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Why I Didn't Like Being Dead, by Gerard Way	By : VindictiveDiva Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 804 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Why I Didn't Like Being Dead, by Gerard Way
- 1
This was something that popped into my head while I was watching Law and Order yesterday. Sorry guys, no sex in this one, just a little humor fic to tide you over until I can add to We All Wear Masks again.

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Well, not that anyone would like being dead of course. But this is a bit of a hard situation on my end. I didn’t mean to die at all, everyone thinks I killed myself. I didn‘t, I had a stupid accident when I was going down the stairs and, well, pretty much I hanged myself. I didn‘t mean to, I just tripped and one thing lead to another and, boom, dead Gerard.

I was in my living room, staring down at my corpse and poking it, but of course I was not feeling a thing and neither was my body, my finger just passed right through me. My whole family was there, they were crying like someone just ripped their souls out of them. I didn’t realize how much I’d meant to them, even that one cousin on my dad’s side who swore he’d never speak to me again because I “act like a fag” was there and he was crying just as loud as everyone else.

I began to wonder if this was some kind of weird, existential dream, one of those ones that are strange and scare the living daylights out of you, then you wake up. But much as I tried, I couldn’t wake. And when I saw Mikey, my ghostly heart just broke. His face was puffy and red with how much he’d cried, and I’d never seen him so miserable in my entire life. Actually, the whole band looked miserable, and there was nothing I could do to help them. And my poor, sweet wife, she didn’t look any better. Lyn-Z was completely inconsolable and being held by her band mate Steve.

So I sat down and watched everyone during the wake, wondering what the hell I was still doing on the Earthly plane when a harsh knock came from the door near dawn. “That must be her.” Mikey said, getting up. “Who?” I asked, but no one answered me. Mikey came back a minute or two later with a woman I can only describe as a voodoo gypsy type person. She wore nothing but white, from the kerchief in her hair and the peasant blouse to the very long peasant skirt and sandals she had on. Her raven curls were tied back with the kerchief while her black eyes were rimmed in kohl and her lips were painted red. Not to mention she was just dripping with silver jewelry, mostly in the shape of coins and bells that jingled when she moved.

“Okay everyone, this is Zona, she’s the resurrectionist I told you about.” Mikey said and the woman smiled. She had great, olive toned skin and she was lovely. “I’d be happy to take some questions before I begin.” She said. Bob raised his hand and she pointed at him. “Okay, so would he be back as, like, a zombie?” “The flesh eating undead? No. He may have some vampiric tendencies but we won’t know until we do this thing.” Zona said with a heavy accent, “If he turns into a vampire do we have to kill him?” My mother asked, worried. “No, he’ll be completely himself, just with a small aversion to sunlight and a taste for blood.” “Not that different from before.” Ray snickered, and Frank hit his arm.

“How long until he wakes again?” Asked Alicia, Mikey’s wife. “It should be almost immediate if his soul hasn’t passed on, which it hasn’t. Is this Gerard?” She asked, pointing at me. “You can see me?” I said, surprised. “Of course I can see you darling, come here.” She said, and I got up and moved over to where she was standing. “Where? I don’t see him.” Said Jimmy Urine. “Well no, you wouldn’t be able to. Someone else can though, isn’t that right?” Said Zona, looking over at Ville Valo. He was sitting there, holding hands with his boyfriend Bam, and staring right at me.

“I… I can see him. I thought maybe I was just, y’know, crazy with grief or something.” He mumbled in that deep contralto voice of his. “No, you’re not crazy. Now are there any more questions?” The room was silent and she smiled. “Alright, Michael if you’d be so kind as to take your seat, thank you. Gerard, stand here by the table would you?” I nodded and did as she said. There was a table set up like a mini alter in front of my coffin. I briefly wondered why they’d bought one if they were just going to bring me back from the dead, but whatever.

Zona moved to the other side of the table and started to set things up. I was expecting maybe a few sacrificial chickens or something but it was just a few candles, some dried flowers and incense, which she lit right away along with the candles. She then took some salt and walked in a circle around me, the table and the coffin, sprinkling it and mumbling in a foreign language, probably Romanian but I couldn’t be sure. I started to feel funny and I looked back at Lyn-Z. She was staring up at the table with hope, her tear stained face lovely and glowing with it.

Zona came back to the table, and I suddenly felt funny. Like a cloud of mist suddenly dissolving and it made me kind of sick. Zona began to chant, and I moved up close to the ceiling. “Uh, little help?” I asked, I couldn’t get a grasp on myself. She looked up, winked, and kept doing what she was doing. Then I felt VERY sick, and I was getting a migraine. “Get me DOWN damn it!” I yelled, staring down at the room. Zona had gotten everyone else to chant along with her now, and I suddenly felt like I was being sucked through a very small, very tight tube.

The next thing I remembered, I was sitting up in the coffin, gasping for breath. “He’s alive!” Someone yelled, and I felt arms around me. I blinked a few times and saw that it was my wife, my brother, his wife, my band mates and my parents who’d tackled me. “Careful, careful! Give him some air.” Zona said, and everyone backed off. I lay back down, trying to catch my breath and make sure I didn’t launch myself into a heart attack. “How are you feeling Mr. Way?” Zona asked. I looked up at her and replied, “Don’t you ever DARE do that again!” I yelled, then I fainted.

That was about four weeks ago, I’m in tip top shape now, feeling better all the time. Also Lyn-Z thinks I might have knocked her up so we’re waiting to find out on that one. All in all, life is good. Though I have to admit… I’m going to miss the whole intangible thing, it was neat being able to walk through walls and stuff. Zona was paid well for her services and everyone is happy to see me. Also, I got my question about the coffin answered. “We weren’t completely sure it was going to work.” Mikey said and I shrugged. “Well, I guess we can save it for the next time I die then.”

God willing, that won’t be any time soon.

THE END.

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Good? Terrible? Blood sucking chickens? Review and let me know what you think.
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Why I Didn't Like Being Dead, by Gerard Way