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Waking	By : fonulyn Category: > Kaoru/Die Views: 1211 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Waking
- 1
Title: Waking
Rating: PG-13
Status: Completed

Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the persons mentioned in this nor have any connections with them. I do NOT get any money from this, and it's written solely on entertainment purposes meaning no harm.

Notes: This is quite stupid, but I hope you like it. Please comment!^^
Oh, and you can find this fic also in www.averagepsycho.net

And on with the fic:

***

Waking

Kaoru stood nervously behind the door in front of Die’s apartment. He bit his lip and raised his hand to knock, but stopped right when his knuckles were about to hit the door. Was he really sure about this? He had thought about this moment for a long time now and he was quite sure that they could handle this like adults, no matter what. He sighed. Okay, here it goes. His small hand rose again and this time he really knocked.

He shifted his weight from one foot to another. ‘Why does it take so long for Die to open the door? Is he even at home..? I could just leave and come back later... Or maybe not. I really should get this over with. But on the other hand I really should wash some clothes today. I think I left a couple of beers in the fridge also, so I really should drink them. Before I forget, that is. Oh, why in hell isn’t he coming already..?’

He was completely lost in his thoughts and didn’t see the door open. Die stood in the doorway, looking questioningly at the man standing outside his mind obviously not in this world. “Kaoru? Do you want to come in?” He asked and amusement danced in his voice. Kaoru took a step backwards and blushed slightly. “Oh, sorry Die, I was just thinking.” He quickly got in while the other one held the door open for him. Kaoru turned to face Die when they reached the small but cosy living-room. “I actually came here to tell you something. So, please listen without interrupting and then say what you think.” Die nodded and grinned, like he always did.

“You see, I have been thinking a lot lately. About what I am and how feel. You know, sometimes something just pops into mind and then you can’t get rid of the thought. Like Kyo, when he gets an idea for a new song, he throws everything else aside and works with it. And he really loves the song, although it prevents him from thinking of anything else.” Kaoru was simply so nervous that he kept on babbling like an idiot. Die watched the older guitarist and couldn’t help but smile widely, for he was truly amused. ‘Where in hell could this be leading.’ He thought to himself.

Kaoru paused for a second. “That’s basically the thing with me. I realized something some time ago, actually for about year and a half ago, and now it haunts me all the time. You see, I realized that I’m in love, and that I really would like to try to form a lasting relationship this time. Not just having fun for a couple of months drinking and fucking senseless – not that I have anything against those either - but living together and sharing the little things in life.” Kaoru took a deep breath and shifted his gaze so he stared Die right in the eye. “Die, I’m in love with you.”

The smile froze on Die’s lips. He felt that his heart skipped a beat and then sped up. He felt blood rush into his face as he tried to calm himself down. ‘Did Kaoru just say that he was in love with me? No way in hell...’ He coughed and glanced at Kaoru who was still staring. “Ano – I don’t really know what to say, Kao. Except that, whoa, I had no clue.” Kaoru pressed his lips tightly together so they formed a thin line. The redhead bit his lip and continued: “...and that I don’t know how I feel. See, I have never thought about you that way...” He raised his hand. “But don’t take it that I don’t feel anything for you, Kao, you’ve always been one of my best friends. Nothing can change that.”

Kaoru just nodded and turned to leave. Afterwards he didn’t remember how he got out and to his apartment. He just ran like hell.

---

It was quite strange to stand in the studio alone. After all, Die was usually the last one to arrive. Something had made him wake up really early that morning and since he had nothing better to do he drove to the studio plannig to maybe work on some chords or something like that. He actually did get some work done before his bandmates came. First in was Shinya, after him Toshiya. Kyo and Kaoru arrived at the same time. Die noticed quickly that Kaoru was extremely embarrassed. The lead guitarist avoided looking directly at the younger one and didn’t really address his words towards him even once. Die felt awkward. He and Kaoru had been such good friends before, and now they couldn’t even talk to each other.

The practice went on slowly. So slowly that to Die it felt like the time had stopped. After a few hours, when Kaoru called a break, Die walked immediately to the bandleader. “Kao, could we talk?” Kaoru turned to face the redhead and his eyes narrowed a bit. “Can’t it wait? I really should...” Die interrupted the older one: “No, please, just listen. I just wanted to ask you what’s wrong. Well, I know what’s bothering you, but couldn’t we try to stay as friends? I value our friendship way too much to let it die without even trying to rescue it. And now you’re avoiding me and don’t even talk to me and I’m scared that we never get to spend time together anymore.” He paused for a second and looked Kaoru in the eye. “If that happened, I know for sure that I’d miss you like hell.”

Kaoru looked at his friend and couldn’t resist the pleading expression. He smiled. “I’m sorry, Die. I thought that you’d be angry with me and wouldn’t want me to talk to you. But I’m fine with just friends.” Die gave him his radiant smile, which caused knees to go weak. “Great!”

As they continued with practicing Kaoru watched the rhythm guitarist who concentrated on playing. His heart burned at the mere sight, but if Die wanted them to be friends they damn sure would be friends. What the hell, at least he got to spend some time together with him. He’d still be able to see that soft red hair, those deep-brown eyes, beautifully shaped lips, that perfect being who went by the name ‘Die’.

---

Kaoru smiled to himself as he watched his bandmates, happy and getting drunk. They had completed a whole bunch of interviews that day, and they felt like celebrating. Celebrating would in their case include heaps of alcohol. At first they really talked and laughed together, but now that no one was sober anymore Toshiya just kept molesting Kyo and Shinya kept on babbling about his dog
while no one listened to him. This gave Kaoru the perfect opportunity to simply study his friends and enjoy the fact that they had fun. They deserved it.

Some time that night Kaoru found himself stuck with drunken Die as the others had somehow disappeared. The younger man was absolutely wasted, he couldn’t even walk properly anymore. Kaoru knew that he should get his friend home safely. He managed to get Die in the front seat of his car and sat on the driver’s side. Kaoru was just about to start the engine when he took a glance at Die. His eyes remained on the taller man and he couldn’t resist those satiny lips, slightly parted and inviting. He leaned closer and pressed their mouths together. He sneaked his tongue through between the redhead’s teeth and very much to his surprise he felt the other one kiss back. He was so lost in the sensaton that he almost forgot to breathe. He savoured the sweet taste of the one he loved before parting quite unwillingly. He hauled the younger guitarist back to his apartment just like he had promised before going to his own.

That night he slept tightly, happy for being alive.

---

“Thanks for hauling me home last night!” Die grinned with no signs of hang-over. ‘Damn’, Kaoru thought, ‘Die was completely wasted last night and now he’s back to his normal self. That man’s recovery speed is amazing.’ Himself, Kaoru had a hammering headache and sore throat. All he wanted at the moment was to sleep. ‘Had Die been so drunk last night that he wants me to believe? What if he remembers everything..?’ Kaoru blushed at the thought. ‘Fuck, if I only could have controlled myself. But then again, what the hell. No regrets. It was worth it!’ He couldn’t help but grin. Kyo noticed that and looked quizzical. “Kao? What are you grinning like a horny ape for?” Kaoru startled. “Wha? Oh, Kyo, stop it. I was just thinking...” Kyo’s eyes lit up as he realized something. “Oh, right, Kaoru, thinking...” he said putting a stress on the last word and at the same time made thrusting movement with his hips. Kaoru’s cheeks turned bright red as he shooed his friend towards the microphone. “Shut up, Kyo, and stop acting like you’d know anything.” The small vocalist walked obediently to his place, but his shoulders shook with uncontrollable bursts of laughter.

---

Everything was almost back to normal. Nothing was amiss with the band and the relationship between Die and Kaoru seemed to be back where it had been. Kaoru was still quite hopelessly in love with his friend, but he played the part of a ‘good pal’ convincingly. Then one of those things happened. One little thing that triggers an explosion, sets smothered emotions aflame, digs up buried feelings. They were in a bar, all five of them, and ate some snacks while enjoying their drinks and each other’s company. Kaoru was getting a bit drunk and when he aimed one salted nut in his mouth he missed and the nut fell on the floor. His beautiful high cheekbones blushed slightly and he laughed at himself, his eyes sparkling. Then he lifted his gaze at the redheaded guitarist and smiled lovingly. That’s when Die realized he was caught staring. Quickly he turned his head away and grabbed his drink trying to look casual.

After that night Die found himself staring at the older guitarist all too often. He enjoyed the way the other one spoke, the way he moved, Hell, all the things he did. They had always spent a lot time together, but now the redhead sought for the lead guitarist’s company even more. And every time they went drinking or watched a movie or simply spent time hanging out together Die grew a little closer to Kaoru. Then one day he realized that somehow he had passed the point where he considered the older man merely as a friend. It wasn’t really anything like a sudden realization, more like he had slowly waken up to acknowledge what had been hidden in his heart. And that was a simple fact: He loved Kaoru.

---

Die was at Kaoru’s apartment, sitting in the living-room waiting for the older man to get changed. They had planned to go out again with the whole band and Die agreed to pick his friend up. It was taking quite a while and he was getting a bit nervous. It had been seven months ago when Kaoru had told him about his feelings. After Die had figured out where he stood, he had been seeking for the right opportunity to talk with the other guitarist. He wasn’t sure at all what to say, he did’t even know if Kaoru felt anything for him anymore. But he had decided to put it all out in the open and see what would happen.

Die returned from his thoughts when he saw Kaoru enter the room. Kaoru smiled. “Wait a moment, Die, I still haven’t found my wallet.” Die nodded. The older man saw that his friend had something in his mind. He raised an eyebrow and stepped nearer. “What’s wrong?” The redhead bit his lip. “Listen, Kao, do you remember what you said to me seven months ago?” Kaoru held his breath and nodded. He had absolutely no idea where this could lead to. Die sighed and continued: “I’ve been thinking a lot since then, and I think that... Kaoru, I mean, I think that I have some major feelings for you... fuck, I’m such an idiot. What I’m trying to say is that I love you.”

Kaoru sank into the couch beside Die. “What did you just... I mean... did you, well, I - ” Die sighed. “I really mean every word I said, Kao.” The older man just sat there and stared at the younger. His mind was racing. How on earth did things come to this? He wasn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry, scream or be silent. This was what he had hoped for. But he was so scared. He didn’t want to rush into things so he’d ruin everyhing. This was too precious to waste. “Listen, Die... We really should think about it for a while...” he whispered quietly. “I know.” Die said and stared at the black tv-screen. So, Kaoru didn’t want him after all..?

The silence landed again forming a thick veil upon them. It was getting a bit uncomfortable. Die decided that he should say something and turned his head so he could face the older guitarist. “Kao – “ he never finished his sentence. The air ran out of his lungs as he felt Kaoru’s lips against his own.

They sat like that for several minutes, lips lightly touching, staring into each other’s eyes, finding all the answers within. Finally Kaoru made the first gesture to deepen the touch into a real kiss. He brought his hand to Die’s hair and ran his fingers through the crimson locks. They crept closer to each other while Kaoru slowly ran his tongue along the line of Die’s soft lips. Die opened his mouth a little and they practically melted together.

Breathing as one.

Living as one.

Being as one.
- 1
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Waking