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Corroded Cage	By : corrodedcage Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Schwarz Stein Views: 975 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Schwarz Stein. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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- 1
Corroded Cage
by Alices emotion (Kitia)

Told from Kaya's POV. ^^; I don't own Schwarz Stein, Hora... or Kaya... sooo... (Mana does XDDD *is shot*)

March 29th 2004

"Well, our musical interests seem to be moving in different directions as of lately... so..."

I found myself trailing off as I spoke while I fussed with my corset and the black feathers on my boa uneasily. For a normal person, it would most likely have been strange to speak into a microphone and hear your voice bouncing off the walls around you... but I should have been used to this since I did it numerous times in front of crowds much larger than this. Today was the day that Hora and I would have our last live together as Schwarz Stein... so Mana had arranged an interview session for various magazine reporters to attend regarding Schwarz Stein's break up as well as our individual solo careers. Glancing up from my fidgeting hands within my lap, I could see several reporters hastily scrawling various things down that I'd said moments earlier on their notepads. Hora merely nodded in response to my comment, thinking for a moment before he decided to speak.

"Nn. After Schwarz Stein dissolves, I do not intend to return to the stage again, however I hope to focus more on my solo work as a composer."

Hora fell silent, and I was again greeted by the frantic scratching of pencils agains paper. After that, all eyes fell on Mana who was sitting on the opposite side of Hora. He began to speak to the reporters about Schwaz Stein's history under his label and how it was sad to see such a promising band go. My attention was completely and utterly focused upon Hora though, who has been watching Mana as well, though I'd noticed his gaze had quickly fallen to his lap. The expression he wore was blank, but having known him as long as I had, I could tell that he was upset. Upset about all of this.

Mana continued on for a few minutes more before closing his speech and giving the small group of reporters a bow of dismissal. They all returned the bow, give their thank-yous, and stood from their seats, beginning to clear the stuffy conference room.

×××

The room was empty now. The reporters had left. Mana had left. Only Hora and I had remained, both sitting still as stone in complete silence, staring at the vacant seats in front of us that had been filled all of fifteen minutes ago. This formentioned silence was less than comfortable for me... I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what could possibly be said at this point in time. The concert was in about an hour and a half and I imagined that some people were probably already arriving.

Hora had since averted his gaze from the empty seats and was presently looking allowing his gaze to wander anywhere and everywhere around the barren little room... that is... everywhere except for where I was sitting... and knowing that much-- it just hurt.

The truth was... the real reason behind this all wasn't because of our 'vast musical differences'. Sure, the two of us had been disagreeing on little things here and there more frequently than we normally had... but the real reason was... I just couldn't bear to be around him anymore. The pain was too unbearable for me. Knowing that I'd have to be around someone that I couldn't have... someone that I cared for so deeply and someone that I'd come to love during the three years that I'd gotten to know him. A little over a month ago, I had told him how I felt... but obviously, things hadn't gone over as well as I'd hoped. Being as strict and studious as he was about his musical career, Hora had flat out told me that there was no way he could, or would be willing to commit to a relationship; especially with a fellow band mate. Having feelings getting in the way of his work was simply not an option.

His words haunted me... Was he saying such things because there was something wrong with me? I would never know. I wanted to believe him when he'd said it was to pursue his solo project, but I could never shake the awful feeling of paranoia that loomed over me regarding the subject. Paranoia that what he'd said might just be an elaborate way of saying that "he'd had no interest in me." I went to him later and told him that it would probably be better if our unit dissolved. After everything that had been said and done, I would've hoped that Hora had known what I'd been referring to... why I'd suddenly come to him requesting our disbandment. Most likely, he had understood for all he did at the time was nod in agreement, not daring to open his mouth and speak about the issue.

Now, the two of us sat together, all alone in the long since abandoned conference room. A queen of decadence and a decayed king, looking over the ghosts of their subjects before them...

"... Nervous?"

My gaze quickly darted over to the source of the voice. Hora... I knew that he already knew the answer to that question; he was just trying to ease the tension that seemed to cloud the room.

"No..." I murmered softly in reply, smoothing out my skirt, and crossing my legs. Nodding distantly, he looked away the silence triumphantly creeped back into the room. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I noted that I could hear the faint yet simultaneously tumultous banter of the gathering crowd through the walls of the concert hall. I knew that they were probably all waiting for a mind-blowing last live from us, but at that point in time, I'd felt as if I'd chased my voice away and it had been replaced by a painful lump just sitting in my throat-- stifling any and every word that I had to say.

"Kaya-- I'm sorry... I didn't ever mean for... for things between us to have to end this way..." Ripping my attention away from the empty chairs in front of me, I turned, facing Hora now, who still stubbornly refused to look me in the eye. Merely shaking my head in response, I twined my vinyl-clad fingers together daintily on top of my lap.

"No... It's my fault really. If I just hadn't said anything, it's likely that none of this would have ever had to happen." Weakly, I feigned a smile, trying not to seem to gloomy over the matter when in truth, I really was. Another unpleasant rift of silence settled between us, before I decided to stand-- willing to try anything in order to shatter that awful silence. "We... should probably head backstage... before a stage hand comes looking for us." Slowly I began to walk, only to find my movements hidered-- my body snared on something roughly grasping my arm.

Hora...

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't contain myself any longer. Leaning down sharply, I took on of my gloved hands, tilting his head at angle with mine and stealing a kiss. In that instant, I felt like some horomone-governed teenager again. Hah. I could feel him tense at first, those few moments complete and utter torture on my soul, waiting to find out how he would react. To my surprise however, I felt the muscles in his face relax and his calloused hand grasping my wrist for dear life. My tongue ran along his lips, pleading for entrance. He willingly complied allowing me to explore every crevice of his mouth. He tasted bitter... yet refreshing... I guessed it was probably from the tea I'd seen him sipping earlier during the conference.

As I deepened the kiss, I was shocked to feel Hora slowly standing-- his lips never leaving mine as he brutally pushed my chair out of the way and pinned me roughly against the cold white-washed wall. Upon impact I could hear myself groan slightly, my free hand wandering down his side and stopping at his taut rear. While he continued to ravage me, I felt something impossibly hard brush against my practically bare inner thigh. Blushing, I mentally grinned-- all thoughts of Hora possibly not being attracted to me dissapating almost instantly.

We broke away from one another, staring into one another's wide eyes as we gasped desperately for air. I felt that same hardness brush against my leg once more, and I felt myself turn an even darker shade of red as noticed that my own shorts were beginning to become a trifle tighter than I'd remembered them being.

"Kaya..." He begged raggedly, loosening his hold on my wrist to settle both of his hands on my hips. His skilled fingers slowly ran up and down the panels of boning on my corset for a moment before he attempted to speak again. "Kaya... I--"

I almost immediately put one of my long slim fingers to his lips, not giving him a chance to seek out the right wording... or to say those three little words that I knew would probably serve to rot me from the inside out and (not to mention) most likely ruin the moment. "Shh..." I whispered soothingly, and almost seductively as I stroked his back in a comforting manner. "Say nothing, love... I'm here..." I could feel his almost possessive hold tighten around me as he buried his head in the hollow of my neck, complying with my request and stilling his words.

At that moment, I found myself wishing that today wasn't the day of our last live. I found myself wishing that I hadn't agreed on a disbandment. I just wanted to hold him like this... forever (as cliche as that may have sounded). I realized that this was the one moment in my life that I knew I could have him... all of him... without anything or anyone to get in my way. The only moment of my life that my decadent fantasies would take the shape of the thing that I despised the most, yet simultaneously clung to and needed like air. Reality. For once I could actually exist in the real world and come out of my shell. Just knowing this stirred unexplainable feelings within me...

... though at the same time, I knew that it couldn't... and wouldn't last.

Reluctantly, I freed myself from his grasp-- gently pushing him away with my frail and girlish arms. This was the right thing to do. No matter how much I wanted to be a part of his life... his reason for being... his home; more than just "Kaya, his band mate". Even though I wanted with all of my heart and soul to be the finished picture instead of a mere puzzle piece, I knew that the world would never allow me to make such a thing into reality. I was destined to remain a prisoner in my corroding cage, silently sitting and watching as all of my precious dreams slipped away from me and faded into oblivion.

Straying from my deep train of thought and returning my gaze to Hora, I could see that he looked rather perplexed. I suppose that it was to be expected. I grab him, kiss him, and then I push him away... Goddess, I would've been confused too... Still, I held back any words that may have wanted to escape me-- easing myself away from him and heading towards the exit. My eyes met his for only an instant, but in those few brief moments, I could tell that he was berating and inwardly scolding himself for allowing such a slip in character... for momentarily allowing his feelings to impede on his work.

It was odd though... By the time I'd reached the door, I'd half expected to hear another set of footsteps chasing after me, mimicing my own... yet at the same time, the other half of me had anticipated exactly what I'd heard...

Sweet nothingness.

My birdcage corrodes--
Crumbles down
Collapsing to nothing all around
With my brittle wings now vulnerable
How much longer till I continue to die?
Wounding myself in vain
No meaning ever comes
When I'm left with no place to run nor hide...
If I'm going to be completely consumed by you
It would be best if first
My throat were completely crushed...

~ Fin
- 1
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Corroded Cage