murdoc then said.

"For real, even."

Murdoc gazed at his keyboard, contemplating. "... I didn't know they made a charity foundation for cough medicine addicts," he murmured.

"You sound like it struck some sort of nerve," Russel said, curious.

"Oh, well, you know..." Murdoc said, before laughing. He just laughed and laughed. He remembered when he was ten. How he'd spend afternoons chugging down cough medicine with a couple of his friends. Get completely wasted and wake up in gutters or half naked. Lasted only a few months; he became immune to it and thus stopped. Got into bigger, badder drugs, leading him into the downward spiral of speed. And he just laughed and laughed until he suddenly frothed, "SHUT UP!!"

Russel didn't know what to do or say. Murdoc glared a hole in his head then went back to looking at pictures of Barbies with their heads replaced with Ken doll heads--and added with afros. "I don't care, I'm not going!" he growled.

Russel rolled his eyes. He left Murdoc to his inane, incoherent babbling. Again, Murdoc could say whatever he wanted, and he could admit to being King of the Bloody World, but when it all came down to it, he was going to that car wash.

~~~

Sunday and Monday blew by quick. Noodle and 2D had both gotten new swim wear, 2D careful to hide it from Murdoc. Murdoc seemed to be going out of his way to try and cease them from even going. He claimed that Russel would be too fatigued from all the sun and his "insanely large body" wouldn't be able to take it. Russel merely replied, "Watch me."

Murdoc then said Noodle sounded like she was getting sick when she coughed once. Noodle claimed she was as healthy as can be.

Murdoc tried hiding 2D's pills the night before, so he'd be too sore to do anything, but Russel was once step ahead of him and made it clear he'd "bust some heads" if anything should happen to mess things up for tomorrow. Murdoc relinquished his mission on painkiller thievery and went to bed pissed off.

When Tuesday came, the four were to report to a fancy, four year old, professional car wash business about ten miles into town. When they got there at eight in the morning [Murdoc hadn't come out of the car until twelve, however, because he fell asleep and refused to get up so early], the fans had all ready gathered, as well as the reporters.

The sponsors and chairmen of the British part of the ICCCW informed the band that they would prepare them with everything they needed [such as sun screen and lunch], and that the day prior people had all ready signed up and paid for their cars to be washed by the Gorillaz. In total, they would be washing about fifty cars that day, from eight to six in the evening.

When they got started, it was pretty nice. Murdoc was still snoozing loudly away in the geep [having pulled the top over it to avoid sunlight and peering eyes] so the atmosphere was pleasant. The roar of fans, the cheers and the cries of adoration, plus the cool weather made it seem ten times more easier than they anticipated.

Russel wore a black pair of swim trunks with a red streak running around the elastic waist band. 2D had on a white tank top and his new shorts, which were streaked yellow and blue, with skull head patterns. Noodle took the look of the swimsuit as cute as she could go; a two piece pink/purple/bubble dotted bikini with her hair in pigtails wearing scuba flippers and neon green swimming goggles.

The cars that all came in were nice, fancy, looking to be owned by rich customers. Russel gathered that the price of getting their car washed by celebrities must of been high. The first two cars were small, compared to the rest that would come. The third happened to be a limousine, dark purple in color with flames running along the sides.

"Wicked!" 2D laughed. He picked up the hose, water pouring from the end. "I'll start, I'll start!"

Russel turned from picking up soapy water buckets. "Wait, D, check if the--!"

2D turned the hose on the limo. He hadn't noticed one of the windows had been rolled down, and water gushed inside. He drew back the hose a second later, blushing. Russel shook his head at him as Noodle giggled. "Well," 2D chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, "they can consider it a bonus, heh?"

Russel and 2D attended to cleaning the exterior, mostly, while Noodle had dived into the interior, picking up garbage and vacuuming the seats.

Then, when the clock hit noon, Murdoc rose from the geep like Satan rising from the pit. More cheers rung in the air. Not too long, Murdoc was kicking back in a fold out chair, wearing his beret, sunglasses and his tight-as-tight red swimming briefs. It was quite a spectacle to behold for people who had not seen much of Murdoc, especially the reporters. However, most fans were pretty damn neutral to it after so long, and given the current situation, it seemed appropriate.

But, damn, they were tight!

Murdoc had been catered on, as promised, and took his third alcoholic drink for the day. A yellow piña colada in a tall glass with a little umbrella. That gave him an idea, and after pulling some strings, a big beach umbrella was placed beside him, keeping the sun off of him.

Occasionally, 2D or Noodle would come by and give him a paper to autograph. It was the image on their Demon Days CD; all four would sign it, put it in the car, giving their customer another added bonus. And every once and a while, Murdoc would slip in mention of his band and his new album to the press surrounding him.

Reporters leaned as far as they could over the ribbon lines surrounding the area, keeping them and everyone else at least twenty feet from the group. Murdoc had sat himself away from the cars being washed and parked himself about ten feet in front of the squealing crowds.

"Mister Niccals, Mister Niccals!" an anxious blonde reporter cried. She shoved one of her rivals aside, held out her microphone as far as possible and gasped, "Tell us, why aren't you participating in the car wash!?"

Murdoc stirred his drink. "Oh, well, see," he began with a heavy sigh, "I've got me a skin conditiooonnn... yeaaah. And, well, I dry up real easily, despite how much lotion or what-not I cake on me. I'd turn into a prune ten minutes in with all that water splashin' on my skin. An' the girls, well, they don't find wrinkles that sexy." He winked at the reporter.

She blushed; distracted with infatuation, she grunted when a bouncy red headed reporter literally shoved an elbow back in her face and took her place in the front. "The British Paper wants to know: why exactly did you decide to join the ICCCW!?" she shouted loudly over the others.

Murdoc rubbed his fingers into his temple. "To tell you the truth, luv, I didn't. In fact, I was against the whole idea," he answered with a smooth, relaxed grin. The red head seemed surprised by his reply. All until she was sidekicked in the gut and a new reporter took her place.

"What do you mean? Are you saying, you are against the ideas of the ICCCW?"

"I'm saying that if yer gonna start chuggin' down cough medicine, then at least keep in mind your tolerance levels. If you know in the end yer just gonna wind up in a damn rehab center, it's really all your fault ya couldn't handle it, y'know? So why help out idiots, huh? For the other charity drives--yeah, sure, I can see why. But this whole thing is poxy compared to the rest of 'em."

Murdoc decided not to bring up his personal events, however.

Well. Too late.

"So, are you saying, you, yourself, have never been seriously addicted to drugs? Because word has it you used to be a speed addict, but have since cleaned up..."

"O'course I've done drugs. What kid hasn't? But unlike those prawns in the coo-coo center, I didn't need any doctor to fix me up."

Russel had overheard some of Murdoc's comments and was turning bright red. He marched over to the bassist, his massive shadow looming over him along with the shade of the umbrella. Murdoc looked at him then gagged. "Dear Lord, King Kong, put onna shirt! Yer man boobs are frighten' off the dames!" he taunted, laughing when he finished.

"As if your damn bulge weren't nightmare inducing enough!" the drummer snapped.

Murdoc nodded sideway to the reporters. "You know, kiddo, this's live..."

Russel blinked his wide, white eyes and glanced at the cameras. The reporters now began chanting his name, leaning in his direction with their microphones and cameras. Russel glared at Murdoc. Murdoc smiled in return. "He ain't got no skin condition," Russel informed the reporters. He then plucked the umbrella easily out of the ground and set it aside. Murdoc made a hissing noise when the light hit him.

"Is this the truth, Mister Nicc--"

"It's the truth, all right," Russel interrupted the reporter, before pardoning his intrusion. He really didn't want to be rude, but he was so irritated with Murdoc, it was hard not to be. "He's on break now. But he'll be joinin' us soon." He gave Murdoc The Look. Murdoc knew The Look very well; The Look was nothing to be messed with, and spoke higher volumes than Russel's The Tone. He grumbled bitterly as Russel went back to the car they were washing.

"I'm strivin' to get the coots runnin' this whole mess to get in some girls for a wet t-shirt contest!" Murdoc cackled at the cameras. He shouted after Russel, "And despite your massive rack, you can't participate!"

"Can 2D-kun take care of inside car for minute?" Noodle asked her blue haired friend. 2D nodded, taking the little vacuum cleaner from her. Noodle fled to the bathroom not a moment too soon. 2D opened the car door as Russel scrubbed down the grill. He decided to start with the back, before he saw a set of fuzzy, green handcuffs with a name tag on them. He took the handcuffs and read the tag.

"To: 2D. Look behind you."

2D slowly turned and glanced behind him. He could see all sorts of people cheering at him. But he noticed just one person wasn't leaping around thrashing and squealing. A chubby, dirty blonde twenty year old with glasses. She grinned like the cheshire cat and winked at 2D seductively. 2D turned as red as a rose and threw the handcuffs back into the car in fear.

When Noodle came back, 2D was quite happy to return to the washing.

"An', you see, that's why I think the death penalty is--"

"Murdoc!"

The reporters made an uproar, the loudest yet, when 2D came waltzing over to the singer, dragging the long, running hose with him. Murdoc rolled his eyes and glared at 2D. His eyes widened at the sight. 2D's white shirt was drenched, showing the fine lines of his chest and erect, cold nipples. If this were in the anime genre, he'd get a nosebleed.

"Russel said you gotta come help out now," he told the bassist. He hadn't noticed the screaming reporters.

"That annoying arsehole."

"2D! 2D!"

It finally set into 2D's brain that people wanted his attention. "Wut?" he asked, turning to the crowd, accidentally turning the hose on them as well. The front of the crowd shrieked as they were either drenched or sprinkled on. 2D quickly stepped on the hose, cutting off the running water. He grinned bashfully at the moaning, seething, soaked reporters.

Two male reporters wrestled into a headlock before the brunet knocked his opponent out and got to the front. "2D! How do you feel about participating in the ICCCW drive!?"

"Oh, it's really fun!" 2D retorted. He gave his arm a rub down. "Though I keep havin' to reapply sunscreen. Don't wanna get burned. Course, I shoulda bought the water proof stuff, but..."

"In the Entertainment section of our newspaper, we held a poll asking readers and fans which Gorillaz member they liked the most--results came in saying you were most popular, beating Noodle by 10%! How do you feel about that?"

2D seemed a little surprised. He rubbed the back of his head. "Well... now... that's really nice of 'em. Really, though, I think we all did our par--"

Murdoc poked his head in front of 2D's. "An' where was I ranked on this aforementioned poll?" he demanded.

The reporter seemed hesitant to answer. "... Fourth place," he said. Last place.

Murdoc's left eye twitched. "Obviously some of my--our--fans have no taste!" he snorted.

"I think they have a lot of taste!" 2D teased, peeking his head over Murdoc's shoulder. Murdoc growled at him. Then he saw those nipples protruding in the tank top and couldn't think of anything to come back with.

"Speaking of the both of you: we hear there has been some drastic changes in your relationship! Can you give us details?"

"Well, wait a tick, gimme a minute..." 2D said, quietly. He then stripped himself of his damp shirt. Murdoc's jaw unhinged. Dammit, and he had to do it so slowly! It was like a porn put on slow motion. 2D shook his head, his mussed hair getting even more messy, little droplets flying from the tips. Murdoc couldn't help but find him looking absolutely fuckable right now. A female reporter in the group fainted at the sight.

"Murdoc an' me have been friends for a while, even though he tends to beat me up an' call me names an' embarrass me at all possible times... I still care 'bout him," 2D explained, smiling at Murdoc. Murdoc blinked at him, looking very baffled. Then 2D laughed with a wicked grin, "However, jus' 'cause we're friends don't mean we always ged along! Ever since I came back to recordin' music, Murdoc's been a little less mean 'cause I just don't stand for it no more!"

"Right, right," Murdoc grunted.

"So, does that mean you no longer idolize Mister Niccals as you once did before?"

Murdoc waited for 2D go on and on about how wrong he was and how stupid he was, which was true, but instead, 2D replied quite honestly, "Nah, 'e's still an idol t'me. More like a role model now! Not to mention, I can't jus' forget how he saved me life... even if 'e was the one who almost took it a'coupla times..."

"You're in debt for eternity 'cause of it," Murdoc reminded him.

"Well, hey, I'm doin' good, aren't I?"

The dark brunet reporter screeched when pepper spray hit his eyes. He fell back, letting gorgeous, exotic reporter take the soap box. She was quite beautiful, hair almost black as it feathered down her neck, skin tan and eyes a deep chestnut brown. "Hello, I'm Tina Roderigeuz. I am the head reporter for the erotic magazine, 'Fire on the Fingertips.' We've done one or two articles on you both before, concerning your sex life and appeals when it came to your choice of lovers," she introduced herself.

Murdoc sniggered. Oh, he remembered that.

"But as of lately, there's been some query on your relationship with 2D," Tina stated.

"Although the idiot dinnit know half of what he was sayin', we all ready answered tha--"

"Romantically and/or sexually speaking, Mister Niccals."

Murdoc and 2D both turned red, then paled, then looked at one another, then looked quickly away. Tina giggled. "Yes, indeed, many of our fans have come to believe that you two share a bond that goes far beyond platonic."

"That's all rubbish!" Murdoc snarled. He looked like he was about to turn into the Hulk and throw things. "Whoever--whatever idiots think of such ludicrous ideas need to get themselves checked into one of these head problem, basket case rehab centers this charity is gainin' money for!"

"Yeah! We're jus' good friends!" 2D agreed, clamping Murdoc's shoulder. Murdoc looked over at him, and his rosy pink nipples and petite waist and taunt, pale, sweaty, moist ski--

"Ehhhaaah!" Murdoc shrieked, shoving 2D away and on his ass. It caused 2D's foot to slip off the hose, water gushing out on Murdoc. Murdoc wailed again and jumped aside, but he was all ready soaking to the bone. Tina and a few other reporters couldn't help but giggle.

2D scrambled to his feet and took control of the hose again. "I oughta kill you!" Murdoc seethed, raising his clawed hands at 2D's throat. 2D immediately doused him with water out of defense, causing him to jump back and away. All the reporters began laughing. Murdoc's blood boiled, especially at all the laughter aimed at him.

He stomped forward and ripped the hose out of 2D's hand. "S'really rich, huh!?" he cackled, spraying the reporters with water. The reporters scrambled back, squealing and crying, trying to cover their equipment or suits. Murdoc dropped the hose, glowered back at 2D then marched at him. "You! Me! Tango! With Knives!" he snarled, grabbing 2D tightly by the arm and dragged him into the empty building of the car wash center.

Noodle ran over to the reporters as they recovered, picking up the hose. She went to return to her work before the crowd began demanding her questions.

"Noodle, Noodle! What do you think of the ICCCW!?"

Noodle stood again and adjusted her goggles. "I think it is wonderful redeeming quality of society of world given the bad things happening in these times; poverty, war and currently incurable diseases. Noodle finds it good for it is to help people who cannot help themselves. And hopefully it will help those people to know they can fix themselves and thus when they are healthy again, they can help people, too," she explained, nodding sagely.

"Are you enjoying the massive attention you and your band are receiving today?"

"Oh, yes! Fans always make Noodle smile and happy!" Noodle cheered, pointing to the corners of her large, pearly grin. The reporters chuckled. "Noodle would like to thank fans for coming and thank those who send cars for us to wash for money to help. And Noodle would also like to make shout out to Ki'rin to Ki'lin Japanese restaurant and its owner Hiroshi-sensei! It make best nigiri in all town, in all part of Britain! I give you mad props, Hiroshi-sensei!!"

2D grunted when his back was slammed into the wall of the hall way leading to the bathrooms.

"What're you tryin' to do!? Piss me off so I can break my chair o're yer empty head!?" Murdoc demanded, sounding like a wild animal as he kept 2D pinned.

"No, I was jus'--jus' tellin' them tha truth, 's'all," 2D answered, honestly.

Murdoc growled deep in his throat. "I swear. If you make me look like an idiot in any more of these things, I will permenantly remove your eyes!" he threatened.

2D thought about it. "Well, that wouldn't be too big a'deal 'cause lots of people think I don't have any at a--"

2D grunted again when he was shoved into the wall harder, Murdoc looming right in his face. "Oh, so you agree that it's okay, huh!?" he chuckled behind his wall of teeth. "After I do it, I'll skull fuck yer tiny cat-brain outta yer head!"

"You'd fuck me!?"

"That wasn't meant to be taken literally!"

"... Oh."

Murdoc stepped back, letting 2D go. He angrily took off his soaked beret and tossed it to the ground. "Yer lucky I dinnit have my shirt an' stuff on," he grumbled. He acted a little like a wet cat, shaking one limb at a time in the air to dry off.

2D said, "You look kinda cold."

"Gee! Dunno why!"

"I feel bad," 2D murmured. He placed a finger to his lip, looking like a little child caught sneaking into the cookie jar. "I mean, the first time... that was an accident, 'cause you pushed me. An'--an' I only did it the second time 'round 'cause you were gunna punch me," he explained, apologetically.

"No shit, Sherlock," Murdoc agreed on the punching bit. He ruffled his wet locks and scowled. "And that idiot had to choose the most windiest day of the week to do all this shit," he complained. He glanced sharply at 2D. "So help me, if I get a cold..."

"No, you won't!" 2D assured, sounding frightened. He ran off down the hall, before returning a minute later with a towel. He dropped it on Murdoc's head and began drying his hair. Murdoc stood there, frozen, feeling like he was five years old and his mommy was drying him off from a bath. 2D acted like this was perfectly normal and kept rubbing the towel in his hair.

"2D. Really. Seriously. I won't hurt you for this because it's just scaring me more than aggravating me."

2D drew back the towel. "It is?" He looked disappointed.

Murdoc yanked the towel from his hands and began to dry his own hair. "I can do it myself."

"At least let me get the back," 2D offered, "you can't get it all then."

"I said I can do it myself!"

"But, come on, just let me--here, let me have it and--!"

"LET GO!"

Murdoc yanked the towel back, pulling 2D against him. The Satanist's legs wiggled like jello as he tripped and fell back in the wall, stuck between it and his singer. The two stared into one another's eyes, the tips of their noses touching. And, after only a split of consideration later, they found themselves locked into one hell of a passionate, hungry kiss.

A small volkswagen had pulled in. Russel took care of it himself. Noodle took the time to perform a little music for her audience, the ICCCW staff providing a karaoke machine. She turned it on; there was only one song programed into the machine, but the lines were displayed for her and it fit perfectly for the situation.

The music started playing. Russel tapped his feet as he washed down the blue bug. The fans began cheering and hopping up and down, then starting clapping to the beat. Noodle brought the mic to her lips and began singing.

"Woo! You might never get rich! But let me tell ya it's better than diggin' a ditch!"

Murdoc pulled 2D in front of him, shoving him to the wall instead. The two panted, breathing heavily. Murdoc yanked down his wet briefs, as 2D fumbled with his own shorts.

Noodle's hips shook to the funky rhythm. "There ain't no tellin' who you might meet... A movie star or maybe even an Indian Chief!"

Both sopping briefs and trunks fell to the ground, Murdoc kicking them away clumsily. He shoved his mouth back against 2D's, even more desperate now than ever. He slipped his tongue inside the singer's mouth, tasting the sweet pop he had been drinking all day. 2D gasped into the others, swallowing up the scent of the nicotine and various other tastes.

"Let me tell you it's always cool, and the boss don't mind if ya act the fool!"

Murdoc's hands grasped 2D's knees, claws scratching against the tender skin. 2D moaned, turning his mouth away to catch a breath of air. Murdoc bit the corner of his lip, disapproving of the sudden break of their kiss. 2D made a cute mewling noise and turned his head back, letting his mouth be taken again.

Murdoc carefully hefted 2D's legs up against his sides, the singer now practically sitting against the wall. Seeing as they were both wet, lube didn't seem to be a concern. 2D's used his flexibility [more so contortionist abilities] to keep one leg wrapped around Murdoc so one hand could tend to flexing something else.

2D groaned, back straightening as Murdoc pushed two long claws inside of him, those sharp, hard needle-like things tugging and pulling. He wheezed a little, trying to relax; this position, being a bit uncomfortable, made it worse for him. Murdoc growled like a tiger into his ear, a verbal warning that he was forced to relax. He couldn't do any loosening if 2D tightened up.

By now, Russel had finished scrubbing down the car. He danced a little as Noodle kept singing to a cheering crowd.

"Work and work! Well, those cars never seem to stop comin'!"

"Nngh!" 2D grunted, before shivering when Murdoc's fingers pulled out. Murdoc snickered, then grasped 2D's other leg again. He pulled 2D down a little, until he was in the perfect position.

"Don't scream. We don't want to attract attention," Murdoc purred against 2D's flushed cheek.

2D made a face. "I don't squeal like a girl!" he grunted, offended.

Murdoc blinked at him. He then took a bite out of his shoulder.

2D squealed like a little girl.

"Work and work~!"

2D gasped [trying so hard not to make the same mistake as wailing like a sissy again] as Murdoc pushed himself inside of him. The singer dug his own sharp tipped nails into the bassist, hearing him make something of a pleased gurgle in his throat.

As Murdoc focused on pumping himself in and out of 2D, 2D could finally hear the music mumbling behind the wall. He rose his head, one eye narrowed and twitching. He then said breathlessly with a large smile, "I--I like this song!"

"FOCUS-SUH."

"Keep those rags and machines hummin'!"

2D wrapped his arms around Murdoc's neck and pulled himself close, getting his back to arch. He dropped his head for a moment, teeth clenched so tightly he thought he'd lose more of them. "How do... how do rags hum?" he asked tiredly. Murdoc stopped fucking him to give him a good slap upside the head. 2D made an angry little cry, retaliating by scratching up Murdoc's back.

Oh, but wait, he liked that. Goddammit.

"Work and work, my fingers to the bone!"

And they did just that. Work and work and work...

"Oh, God, oh God, oh God oh God God God BUDDHA!" 2D shrieked, feeling like his spine was trying to straighten itself out without him, causing him to bend inward with the movement. Murdoc just panted heavily, sweat now beading along with the water from his bangs down his face.

"Easy doessit..." Murdoc muttered. His grasps on 2D's legs tightened along with his system as it prepared. The two were on the same schedule. He slowed down his thrusting a moment to turn his head and growl in 2D's ear, "Don't make a big mess! Aim for my stomach!"

"I'm not sure if I can really control that!" 2D growled in return.

"Work at five, I can't wait until it's time to go home!"

"I'M GONNA--" 2D shrieked before calming down when he finally released. At the same time, so did Murdoc. The feeling inside wasn't very pleasant. 2D felt like he was a woman right then and there, and in a few weeks would discover he was pregnant. Now he knew another reason why women liked condoms--or maybe it was different, what with it up the ass and not another nonexistent hole. Either way, he sagged lifelessly in Murdoc's arms, whose knees locked and legs turned to pudding.

"... And I did. Yes, there. I did."

Murdoc took in a deep breath. 2D squealed [like a girl] when Murdoc, without warning, yanked himself free. Murdoc dropped 2D like it was hot; 2D fell right on his rear, and the impact was twice as bad. Murdoc stepped backed a few feet, still a little shaken. He picked up the discarded towel, muttering about how gross semen was [except his] as he wiped the white cum from his belly and shorts.

"THANK YOU," 2D managed to grunt a moment after recuperating. He didn't feel like moving and his legs felt like they were permanently spread open. He crossed them, though, when he was comfortable enough. "Go git me a towel, will ya?" he asked. He didn't want to use the one Murdoc had.

"You go get yourself a damn towel," Murdoc snapped. He threw his to the ground, and slowly sat back against the wall, opposite of 2D. 2D glowered at him, before grabbing the towel, using the decent side of the fabric to clean himself. It wasn't exactly a pretty sight, which is was why Murdoc looked away red in the face.

"That whole thing--it sure was random."

Murdoc laughed. He agreed. He'd never thought he'd find himself fucking 2D out of nowhere from a sudden burst of rage. "Jus' think of it... as you would as a charitable cause," the Satanist said, "for pissin' me off."

The two sat there quietly for a minute. They said nothing. Both were on the same mindset--cigarette, need cigarette. Indeed, Murdoc had gone too fast. The two looked up at the dark ceiling when they heard the crowd outside roar with cheering and the music stop. A second later, Noodle's tired voice thanked everyone for their support and to "check out our new album."

"She just might replace you, eh?" Murdoc smirked at 2D, wickedly. Almost threatening, it seemed.

"Not ah!" 2D whined. He didn't find that funny at all. He pointed a long finger at Murdoc. "What makes you think you wouldn' get replaced, huh?" he inquired, brow arched.

"I own this band."

"But we could all come together an' agree to replace you, y'know?"

Murdoc was quiet.

"Like, when we decided to do this, three against on--"

"Do you want me to shove the heel of my foot in your mouth?" Murdoc interrupted with a low snarl.

"No," 2D answered, bluntly. "Aw, don't think we'd ever do that t'you, Muds! We love you!"

"I hate you guys."

Noodle and Russel stopped washing cars for a moment to hand out free autographs. Not much later, Murdoc and 2D trudged out from the building, both back in their swim trunks and relatively dry. The crowd turned their wailing up a couple notches. 2D was back to beaming and smiles and butterflies and rays of sunshine as he waved to his fans and went to join Noodle and Russel.

Murdoc gave his beret a look; it was still considerably wet. He ringed some water out of it, shook it for a second then shoved it on his wet mop of hair. He then joined his other band mates, Noodle handing him a pen so he could sign the pictures and scraps of papers and albums and whatnot, too.

"You guys took long enough," Russel said behind a big smile as he handed a fan back his now autographed drumstick.

"We were only gone for about ten, fifteen minutes," Murdoc stated. He grinned at a rather sexy female fan who lowered her shirt so he could sign the top of her plump breasts. "Aw'right, sweetie, there you go--yes, that's a number, try it in an' hour or two, okay? Ha..."

"What were you doing?" Noodle, curious, asked. She bowed to two fans who got their custom made Noodle shirts signed by the guitarist.

Murdoc allowed himself to sign a few more album covers before answering, "Thiiinngsss..."

"Things!?" Russel gasped, pausing at the second 's' in his name on a fan's piece of paper. He looked quickly at 2D, demanding, "Are you okay, D!?"

2D was hamming it up, but didn't know he was doing so. The spotlight was lovely, even if he never fully understood just how much was glaring down on him. He managed to free his head out of the flailing grasps of a couple fangirls, looking back at Russel with a kiss mark printed on his cheek. "Sound as a pound!" he laughed, before someone's lacey pink bra landed on his head and covered half his face.

"Well, all right... But, hey, Muds... what happened to your back, man?"

"Oh, those. Ummmmmmmmm. Well, you see, it's a long story. It involves a wall and slipping an' all that good stuff."

"Heehee! Did Murdoc-san trip and cut himself on smooth wall?"

"Uh, well..."

"Wow! I didn't think I made them deep en--"

"SHUT UP!!"

~~~

Breanna closed the neon green book. "The end," she said to the children sitting at her feet. They were all gaping, wide eyed, one drooling uncontrollably as he twitched from a previous seizure.

~~~

After Notes:
Cough medicine addicts rehab center: I do not think it exists. XD;; Er, if it does, then... good luck on the people in it! XD;;; No offense if any was taken. *meep* *hides*
That sadistic chubby blonde 20 year old: ... self insertions are fun. XB
Tina Roderiguez: Modeled after my cousin, Tina/. XD Even if her last name isn't, of course, Roderiguez. XD
Kirin to Ki'lin: Ki'rin and Ki'lin, as it is translated. A Ki'rin is a Japanese unicorn [mixed with like dragon genetics]; much like the Romans did with Greek deities, it is like based on the Chinese chi'rin. Ki'lin is the female version. Although that can be confusing, I bet, since the 'r's and 'l's in Japan sound so much alike...
Nigiri: A type of sushi. Learn how to make your own nigiri, yay!

The song lyrics were, of COURSE, from "Car Wash" by Rose Royce. AND YES THIS SONG IS NOT MINE, IT IS THEIRS. Without this song pumping naughty plotbunnies in my head, this fic wouldn't have happened. So that might either increase or decrease sales because of it. XD j/k j/k

As always, feedback is quite well appreciated. I do hate flames, but if you want to send them, you're free to do so. Just do it via CrowTChick@aol.com to save me from public humiliation. *puppy eyes*
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A Charitable Cause