Spit It Out | By : TaimaMarie Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 1107 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of HIM. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
AN: This is for my ever precious girl... himbamcky. I love you.
Bam Margera fell onto the bed, pressing trembling palms to his face. His gasping breaths seemed to echo throughout the room. Ville stood next to the hotel bed, shifting his weight from foot to foot, aware of the crunching of glass beneath him. He knew what he wanted to do, knew he wanted to go and take the man into his arms. He wanted to pull him in tightly, cradle him.
He wanted to protect Bam from the rest of the world.
Gingerly, he knelt down next to the man. He rested his hand on the bony shoulder cautiously. It wouldn’t do to spook Bam, not after he’d just gotten out of his fit of throwing things across the room.
Unexpectedly, the skater turned towards him, arms open. He looked like a child begging to be picked up. Ville lay down and folded the man into his chest. He was aware of the sobs, aware of the way they made his heart wrench. He closed his eyes and kissed the forehead.
Ignore the broken glass. Ignore the shouts that were still ringing in his ears. It didn’t matter.
All that mattered was that Bam had come back down. Bam was there with him now. He rubbed the back of the man soothingly.
“Sing to me?” Bam snuffled. Ville obeyed. It wasn’t long before the ringing seemed to die down, and so did Bam’s sobs. There was silence, except for Ville’s low, rich voice.
And if you’re hurting,
I will replace the noise with silence instead.
Flushing out your head.
“Bam! What are you doing?” Ville cried out as his lover threw him onto the bed and pounced on him, straddling his hips.
“Shut up,” Bam hissed, grabbing the fragile wrists and holding them up by Ville’s head. He pressed a bruising kiss to the man’s lips. Ville’s mouth opened from sheer surprise. Bam took this as an opportunity to thrust his tongue into that warm wet cavern.
“Stop!” Ville pleaded when Bam broke apart.
“Please?” Bam breathed into his ear. “Please, Ville, I need this. I need it.”
And, as always, he had to give in. He could never deny Bam anything, especially when he asked in such a tone. He knew this was a dangerous game, he knew that things couldn’t continue like this forever…
But they would for at least one day more.
Ville set his teeth, closed his eyes and tried to pretend it didn’t hurt. Tried to pretend it wasn’t too rough. He was willing to pretend anything, as long as it meant that Bam was happy.
When it was over, when his lover was finally satisfied, he collapsed against the singer. Gently, Ville threaded long fingers through sweaty brown locks. He was careful not to inhale too deeply so he didn’t disturb the sleeping head on his chest.
If you like it violent,
We can play rough and tumble,
Fall into bed.
And I won’t breathe so you can recover.
“Ville? Where are you?” Bam sounded so lonesome, so sad. Ville sighed. He was thousands of miles away.
“Finland,” he whispered.
“Oh,” Bam sniffled. The Finnish man’s heart twisted in his chest, and he began to berate himself. He should be there. He knew this was a hard time on Bam. Getting married was never easy.
But it was especially hard when you were marrying someone you didn’t particularly love.
“I’m very sorry.” They had agreed it would be best if he didn’t attend the wedding.
“I don’t want to do this!”
“It’s better this way.” He tried to soothe, though secretly he wanted to shout for joy. He wanted to know that Bam loved him the best. He needed to know that. He needed to know that these feelings… these feelings weren’t for nothing.
“You’re so far away,” the skater’s voice was now filled with longing, with aching love.
“I know,” Ville knew his own voice matched it.
When you’re in pieces,
Follow the echo of my voice, its okay.
Tune into that frequency.
“Don’t…Don’t… Don’t,” Bam was chanting in his ear as Ville reached behind him to slam the emergency stop button on the elevator button. Somehow, he knew that the American didn’t mean not to do what they were about to do.
“Don’t leave me for so long again.”
“No, no never.” Ville promised as their lips crashed together. Bam was soon backed against the wall of the elevator.
The singer noticed the hesitation in his movements as he reached up to cradle the back of his head. Ville broke the contact and leaned back, luxuriating in the feel of that palm against him.
“What? What’s the matter?” he asked.
“I just… have to be careful.” Bam said slowly. The green eyed man nodded his agreement.
“I know.”
“Do you think we should still do this?” that pouting pink lower lip was sucked into his even white teeth. Ville smiled tenderly. He loved that little gesture. How many times had he replayed it in his mind on the nights he couldn’t sleep?
“It’s not a matter of should. It’s a matter of need. We have to do this.” He said softly. Bam nodded, pushing his lips back against the singer’s.
Don’t fight your reflex.
Embrace the instinct.
You can feel your way,
Through the bed and weak face in the end.
“I don’t want you to go,” the voice was muffled against his neck. Ville pressed a gentle kiss to the side of the curly brown head on his shoulder. He traced idle patterns on the bare back.
“I don’t want to go.” He confessed.
They said nothing else for a few moments.
‘Cause it breaks my heart,
That we live this way.
Bam quickly fell asleep. Ville found that he could not capture sleep, no matter how hard he tried. He wanted to enjoy this, one last night in the arms of his lover. He wanted to file this night away in his memory, for other late nights when sleep left him.
He looked down at the sleeping body, felt the warm weight. In spite of himself, he smiled. How could he not like having this? There was a nagging thought in the back of his head, telling him that it wasn’t enough.
But it simply would not do to be greedy, would it?
I know people need love,
‘Cause them people never play the game.
And we talk and talk,
We communicate.
The people need love.
Those people never play the game.
Missy is right in the other room. Missy could hear them, if she listened hard enough, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care, because for the first time in too long, Bam is against him. He can feel Bam’s heart thumping in time with his own.
He can taste the lovely lips. This is the taste that haunts his dreams, the taste he cannot duplicate, no matter how hard he tries. The feel of these velvet lips against almost pushes him to ecstasy.
Yes, it certainly has been too long.
Bam pulls away with a smirk.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” He’s trying to keep his voice down. He doesn’t want Missy to come in. He doesn’t want to have to explain this one. But, then again, Bam doesn’t seem to care. His voice is loud and clear as ever.
He pulls Ville back in for another searing, addictive kiss. Ville decides that if Bam doesn’t care, he doesn’t either. Why should he worry? He finally, finally has Bam with him once again. And that’s enough to chase away anything else that might be filling his mine.
Ville doesn’t allow himself to remember how much it hurt to see the way that Bam kissed Missy.
Pleasure for pleasure,
It teases consequence.
Enough for a fall.
But I know you love to take a risk.
And now they’re back where they always are. Back in bed, wound tightly around one another. They cling like this, even in sleep, afraid to be apart for a moment more than they have to be.
Bam looks at him, almost fearfully. It scares Ville. He doesn’t like to remember that Bam has fears too. He doesn’t like to remember that Bam is just as real as any of them.
“What about her?”
Her. Just the thought of her shattered the quiet darkness they had finally obtained. Ville shrugged, playing it off like he didn’t care. If Bam needed him to be strong through this, then he would be.
“She doesn’t matter now. All that matters is you and I.”
“Yes,” Bam agreed quietly. “All that matters is you and I.”
The past is weakness,
Don’t beg the question when the answer is war.
There are moments when I’m overcome.
Until all the paperwork was in order, until all the signatures were finally on them, he was told to sleep in a different room. Well, he was thinking of it too harshly. Bam had been as upset by it as he had.
It awful, to have to have this empty bed all to himself. It was too cold, too big, and too empty.
He needed Bam.
‘Cause it breaks my heart,
That we live this way.
I know people need love.
Them people never play the game.
Bam’s door is open when he pads down the hall. He steps inside, sees his sleeping lover sprawled out, one arm draped over the pillow.
It’s silly to be jealous of a pillow.
And so Ville creeps over and kneels down. Bam looks up and opens his arms, like a child begging to be picked up. Like he did all those years ago. Ville smiles as he stretches out.
And we talk and talk.
We communicate.
Them people need love.
Those people never play the game.
He wound himself around Bam and held him tightly. Bam nestled against his chest. It was almost surprising how much it hurt them both to be apart.
Almost.
Ville kissed the curly brown head and smiled.
And it breaks my heart,
And it breaks my heart.
In love.
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