Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

Tempest Tides	By : gomenaPSYCHO Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1003 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Tempest Tides
- 2-Learn to swim
- 1
- 2
Author: Jackrabbit
Title: Tempest Tides
Pairings: Kyo x Kaoru
Warning: self-harm

I am this.

I run through this empty apartment. There is no sound spare the gurgling sound that is pouring from my throat. There is no pain, no sensations lost; but there is this bitter taste, manifesting in the back of my mouth. It seethes and antagonizes, I can feel that taste is enjoying its reign of scrutiny, it can sense my weakness, it exploits me mercilessly. I can hear it’s mocking voice now, speaking from somewhere and nowhere inside my head as I stare at the distorted reflection of my own black and lifeless eyes.

Washed up

Washed up

Washed up

…you’re all washed up

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I interject. For a moment there is silence, but I am becoming increasingly aware of my erratic heartbeat echoing through this bathroom. It sounds like the bass drum from ugly…

Suddenly, I can’t handle it anymore. I’m sick to death of these invisible demons plaguing me the instant I have but a few transient seconds to myself. I place my hands on either side of the wash basin, and stare intently at that mocking mirror.

There is a loud clash.

Then… there is nothing.

I awake with cloudy vision and my head swarms with the aftermath of concussion. I can feel the cold bathtub press unforgivingly into my spine and the equally oppressive tiles beneath me shift. I look up. The cabinet that the mirror used to obscure is a wreck; I can see exactly where my head hit, the little dent in the shelf a sign that I am still tangible, I can still affect this world. I don’t know why but my forehead feels so warm. As does my neck… I reach up and drag my fingers along my shoulder, meeting the base of my neck, tracing my jaw line and come to a complete stop at the source of this warmth. Instantly I know I’m bleeding. I can smell it now.

Fuck. There’s scattered medicines and glass everywhere. And blood. Under the flickering light bulb it looks like something otherworldly. It’s odd… almost… beautiful. I don’t know why I suddenly think of him, now. I can imagine him kneeling in front of me, that stern face of his softened to see me so distraught. He touches my forearm, gently, and runs his fingers up to the joint in my arm. He says something but I can’t hear anything. He shifts so that he’s straddling my lap, tenderly caressing my jaw line and I lift my face to see his. He is smiling at me, a genuine smile, as he moves his thumb from under my chin to caress my bottom lip tenderly.

“Kaoru…” I mumble. And as suddenly as he appeared, he left. Of course. He wasn’t real.

I can feel my eyes becoming moist with tears. I cry. Cry for him, cry for his absence, cry for the fact that he was never mine in the first place. I tear off my shirt and toss it aside. The faint sound of clinking glass follows as I proceed to completely undress myself. My right arm is covered in blood that is slowly drying in this lukewarm room. I run my fingers across my shame. If he were mine, would he do this to me? I sob out his name, as I begin to stroke myself. The blood is half-dried and is beginning to crust off my member, but I don’t care. All I care about now is my fantasy of him. I let my eyes roll back and stretch my neck, imagining that it’s his hand and not mine that is slowly and gradually lifting me out of this world. I think of him kissing the skin behind my ears, whispering words of love and want, sending shivers down my spine. His smooth, bare chest lightly brushing over mine. I would beg him, beg him to deliver me from this earthly plain of suffering and broken dreams and take me higher, making storm clouds dance at our naked ankles. I want his essence, his scent, I want everything that is and ever was Kaoru. I cry out his name and bite my lower lip, my muscles are burning and I know that my end is near.

“Kaoru!!!” I scream at this empty room.

Washed up

I retrieve a half-chewed pen from my writing desk and set out a fresh page. Dry blood has caked in the cracks between my fingers and I can’t help but notice that those fingers are no longer young.

Washed up

“Quiet” I say.

Washed up

“I said be quiet!” I throw the pen down.

Washed up

“Don’t fucking do this…” I plead, burying my face in my hands. I can feel the veins on my temples throb in time with the palpations of my heart. I tilt my head back… I want to hold in those tears but in their defiance of my will, they dance slowly across my eye socket and trickle down to my hair.

…you’re all…

That mocking voice is abruptly cut short as I realize the phone is ringing. There is silence for a few seconds before the message is blared through the apartment. It’s Kaoru.

“Kyo… I know you’re home. C’mon, don’t be lazy. I need to talk to you.”

Hearing his voice is like hearing the chair fall from underneath me as the slipknot proceeds to snuff out my existence.

“This is getting ridiculous.”

A pause

“Okay. Fine. Call me when you’re ready… I-I’m worried about you.”

The sound of a receiver cutting off is the last thing I heard.

Yeah right. You’re worried that you’re gonna have to replace me. You’re worried about how this is going to affect the others. You’re worried about yourself.

Washed up

But I don’t blame you.

Because I love you.

I pace back and forth in front of my writing desk. Shit. It’ll never be enough. The lyrics aren’t coming through. I can’t think about anything except him. I can’t risk having anyone interpret my lyrics in some way that would connect my feelings to him. He would be… so… Disgusted.

I would be.

I don’t know how long I have been staring at this table. I can’t rest. I can’t write anything of importance either. I can’t think clearly… but his face is emblazoned under my eyelids, exposed like seared flesh. Instead of my recollection of his visage calming me, I feel a deep disquiet awakening. The voices seem to have receded. I don’t know how long it will take before they decide to resume eating away at my psyche like fattened maggots on a sun-bloated rotten corpse.

Although I’m thinking, these thoughts don’t seem to making that transitory leap into words.

In simple terms, there is nothing on that damn notepad that will stop the scourge of my own ruin from cutting the reigns I have on reality.

Shit! How long has that drumming sound been there?

Wait… that’s the door.

He stares at me with complete apathy. He’s void of both motion and emotion.

“Kyo…” he breathes.

I look up to meat his meagre gaze.

Washed up

“No… not now!” I whimper. I bury my hands in my hair on either side of my face and shake my head frantically, squeezing my eyes shut in a vain attempt to block those mocking voices out of all of my senses.

Washed up

“NO!” I scream as I stand abruptly.

Suddenly everything is white.

I feel warm… and there seems to be less gravity… what is this place?

I try to reach up my hand, but something warm obscures the way.

My eyes flutter open, readjusting to the mellow pale orange light filtering in through the window pane, and I am aware of a sea of dark silk fronds brushing past my nose.

Am I dreaming?

If this is a dream then why does it feel so real?

What is real anyway?

Everything is so surreal. So calm. So warm and comfortable.

As my senses flicker alive one by one I realize that he is holding me.

We’re in bed.

He’s asleep next to me.

His chin is resting on the top of my head. I can feel the bristles of his goatee grating softly against my hair.

I can smell his cologne… subtle, masculine… Kaoru.

I can smell his skin… does warmth know a scent?

I can almost taste his pulse. The steady beat of his heart is all I can hear in this perfect sanctuary.

I feel… sad.

Now that I’ve tasted Eden, I don’t want to be expelled to the blackest seas in the dead of the night. I don’t want to be cold anymore. I don’t want to drown slowly anymore.

I want this to last for eternity.

“Kyo…” he whispers.

I hum slightly to let him know I’m listening.

“Why are you doing this to me?”

I start to sob. If only I could stab myself dead for every tear that rolls down my cheeks right now. I don’t even know why I’m crying.

“Answer me” although that was a demand, It sounded like a request.

“They are…” I reply.
“Who.” he sighs and leans back to look at my face. “Who, Kyo, tell me.”

I let out a shuddering exhalation. “The voices,” I pause and look into his eyes “they’re telling me I’ve sunk.”

“Those voices… they aren’t real” he tells me.

“Then what is real?” I fire back.

He sighs and runs a finger down my exposed arm. I twitch slightly and then relax into his soothing caress. He trails lightly past the joint in my elbow, down my forearm and then comes to rest at my wrist. He takes it lightly in his palm and presses my hand against his chest. I can feel the steady rhythm of his strong heart beating life though his body.

“I am.” He says

“You are.” He says.

I feel real.

He leans closer to me, lips lingering at the point where my hair meets my forehead.

“Don’t listen to those voices anymore”

He places a soft kiss on my brow and returns to his previous position, nestled above my head like a guardian angel.

“Kaoru…” I begin. It’s his time to hum.

“I know I’m real. But am I alive?”

He chuckles. I’m a bit insecure at that response and avert my eyes. When I return them he is looking down at me with an unidentifiable expression lacing his features. He splays his lithe fingers across my shoulder and gently pushes me so that I am lying on my back. There is some movement… and then I realize that he is lying on top of me.

“I’ll prove it to you” he whispers in my ear as his lips brush across my cheek. I shudder and close my eyes. Any second now, this beautiful dream will be washed away in the tide of reality and I will never see paradise again. I can feel him undressing, both me and himself. The warm air from the afternoon plays across my exposed body and I have never felt so naked before in my life.

He resettles on top of me, his member pressed against mine, his warm thighs sliding across mine. I can feel the smoothness of his well defined chest brushing against me, before settling in the most comfortable way. His hands trace random patterns over my ribs as he proceeds to kiss my neck, first at the base, gentle, soft, warm kisses dotting slowly upwards before stopping under the tender flesh behind my ear.

I can’t help but let my eyes fly open and gasp wetly as I hear his tongue flick out to taste the skin there. I make some incoherent noise, like a hybrid of his name and a wordless plea for more and he trailed kisses back to under my jaw in response, mumbling abstract phrases occasionally punctuated with my name.

He kisses me. For the first time in my life I don’t know how to react. I hesitantly part my lips and I can feel his warm slippery tongue gently invading my mouth. I have literally tasted heaven. His tongue retreats, and he places another soft kiss on my lips.

His breathing is getting heavier now, matching mine. He pulls back to look down at me, and using the back of his fingers, he brushes away a few strands that had settled near my eyes. I find myself staring into his deep brown eyes.

“Love… you” I utter breathlessly.

His expression of concentration is instantly replaced with one of genuine affection.

He draws away from me, and it seems that he took all of the remnants of the sunlight with him, replaced with pale silver and indigo light illuminating the bed in a cut out rectangle where the window meets the young moon.

I am aware of a certain kind of wetness, a warmth and stretching, from my backside, I jump, but I can feel the side of his head nestle on my hip, breathing moist, warm air across my most intimate places.

His hand withdraws from within me and his face reappears in my vision. He pushes into me, slowly, gently until he is in all the way. I can hear him swallowing. I know how he must be feeling. I don’t care about the pain. I want to give this to him, and I want this from him.

I want this.

I lean in and capture his lips in a soft kiss. Chaste. I savour the taste of his lips and the lingering warmth as he resumes this act.

He starts off slow, taking his time to make sure that I’m fully adjusted, kissing my Adam’s apple in between heavy pants and silent moans. Gradually he increases his speed, building up a steady rhythm as he pushes in and pulls out of me.

I’m suddenly aware of the sweet mew that is pouring from his lips as he angles himself. The first true thrust against that spot… it made stars dance under my eyelids, no matter how hard I tried to keep my eyes open, every time he would strike that spot they would fall shut again..

His hands are wandering over my body and I can see that his eyes are glazed over, I have never seen anything so truly beautiful. I cry his name out, for the sake of letting him know how I feel, and he responds by grasping my member in his hand and stroking it in time with his thrusts.
Before long, my vision blurs completely and as my mouth drops open and my eyes roll back, I feel the sweet sensation of the burst of his climax inside of me. I cry out his name again and again until I can do nothing but pant.

I fall into a state of complete satisfaction and my eyes fall shut for the last time.

Everything is black.

I awake with a start and my elbow hits something hard, I look over to see Kaoru rubbing the red mark on his forehead from my unorthodox rising. I look to him apologetically and he receives me with a gentle smile. He outstretches his arms and I happily lie in them as I stare at the clear window pane, reflecting the golden yolk rays of early morning.

I don’t care if this isn’t real.

I don’t care if I’m not alive.

I just want this to last forever.

But I know better.

And I’ll never drown again.

//Author’s notes// Yeah, be nice, this was my first fic ever so… I think that’s an excuse for the suckiness and stuff, but for the strange grammar, you can blame my-Australian-ness for that >.< ok. If people like this enough I might put up the other crappy chapter in Kao’s POV. If people have a wish to die a horrible death from baaaaaaaaaaaaad fiction ok then go ahead ^.^
- 1
- 2
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Tempest Tides