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Ikea	By : weelow Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 1330 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Ikea
- 1
Disclamer: All right boys and girls. I don’t own the guys of Dir en grey. Sad but cold, true fact. Other facts are:
-These fics are situated in some other universe where maybe something like this may happen.
-These fics are written with great respect towards Dir en grey. I know, because I’m the one who wrote them, right?
-These fics are meant to be for fun. Please don’t take it so seriously.

So, you got something on your mind you want to say or complaint about my writings? Please e-mail me and I’ll send you some more stuff you can worry about. Peace!

Notes: Ah, sweet messenger conversations… This fic is based on a random talk between me and my very good friend fonylun.
She was writing a fic in which Die had some problems about himself being gay (that fic can be found: http://www.livejournal.com/community/kyo_x_die/20551.html)
and knowing us we of course had to have some fun with poor boy’s problem.
It was so hilarious I saved it and now it's here, written down for you as a play. Hope you say what you think of it. (Btw, we're not from Sweden but close.)

Ikea

Kyo sighs: Come closer, just a bit closer my love.
Die leans closer and his hands start to wander up and down at shorter man’s body. Slow kiss makes them puff. Die’s hand gets down to Kyo’s groin.
Suddenly Totchi arrives.
Totchi: Whaa? Kyo and DIE?! What the fuck are you guys doing?
Die: Nothing! *jumps off from Kyo*
Totchi: Nothing my ass! I didn’t know there were hot gay love happening inside of our band!
Die: I'm not gay, honestly! I swear! *heavy blush*
Totchi: Yeah right. Now take your hand off Kyo's pants and say that again.
Die: He forced me to do all those things Toshiya! I didn't want to!
Totchi: Yeah, right.
Kyo: Oh, shut up Die-baby and spank me one more time!
Die: Kyo! You're not helping! *blush*

Kaoru: What happens over here? *Kaoru arrives*
Die: Nothing!
Totchi: Oe Kaoru, Die is a gay guy.
Die: Kao, it's nothing. I swear! Don't believe those faggots!
Kaoru: Why are you holding that whip?(Kaoru's all-seeing-eye)
Kyo: Because he's my seme-sama! MINE! *Kyo grabs Die’s arm*
Die: Hey, Kyo, let go! Really, guys, Kyo's just being silly....
Kyo: Please Die, let's go somewhere. I'm feeling horny!!!!!
Die:*blush* [whispering:] Be quiet, Kyo. We can go somewhere quiet after we convince our band mates that we're not going there together to... you know. Because I really don't want them to know.

Kaoru crosses his arms over his chest.
Kaoru: So finally you're coming from the closet. It's about a time I have to say.
Die: Kao... *pleading eyes* I have never been in the closet.
Kyo: Yeah, closets, we're about to go and see some. You know, for Die's bedroom. He needs my opinion.
Die: Yeah, we need to go shopping. Just some innocent shopping, nothing more.
Kyo: Closets....One sells them in a furniture store, right?
Totchi: That's right Kyo-kun.
Die: Yeah
Kyo: I wonder how big closets one can sell........................................................................*evil grin*
Die: *scared look* What?

Totchi: You horny little bastard! He wants to do it in a closet in a store! *yells and points at Kyo*
Die: Let's GO Die-sama!!!!
Die: Whaa..? In a closet?
Kyo: I wanna go and do it...I mean SEE some CLOSETS!
Die: Aren't closets quite small for that? Oh, I mean...*blush*
Kyo: Naah, I've seen some big BIG closets in Ikea store... Those horny Swedish know how to do fucking big closets, they are perfect for only one thing and that's FUCKING!!!! :D

Die: *Looks for a place to hide* Nawh, I don't need this... Can't you just believe me?
Kaoru: No Die, I really just do not believe you. But there's nothing bad about being gay.
Die: *blush*
Kyo: Yeah, Die. It's fun! Sex is fun! Guy sex is more fun! Sex is a HAPPY thing! *yells*

Die: But... It's not just the sex... I mean, how should I know, I've never even tried. *cough*
Kyo: Whatta fuck are you saying Die? Don't you remember a week ago when we first did it and then after an hour we did it again and then we did it in a bathroom, in a shower, in a sauna and pool, and kitchen and YEAH in an elevator, that was fun wasn't it? And we did it two hours ago in your car and MAN I'm feeling really horny right now!
Totchi: Kyo! You're a nymphomaniac! That's impressive!
Die: *blushing again* Well, I... I mean... really... I...

Kyo: Thank you Totchi but those were only a few of he places I've ever done it..
Totchi: Were those all with Die? Or do you have a dozen of fuckpals?
Kyo: Those places what I just said were with Die and they weren't all. But I've planned some new spots were we could do something amusing together....*looks at Die smiling a bit*
Die: *blush* Kyo...
Kyo: And about my fuckbuddies, I must admit, I doesn't matter how old or what sex, if one turns me on I must have one.

Totchi: Oww, Kyo, do I turn you on?
Kyo: *turns to face Totchi and checks him out all over* Well Totchi-baby, if you're ever feeling lonely I must say you're more that welcome to come and pay me a visit.
Kaoru: Ok, this is getting really weird, I'm off.
Die: Kyo!! *looking stunned* You horny bastard!
Kyo: It's your fault Die! I'm telling you, right now, right here that I*M REALLY REALLY HORNY SO PLEASE LET*S GO SO I CAN FUCK YOU!!
Die: YOU JUST SAID THAT YOU COULD USE TOTCHI, SO GO ON! YOU DON'T NEED ME!
Kyo: But Totchi already has a boyfriend. He ain't feeling lonely for a loooong time.
Die:...*pout*

Gackt: Heyah boys! What's up? *comes and hugs Toshiya*
Totchi: Oh, hi baby. *smile* It's just that Die won't admit that his screwing Kyo, and I think this is amusing!
Gackt: That sounds weird, why ain't he admitting? We can all see he's obviously head over heels in love with that little punk.
Kyo: Hey who's punk?
Die: *blushing*

Totchi: Maybe it's that he thinks that we would disapprove... But why in hell would he think that? What if Kyo being a nymphomaniac bothers Die?
Gackt: I have no idea baby *pushing his tongue in Totchi's ear*
Die: No that's not... I mean... *blush*
Kyo: I'm not promiscuous!!!!!!! When ever I've said I would be ready to cheat on you Die?
Die: You just said that Toshiya could pay you a visit anytime!
Kyo: Anytime he was feeling lonely! I can offer him a friendly shoulder!
Die: That's not what you meant!

Kyo: …Wasn't it…? Oh but Die-sama pleeease! Grab your whip and let's go to the Ikea store. I really want to do something radical like that.
Die: Not before we settle this... I don't want to wake up some day and realize that you're off to suck Totchi.
Kyo: What do you mean me sucking Totchi? If someone is sucking it is Toshiya...
Die: Ha! That's just what I mean! It doesn't matter to you who you're with as long as you get laid!
Kyo: But Die, I admit, I'm a fuckin nympfo! What can I do but promise I'll fuck you and only you as long as I try? An are you not listening to me at all you baka? I've said at least 15 times that I wanna get laid with YOU!! right now if you don't mind…
Die:...But...
Gackt: Oh, just give him a break Die-chan. He's trying to make thinks work between you two.
Die: Chan? *pouts*

Gackt: Come on Die. You know Kyo. You know how childish he can be. *coming closer*
Totchi: Yeah Die. And just think how much fun you guys could have together. *moving closer to Die with Gackt*
Gackt folds his arms around Die’s neck.
Gackt: And I’m sure if there’s anything more than just heavy, sweaty, monkeylove, hardcore love-making in your mind and you think it’s going to work with Kyo, you’ll be able to persuade him to settle to have fun with you and only you.
Die blushing: You really think so?
Kyo: Hey you Gackt man! Take your hairy hands off my man! *suspicious voice*
Gackt: Okay okay.

Gackt: But think about it Die.
Die: Sure…
Kyo: Think about what? *angry yell*
Die: Nothing Kyo.
Kyo: Okay then. *lovely dimples*
Totchi: Aww, Kyo. So kawaii!
Kyo: WHAT?!
Totchi: I mean.. you’re so fucking annoying!
Kyo: That’s more like it…

Die: What am I going to do with you? *sighs*
Kyo: Baby boy, I have a very good suggestion!
Die: …. Well…I think it’s your lucky day Kyo. Only this one time.
Kyo: What?
Die: Okay okay. Let’s go and do it.
Kyo looking amazed: You really mean that?
Die: Yes I do! So if you want to do it in Ikea-closet we’re gonna go and do it! Because I don’t want to be the one who’s turning Kyo’s dreams down.

Kyo standing in stunned silence.
Die grabs Kyo’s hand: Let’s go then. Or are you afraid?
Kyo’s expressions turning into smile: Hell know Die. I just though how much I think I really am falling for you.
Die smiles and together they ran away, looking maybe for a Ikea-store.

Gackt: Good boy Die!
Totchi: Way to go fellows!
Gackt and Totchi are waving after the two.
Gackt smiling and waving: And this is something that Kaoru will never know.
Totchi: You bet that… We are so bad.
Gackt: Yes we are. But they sure do deserve each other.
- 1
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