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Savagely Bitter And Deathly Sweet	By : FrankiesLove Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > AFI Views: 1233 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of AFI. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Author's Note: Alright, I haven't written a story here in a while, so I figured I was going to go ahead and do another one. This one was pre-written up to chapter eight, been working on it for a while, thought I'd just throw it out there to see what I got in return. Chapter is in Jade's point of view.

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Rain

It’s not the point that he’s perfect, or that he’s beautiful and so luscious in so many ways…it’s that I love him and there is no way for me to tell him that. The way that he moves around me makes me think that he’s interested in me. He brushes up against me during shows, when I’m sweating and concentrating on playing the right chords to match his lovely voice. It’s also that he follows me around, hangs on my arm at any given chance that he has. It makes me realize that there’s something inside of me that needs to be fed. And that lust has finally come up again, without my consent of it doing so. Davey Havok is a mink, and he knows it. He just doesn’t want to admit it first.

Then there’s the issue of me being in love with Marissa. She’s quite the lovely fox herself, always smiling at me at the right moments and showing me that some points of life don’t revolve around my best friend…and in this case fantasy. That’s what Davey has become to me, something that will exist in my mind but never beyond the thoughts of my dreams and my daydreams. I would give anything to tell him just how I feel…but that would break not only my moral code. It would shatter is completely. And Marissa…it would hurt her too much. And I love her too much to let that happen to her. Let alone let me be the cause of it. I love them both, and I don’t know what to do.

I can’t very well tell Adam or Hunter, since they seem to think that it’s a bad thing. Just from what I’ve seen. But they’re supposed to be my friends, and friends are there for each other, no matter what’s going on at the moment. That’s what brought me to Adam’s little sleep area on our tour bus.

We were in California, heading on up to Vancouver for a showing. I didn’t know what to say, truthfully, except for the first thing that would just come blurting out of my big fucking mouth. But Adam was asleep, I could hear his breathing. And it sounded just as loud as my heart and pulse. I felt light-headed and weak from the effort of working up the courage to talk to someone that could possibly help me. Adam was like the big brother of the band, being always the quietest and most placid of the four of us. Davey was the child, I was the incessant teenager, and Hunter was the adult. But Adam…acting as the big brother, turned out to be much more mature.

That led me to the path of least resistance…wanting to walk down it and find help with the one person that I knew I could trust not to tell anyone my dirty little secret. Not even Hunter would know.

“Adam?”

There was no response and I pushed back the curtain that was there, covering and shielding Adam from the light that flooded into the bus through the morning windows. I had gotten up rather earlier then I normally did, finding myself unable to sleep. It seemed like Dave, Hunter, and Smith went for something to eat, or just for a quick walk. That left Adam and me on the bus. This was probably going to be the only chance I’d have to talk to the drummer, so I was going to take it…no matter the consequences.

“Adam?”

“Wha’?”

That one half-sound made me believe that he was awake now. Adam was not a fun person to wake up, but I needed to talk to him or I’d go crazy. Sure enough I was starting to get insomnia, laying awake just to listen to the sound of Davey’s breathing. I would give anything everyday to just see him smile or laugh. It always gave me butterflies in my stomach and a bit of heat to my blood. That’s what Davey did to me.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Why? I’m sleeping…” He sounded groggy and I had half a mind to just leave him alone. But I needed to get this out or it was going to make me insane.

“Because it’s a matter of life or death…I guess…”

My voice was enough to get him to roll over and look at me, his eyes narrowing a little as he scrutinized me on the situation. And legitimately I appeared to be in distress. Considering I was still only half-dressed, with only my pants on, and my hair and make-up not done up at all. Not to mention I hadn’t eaten or consumed anything in the past couple of days. Seems he finally got the nerve to get up and talk to me…or something to that effect.

“Alright…let me get up and get dressed some.”

He always slept in his boxers, so I was going to give him a few minutes to put on a shirt and some pants. I was sitting in the kitchen part of the bus when he came in, ruffling his hair a little with his hands to tame it. He didn’t need to comb it, really. Though he did just get up and I was going to assume that he would brush it later to make it look a little more decent. I was sitting at the table that was there, which could double as a bed if need be.

“You look like shit Jade.”

“I feel like it.”

After he sat down and pulled one of the little Starbucks coffees his way, he opened it and took a bit of a sip, looking me over once more. I felt tired and incredibly hurt, almost guilty about the way that I’ve been thinking lately. Though I didn’t express this right away.

“So what’s goin’ on man? What do you need my help with?”

Adam was such a good guy that I felt I didn’t want to ruin it for him. He was always going to be Davey’s friend, and I believe he would be mine through anything. Though I’ve been wrong before.

“It’s kind of hard to say…”

He laughed softly and then took another drink of that little coffee whilst I messed with mine, spinning it between my palms absently. I wanted him to see that I was just in need of some help and someone to talk to. That’s what he was good at and he knew it. Which was why he hadn’t just blown me off and let me rot. That seemed like something Hunter would do.

“Just say it. You know I won’t think any different of you. Well, less of you, actually…”

Taking in a deep breath, I looked towards the door and then rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the fine and straight hairs that were there. What could I possibly say to him? Was there no easy way to get it all out?

“I’m in love with someone.”

“Oh, well, I knew that.”

Looking to him, I shook my head and then dropped my voice to a low whisper, feeling my heart start to race in my chest at the words that I spoke to him, be them softly. “It’s not Marissa…”

That got him to stop and think, his eyes widening a little before he looked around. He probably thought it was some kind of joke. Adam always knew me for someone secure in my decisions and the decisions that my heart made.

“Who is it then?”

“Someone we all know…”

He started to think again, his gaze going towards the door, then towards the front where the driver sat, and then towards the back of the bus. Alright, let him think it over Jade, I told myself…nothing bad is going to happen if you give him time to mull over who it could be.

“Then who?”

“It’s hard to confess. I shouldn’t even have brought up this situation…I’m sorry for bothering you.”

I made a move to get up and he just reached out, seizing my wrist and forcing me to sit down again. I felt my eyes start to sting, my body freezing almost instantly when I saw the stern look on his expression. He was something else entirely, it seemed, and I wanted to know why things had turned out so bad for me in that instant. Swallowing hard, I glanced down, ashamed of myself for even thinking that I could tell someone other then the person that I was in love with.

“Jade, it’s not bad. Being in love is a good thing.”

“But when it’s with someone that you aren’t with at the moment?”

“Okay…that is kind of a problem, I suppose.” He sounded almost hesitant in saying that. It made me feel bad and I felt the tears in my eyes gather more, before one finally broke away. They knew me as the strong one, and seeing me cry was something else entirely.

“Jesus…this must really be eating at you if you’re crying. Who is it? What’s going on?”

“I can’t eat…I can’t sleep…Adam…sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe because of what I feel.”

There was silence from his end but I dared not look up, taking in a deep breath to get the rest of it out.

“The times I do manage to sleep I dream. And they’re dreams that I should be ashamed of…but I’m not…because I know I want them to be true. This person…makes me smile and laugh at any given moment…no matter how shitty I’m feeling. He’s always there for me…even if he doesn’t know it most of the time.”

Closing my mouth, I realized that I had revealed the person as a guy. That got a laugh out of Adam and he just shook his head, stroking his fingers through his hair for a single moment before speaking again.

“Dude…if it’s a guy, I don’t mind. We all know Davey’s gay.”

“Okay, so it’s a guy. But that’s only half of the problem. See, the guy is…well…he’s…”

“Straight?” He was trying to be helpful, to get me moving along. Not seeming like he was in a hurry with his words, but he was trying to be comforting and yet helpful at the same time. That made me smile a little and then I nodded slowly, taking in another deep breath so I could calm my nerves. I was shaking, my hands trembling and my skin crawling with goosebumps. After a few of those deep breaths, I spoke again, this time be it barely audible.

“This guy…he’s someone I’m really close to.”

Now he looked a little alarmed. Did he think it him? I swallowed hard and felt my eyes sting a little more. I was trying to fight back the urge to cry, my body shaking visibly now. I felt suddenly light-headed again, my body seizing up, my mind shutting down for only a moment. In that instant I didn’t realize was happening, losing a few seconds of my time. Or what seemed like a few seconds.

Light flooded my eyelids and I was looking up at Davey. Thinking I was in a dream, I smiled a little and then brought a hand up, stroking his cheek a little. That’s when I noticed that Adam and Hunter were talking, Adam looking to me every so often. I felt my heart stop for just a beat, skipping that one second. I sat up suddenly, watching Davey move back. He smiled a bit and then pushed my hair back from my eyes, speaking in that calm and loving way that he always did.

“Hey, you’re awake. We got back almost an hour ago. Adam said you passed out…”

So that’s what happened…I fainted. Feeling a little embarrassed, I blushed and then bowed my head, mumbling something about lack of sleep and food and water.

“Well then we need to fix that, don’t we?”

Davey stood up and I watched the way that his muscles flexed, my eyes gliding up the line of his body to see his form standing above me. The trembles came back and I felt a little light-headed again. No, I couldn’t faint again…I would die before that would happen. He offered a hand and I hesitantly took it, feeling the warmth that was there within. He knew just how to make me feel almost weak, didn’t he?

“Come on, up you go.”

I was suddenly on my feet and against the lead singer of a band that I worshiped at the same time as being in it. He was the reason I was in AFI, not because of the fans. Well, they were part of it…but the majority of my feelings towards music and success were coming from Davey being there for me. If Dave were to leave the band, they’d have to replace him and me at the same time. Smiling a little when I heard him chuckle, I moved towards the fridge on the bus, taking out one of the Cokes that were in it. My sodas, no one elses. Most of the time.

“Are you feeling alright Jade? You just conked out for a second there.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I felt Adam checking my head for wounds of any sort. I had plenty of scrapes and what not from hitting my head on certain objects, and I didn’t mind them looking me over. Made me feel needed in some way.

“Okay. So what were you going to tell me?”

Taking a glance to Davey, I saw him speak to Smith and start to laugh. My eyebrows scrunched up a little and then I shook my head, looking to Adam and offering a weak smile. “It’s nothing. I swear. Just something I was wrong about.”

Turning away from the people that were my friends, I retreated to my bunk and slid into it, pulling the little curtain closed and cuddling up under the blankets that were mine. I didn’t want to ruin Davey’s attitude, take control of a situation that might not work out…and force him away from me with a simple break up. That was even if he was interested in me that way.

Who was I kidding? He would never look at me as anything more then a friend. It frightened me to think of a life without Davey, so I tried to drown it out by putting on my iPod, turning on some of the beats that I had made with my laptop for Blaqk Audio. Already we had one song done, and we were working on another one. That was a good thing, I supposed. I felt the presence of someone outside of my bunk and waited for the familiar pull back of the screen by Davey. But alas, no one bothered to open the damn thing. Brushing it off as best as I could, I closed my eyes and went back to thinking about the one thing that I couldn’t have:

Davey Havok.
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Savagely Bitter And Deathly Sweet