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How Could The End Be Happy?	By : Lunaris Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Malice Mizer Views: 1878 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Malice Mizer. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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- 2
Name: How Could The End Be Happy? - As Long As It Feels Good

Disclaimer: I do not represent these celebrities in any way, nor do I own them. I do not make any profit from this.

Part: 1/3

Author: Lunaris & Wonderwolf

Language: English

Genre: Angst, RPS, Yaoi, Smut, Lemon

Rating: NC-17

Paring: Közi/Yu~ki (Yu~ki/Kami, Mana/Klaha)

Beta: Wonderwolf

Summary: Post Kami's death Yu~ki has some problems including being in physical contact with another male. Things get even worse when the band leader-sama Mana wants him to do fanservice with Közi.

A/N: Okay, this is my first NC-17 fic. So, be kind and don't flame, please. And about that rating... I rated it NC-17 just to be sure, even you guys think it's just R. And all the rest part of this story won't be even this hard.

I'm so pissed of 'cause I can't insert any italic or bolt text. Saying: This sucks. Sorry about that.

//Edit: Wah, I found out how can I insert the bolt text. Yosssshh!! *Laugh* It took a loooong time.

Comments: Thank you, please.

Let the story begin.

***

~As Long As It Feels Good~

It was calm and peaceful day in the band room of Malice Mizer. Sun was shining and that kind of stuff.

Közi was sitting on the window board and he was just going to get another smoke round. He kept the cigarette between of two fingers and looked towards Klaha.

“Klaha-hon, would you..?” Közi said with a persuading voice and blinked his eyes few times in a very attractive, feminine way.

Klaha was sitting on the couch, but when Közi asked him to light his cigarette, he was just unable to resist the invitation. He stood up and took up the lighter. And without saying anything, he just lighted Közi’s cigarette, and went back to the couch.

“Domo”, Közi mumbled and placed the cigarette between his lips. Klaha just nodded.

Few seconds later, just after Klaha had settled back down on the couch, Yu~ki raised his head from the pillow of another couch, where he was slouching, and looked at Klaha.

“Well, Klaha, ‘cause you are standing already…” Yu~ki smiled at Klaha kindly. “You could make me a ‘Blue Angel’.”

Klaha, who, as said, had already sat down, looked towards Yu~ki and stood up again. He didn’t have any idea, what the hell the ‘Blue Angel’ was. Fortunately, Yu~ki seemed to understand his problem.

“It’s a drink, you know? Can you make me one?”

“Well, glad you asked, I don’t…” Klaha started in a very careful way.

“Good. Make me one, then.”

“…think it’ll be a problem.” Klaha could do nothing but to submit to his destiny and make a ‘Blue Angel’ to Yu~ki. He sighed silently and moved slowly to the kitchen.

When Klaha came back with some kind of blue colourish drink – who knew if it really was that ‘Blue Angel’ which Yu~ki wanted, but after all: It was still blue – Mana was talking about the next tour.

”Okay, minna-san. We have few months to create the choreography to our next gig. Lets get to work.” Mana clapped his hands together trying to get everyone moving. Too bad, it didn’t seem to work.

Közi turned his face towards Mana, but his expression told everybody his thoughts were somewhere else. He was grinning like a small child with a lollypop, or like a brainless brat.

Klaha was offering the drink he had made to Yu~ki as he turned his face towards Mana, solidifying to listen what he had to say.

Yu~ki reached out towards the drink, trying to get it from Klaha, but he was too lazy to stand up and there was an inch gap between his fingers and the glass. So, what he did, was that he flighted towards Klaha’s hand and the ‘Blue Angel’ with a childishly desperate expression on his face.

“Just a little bit closer… just a little bit. You can do it, Klaha. I know you can”, Yu~ki persuaded, but it seemed like Klaha was the same as brain-dead when Mana was talking. Yu~ki however, was too obsessed by his ‘Blue Angel’ to move his attention from it.

Klaha listened like a faithful dog. Like he could never be not listening.

When Mana realized that none of band were listening (except Klaha, but who would count him in?) he tried to get their attention with a desperate ways.

“...And about those few months, we need to practise more than just those choreographies, so get your asses up in there, wherever you are sitting, and come here”, he pointed to the empty floor next to him and seemed to be really serious.

Finally, Mana got, not only Klaha’s attention, but Yu~ki’s too. Yu~ki looked towards Mana, hand still trying to reach the drink as if it had had its own will.

Közi didn’t even try to stand up. He just stretched his back and whined: “Manaa… we have time, honey. Don’t stress yourself more than you have to. It’s just not so beautiful, when your mind blows up.” He dumped the cigarette between his fingers, and picked up a new one in his pocket. “Klaha?”

Klaha looked to Közi, who kept a new cigarette between fingers. He was just planning to go light the cigarette, but Yu~ki grabbed on his coat.

“Hey, what about my drink?” he asked with a whiny voice, not looking towards Mana anymore, but keeping his eyes directed to the ‘Blue Angel’ in Klaha’s hands. “You’re not giving my drink to Közi, are you?”

“Oh, gomen ne. Here”, Klaha handed the drink over to Yu~ki and then directed his steps towards Közi. The bassist looked very happy after he got his drink. Like a little kid.

Közi got his cigarette lighted, and Klaha was able to sit again.

And Mana... Mana tried again: “So, about those choreographies… We really, really have to practise. We are not like some “dancing band” but you know, we need to have few moves anyhow.”

“We can always try mine”, Közi reminded grinning a little bit evilly, and chuckled.

Mana looked into his eyes seriously.

“Definitely not. Last time we tried them, Klaha was in hospital for a week.”

Közi respected Mana enough not to say a word against him and stood up, and so did everyone else.

…except Yu~ki, who was so fixed on his drink he couldn’t see anything else. It was so fascinating, that weird blue drink. It was a nice shade of blue... and the whole room seemed blue as he looked through the blue liquid.

“Yu~ki?”

Yu~ki raised his head from the drink and looked at Közi, who was trying to hold his laugh inside. Everybody – Mana, Közi and Klaha – were looking straight at Yu~ki. Yu~ki looked at all of them one by one with wondering eyes.

“Nani?”

That was the last drop. Közi cracked into laugh and Klaha turned away from Yu~ki just because he wanted to be polite and not show he was laughing too.

Instead, Mana was no laughing at all. He was just looking towards Yu~ki with very, very demanding glance. Yu~ki still didn’t realize, what he had done wrong to make one of guys laugh like in the end of the world, one look like a sick person, and one extremely mad.

“Did I miss something?” Yu~ki said curiously, which made Közi laugh even more. He was dying to his own laugh, but because Mana looked like he needed to rest for a while, Közi tried to control himself and walked to Yu~ki.

“Yeah, you missed enough to make Mana’s mind explode”, Közi laughed and picked Yu~ki up from the couch. Mana had his hands crossed over his chest and looked like he would anytime hit Yu~ki straight on his face. And Yu~ki realized it.

“Seems like”, he nodded. “Gomen.” Mana let his hands drop.

“Well, now that I have your attention, we could finally talk about those choreographies”, Mana sighed and made signs for everyone to move next to him. They moved a little slowly around Mana and waited for more directions to come.

“Közi, come here”, Mana pointed place next to him, and Közi moved to that place the still burning cigarette in his left hand.

“And Klaha… you come here in front of me. Yu~ki, you go behind Közi.”

Everyone obeyed following the instructions and got to their places quietly, because Mana was too irritated already.

Mana turned his eyes on Yu~ki and Közi, who were standing next to him. “Well, guys, surprise me. Show me something that we can use in our choreographies. Something the audience will love.”

Yu~ki was a little pit confused, and he stared at Mana as if he wasn’t able to believe what he had just heard.

“Fanservice? But… it’s your stuff. Not mine”, he stammered and tried to move a little further away from Közi and Mana. But because of Mana’s demanding look, he froze in his place.

“Yu~ki. Fanservice.” It was a simple order. Mana didn’t ask Yu~ki if he would like to do fanservice with Közi. It was an order for Yu~ki to do fanservice with Közi, whether he liked it or not.

Yu~ki was still unsure about the fanservice but he was unable to say anything, because Mana was the kind of person who could make your life worse than hell. And Yu~ki definitely didn’t want that to happen. So he obeyed and came behind Közi’s back again.

“Well, because we don’t want you to black out during the tour, we’ll make this easy for you”, Mana tried to calm him down. “Közi. You’re going to do it. Understand?”

Közi grinned mischievously a grin that would’ve made every fangirl die screaming his name. “Every time, Mana-hime.”

“I hate it when you call me hime.”

“I know it.”

Yu~ki looked towards Közi without understanding what was going on. Közi was going to do… what? Well, whatever it was Yu~ki realized that Közi was the only person Mana could ask this from.... And Yu~ki was scared that it might include him.

Soon, Yu~ki found out what was going on and he had no idea what to think of it. Közi moved very close to Yu~ki, pressing his back lightly on Yu~ki’s chest and started rub himself against him in very passionately way. Needless to say, Yu~ki was horrified.

“Közi… what on earth..?” He looked at Mana with wide eyes, Only to find him looking at them with a not even nearly satisfied expression.

Yu~ki was more than confused. He tried to fight against that small voice inside his head that was telling him to run away, when Közi’s warm body was touching his own.

‘This is so embarrassing. Yamero, Közi, yamero…’ was the only thing that Yu~ki was able to think in that situation. But of course, it was impossible for Közi to see inside Yu~ki’s head, in his mind or in his thoughts.

Soon the voice in his head was screaming and Yu~ki just couldn’t stand it anymore. He bowed his head and whispered very quietly: “Gomen. I… I can’t do this.” And without looking at anyone in the room, he walked out of the door.

Közi, who was really surprised by Yu~kis behavior, looked after him for a while. Then he turned his eyes on Mana.

“I think you went too far”, Közi informed and placed a hand on his hip, glaring at Mana in a disappointed way.

Mana snorted and waved his beautiful hand once. “We might not have the time to find a new bass player, but we have time to change our choreographies. Klaha?”

Klaha raised his eyes to Mana. “Hai?”

“You are doing fanservice with Közi.”

Klaha seemed to get very scared about that idea because he looked at Közi, and then at Mana, and yelled: “No! No way! There’s no way I could do it!”

Mana looked like he was going to take any solid object and hit his own head with it... But then he breathed slowly and calmly for a while, and got his mind in control.

“What’s wrong with you guys? Közi, you know what to do.”

“And if I say I’m not doing it either?” Közi smiled at Mana. He really seemed to be very curious about the answer.

“I’m fucking going to kill first you, and then myself.”

“Ah, that mutual love. So cliché. Sorry to break your dreams about that, Mana-honey, but I think I am able to do anything with anyone, just for common good.” Közi grinned and took a step closer to Klaha, who looked very doubtful. Közi just placed his hand on Klaha’s shoulder. “And for my own fun.”

***

At that evening, after everyone had gone home, Yu~ki came back to the band room. He made sure there was no one in, and then stepped inside.

He closed the door behind him, looked around and sighed. Without saying anything, because there was no one there to listen, Yu~ki went to the balcony (Yes, there is a balcony in the band room, just because of the smoking). He laid his back on door frame and picked up a cigarette in the pocket of his coat. He put the cigarette between his lips and lit it up with knowing hands. He had been smoking for years now, so he didn’t need to think about what he was doing.

After a while Yu~ki looked up to the sky, and saw the day’s last butterfly fluttering past him. Its wings seemed pink in the light of the setting sun.

He took the cigarette between his fingers and moved it away from his lips, just to blow the smoke out of his lungs. He sighed again. That pink butterfly reminded him of Kami. Funny, it really was pink… It really was a butterfly. Just like Kami.

“What the hell is going on, Kami…” He whispered to the wind. Maybe Kami could hear him, somehow... The wind at least would listen. It had nothing else to do. “Why everything seems so hard, when you’re not around? Just why?” Butterfly flied down and stopped on the banister. It was a late evening, and the butterfly wasn’t able to fly anymore. Yu~ki knew that. It made him sad somehow...

“Just like you, Kami. Just like you.”

“Yu~ki? Daijobu desu ka?”

Yu~ki almost jumped in the air like a kid caught in the act stealing cookies. He whirled around towards the direction the voice had come from. Yu~ki’s breathing became easier when he saw it was just Közi.

Közi was looking at him in a concerned way. Yu~ki felt a little bit embarrassed.

“Ha-hai, I’m fine”, he hurried to explain and smiled. Or tried to smile. That smile was so fake that he could see from the look on Közi’s face that the other man didn’t believe in that smile.

“You were talking to yourself? That’s not a sign of ‘everything’s okay’, you know?” Közi was still looking at him. For his relief that worrying look on Közi’s face was gone sooner than kangaroo with a jumping stick.

“So, why are you here?” Yu~ki asked innocently and avoided looking straight at Közi’s face.

“I could ask you the same thing”, Közi answered and stepped from out to the balcony. Just like Yu~ki did a while ago, Közi lit a cigarette of his own. “You ran out from us so quickly that we were little bit worried about you.”

“Yeah. Personal reasons, you know.” Those thoughts woke up again. The ones that told him to make an excuse and run away from this situation. But it wouldn’t be wise to do that, even he realized that. Another voice in his head told him it would be very hard to run every time when someone from Malice Mizer would come and talk with him. He felt a little dizzy.

“It was because of the fanservice, wasn’t it?” Közi didn’t even have to look at Yu~ki. Közi had understood the problem, Yu~ki was surprised. Then the doubts came to his mind.

He knew he should deny it. Hide the fact that something that came so easily to someone like Közi was a major difficulty to him. But he just couldn’t do it. He knew it all too well that he could hide nothing from Közi. Damn, that man was like a living lie-detector!

“Yeah...” Yu~ki mumbled silently. He just couldn’t look at Közis face, so he kept his eyes on the floor.

“You have a serious problem with that”, Közi chuckled and threw the almost to its end burned cigarette over the banister.

Every second Yu~ki felt more and more embarrassed. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to share with Közi. But how could he tell that to the younger man?

“We all have our problems. That’s mine”

“You have lots to learn about fanservice.” Közi was smiling, and for the first time Yu~ki dared to look at him. He felt like laughing. It was a need he couldn’t stop even if he had wanted to. So he laughed.

“And you are willing to teach me?” He grinned mischievously and chuckled amusedly a couple of times.

Közi didn’t seem surprised, not the least. He just stared Yu~ki and answered: “That definitely could be me.”

Yu~ki couldn’t believe it. That sounded so weird, and so interesting, at the same time.

“If you really think you can teach me in that kind of thing, then... well, go ahead.”

“Sure. But I think balcony isn’t the right place to do it. Let’s go inside.”

Közi took his time to move inside, and Yu~ki came right after him. Yu~ki felt really strange. He felt that this wasn’t really happening, because just a while ago he was still crying after Kami. And now he was seriously going to get lessons about fanservice, and worst: from Közi.

He closed the door to the balcony after him. It was cold outside, like it usually was this late at night. It was cold indoors too. Probably because the door had been open for hours.

“So”, Közi started and turned around towards Yu~ki. “Lets start from the basics. It’s fine if you can stand the touch first, or do you have anything against it?” He glanced at Yu~ki to see if the older man was following.

“This is really a lesson?” Yu~ki tried to keep his laugh inside. “Yeah, go on. I got it.”

“I don’t have to go on. That’s all”, Közi said and stared at Yu~ki like he was expecting something.

“That’s… all? Nothing else?” And this was the lesson about fanservice? You need to stand the touch?

“Hai. That’s all… except…”

“I knew that wasn’t all! Well, tell me then. What else?”

Közi started to smile in a very mischievously and to Yu~ki that smile was more frightening than anything else in the world at that moment. Run away! That voice was screaming again. He fought to keep himself in control.

“Except that practical part.”

Közi grinned and just hugged the older man. It was something he wanted to do since the beginning of Malice Mizer.

Yu~ki froze. It was ages since anyone had hugged him, last one having been Kami in the old days... Apparently, he had needed a hug. Slowly he relaxed a little. This wasn’t so bad after all.

...At last not until Közi started rubbing himself against Yu~ki.

And there they were again: Yu~ki’s little problems with fanservice. Right away, when Közi started to move intimate way, Yu~ki wanted to run away.

'Fuck, this feels so humiliating...' Yu~ki thought, but he stopped himself from running away. However, Yu~ki needed to quit this embarrassing thing.

“Közi, matte... yamete... I... I can’t do it”, Yu~ki took few steps backwards and set his head down. He still couldn’t even take the touch.

“Well, that’s it, then”, Közi said understandingly, looking at him. At that look, Yu~ki felt a little guilty.

“Gomen”, he whispered and was just about to leave, but he stopped when he heard Közi start talking again.

“It’s late so there’s no point in leaving”, Közi said from behind of his back. Yu~ki turned around towards the younger man. There was no smile on his face but that wasn’t unusual. It was just that ordinary ‘Közi-look’. Yu~ki was surprised that there were no negative feelings on Közi’s face. No anger or disappointment, just that ‘Közi-look’.

“Don’t be scared. I won’t try to rape you”, Közi grinned and went to the wardrobe in the corner of the room. In there he took few sheets and a pillow.

“But then again. There’s only one bed in this apartment, and I’m sleeping in it”, he threw the sheets to Yu~ki, who caught them with great difficulty.

“Damn you, Közi”, Yu~ki mumbled arms full of random fabrics.

“Don’t look so disappointed. At least you don’t have to sleep on the floor, because there’s a couch.” That innocent, pure smile on Közi’s face for that moment was so scary and weird that Yu~ki didn’t dare to say anything against him. He had a feeling it would be pointless. He placed the sheets on closest couch.

“Yeah, lucky me”, he said and sat down next to sheets. Közi grinned at him.

“Still wanna chat?”, he asked politely.

“No. This is fine”, Yu~ki answered and started arranging the sheets on the couch.

Közi nodded and let him know that he was going to bed then. He left Yu~ki alone in the room and went to another, where the only bed was, chuckling to himself. Funny guy, that Yu~ki. So cute...

***

For a long time Yu~ki just laid on the couch and looked up to the ceiling. He didn’t get any sleep, being unsure if he even wanted to. He feared he could have a nightmare...

...about what? About fanservice?

Yu~ki chuckled at himself. Nightmare about fanservice would be fun to tell everyone. Something like: ‘Hi, I’m Yu~ki. My worst nightmare is about fanservice.’ That was so ridiculous, that Yu~ki felt a little ashamed of even thinking so.

“This is the reason why you shouldn’t have had to die, Kami. ‘Cause, well, look at me. I’m so pathetic.” It looked like Yu~ki was talking to the ceiling, but in his own mind he was talking to Kami.

And somewhere in Yu~kis mind, Kami answered: “You know, Yu~ki, you should go and talk to Közi about it.”

And Yu~ki thought: “No, that wasn’t Kami. Kami would never just ask me to ‘go and talk to Közi’. I think that was my second personality.”

***

Közi was sleeping in the other room. Or actually, he didn’t really sleep. He was just laying around and thinking about weird kind of stuff, as Közi was usually thinking.

But still, he woke up in a way when Yu~ki came in.

“Közi, are you asleep yet?” Yu~ki whispered and looked at the figure on the bed, trusting that he was still awake.

“Certainly, not anymore”, Közi answered and turned around on the bed to look at Yu~ki with questioning eyes. “What is it?”

Yu~ki blushed in the dark. He was grateful that there was no possibility Közi could see it.

“I had a nightmare...”, he mumbled and took few steps closer to Közi. “So I thought... could I possibly sleep next to you?”

That was a surprise to Közi, a positive surprise. He grinned a little and made room for Yu~ki to get in the bed.

“Sure. No problem.”

Yu~ki felt little shy, but it didn’t really bother him too much to keep him from being able to lay down next to the younger man.

The bed was kind of narrow when there was two adult men sleeping on it so Yu~ki needed to be much closer Közi than he was used, but to his surprise it didn’t bother him that much after all.

'This feels pretty good', he thought and got little bit scared of his feelings. He looked over his shoulder to Közi, who was sleeping behind him. Was the other man really asleep?

It looked like it. Közi was breathing calmly, like sleeping people usually do, and his eyes were, of course, closed. On his face there was the look you often see on sleeping people. The kind of eerie look.

Yu~ki noticed a little late a smile on his own face, and a new thought about Közi floated in his mind: 'Damn, he looks so good when he’s sleeping.'

Yu~ki thought that because Közi was sleeping, he wouldn’t notice if Yu~ki would turn around. It felt like such an innocent idea that Yu~ki did it.

Soon he realized he was looking straight into Közi’s very, very awake eyes. Közi was grinning mischievously.

“Warming up with me, Yu~ki?” the other man suggested in lustful tone in his voice. Yu~ki blushed again.

“I was cold”, he answered and tried to get some distance between Közi and him by moving backwards. “Nothing else.”

Közi smiled, but said nothing about Yu~ki’s actions. Instead, he said: “Well, if you’re so cold, why don’t you come closer?”

Yu~ki felt embarrassed once more, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking that it was a good idea. And feeling cold was a great excuse. Still, he couldn’t understand why he was thinking like this when just a while ago he had been afraid of fanservice.

“That would be fine enough”, Yu~ki answered to Közi’s question, and came a little bit closer. “but don’t think about doing anything.”

“Now, why would I think about something like that?”, Közi giggled innocently and let Yu~ki closer to himself.

It was really weird for Yu~ki to feel pleasure from Közi’s touch and he worked hard not to show it to the younger man.

'This isn’t normal', Yu~ki thought hastily before he realized that Közi had placed a hand on his thigh.

“Közi, what the hell are you...” Yu~ki started but couldn’t finish the sentence before Közi’s answer.

“Don’t whine, pervert. This is not what you think”, Közi laughed and then he pulled Yu~ki’s leg over his waistline in a way that forced Yu~ki to come even closer. “Now you don’t feel cold anymore and there’s more space for both of us.”

Yu~ki laughed nervously. “When we’re in this position, we don’t need space anymore”, he explained, as Közi would have been totally brainless. “That was the worst excuse I’ve ever heard.”

Közi smiled nastily.

“So were the nightmare and feeling cold too.”

Yu~ki felt panic surge through his mind. He was startled and his mind was failing him. His brains yelled commands for his legs to move, to get up and run...

But Yu~ki was frozen. He couldn’t move further from Közi, whose eyes kept him where he was.

“They were not excuses!” Yu~ki tried but his voice broke. All in all that didn’t sound too believable and he knew it but it didn’t stop him from trying. Maybe Közi would believe more in Yu~ki’s words than Yu~ki himself.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Közi was still looking straight at Yu~ki and silently, carefully he started moving his hand on Yu~kis thigh. First few inches up, and then back down again.

'Oh, this is not good. This is not good. This is not good at all. This is BAD!' Yu~ki thought in panic. He was desperately searching for something. Anything. Way to escape or something to hit Közi with.

But there was nothing like that.

And worse, Yu~ki was starting to doubt if he really wanted that much to get away from Közi. After all, the other man’s touch felt better than anything else in long time. And the one, who was thinking this, certainly wasn’t Kami!

Even if he didn’t want it, Yu~ki started to tremble in pleasure. And Közi, being that close to him, was able to feel it.

“Don’t tell me that you’re starting to like this?” Közi teased and moved his hand higher, on Yu~ki’s waist, and from there to his back.

“No! It’s a... It’s... umm... It’s a cramp!” Yu~ki stammered desperately. He tried to force himself to think: 'This doesn’t feel good. This REALLY doesn’t feel any good.' But it didn’t succeed. Not even Közi believed in him.

“You liar. Still telling excuses. Admit already that you like this.”

Yu~ki felt that Közi was right. He really did enjoy Közi’s touch, but...

Közi felt that he needed to encourage Yu~ki, so he pressed his body tight against the older man’s and heard how the other moaned quietly.

“That’s a good boy, Yu~ki”, Közi praised him like he would’ve praised a little puppy. He placed his other hand, the one which wasn’t on Yu~ki’s back, on the other’s head and stroked his hair gently.

“Shut up, Közi” Yu~ki muttered quietly. “You shouldn’t spoil this moment with talking, when I’m finally ready to admit that I like your touch.”

Közi laughed softly, looking straight into Yu~ki’s eyes. And without any warning, he kissed Yu~ki.

It was like an electric shock pulsating trough Yu~ki’s body. Közi’s kiss was gentle and soft, and it made Yu~ki feel like Közi would be the only person in this world who Yu~ki wanted to be with. That one kiss filled his whole mind.

And after a while for Közi’s and his own surprise, Yu~ki kissed back.

First it was shy and unsure, but soon it became thirsty and passionate. And the way Yu~ki kissed him told very clearly to Közi that the other man wanted more.

Far too soon in Yu~ki’s mind, Közi broke the kiss. It was not so unfortunate than it would assume to be, though. Calmly he turned Yu~ki to lay to his back on the bed, moving on the top of him in the process.

Again, Yu~ki felt his shyness grow inside him. With it grew the feeling that maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all. All in all, he felt uneasy in this position. Especially when he realized, that he was wearing only his underwear for night.

“This is so good”, he mumbled in a sarcastic way, and tried not to think about Közi who was resting on his own hands on top of him.

“You think?” Közi smiled and pressed his hips against Yu~ki’s.

That certainly was death for Yu~ki’s self control. He tried not to, but he could stop himself moaning again. It just felt too good.

Közi noticed Yu~ki’s pleasure too, but from a whole different reason than the moan. He smiled, even chuckled softly but didn’t dare to say anything to Yu~ki. Instead, Közi placed his head down on Yu~ki’s neck, and kissed it.

Yu~kis moaning became a little louder, and he was moving nervously under the younger man. Even Közi started to feel excited for that, and his breathing became heavier panting.

Because Közi was that kind of person, who didn’t show his pleasure easily, he silenced himself by biting Yu~ki’s neck.

That sound that Yu~ki made when he was being bitten, made Közi smile.

“Our little vampire-Yu~ki gets turned on with a little bite?” he teased and raised his head up to see Yu~ki’s face.

The older man panted, still having that serious look on his face. “Fuck you and your biting, Közi. It feels good!” he muttered. It was hard to admit it to Közi, but in this situation Yu~ki couldn’t do anything else. Especially when he wanted more than just a bite.

Közi felt a little funny when he looked at Yu~ki, who was so cute when he tried not to feel any pleasure, even if he had just admitted he was enjoying this.

He thought that if few bites and one tender touch made Yu~ki feel this much, it would be interesting to see what it would be like if he went further. It was such an interesting idea that Közi decided to try it in action.

First thing that Yu~ki noticed was Közi moving his hand on his chest.

Second thing he felt was that same hand, sliding lower on his body.

“Közi, what are you doing?”, Yu~ki asked hoarsely. A freaky, bad feeling was making its way into his mind.

Közi chuckled and continued moving his hand lower. “Be quiet and feel the answer.”

Yu~ki didn’t have time to say anything about it when he felt that third thing: Közi had reached that one thing that he had aimed for and it was the place between Yu~ki’s legs.

“Oh fuck”, Yu~ki whimpered.

“That’s it”, Közi laughed and rubbed Yu~ki’s erection gently with his hand. It was impossible for Yu~ki to keep his voice down when Közi was touching him in such sexual way. So he moaned loudly, almost screamed for the pleasure.

“Yare, yare, Yu~ki, you are loud in bed”, Közi teased with seductive tone of voice. “I kind of like it.”

Yu~ki was trying to say something but that something got lost in the journey from Yu~ki’s mind to his lips. And because there was an empty space on that trip, the ‘something’ got replaced by more loud moaning.

Also, Közi’s smile had changed. It wasn’t nasty or pervert anymore. It was lustful. Yu~ki, the oldest member in Malice Mizer, was screaming for him. And Közi had thought that Yu~ki would be the hardest to reach.

Közi noticed that the louder Yu~ki moaned, the more Közi wanted him. That felt a little problematic to Közi who was in the limits of his self control.

“Oh fuck, Yu~ki. Come already”, Közi whispered so quietly that Yu~ki was unable to hear it from his moaning.

A little late, Közi realized that there was an easier way to bring Yu~ki to his climax. He slid his hand under Yu~ki’s underwear and wrapped his hand around older man’s erection.

Közi felt pleasure to hear how the other screamed for his touch.

“Közi... Közi, onegai... stop it here...” Yu~ki panted, he couldn’t move, or say anything more intelligent.

“Gomen, Yu~ki-dear. We certainly are not ending here”, Közi answered. The reason why he couldn’t stop yet was that he simply was too horny to do that.

Yu~ki who was already weary looked towards Közi. “It would be hard for me hold myself from coming.”

For a couple of minutes Közi stopped stroking Yu~ki’s erection and just looked at the older man affectionately. Then he bent over Yu~ki to kiss him on the forehead.

“Beloved Yu~ki, you come when you feel like it”, he whispered to Yu~ki’s ear and rose up again.

“Now, let me see where we were...” he mumbled and gave Yu~ki’s erection one long stroke. When Yu~ki moaned Közi smiled and answered to himself: “Ah, there.”

“You’re not romantic at all”, Yu~ki whined in the middle of panting.

“Would you enjoy this more if I was romantic?” Közi grinned.

“Not really.”

“I knew it. So I don’t have to be romantic.” That was all what Közi said before he was again rubbing Yu~kis erection with his hand.

Without Yu~ki actually realizing it, Közi took Yu~ki’s underwear off, and threw them somewhere on the floor.

“I suppose you’ve never been with a man before?” Közi asked, without stopping touching Yu~ki. The older man was really close to climax and it was hard for him to answer.

“No... And I suppose...” In this point there was a loud moan. It took a while before Yu~ki was able to speak again. “you have?”

“Few times, yes. Just enough to know what to do with first-timers.”

Közi felt Yu~ki become even harder in his hand and knew the older man was close to come. The other was trembling unusually much and that loud moaning became quieter though stayed just as passionate.

This was critical moment because Közi knew that if he would change his touch even the slightest, Yu~ki might not come. It’s funny to say it’s needed to concentrate in this kind of moment but Közi did so anyway.

And for Közi’s fortune Yu~ki reached his climax in a very loud way. He screamed like it would be the end of the world. And to Yu~ki it felt like a one. But in a good way.

Yu~ki might never be able to forget it. He saw stars, many pretty stars in different colours. He felt that he would lose his consciousness and it didn’t matter to him, not the least.

At the same time Közi smiled softly to Yu~ki, spreading the products from Yu~ki’s climax around the other’s anus.

“Yu~ki darling, if you can still hear me... I’m going to do something that may hurt a bit.” He spread the older man’s legs. “Please, don’t kill me.”

Yu~ki had a small part of his consciousness back at that point, enough to realize what was going to happen next.

“Közi, you are not going to..?” he never got to finish the line before Közi did that thing Yu~ki was afraid of.

Közi thrust himself into Yu~ki in one fast move. He felt sorry for the older man, who screamed again, this time in pain.

When he was completely inside, he looked at Yu~ki who was still whimpering.

“Sorry, darling...” Közi started carefully.

“Fuck, Közi! That hurt!” Yu~ki whined loudly and looked like he was still in pain. Probably he was.

Közi couldn’t stop himself from laughing tenderly.

“Of course, Yu~ki-honey”, he chuckled and smoothed Yu~ki’s cheek softly. Yu~ki leaned his cheek against Közi’s hand and smiled curtly.

“That’s it, my dear. Smile. The pain will go away in time.” Közi tried to comfort Yu~ki and he kind of succeeded in it. Until he continued: “First you get used to it. Then you enjoy it.”

Yu~ki stared at Közi like he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“We are doing really painful stuff ‘til I get used to it?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Oh, fuck you, Közi!” Yu~ki yelled and watched the younger man desperately.

Közi smiled and answered with happy tone of voice: “No, darling, I’m fucking you. As you can see.” And he pulled back a little only to slowly push in again.

He knew it was going to feel better for him than for Yu~ki, so he tried to be gentle and not to hurt Yu~ki any more than he had to, to make the older man enjoy this. It was hard for him to keep it slow, because first-timer-virgin –boys felt always better than just normal sex with man. Just not for those virgins.

Közi continued that slow in-out–move with his hips until Yu~ki’s pained whimpering started sounding a little less pained whimpering and more like pleasurable moaning. After a while he begun moving faster.

Yu~ki didn’t feel pain anymore. He had moved on into the ‘used to it’ –part. He didn’t really feel anything first, but that pleasurable feeling came with a thought of Közi, because Yu~ki was thinking that the other really fucked him. And the other really looked sexy when he was doing it.

When Yu~ki started his pleasurable moaning again, Közi let himself speed up his moves.

Now even Közi was unable to hide his pleasure. Having sex with Yu~ki felt too good to be able to do that. And it felt even better when Közi saw that the other was enjoying it too.

Közi panted keeping his eyes on the older man who was lying under him and moving passionately against Közi’s moves. Közi was proud of himself for making Yu~ki gain enough self-confidence to do that.

Without saying anything Közi moved his hands down on Yu~ki’s lower back and started pulling the other’s hips against himself.

The moves became more and more violent and lustful, and Közi was unsure how long he could take it. He was trying not to think Yu~ki under him, who looked very sexy without any clothes on him, but it hardly had any effect.

He wanted Yu~ki. He wanted Yu~ki more than he had ever wanted anyone else, man or woman, and when Közi realized this he became even more horny than before.

In Közi’s mind during sex Yu~ki was his property, and he was going to take his property in a way he wanted to have it.

The already violent moves became even more violent. Közi knew that Yu~ki might feel pain again but he was unable to control himself anymore. In the one part in his mind which hadn’t loosened yet Közi bent over Yu~ki and whispered to the older mans ear: “Gomen Yu~ki, you are just too sexy. This might hurt... again.”

In theory, until then, he had ‘made love to’ Yu~ki, but now he could only describe this as ‘fucking’. Deep inside his mind he thought he’d hate himself later for hurting Yu~ki, but he couldn’t stop now.

Imagine his surprise when he realized that though he fucked Yu~ki violently and though the other was screaming, he wasn’t screaming because Közi was hurting him, no. On the contrary, Yu~ki was screaming for pleasure.

‘Damn that man is a weirdo’, he thought and laughed inside of his own mind. But that really didn’t bother him. Actually, he liked it. He liked everything about Yu~ki.

“Well, Yu~ki-darling, ‘cause it doesn’t bother you, we’re doing this like rock’n’roll: Hard and fast”, Közi smiled at Yu~ki, who smiled back anxiously.

“You are still sexy”, Közi whispered to Yu~ki before he started to thrust inside him again.

Yu~ki’s shyness was gone. He moved against Közi’s wet body and didn’t feel guilty at all for having sex with the younger man. He had never felt anything like this. Of course he had thought about sex with another man before, but not with Közi. And he had never believed that it would feel this good.

When Yu~ki thought about it, it felt weird that he was having sex with his long time band mate and good friend, but that thought didn’t stop him from doing it.

When it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter which gender you have sex with. Sex is hot and messy and it feels good. That’s what it’s all about. And that’s what it was between them.

Sooner than he expected, Közi felt he was going to come. Again he bent over to Yu~ki and with a slightly hoarse voice, he whispered to the other: “You know you feel good, right? Well, you do. Too good. I feel like I’m going to come…” He panted a little and then continued: “Can I, Yu~ki-darling?”

Yu~ki smiled and nodded, because he was near climax too.

Közi thrust deep into Yu~ki. Once, twice… The third thrust threw him over the edge as he reached his climax and came deep inside the older man with a strangled cry.

First time in that night Yu~ki heard any sound other than talking from Közi’s lips. As fun as it sounds like, because of that moan-like cry, Yu~ki just forgot to come. It wasn’t because he hadn’t enjoyed it. It just happened that way.

After climaxing, Közi collapsed down on Yu~ki’s body, still panting as the last waves of fading pleasure went through him.

Yu~ki looked at the other man and carefully moved his hand on the other’s hair.

“You look beautiful after sex”, Yu~ki praised Közi tiredly. The younger man was slowly getting some of his energy back.

“And you look hot”, Közi answered and grinned mischievously. “I’d take you again if I’d have the energy to do it.”

“Sure you would, but now we’re going to sleep for a while, or else I’m dying here.” Yu~ki said contentedly. He said it in the way you just couldn’t say anything against it. Like command, without a command.

Közi moved next to Yu~ki and turned over to his side. He gently pulled Yu~ki into his arms and held the older man close to himself. “As you say, Yu~ki-darling.”

Yu~ki snuggled under the younger man’s arm. For the first time in a very long time he felt safe.

***

After few hours of sleep Közi woke up to birds singing outside the window. He turned towards Yu~ki only to realize that Yu~ki wasn’t there anymore.

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Domo = A less formal way of saying thank you, than arigato.
Minna-san = Mana means to say: “okay everyone”, it’s a usual way for band leaders to call their band.
Gomen ne = I’m sorry
Yamero = No/Don’t
Mana-hime = princess Mana
Nani? = What?
Hai = Yes?
Daijobu = Are you okay?
Matte = Wait
Yamete = Stop
Yare, yare = Oh, my
Onegai = Please

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The end of the chapter 1. Comments, please?
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