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Forbidden Light	By : KathyF1Slash Category: Individual Celebrities > Athlete/Sports Misc Views: 1445 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the people written about in this fanfiction. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Title: Forbidden Light
Author: K
Warnings: Boy love. A slash/gay/yaoi story
Pairing: Nico/Vivien for now, but it will be Nico/?? (not telling just yet, you’ll find out in chapter 2)
Summary: How would the life of two young Formula 1 drivers be affected when they start noticing their attraction to each other?
Rating: R (I think, I’m not very good with ratings, but I think because of the slash aspect and light sexual content, R will do. Rating may go up in future chapters.)
Disclaimer: I don’t own either of the drivers or any other people mentioned in this story. I know neither of them is actually gay. But I’m borrowing them for this story, and sorry but now they are (the author is corrupting them, I’ll promise to wipe their minds when I return them :P )
My apologies to anyone who feels offended because of that.

A/N~
I would like to warn everyone before reading this story. It will be a slash/gay/yaoi story. So two men falling in love.
This plot bunny has been in my mind for a long time, inspired by pictures of them together. This is my F1 story.

Feedback, constructive criticism and reviews are welcome. I love to know what people think about the story, and suggestions to improve my writing are very welcome. I’m not English, so I suspect that I will make major grammar errors. And I’m currently without a beta reader, so if anyone feels up to that task, let me know. But please don’t flame, that this is disgusting; if you don’t like slash stories, don’t read them. If you however still feel like flaming, I guess there is not much I can do to stop you, but flames will only be used to keep my feet warm ;D
~K

Chapter 1: No sense in hiding

My mind is running away with me. I can’t seem to focus on anything. Why, why can’t I stop thinking about him.
I know it’s wrong, and that he probably considers me nothing more then a friend. And I know I should not be thinking about him so often. I wish I could stop myself of thinking about him. But every time I see him, he makes my day. Even when I just see him a few moments and he says nothing more then hello to me, he improves my mood so much.
I’m not sure when this eerie attraction to him started. I’ve know him for such a long time, why didn’t I feel like this about him before. Back then we were friends and had a lot of fun together while trying to achieve our dream. But now I think it’s more then friendship from my part, every time my eyes search for him. Whenever I see a glimpse of blond hair, I feel my heart beating faster, and I caught myself feeling disappointed when it turned out it wasn’t him.

In my mind I cherish the moments between us. I scold myself when I remember the moments where we touched the fondest; a hug or just a simple pat on the back. Even now when I think back at those moments I feel a smile spreading over my face and my stomach making flip flops. I’ve tried to burry these feelings for so long. I tried to deny my feelings, my attraction to him. I feel so messed up. I don’t want to feel this way, I don’t want to be attracted to him. Ever since that fateful day, I’ve tried to keep my distance. I know I hurt him, I can see it when he looks at me, but I refuse to really speak more then 2 words to him. I thought that if I would keep my distance, these weird feelings would pass. I assumed it was nothing more then me feeling comforted by the presence of a good friend who was helping me move on after my relationship stranded.
But it’s not damn it. I know, I know this is wrong; that these feelings only make things extremely complicated. To make matters even worse he’s perfectly happy with his girlfriend. When he talks about her, I can see how much he loves her. So I know I won’t stand a chance.
I really need to stop thinking this way and accept that it will never be something between us.

I’m not even sure what I want from him. Even in the highly unlikely case that he would return my feelings. Would I be ready to give this relationship a chance, knowing how much trouble and hostility it will most likely cause. Not to mention the response from my family, I know my father loves me and has supported me in almost everything, but I fear that he won’t like it at all if I decide to pursue a relationship with him.
I’ve been a good Christian all my life, or so I thought. Is God testing me now, seeing if my devotion to Him is strong enough or will he watch me fall and submit to my feelings. My impure despicable feelings. Should I tempt fate and taste the forbidden fruit and bask in the forbidden light he shines on me. Or will I turn my back on my feelings, and try to overcome my desire towards him to stay in the good grace of God.

I almost wish I could just blame it on Jodia, but I can’t it would be very unfair. It’s not only her fault that we grew apart, and that the love and passion we once shared turned more into one of friendship. It was a blow in my face when she said she wanted to break up with me. But I realize that I’ve been naïve and that I should have seen it coming. Sure I noticed that our relationship was changing and headed more towards friendship. To be honest I just assumed that that was only happening because we hadn’t seen each other for a while, and that all would be fine once we met again. How wrong I was, it was nice to see her again, but the feelings I had before were missing. It seems she felt the same way, she was more distant then I remember her ever being.
We spent a nice evening catching up, bit in the end I was actually getting nervous at the prospect of sharing a bed with her. She was still as beautiful and breathtaking as ever, but I felt an uneasiness creeping over me. Perceptive as ever she seemed to notice my apprehension.
She gave me this look and I knew that moment that I wasn’t going to like the conversation that would follow. And indeed it wasn’t. I don’t know what hurt more, the fact that she wanted to break up with me, or the fact that she could say it so coolly, as if our relationship hardly meant anything to her.
How foolish I have been to think that she wouldn’t mind that we wouldn’t see each other that often, that my racing career was the most important to me. What girl would like, that her boyfriend rather spent more time in a car on the racetrack then spending time with her.
It’s not even so much the fact that I wanted to spend more time in my car and with my team then with her. All the time I spend with them, has been, and still is necessary. Ever since I was a child I wanted to race, it has been my dream. And now I’m fulfilling that dream. My family has sacrificed so much for me, and I worked hard to get where I am now. So I’m doing everything I can to ensure that I will continue to win and hopefully become a champion.
The moment she said she wanted to break up with me, it felt like a slap in my face. I didn’t know what to do. Plead with her not to end this, that I still wanted her. But do I still want to be with her I wondered. Then her words sunk in. She’s right we both have our jobs, and live with half the world between us. And neither of us wants to give up our jobs, so we’ll hardly ever be together. A relationship like this won’t work. My rational side agreed with her. But it still hurts. Her indifference most of all.
She had made up her mind, that much was clear. I was a coward and didn’t even fight for my relationship. I couldn’t stand to be around her anymore. I needed some space. So I left our hotel room.

Outside I realized what a bitter irony it was. The one time she actually comes to race, the one time we’re actually together we break up. I felt my throat tighten and my eyes getting wet. I reprimanded myself to act more like a man instead of an oversensitive woman.
I decided to take a walk to clear my head. I’m glad my father never found out I was outside most of the night. But no matter how much I walked the miserable feeling wouldn’t leave.

Then I sat down on a hill overlooking the circuit, just staring off in the distance. The soft sound of footsteps made me turn around. Then from the shadows of the trees I saw him approaching. He stared at me for a moment, and I stared back, surprised that someone else besides me was awake at the moment.
“Hey, couldn’t sleep?” I asked him as he approached me.
He sat down and smiled, “No I guess I’ve been a bit restless the whole night and after laying awake for several hours I gave up and decided to take a walk.”
He looked at the moon the started to show trough the clouds, and we were both silent for a moment.
Then Nico broke the silence “May I ask why I find you here all by yourself, I thought Jodia was here this weekend so I actually expected you to be with her tonight.”
His question made me face reality and a stab of pain went through my heart. I turned my head away ashamed of the tears I felt welling up, unable to answer him.
Then he turned to me and put his arm around my shoulder. There was no sense in hiding my tears anymore, he already saw them.

A/N~
A bit of a cliffie, but I want to wait with revealing who’s POV it is until the next chapter. Please review to let me know how I’m doing. Reviews feed the muse and make the author happy. And maybe make a guess who the person is that is falling for dear Nico.
~K
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Forbidden Light