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Fields of Gold	By : pols4elijah Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Green Day Views: 1639 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Green Day. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Fields of Gold
- 1
This is based on the song "Fields of Gold" by Eva Cassidy and is a re-write of one of my earlier pieces. I hope you enjoy!
(Warning: Character death, angst!)

****

The sun’s setting, draping a cloak of gold over the field and trees and the barley is swaying gently in wind, rocking too and fro before settling again against the light of the sun. The autumn leaves fall gently from the branches of the large oak tree and each one flies with the brief brushes of wind. Beneath the tree, we sit with one another; you settled within my arms with your head on my chest, me leaning against the sturdy trunk of the tree, staring up at the evening sky. Our hands are latched with one another and I gently stroke my thumb across your wrist, hoping to diminish any discomfort left within your already weary body.

You haven’t moved for a few minutes, for you have no energy left and you’re drowsy, half asleep as you lie with me; your body almost completely drained of energy…of life.

There was another time, long ago, when we came to this place together. It seems so long ago now; back in a day when everything was alright. There were no worries or grieving for what was to come, no hospitals.

It was just you and me together in the field of barley. We’d lie together for hours. Do you remember? We’d run through the golden grass and kiss and make love under the stars. Everything was perfect back then. We were simply teenagers in love. But now…now things have changed.

It seems so long ago now, when we found out. You and I were both told together and part of me wishes that memory never exists, despite how I know that it’ll stay with me forever. We were sat in the office, our hands gripping in anxiety. I kissed you quickly as we waited for the doctor, saying no matter what the result, we’d get through it. You’d nodded slowly, worry practically scratched onto your face. As the doctor had confirmed it, I’d felt my heart in my mouth. I’d looked at you and you were simply staring at the floor. I remember your eyes as you looked up at me; small and no longer shining that bright green. No…Instead, I saw fear.

You were diagnosed with lung cancer…it was almost too real to deal with.

We all went through Hell and back from then on, I think. We were constantly at the hospital; it almost became our second home, no matter how badly we didn’t want it to be. After a few months, we’d unwillingly grown accustomed to it all; the machines, the chemotherapy…everything became second nature. But that didn’t stop how much we hated it. I’d look at you lying in that wretched bed; your small body hooked up to various noisy machines and your hands clutching at your stomach. I’d look at you and see pain, embarrassment and fear. When you lost your gorgeous hair, you cried and wouldn’t look at me for ages. I told you I loved you no matter what, secretly grieving the softness of your midnight-coloured locks.

Then, we found out that things weren’t going as well as I prayed they would do. The chemo wasn’t working. The hospital wanted to keep you in for tests and I ended up sitting alone at home for three days. All I did, all I could do, on those lonely nights; those nights where I was alone in our house, Billie Joe, was cry. I cried because I was scared; I couldn’t lose you... not after all we’d been through.

The next morning, I’d gone in and almost burst into tears again as my eyes landed on you. You looked even worse than ever but you smiled at me as you saw me and held out your hand. I took it, squeezing it tight.

“I missed you.” You said quietly.

That day, we made a decision which I’m now glad we made; we stopped the treatment. It was your idea though. You’d shaken your head as the doctor told me that they wanted to do more tests and figure out our options.

“No!” you’d cried weakly. “Please….no more.”

At first, I’d begged you to try again but you’d simply shaken your head again and gripped onto my hand even tighter.

“There’s no point….not anymore…”

I think we both knew that fighting was no longer an option, but you were the one who got it first. I’d needed more convincing; I was so scared, Billie. I was unwilling to let you fail. When you looked up at me with your twinkling sapphire eyes and said those words, I fell back. Your hand had drooped from mine and I stepped out of the room, a hand covering my mouth to stop myself from going hysterical.

“Trè! Please, don’t let me do this alone!” you’d shouted after me.

I kept walking.

Yeah, I was acting stupid, I know that. But at the time…I didn’t know what to think. There’d been countless promises that this wasn’t a major issue, promises that the chemo would actually fucking work. But, no. I was going to loose you. It scared me so much and the fact that you were so calm about it frightened me even more.

I sat in the reception for about an hour, waiting until the tears on my face had subdued before I would look at you again. I made myself think about the decision, about why you’d said no to anymore medicine. I gasped silently as it hit me; it wasn’t about me. It was about you. You were the one who’d been put through all of this shit; the strain of going through chemo every week, the sleepless nights alone in hospital. Now, knowing none of it was working…of course you’d want it to end. I shook my head at myself and stood up, walking quickly back to your room.

We looked at each other for a moment; our eyes glazed and shimmering beneath a layer of tears. I apologised endlessly for walking off and we cried together.

“I’m here for you Billie…I’m going to take you home.”

We discharged you immediately and, as we sat in the car, my hands loosely gripping at the steering wheel and you resting your head against the window, an eerie silence fell upon us. I started the car and pulled away from the hospital and one us sighed.

Many months passed and it seemed as if things were falling back into the old routine; we sat together and cuddled as we watched TV, we had sex every night, we kissed and lay in bed for hours after waking up every morning. It was bliss, almost like times before we’d found out about the cancer. Your hair was growing back steadily; short and naturally spiked yet soft as it had been before. We were so happy. I remember on one night where we’d stayed up all night; we ended up remembering back when we were young and our times in the barley fields.

You said how much you missed it. I said I’d take you back there one day.

“I promise…we’ll go back there soon, Billie Joe.”

***

But then, the time we were all dreading came and the illness was making you weak and feeble, you were always tired now. Last night, you’d fallen asleep on my chest and my heart hurt inside my chest as I watched you breathing slowly, your frail body rising up and down rhythmically.

I cried in silence and kissed your hair. You sighed quietly and tightened your hold around me slightly.

“Mmm…love you…” you whispered.

I smiled.

“Love you too, Billie…”

***

This morning, I told you that we were going to go out. It was time to fulfil my earlier promise and your eyes lit up like stars when I told you.

“The barley field.” You‘d said to me and I nodded.

And so, here we are, lying underneath the old oak, just like we did when we were 17. It’s so familiar that it’s like time’s stopped around us and we’re just floating in a bubble, non-moving and capturing the atmosphere to keep forever and ever. I feel you sigh quietly against my chest and I smile, running a hand through your once thick hair.

“Thank you…” you whisper.

I swallow shakily.

“It’s OK, Billie. I promised you…”

Slowly, you then push yourself up to face me and look at me properly. I swallow again, trying to hide my sorrows and the tears which were threatening to spill down my face at any given moment. But you’re not fooled. No, you’re too clever for that; you could always read me like a book whenever it need be. You smile solemnly and raise your tired hand to gently wipe your thumb beneath my shimmering eye.

“I love you…so much…” you say quietly, your voice scratchy and torn.

I nod, my lips quivering uncontrollably now, so much so that I bite them and let my face fall down as my body begins to shake with my sobs.

“I love you too, Billie.” I say amidst the beginnings of my tears.

Then, I feel your touch beneath my chin and you slowly tilt my head back up and force me to look at you.

“It’ll be alright…” you say.

You lean forward and connect our lips in a kiss. It’s gentle and slow, almost enough to make time stop itself and I whimper as I feel your hand cradle my jaw line. I breathe in deeply through my nose, calming down and feeling the familiar comfort you always bring me. It relaxes me and it’s then, that I realise; I will be OK. I believe you.

I relax and I can feel your hand move again, this time into my Autumn-coloured hair. It glides through it swiftly like the wind and I smile against your lips.

“Do you remember when we were 17, Billie Joe?” I ask you quietly.

You nod.

“I do…”
“Do you remember how we used to come here together, to the barley fields?”
“I do…It’s…one of my most precious memories…of us together.” You reply.

I smile warmly and lean upward to kiss you again and you embrace it; becoming heavy against me as your weary body lies against mine.

“We’d run amongst the grass and lie here…” I whisper as I pull away.
“…until nightfall…” You finish, your voice equally quiet.

“We’d make love under the night sky…”
“…we’d fall asleep…in the golden grass…”

You lie your head upon my breast bone and my arms wrap around you, my hands rubbing gently along your spine whilst yours rest against my chest. I can hear you sigh lightly and you let out a small yawn.

“I’m tired…” you whisper against me.

I swallow and move one of my hands to your hair, gently brushing my fingers through it. My other hand moves then and takes a hold of yours. You grip it with the strength of a newborn.

“Go to sleep then, Billie...” I reply with small and shaky sigh.

You sniff quietly and I look down to you, watching your weary eyelids as they fall and close peacefully.

“Stay with me…please…” you breathe.

I squeeze your hand gently before placing a lingering kiss on your forehead again in reply and leaning back against thee, taking your body weight as it becomes heavy with sleep.

“I’m not going anywhere…” I say, my voice beginning to waver again.

It’s the moment that brings both relief and utter grief to me; one we’ve been waiting almost too long for but, at the same time, wishing it would never come. I try my best to compose myself and I kiss your hair again, closing my eyes and breathing in your scent.

It’s getting closer now.

As I will myself as hard as I can to stay strong, I can feel your hold on my hand loosen and the light gasp of single, slow breath against my neck. I swallow hard now, the tears finally creeping through and running down my cheeks.

You’re finally at peace.

No more hospital visits, no more medicine, no more anxious waiting. Just peace.

You’re gone.

My breathing’s hard yet steady and more tears are finding their way down my face; uncontrollable and flowing in my grief. I lean down and rest my head against your still one, and I weep. I cry for you, I cry in relief; I cry in sadness, anger, pain, love.

I cry for you.

They turn into all out sobs now, and I let myself go; leaning your still form against me and wrapping my arms around you as I cry. My body heaves in breathing and I can my feel myself shaking. I’m not sure if it’s more with the force of my tears than shock…I don’t really know anything right now.

Time freezes around me and I’m not sure how much time’s gone by since I felt that painful yet oh so beautiful breath against me. I open my eyes and I see gold; the light of the red setting sun against the barley, the fields below us shining with pride amidst the glowing display.

I look out and I start to think; everything around you now…is gold. It’s surrounded you and lifted you from the harsh reality that is life. It’s taken away the pain, the anxiety, the fear, the hospital bed…it’s taken you to Heaven.

Time is non-existent to me. I’ll forever lie in these golden barley fields with you, my love, and I’ll loose all track of thought. Years from now, I’ll still be here with you, in our fields; these fields of gold.

End

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Fields of Gold