I Hate How Much I Love You | By : YoshikiLove Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > X Japan Views: 1860 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of XJapan. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
I do not own X Japan… Yoshiki, hide, Toshi, Pata, Taiji etc etc. Anyone featured in this… Not owned in any way by me. This is just writing folks, and in no am I claiming to know the rl people's personality… This is not truth… NONE…. Well maybe a few band facts but like… None of the story and… YOU GET IT!
Rated high for future…. stuff
Yes this is a YoshikiXhide fanfiction
DON'T KILL ME!!
~~~~~~~~~~~Prologue~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Have you ever thought about fucking any members of the band Yochan?"
Yoshiki looked up from the sheet music he'd been staring at for the past 2 days. His eyebrows rose high above the dark glasses as he stared at the drunken man less then six feet away. What? That was the most random… where the hell had that come from?
It had been a pretty normal day… In the Studio, working on preparations for the verge of destruction tour. When hide had shown up, already tipsy from… god knows what, he'd simply sat in the corner, loudly voicing his opinion in that nasally voice of his.... Nothing interesting really… He'd just been ignoring hide as he worked, letting the slender man drain no less then 2 bottles of bourbon without a word of complaint. He had too much to do, and hide getting drunk here was less dangerous then when he was out and about… Or at least one would assume.
The room was fairly dark. Large and filled to the the roof with equipment. The desk had kind of been thrown in because he was always in here, and it really didn't match with much of anything else... The couch had been tossed in for the same reason. Although it seemed to have turned into a drunkards bed at the moment...
"Well… Are you going to answer? Have you ever thou-", hide was interrupted by Yoshiki's slightly annoyed Tone.
"What kind of question is that? Maybe you should drink less hichan…" He shook his head, trying to dismiss hide's random and flustering question, before glancing back down at the paper. Why this annoyed him so much he had no clue… but this wasn't a subject he really felt like talking about… Especially with hide…well he had his reasons…
"It's a good question! Really it is! All my questions are good", hide spoke energetically although his body was still slumped over on the dark black couch. How he managed to sound so hyped while drunk enough to not be able to move was beyond him... Yoshiki looked at him for another long moment.
"It's a ridiculous question…" Yoshiki stated firmly. He was still trying to focus on his work. He imagined the sound in his head, notes rising and falling... Mmm … maybe he should consider an alternate chord here…. Normally he'd ask hide's opinion, but drunk advice wasn't something he cared very much for... Even if it was good advice he could never take it seriously… He reached across the black desk and picked up a pencil, moving to scribble on the already note cluttered page.
"It isn't ridiculous when you've been fucking Toshi"
Sudden silence... The lead broke as Yoshiki's hand pressed the pencil down too hard. The air... atmosphere.... all of it had changed in an instant. Like some dream... One moment everything is the same, and the next it's a nightmare...
How did he know? Had Toshi said something? It had only been once… He'd only made the mistake of being intimate with a band member ONCE! What the fuck? How were you supposed to act about this? What the… fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…. His mind raced, cluttered up with thoughts, some relevant… some not… His face however remained as blank as ever, although hide hadn't looked at him once in the past hour, and he didn't look at him now either for that matter.
This would have been an awkward silence moment, if Yoshiki hadn't calmly moved to sharpen the pencil. The sound of the metal grinding against the wood seemed obscenely louder then usual in the large room…
" I don't know where you would get an idea like that… ", Yoshiki said calmly. Lifting the pencil to his lips, and blowing off the remains of wood dust. He almost amazed himself that he could act so cool about it… He wanted to run from the room… He didn't want to face this…
"BECAUSE I SAW YOU!!!!" hide yelled loudly, standing up quickly from his seat. His voice was dripping with anger... or something Yoshiki couldn't quite place. It certainly wasn't happiness though... The almost empty 3rd bottle of bourbon fell to the floor, shattering on the hard tile, Drenching the floor with it's pungent smell.
Yoshiki actually flinched… Ok… It wasn't supposed to be like this… He'd given into temptation once… What if the band suffered over this? What if hide left? Would he find a guitarist again? Would X make it without hide? Oh god… Without realizing it his voice rose in anger, when he was only feeling fear…
"Why the hell do you even care!?" The blond man screamed, slamming his hands down on his desk. Over-dramatic to the end… he didn't even notice his little displays anymore. What he did notice was hide turning sharply, hair whipping with the sudden movement as he looked at him… What he saw… Wasn't… What he thought it would be. Hide looked hurt… but why? Why? Why did it matter?… Why was he…?
It was too much… He couldn't handle it. The sadness, maybe even anger. That despair he couldn't understand. Why did hide care? Was it X? Was it… he didn't know… He didn't want to know. Without so much as grabbing his work, he ran from the room. Ran from the studio. Just plain fucking ran.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hide stared at the place yoshiki had been only moments before. Fuck… he shouldn't have let… That isn't what he'd meant to happen... He took a step forward and was instantly overwhelmed with dizzyness. The ground seeming to tilt and shift under his feet like a room in one of those silly carnival houses.
........Oh shit. Right about then the room got a little fuzzy….blurry maybe? Spinning… spinning!!…. Oh ugghgghhhhhhhHHHHH SPIN! Maybe standing up so fast wasn't such a good idea? And with that retarded thought finished, the room faded into black.
"Fucking bourbon....", hide slurred right before he passed out in a drunken stupor on the couch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of the prologue~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author comment: Drunken moment gone wrong! Don't you just hate that? EHHHHHH I wrote this when I was bored…. Obviously it's meant to be continued, but I'm only continuing if someone wants me too…. So you wanna read more?…. COMMENT… If not then er…. Comment anyway? I never claimed to be writer of the year, but who knows! Maybe I'll write something good this time
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