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Exorcising Uncertainty	By : Skwishee Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > MUCC Views: 1233 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of MUCC. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Exorcising Uncertainty
- 1
Parents are full of crap. I used to think otherwise, but there are only a finite number of times you can hear the 'You can be anything you want to be' speech before you realize there's something off about the whole thing. What they don't tell you when you're little is that when they realize that your childhood aspirations of becoming Ultraman have carried through to adulthood you no longer get to choose for yourself since you, obviously, have severely impractical views on reality as a whole. At that point you're simply told what you should do and the window has gone forever. I know that because somehow I'm staring dejectedly down at the the acceptance letter I've just received from the Med School at Tokyo University Hospital and I'm wondering when I decided to trade in my dreams of vigilante justice for doing the occasional colonoscopy on some fat, bald guy.

My best friend, Tatsurou, obviously is thinking the same thing since he's staring at the piece of paper with the same confused look on his face. The obnoxious sucking noises he's making around the sucker in his mouth are annoying me far more than usual. I just wish he wouldn't even breathe right now, because I'm feeling uneasy about this whole thing.

"Med School?" he says in a tone that suggests he's clearly put off about the whole idea. "I thought you were gonna be Captain Planet or a fuckin' Giga Ranger or whatever. Or did you just realize that much spandex will have a detrimental effect on the size of your package?"

I look up at him, fascinated. "I'm amazed you even know the word 'detrimental'."

"That's just proves you haven't realized I'm smarter than you yet." he twists the end of the sucker. "You also clearly don't have my sense of determination and self confidence, otherwise you would be setting that shit on fire and dancing on the ashes." Going through my CDs he starts to shake his head. "Sometimes you can be the dumbest fuck..."

Glaring at him will only waste my time. He never did respond to it anyway. So I exchange a possible reaction for just reading over the rest of the welcome portion of the letter. It seems like a good school, and I'm perfectly aware that the benefits attached to the career choice are very high, but looking at it still makes my stomach drop into a dark recess somewhere in my body. "My parents are pressing the issue. They made me apply. Mom's gonna be absolutely thrilled, she was sure they'd accept me. I told her grades weren't all they look for but she..." I say, completely unexcited about the whole prospect. As usual I'm interrupted.

"You can't show it to her!" Tatsurou cries suddenly, ripping the paper out of my hands and dropping one of my CDs in the process. "Are you handicapped!? All she'll do is gloat over you for the next month and tell all her friends how smart she was to guilt-trip you into applying."

"I have to!" I yell, trying to reclaim the letter. Lord knows what he would do with it. He jumps on my bed to gain height and successfully play a round of keep away.

"No, you don't! You don't even wanna go. You'd make a crappy doctor anyway."

After a few gos of half hearted jumping and one botched attempt to climb up his torso and reach his hand my glasses fall right off my head and I drop to the bed, trying to get them again before he steps on them. "Thanks a lot." I deadpan, adjusting the black frames where they would sit comfortably on my ears. One of which is slightly lower than the other so I have to mess with them a few minutes to get them to straighten up. "I have to do something! I can't just hang around with your lazy ass all year, you know. By the way, what will you be doing anyway? I haven't seen you apply for any schools."

"I haven't." he states proudly, hopping off the bed at last and crouching, feet first, in my computer chair. He gives it a good spin around, his bare toes twitching against the leather seat like a child. By the time it's made a full revolution he's stopped it and started investigating the things on my desk. The letter is still in his hand, but now it's bent and pitiful looking.

"Then what are you gonna do?"

I can only see him from the back at this angle, and it strikes me that —back or front— his shrugs still look the same. "I dunno. I imagine I'll be getting into all sorts of accidents. If you're gonna be a doctor you'll need a belligerent, unpredictable patient, won't you? It's the only way you'd probably learn anything. You have more ADD than a cat trying to bury it's crap on a frozen pond."

I did glare at him this time. "Very funny. I'm assuming that means you'll just be at home in your room watching anime and inventing new ways to masturbate without your mom catching you."

"Hey," he warns. "I don't remember pissing in your Cheerios this morning." The letter is forgotten entirely as he burrows through my drawers like a nosy kid. "Besides, my masturbatory practices could end up benefitting you in the end, you know."

"I fail to see how." I quip, wondering if his mother ever let him eat those little white, plastic ant traps as a kid. It would certainly explain a lot.

He shrugs again. "Well...what if, on one of my many advances into erotic genius, I end up accidentally super gluing my hand to my dick or something. You'd be the savior of the class!"

"How do you figure that?"

"Cause only you'd be getting close enough to my dick to unnattach me. I refuse to have some stranger poking around my naturals. It's weird."

I stare at him in amazement. "You're fucking weird. Anyway, I won't be an intern on my first year. I'll be in an actual class doing actual studying...with books."

"Ugh!" Finally, he turns the chair around again and let's himself slump into a pitiful mess, the sucker he'd be playing with now held in front of him as he stares it down with murderous intent. "Then what the fuck am I supposed to do, Yukke!? Who'll play Mario Kart with me!? Who'll hold my hair back when I get shitfaced and fall asleep hugging the toilet? Who'll watch porn with me on the weekends!?"

"Oh woe is you. You act like I'm breaking up with you."

"You are, you fucking dick! We've been friends since we were two. I think by this point we'd need to conduct a divorce to divide our assets, since you're hellbent on leaving my ass in the dust like some disgruntled housewife. In which case, you'll agree that I deserve the bigger half of the porn collection as well and, at the very least, partial custody of all your consoles, because, let's face it, I always could kick your ass at video games."

I roll my eyes, but on some level I expect this tirade. In alot of respects Tatsurou and I are polar opposites: He is, more often than not, loud and obnoxious and I am quieter, prefer to keep mostly to myself and try my best to keep from offending anybody. And I think the only reason he ever came to school at all is because I was so set on being there myself. If that wasn't the case he'd never have had anyone to copy off of. I'm not saying he wasn't smart. On some level I guess I always thought of him as some sort of mastermind, but he has a problem applying himself to anything he doesn't have the vaguest interest in...like schoolwork.

"Tatsurou, whatever pornography is in the house you can take. It's all just shit you left here anyway and I've had to find places to hide it from my parents. I mean, it's not hard to explain the normal stuff you've hid here but the ones that run aside your weirder tastes...I'd really be at a loss to explain to my mom why I have "Babes banging boys" tucked under my mattress. I don't ever want to have to explain that to either of my parents. Anyway, you act like I'm leaving you for good or something."

"You are!" He cries. "And the stupidest thing is that you don't even want to go!"

"How do you know? Maybe I do, maybe it'll be good for me." I say, trying to put enough enthusiasm and optimism in it to convince him that it might not be a bad idea. What else do I really have to fall back on?

He just cocks his head to the side and gives me that glare that never fails to send chills up my spine. And it's already occurring to me that it might be less dangerous to disappoint my parents than it would be to disappoint Tatsurou. My parents would get over it...eventually...when they were burying me or something.

"Yukke..." I love the way he says my nickname. He's the only person in the world who calls me that and for some reason it makes me comfortable. "I know what you want."

"How?" I venture, but it doesn't matter. He's right. He's always been able to read me and I have no defense against it.

Shrugging his shoulders make his eyebrows seem to jump right along with them as he leans forward in the chair. "Just something I've always been able to do."

"What do I want, then?" I prod him again for some reason, and it's stupid because he's not the sort of person that you want to pry information out of.

Laughing shortly he manages to find my eyes with his dark, commanding, ones and then tells me, "To stay with me." And I do. I don't say so though, I just worry over my lips as if they needed convincing not to spill my secrets.

"And what will we do?" I ask him cautiously, as if I were negotiating between life and death.

He smirks. "I've always wanted to be a musician. I can play a bit of guitar, you can play bass. Why not?"

I snort softly, amused by his optimism, as if it were just that easy. "Tatsurou...I dunno what you hear when I play, but what I hear is awful." I remember once playing for my little cousin, Asako...by the time I'd hit the third power cord she'd already covered her ears and run away, informing my mother that I was trying to hurt her. So I knew I wasn't just being hard on myself.

Tatsurou stands up and stretches, dropping the, now chewed up, stick of his sucker on my computer desk and I want to say something but realize that it'll probably do no good anyway. I'll just clean it up later. "So you're not a virtuoso...yet. You'll learn! If you apply yourself as well as you do to school shit then you'll be brilliant at it. You'll love it, trust me. Music is like sex."

"I wouldn't know." I say, and realize afterward that I've unwittingly invited him to continue discussion on sex, his favorite subject. He needs to be without me sometimes, I think. I'm an enabler.

"And that's why your dick doesn't listen to you. It's like having a dog, you can't just expect it to do what you want if you don't feed it every once in awhile."

You know...I always envision his mind as being this giant movie screen that plays nothing but those static afflicted skinimax movies. A breast flickering here, an ass shot flashing there and the toxicity of it affects the only intelligible part of his brain so he wavers in and out of perpetual horniness. It's not like sex is the only thing he thinks about. I don't mean it to sound like that, because if that were the case then I somehow doubt our friendship would have survived as long as it had. Tatsurou could talk about anything and everything and did so...frequently. Most usually when I was trying not to think of anything at all. There was probably a whole other section devoted to musical composition, useless facts and common sense, but I think sometimes it was just shrouded by the bigger, more insistent, area devoted to sexual deviancy.

"I feed it..." I mumble, but it's incredibly low and I don't think he's heard it, which is just as well because unlike him I embarrass a little easily.

"All I'm asking is that you consider it." says Tatsurou, wandering the room dramatically. "Just picture yourself up on stage, tons of adoring girls in the audience, screaming your name. Aiiiiiii Yukke, aishiteru!" He drawls in an awkward falsetto. "And the music is hard and heavy and just pounding into your body and you know that it's yours, that you created it and arrrr." His hand grabs his junk, shaking it for emphasis. "That shit is better than porn."

"Well I'm game, but my parents would have a fit. My mom already thinks you're the devil right now, she was really pissed at you for bleaching my hair this summer."

"Fuck her, you look better blonde." he states flatly.

I shake my head. "I don't even know why I let you convince me..." I say, but it's not true.

"Well I wasn't gonna bleach my own hair. Do you have any idea how damaging that stuff it!? Or how retarded I'd look? " As odd as the thought of a blonde Tatsurou was to me, I still couldn't imagine him looking bad. "Besides, you let me talk you into it. Once you agree it's out of my hands."

He flops down on the bed next to me, leg touching mine. I want to move over but he would take it the wrong way. I want to say that the only reason I let him bleach my hair was so that he'd be that close to me when he washed it out... I want to tell him that I don't care about the girls, or being adored, that the only reason I'd ever find myself in that position is because he wanted me to be there. I want to tell him that when we watch porn it's not anything on screen that excites me because I've never been attracted to anyone in my life...except for him. I want to tell him that the only reason I cross my legs to keep from embarrassing myself is not because of the fake tits on screen but because he's sitting next to me, sprawled out on the couch, with a hard-on the size of the 109 building lodged almost sideways in his jeans.

Amidst my thoughts I don't realize he's grabbing my bass off its stand in the corner and moving closer to me. Only when he drops it into my lap and closes my left hand over the frets do I snap out of my reverie. He's sitting sideways behind me, one hand folded over mine along the neck and the other wrapped over my right arm to get to the strings and he strums out a messy tune, adjusting my fingers accordingly. I feel my head sink closer to my chest in defeat and I sigh hard. "It's just... not that easy though." I tell him.

"Why not?" His amused voice wonders a little too close to my ear. "I'll be here to help you. You can even dress like Ultraman on stage if you want."

I can't help but laugh and I end up leaning back into him slightly, since I have nowhere else to go I know he won't get the wrong idea. I move his hand away and continue hitting cords on my own for a minute or two, but I can't get them right at all. I can work the frets without worry but my strumming is a sound I can live without.

He concentrates hard on the body of the bass for a moment before making a face that's pure distaste. Then he picks up my right hand, making me drop the pick and forces it to collide with the strings. An odd, echoing noise fills the room, but it sounds better than whatever I'd been trying before. "Much better. Stay away from the pick and play slap, I think you'll have an easier time if you're not trying to be so precise."

I smile softly because he's actually trying to help me.

"I'm breaking you down aren't I?" He laughs.

" A little..." I admit. I was starting to imagine the whole thing now. And I had to admit, when Tatsurou was interested in something he always found a way to obtain it. I had no doubts that if he wanted to be a musician that bad he'd do it.

"Come on, it'll be great. You know most people spend their whole lives trying to stay out of the hospital."

"Yeah...as patients." I argue, but I'm already on my way to being successfully convinced.

"No one wants to be in there. It's even a universally horrifying place, you've played Silent Hill!"

I give a laugh that sounds more like an amused hiss that's emanating from somewhere in my nose. "Yeah, but do you really think it'll be that easy to get into music? The success rate for rock artists really sucks."

"No, it'll be a constant struggle...unless we get any ideas to join Johnny's Jr or something." he admits. "That's the challenge. But, we will do it. We'll be so awesome they'll post our pictures everywhere and young girls will worship us as gods. It'll be great. I'll be Lord Tatsurou, you can be my page boy."

I'm laughing now, really laughing, "What makes you think I want to spend my life being your little Stepford Boy, anyway?"

The wry smile that creeps on his face should have been a warning sign but I paid it little attention. "A little person told me." He admits as he pulls away the bass and sets it tenderly back on it's stand.

I knew...I KNEW I shouldn't ask but I couldn't help it. "What little person...?"

And his eyes drop instantly to my lap, the Cheshire grin still plastering his face. "Well, I always called it Yuuketsuko." he says, scratching his nose.

I cross my legs instantly and wail a little loudly, "You call what Yuketsuko?!"

He smiles broadly, laying back on the bed and propping his left leg over his right knee. "The little thing that jumps in your pants whenever I give you my patented mean glare. I've always thought 'Yuuketsuko' was sort of a masochist that way, like 'Oh Lord Tatsurou, I want you tie me up and spank me! I've been a bad little girl!"

I can't help but blush furiously. "I don't know if you've noticed Tatsurou, but I'm not a girl...and I..."

As usual, Tatsurou figures interrupting me is more polite than letting me continue on spouting nonsense. "Oh, no, Yukke is a boy. But Yuuketsuko...she's a slutty little thing who's obsessed with Tatsurou's giant cock."

I roll my eyes. "Asshole."

"What was that?" Tatsurou pops up from his place on the bed. "An invitation?"

I growl and glare at him, no longer amused by his joking. Really, I'm just startled that he knows me as well as he'd said he had and that, yes, on occasion I really do have some unconventional fantasies. But I'm not about to tell him that.

"If you're going to be a dick you can get out. I've got enough on my mind without having to deal with your retarded bullshit." I scratch my head furiously. "I'm showing this to mom, I'm going to Med School and you can ruin your life however you want." I say as I walk to the door, paper back in my hand. I was going to march right down the stairs, hide the acceptance letter where Tatsurou would never find it and call my mother to tell her the news.

Tatsurou obviously has other plans. He jumps off the bed, snatches the thing out of my hands again, stomps toward the bathroom, pulls out his lighter and sets the thing on fire. By the time the lighter is removed from his pocket I'm screaming, trying my best to get it away from him but he's bigger and stronger and far more stubborn than I am. As usual, after a half-hearted struggle I give up and wallow in my misery. Misery that I've, no doubt, caused myself.

"I hate you." I hiss from the bathroom floor where I've somehow landed myself. Tatsurou is still hovering over the sink, hands braced on either side as he watches the last remnant of paper burn in the basin. Now he looks just as mad as I do, even though he has less reason. Suddenly the air in the room seems much heavier.

"I'm not letting you ruin your life." he growls, his tone serious and unwavering.

"Not letting m..." I don't know why but I feel like I could cry. "You are ruining my life. You had no right to do that, no right to put any ideas in my head..."

"No right?" his voice is starting to get louder. "You're my best friend, Yuusuke. My job is to protect you from yourself. All you're doing is what your parents want you to do!"

"What else am I going to do!?" I wail pitifully. "Because I've let you dictate what I do with my free time up till now I have no back up plan. You talked me out of getting a part-time job this summer because you thought it would cut in to the time we get to hang out. After all this if I tell my parents I want to run off with you to play an instrument I currently suck at they'll kick me out! Where the fuck will I live?"

"With me, you stupid git!" he yells.

"Where!? In your mother's basement!?"

He closes his eyes. Either he has no solid comeback or he's really seriously considering the question. With him it's always hard to tell. "I didn't want to tell you yet, but...since you're being such a little bastard about the whole thing...two days ago...Mom co-signed for me on an apartment downtown." I'm startled enough to look up at him. He's never shown that kind of initiative before. "I know it ruins the whole 'eternal slacker' image you have of me, but contrary to popular belief I have no intention of living with my mom the rest of my life. Anyway, it's not much, but...we'll be ok."

"Where'd you get the money?" I ask accusingly, because he didn't have a job and his mother didn't have that kind of money. I didn't think he'd steal it but...

He sighs. "Mom had put money away for college, but since she's a hundred percent sure I'm not going she told me to do whatever makes me happy with it. I figured getting a little place would keep rent low enough to use some of it for instruments and to live off of. I mean...we'll need part-time jobs, but we can make it, Yukke..."

I shake my head in disbelief. "You'd already planned on me giving in to your little whim and being a part of this? Who's making decisions for me now?" I was mad. I was thankful that he'd thought about keeping me with him, but I was mad that he'd decided for me already. I'd made up my mind and I stood up, trying to make it seem resolute and intimidating, but I doubt I pulled it off. "Fuck you, I've made my decision and I'm going to Med School." I bellow and start to walk toward the door just to get away from him, but he grabs my arm so tightly it hurts. Sometimes he scares me. His intensity scares me, but I know that he'd never really hurt me.

"You. don't. want. to." He states firmly, emphasizing every word with frustration. "And so I'm not going to let you. You can be mad at me all you want, but I can't let you."
I start to cry lightly, just a few tears making their way out, and was suddenly so mad at myself for doing so. "Don't do this to me." I plead, because he knows that I'll do whatever he wants, that I'll give in to him eventually. "Don't hold this against me, Tatsurou, please. You don't know what you do to me."

I try to get away again, but he's so much stronger than I am and I only end up knocking myself off balance and falling to the floor, his hand still wrapped around my wrist. "What I do..." he whispers.

I've never said, 'I love you.' I don't know if I ever will. Saying so would only be like saying 'The sky is blue.' It's obvious and he knows, and I think he's always known. I give in to him so easily. Maybe he knows that my mom suspects it, that it's why she wants me to go off and make something of myself without him. I think she's afraid that if I don't I'll end up spending the rest of my life playing with him like I'm 12 years old and that somewhere down the line we'll both make bad decisions. Maybe he knows that I agreed because I want to see if I can survive without him. Whatever he does know doesn't matter, he's mad and he's not letting me go. And...I'm glad...because maybe that means he can't live without me either.

Sitting in a lump on the floor, right next to the toilet, I try to breathe without crying. The stale smell of a boy's bathroom in the air.

He lets go of my wrist and reassumes his planted position against the sink. "Stay with me...please, Yukke." he begs. It's not a confession, but to me, it's as good as. Tatsurou is not a romantic, he's not the emotional person I am, but it's okay because I need someone stronger than me. And I'm not deluded. I know he loves women. the only question is...does he love them more than me? Somehow I don't think so...because he's never begged anyone for anything, not like he's begging me now, and he's never made the face he's making for anyone else but me.

My tears subside and I I'm trying to clear out the mucus that had built up in my sinuses. How'd it get there so quickly anyway? A voice in my head says, 'You'd know if you were a doctor' but I dismiss it.

"Get up." he commands me, though his voice is still soft, grabbing my hand and helping me to my feet. I don't look at him though. I feel so unsure of everything but I know with certainty that I was only a word or two away from letting him decide where I would be this next year.

"I don't know what to do." I tell him. I feel his grip on my shoulders tighten and he cranes his neck to stare into my bowed face. "I don't know what's going to happen."

He doesn't say a word, just winds his fingers around mine and gives me a look he's given a hundred times before. After a minute he says, "Just trust me, Yukke. I'm not gonna let you fail."

I feel my face twitch unconsciously and then I begin to shake my head softly, "I don't know if I can. Tatsurou, this is my life, the rest of my life. I have issues even trusting another person to kiss me, and that's not nearly as important as this...if you hadn't noticed I'm a bit on the uneasy side."

"Then we'll start there." he says, and presses his mouth into mine. I've lost all ability to reason.

Tatsurou's hands are so strong, they easily maneuver me back into the wall, keeping my limbs where he wants them and I'm too weak to protest. I don't even want to. I don't know if it's sincerity or sympathy he's pouring into me, but the fact that his hands are on me at all makes me happy. His grip is tight, almost bruising, everywhere he touches it's heavy and imposing, and maybe he's right and there is a masochistic part of me. Why else do I love him at all?

Pinning my hands above my head he holds me still and presses his body into mine. He's already half hard and it's impossibly warm against my thigh. "Tell me to stop." he says, staring into my eyes. "It's the only way I will."

"What if I don't?" I stutter out nervously.

"Then you'll be trusting me with a lot more than just your mouth." His voice isn't playful anymore, he's not joking. I shiver against the wall.

The thought does occur to me, that I can stop him in his tracks for the first time in my life; but I don't want to. I want him to touch me and I want to follow him into hell because I know, if he's half as determined as he seems about all of this, he'll survive and he'll do it well. And maybe I was just giving up too early, maybe I could learn to play. I'd always been interested in it, maybe all I need is a little of his contagious determination and I'll make something of myself, with him, not away from him. If he can take me there, I'll let him, he can have me. He's waited long enough for me to answer and he's not going wait any longer.

His hands are warm and they're both sliding down my torso, coming dangerously close to...

"Tatsurou..." I whimper.

"Trust me." he says and I begin to protest but the sound hitches in my throat as he tightens his hold on my wrists.

"...I'm sorry." he mumbles against the shell of my ear, kissing it lightly. His voice is becoming so sad. "If I can't verbally convince you, then I'm going to have to do it from the inside out."

I whimper a little at the idea, that this is Tatsurou saying this to me. He has no trouble making me hard. He knows it and he rubs me through my black pants.

My hands are let go and he works on unzipping my pants. "You can still tell me to stop." he offers. "But if you do...that's it. You're off to med school and I won't bother you anymore."

My hands cover my face immediately, for a number of reasons. The thought of never seeing him again makes me want to cry and the thought of him touching me this way, even though it was something I'd always fantasized about, left me trying to fend off shame and anxiousness as I feel him shift my lower half, trying to wriggle the pants off my body. He doesn't even pause for the underwear and when those are off I almost feel like crying again, but I know there is no need. He will not hurt me. I have to keep saying it to myself because it is scary to me, because I don't know what's going to happen next. If it's bad...or if it will be good. I don't know if I'll be able to look at him the same tomorrow or talk to him like I always have. Everything I don't know frightens me. I can feel my erection twitch in the air. It's been there since he first looked at me with that intense resolution in his eyes, and I know he's looking at it and I have this strange thought that if my mom comes home she'll find us like this...and she'll hate me forever.

"Lock the door!" I blurt out, peering out from behind my hands. He chuckles and I can hear a click somewhere to my right. Looking up again, he studies my face to make sure I'm still there with him, still letting him do this. I flinch slightly as his hand finally grabs my throbbing length and he gives it one loose stroke to calm me.

"Your body seems to trust me" he says but the problem is I don't trust my body.

Then my hands are being pulled away from my face. I've left finger smudges on my glasses but I can still see his blurred predatory eyes as he steps forward, compressing his body against mine and the pressure he brings with him is incredible. He presses further until my head is resting on his shoulder and I let it fall and pant onto his neck. I can't move my feet even to shift because my pants are pooled around my ankles. I am so insanely vulnerable. He pulls my hands between our bodies and wraps my fingers around the zipper of his jeans to let me know that even I still have some control over things. Every slight motion of my hand brushes against both of our cocks and he still won't pull back any. When I finally get his jeans unzipped I can feel him smile into my neck and I know that's it's an absolute mercenary look on him. He waits till my hand is out of the way before he slides his around my ass and hoists me up so that I can wrap my legs around him. I do because if I don't I'm afraid I'll fall.

"Hold on." he says and I do, making sure my hands are wrapped tight around his neck and the wall is thankfully holding most of my weight. For a moment he lets me struggle to keep the position without him as he frees himself from his own denim restraints. When he's done looks at me quizzically. "Lube? I know you have some...I've stashed my reserves over here before."

"In the drawer." My somehow calm tone turns into a grunt as he pulls me back with him. Tatsurou's not caring where he goes as long as it's somewhere back toward the counter. His lower back smacks against it and I wince, but he's too busy blindly groping through the drawers to care and I'm busy meekly identifying objects for him since I'm the only one who can see in that direction. He finally finds the small tube of KY and with one hand manages to pop off the cap but doesn't waste any time with proper application. Instead, he pushes the tip of the tube into my asshole and squeezes the bottle hard so that it shoots into me in one big glob. I let out a less than masculine squeal when I feel it gush into me and he rubs my ass in apology. The semi-empty tube, he let's drop to the floor with a clatter and he tries to find a comfortable place against the counter where he can lean while he situates the both of us.

It's at this moment I look up and I can see myself in the mirror. My hands are white-knuckling his black t-shirt. He still has all his clothes on. I can't see his bottom half but I can still feel the pockets on his jeans brush up against my feet. The white button down shirt is the only article of clothing still clinging to my frame, and my glasses, but I'm not sure if they count. I let one hand go and let it touch the back of his neck since I'm somehow entirely focused on this spot right now, the way his hair feather's down over it. Then suddenly my expression changes. My mouth falls open soundlessly and my eyes drift closed as he starts to push his dick into me. It burns at first, and is impeded by my tight muscles. But Tatsurou is insistent and refuses to let them have their way. Within a quick, sharp thrust he's managed to get the head into me and I wail in pain, but gripping harder to him somehow eases the sensation.. He hardens even more inside me and I'm torn between two sensations, pleasure and pain, because he is more than substantial for my small body, but the feeling of being stretched slightly from the inside is maddening.

"Fuck, you're tight." He hisses in my ear and I can feel him twitch inside me again and I groan loudly, hands pushing at his sides. "Too much..." I moan into his shoulder.

"It's not too much. It's going in isn't it?" he says, moving further into me on every haggard breath. "Calm down."

"Tatsu...nnnngh" I shudder, a sensation I've only ever experienced in freezing weather, never when I'm this hot. The sensation is way too much for me. My hands, flat on his waist, keep trying to push him away but he has too good a grip on me. It burns. That is not an exaggeration.

I try to keep my breath steady by breathing in short bursts that puff up my cheeks, It makes it easier for both of us because I relax enough for him to come into my fully, but I'm so full. Tatsurou begins to thrust shallowly and slowly my body begins to relax a little.

"I don't think I can do this..." I protest again but I press down further onto him in contrast, helping him sink into me.

I think it occurs to him that I'm not at the best angle for comfortable penetration so he moves forward, but his balance is off and we're propelled into the opposing wall. My back smacks against the red, textured wall. As an aftershock his cock shifts in me, makes my body try to jump away from it and the only thing he can think to do to distract me is to crush his mouth into mine. It works.

Every time his tongue slides against mine I become a little more convinced that I need him and that this is what I want. Deep guttural sounds emanate from somewhere in his throat and I swallow every one and make another in reply, and before long we're a having a conversation of moans and frantic pleading noises and I barely notice that any part of me hurts anymore. All there is, is his mouth and a warm pulsing inside my ass that feels neither bad nor strange anymore.

A small part of me is still completely aware that I'm exposed, half naked and that my best friend is penetrating my body more intimately than I've ever even dared to do to myself. It both scares and embarrasses me, but I can't stop it and I'm not sure whether it should happen or not. I shiver against him, despite the fact that I'm still wearing my button down shirt. I tug on it. I don't know why. The movement doesn't get passed Tatsurou and before I know what's going on he's gotten most of the buttons undone and his left thumb is pressing into my right nipple repeatedly, rubbing and circling it as though he were trying to polish it and it doesn't look very exciting but it feels so good. It's now that he starts to really move, pulling back and pushing in deeply, slowly at first and then steadily and it's so much easier for him to move now despite how my muscles keep clenching around him.

"It's too shallow." he finally grunts at me and I'm confused because it felt like he was taking up the entire lower half of my body. Still he motions for me to raise up a little and he pulls out of me, letting me fall on my own two feet. It's difficult because my legs are too shaky to support me on their own so I have to hold the wall until he's situated himself and turned me around. Strangely enough I find myself wanting him to hurry back inside me, even though moments ago the thought crossed my mind that I was never going to do this again. My hands and chest are compressed against the wall where he wants them and my ass is pulled back toward him. I can no longer see across into the mirror...not that I'd kept track of anything in it anyway, but now all I have to look at are the slight imperfections in the wall and the towel rack if I turned my head to the side. When Tatsurou pushes back into me it's as if he'd impaled me straight through to my chest. I saw stars.

Vocally, he's accelerating at breakneck speed, having gone from quiet panting to slow, occasional groans of satisfaction to the currently favored frequent moaning that shoots straight through my spine. His voice is every bit as intense as the organ that moved inside my abdomen. The resonating tone in the room is absolutely beautiful in the cheap acoustics of the bathroom. I think that I'd do this again and again if it makes him make such an incredible sound. On each thrust he releases a groan and moves his hips so hard into mine that I am afraid I'll be pushed through the wall.

"Tatsu..." I try warning him of the intensity he's utilizing to move into me but it feels so good that I can't get past the first two syllables.

"I knew you'd love my cock." he teases as if he'd been waiting for me to cry out in just that way.
"I...nnggh."

"Fuck, Yukke!" he yells.

Then suddenly he pulls out and I whine because the momentum is gone and I start to feel cold. As I pant against the wall he brings his hand down to spread my cheeks and laughs. "Ahhhh." he exclaims while sucking air in through his teeth and looking vexed. He's stroking himself almost apologetically. "You're so tight. I wonder if we used enough lube..."

I watch him over my shoulder as he lets a long string of saliva drop from the tip of his tongue onto my open hole.

"Just put it back in." I plead.

He laughs. "In a minute. It's really tight in there. I wonder if I'm a little too big for..."

"You wish!" I snap, trying to knock him down before he makes it to the top of his high horse.

"You're so damn cranky." he scolds, but to punctuate he slides in again and slaps the wall. "Jesus, if you keep clenching you're gonna pull my dick off."

So I do it even harder just to spite him and he warns me not to do it again by delivering one very sharp thrust that slams against my prostate so hard my vision blurs. After that he's at it fast and hard and I struggle to keep my legs from buckling and my torso from trying to slide down the wall. He starts to tense and then chokes out very quickly, "I'm not... mmm Fuck. Do you want me to pull out when I come?"

I shake my head against the wall. I don't care where he does it. He hasn't even touched my cock and I feel as if I were about to come myself. It was a good thing I answered him quickly because within the next minute seconds he stills and I can feel something warm flood my bowels.

"Fuck..." he blurts out once everything stills and he pulls out of me slowly and suddenly all I think about is the mess that's dripping down my thighs and onto my clean floor. Out of the corner of my eye I see that the tube of lube he'd dropped earlier has leaked a bit as well. Fucking great. This floor will be so slippery I'll die the very next time I walk on it.

My eyes are trained on it, even as he turns me around, and it's not until I feel his hand wrap around my cock that I'm shaken back into reality. Tatsurou never struck me as the type to make sure his partners had their fun as well, and yet he jerks me for a minute or two before giving me the shock of my life as he drops to his knees and swallows me whole. He sucks me hard for a little while then releases me with a short, crude sound that makes me blush again.

"Come on Yukke, let's wrap it up." He says, ever the romantic. "Someone's gonna be home any minute." And all I can think of are the possible scarring scenarios that could be looming moments away until he wraps his lips around my dick again and after a minute or two of experiencing him sliding me in and out of his mouth my stomach is spasming and his mouth is leaking a whole lot of liquid. I just stare at him, wondering if he'd planned on me coming quite that way.

"You could have warned me." he drawls around a mouth full of cum and with a little difficulty he chokes it back as quickly as he can and then rinses his mouth out in the sink. "We'll have to work on your timing."

"I'm sorry." I say. Quickly, I scrambled for my clothes and pull up my underwear and pants before he study me again and I slide down the wall to crouch on the floor because my stomach still has all those butterflies. He throws a towel on the floor and moves it around with his foot to sop up anything that had made it to the floor. I give a fleeting glance to the shower but decide that I'll have to wash myself later, when I'm not so pressed for time. Tatsurou's cock is still hanging out of his jeans, I notice, and I can't keep from staring at it. He spends minutes cleaning up himself and the bathroom before he even thinks to tuck it back in his jeans.

When he's gotten himself sufficiently tucked and zipped he crouches down in front of me and runs a hand through my hair. "Trust me any more than you did, or are you gonna get weird on me?"

"No." I say meekly. "I trust you. I really do, I know that now. It's just...a lot to process."
"Well..." he breaths and I shiver again. I can smell sex in the room. "Don't be a slow fuck about it. Just go with it. I'm never going to hurt you." he smiles.
"And I'm not going fuck up your life. I could never live with myself if I did."

I nod because I don't trust my voice. I want him to sit there and hold me for a minute but that's just not the type of person that he is. Finally I say, "Is this going to happen again?"
The smile he gives me is broad and devious. "Some things you just can't keep from happening, Yukke."
I can't help but smile. And I think...I wanna hear his voice again.

Somewhere distant I can hear the sound of the garage door opening and I know that the shit is about to hit the fan because somehow I have to explain to my mother in the next day or two why I've started packing my things and spent my money in savings for new cords, amps and peddles for the instrument that is currently the only means of support I can foresee in my future. When I look back up Tatsurou is smiling in that sinister way of his. "You're gonna come with me, aren't you?"

I snort softly, "On one condition."

"That is?" he wonders.

"You throw your guitar out the window and invest in a really good microphone."

+Owari+
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Exorcising Uncertainty