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Ghost of You	By : malicevampire90 Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 998 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Ghost of You
- 1
Title: Ghost of You
Author: the Elegant Lolita
Pairing: GW/MW, with other pairings.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: If I owned any of these people, you’d never hear from me again…since you’re hearing from me, this must be a big, fat lie.
Summary: Gerard gets drafted into the increasingly unpopular Vietnam war, six years away from his family. When he gets back nothing is right anymore, though sometimes the only right thing in your life is the ‘wrong’ thing.
Notes/Warnings: I’m not mentioning dates, and please forgive if ANYTHING is not correct. I know nothing about American history, I tried to make it somewhat believable, and so it is A/U. The main warnings are: incest, flashbacks, violence, perhaps some racial things (I might decide against it), disillusionment, and other mental problems from trauma or something like it. Again, if there is anything out of context, not right…feel free to point it out, but please be nice about it, I tried to make it at least a little believable. In addition, this isn’t a songfic, the video (surprisingly) had no influence on this, I just like the name of the song and it seemed to fit the mood of the story.

Ghost of You~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three days, twenty-one hours, fifteen minutes and two seconds. Three seconds…four. That was a new thing he had started doing. Counting time, he couldn’t sleep; it was foreign to him now. He couldn’t remember a time when he had been able to sleep full nights like a fucking log and not wake up until his alarm went off. Ever since being there he would just lie in bed, eyes wide open, and stare at the ceiling. If he went to sleep, he dreamed, and when he dreamed he’d wake up in a terrible sweat, shaking like a leaf. Never before had he been capable of remembering anything so vividly, but it seemed that all of a sudden he could. He absently toyed with a ring on his right hand, spinning it around his finger. If he concentrated on something else, he’d be fine. He remembered the hour and day that he’d been told he was going, he remembered his parents’ reactions, and most of all he remembered having to tell his little brother.

Gerard had only been eighteen…almost nineteen but not quite there. The news of the situation in Vietnam had only gotten worse and he was aware that a draft was in place. In his logical mind, he knew that it was only a matter of time before he’d get the phone call. His parents were also aware of this, and every time the phone rang, all of them cringed and tensed, not knowing if it was going to be family or Uncle Sam wanting their oldest son to go off and die. The only one who wasn’t dreading the simplest noise was Mikey. However he was only 13 or so, and he really didn’t grasp just how devastating that call would be.

Gerard always had a bit of a soft spot for his little brother; he would do anything for him. Mikey was just a lanky kid with mousy brown hair that was somewhat long but not very with overly large glasses that made his appearance look younger. Gerard was sort of thicker built with longer black hair and sort of unnaturally white skin. Many people didn’t know they were related, however if you looked at their facial structure or eyes you’d know they were kin. The only thing was that Gerard knew something about the relationship they had wasn’t quite normal. They barely ever fought and they were a little more affectionate than most other brothers they knew. They never really cared though. Mikey was always a little emotionally sensitive even though he kept it well hidden most of the time. Gerard saw what no one else did though; he’d seen his brother cry so hard that he was tired from it. All those times, he’d let Mikey sneak into his room and sleep with him or he’d sit on Mikey’s bed and just be there for him. Not that their parents were neglectful but they didn’t know what to do with Mikey, so Gerard took care of him. He didn’t know when he’d started to see Mikey in a different way, other than a brother or little kid…he started to see him as more. Mikey wasn’t just a brother, he was a reason for living, in a way. And lying in bed now, after everything, he’d realized it more and more. Gerard remembered getting that damnable phone call, and they way his father had become so agitated he’d mistakenly struck Mikey. Mikey had come up to Gerard’s room where he calmly explained as best as he could why their dad had done it. Mikey didn’t cry he wasn’t upset because he’d understood that he’d done nothing wrong to make dad angry, but when Gerard told him what was happening, he was absolutely confused.

~~~~~~~~

An eighteen-year-old Gerard lay on his bed, just staring at his ceiling and running things through his mind, a list of things he was to bring with him. They had told him to bring only essential things and that was what the list in his head consisted of. Now he was going through it, making imaginary red check marks in little boxes next to the name of the item. He went over it again before being startled slightly when his bedroom door quickly but quietly swung open. He didn’t have to look to know who it was and he scooted over a little giving the younger boy room to climb up onto his bed. Gerard felt Mikey lie down beside him and turn onto his side, facing him.

“Why are mom and dad so miffed?”

“Their angry because I have to go away for a while…”

Gerard could feel Mikey’s head turn and look directly at his eyes with a confused expression. “When will you be back?”

He turned onto his side and faced Mikey, giving him a solemn smile before reaching out and pulling the younger boy into a tight hug. “I don’t know when.”

Mikey didn’t resist the hug in any way; he just wrapped his arms around Gerard’s waist tightly. “Why are you going?” The question was slightly muffled by his shirt, but he heard it.

“You know those protests we’ve been hearing about?”

Mikey nodded.

“You know about the war?”

Another nod.

“I have to go fight there.”
Gerard felt the stinging of tears find his eyes, but he refused to let them fall, he needed to be the strong one…he hadn’t found it hard to keep his fear in check alone, but now that Mikey was here in his arms and the realization that he might never see him again. It made him sick with the fear…made it feel as if his heart was going to explode from the weight of the knowledge.

“Why?”

“Because, they need people to do it…”

Mikey was silent for a long moment before burying his face into Gerard’s neck. “You’re not coming home, are you?”

Gerard pulled back to look at his brother in a surprised expression, then letting a sad and worried look take over. “I don’t know.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow…early.”

Mikey nodded and pulled away from him reaching around to the back of his neck and fumbling with something. Only when he brought his hands forward did Gerard see what he was doing. “Here.”
Gerard felt Mikey put something around his neck, fastening it and going back to hugging his waist.

“I won’t be able to see you go. I have to go to school. So, that’s so you have me, mom, and dad…all of us with you. Okay?”

Gerard nodded. It was times like this he doubted that Mikey was really thirteen, he had to be older. “Okay.”
~~~~~~~~~~~

He remembered getting up the next morning…and then being rushed overseas to that god-forsaken killing ground. He didn’t want to remember anything else from then on out…amazingly he’d been there six years without really being badly wounded. Of course he’d been incapacitated many times, mainly because he was one of the soldiers that didn’t like leaving others behind. Naturally, a result of that was being hit with bullets, shrapnel and other such things.

No one got out of there without scars, physical or mental or both—it was impossible to escape them. Every day that he found it hard to move on, thought of just putting his gun to his own head and just dying rather than waiting for Charlie to come and get him, he’d remember Mikey’s necklace. No mater how stupid, pathetic, sappy or disgustingly cliché it sounded, it kept him alive. Of all the memories he had, the most—and only—fond ones were with his friends. Bob and Frank were such good friends with him…they’d all banded together to keep each other sane.

Gerard remembered them fondly. There was never a dull moment with Frank’s odd sense of humor and Bob’s general insanity. Both were slated to leave in two weeks time, it became one week, then three days…then there was a raid. They did the best they could, but fighting an enemy you couldn’t see was not only terrifying but impossible. Bob had been shot over six times that Gerard could’ve seen, he and Frank had dragged him back out of the line of fire, but it was too late, he was gone. Only minutes later did they get the sign to fall back. Charlie had been waiting for that—or it seemed like it—and opened fire with whatever he could.

Gerard, Frank and everyone else in their little group began to run back while attempting to get a few shots off, but those who kept running without looking back were the ones that had made it out with minimal damage. He’d never been disgusted by gore, but if someone you’ve known for the longest time has their brains blown out the front of their heads right beside you…it tends to leave a scar. Even now he can remember it happening almost in slow motion, how the bullet didn’t appear after entry, but how the person’s body seemed to freeze, but still move forward and then the three foot spray of brain and blood along with it running down over their face, then they finally stopped moving and lay on the ground.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gerard remembered being covered in many things, dirt, chemicals, his own blood, guts, brains and other people’s blood. It would have made him sick if he hadn’t become numb to it. The only time he really let himself feel anything was when he was alone or when only Frank was around. His non-war related thoughts weren’t about his home, or his parents and other family members; no, they were about his baby brother, who wasn’t going to be little too much longer. He found himself many times absently running his shaking fingers over the various tags and chains around his neck. He would always think of Mikey when he felt that skull necklace. It had been hard for Mikey to find but once he had gotten it he wore it all the time, and when he’d given it to Gerard, he was a bit shocked.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Hmm?”

“You have this…weird smile on your face, I was curious what you were thinking about.”

“Just…someone back home, that’s all.”

Frank smiled and lay down next to Gerard looking at him. “So, what’s her name?”

Gerard seemed to hesitate and become a little uncomfortable. “It’s not a ‘her’ is it?”

He was silent.

“Ah…so who is he?”

Gerard looked over at Frank and seemed slightly confused. “You’re not repulsed at the idea that I like guys?”

“No, why should I be? I can care less.” Frank closed his eyes for a minute before saying anything else. “So, what’s he like? How do you know him?”

“Well, he’ll be nineteen within the next week or so, he’s a sweet kid. I’ve known him since we were little, you could say…he’s like…a little brother.” Gerard felt half sick and half elated, because he was—with that sentence alone—acknowledging that he had more than platonic feelings for his little brother. Frank smiled again.

“Like a little brother huh?”

Gerard looked over at him and nodded. Frank let out a loud short laugh.

“Dude, one of my friends is friends with some kid through school, he said that he had an older brother in the war.” Frank looked over at his friend and laughed again. “Relax, I know it’s you, and you know what? I don’t care, you can’t help who you love now can you.”

“Yeah…”
“Look, don’t be so uncomfortable with it, I don’t care and I’m sure that no one else will really find out. Even if someone does, to hell with them…if they can’t accept it, then they should fuck off.”

Gerard let a tired smile crack his lips. He took a good look at Frank. His eyes were tired looking, it was obvious he hadn’t shaved for weeks—not that it mattered—and Gerard could tell, his hair was much longer than he’d originally worn it. “You look like shit.”

Frank snorted and pointed at the other. “And you’re supposed to be glamorous? You’re hair’s all stringy and long, your skin’s probably the most unhealthy white I’ve ever seen, your eyes look like you’ve been punched…yeah, you’re glamorous!” They both laughed and then sat up when the commanding officer came in and gave them, along with the entire group, their orders for the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gerard sat up on his bed and looked at his door. It was bare and plain, just something that was there, that had no purpose. He remembered that that conversation had been the last full conversation he’d had with Frank before the attack. So many people were killed… That was the last battle he and Frank saw though; they were some of the last to be withdrawn from there. Frank was not with him, he’d been taken somewhere else. Now, Gerard knows, Frank would never walk again. Gerard counted himself lucky…the doctors said that he would loose feeling in his right arm and torso temporarily because of nerve damage a bullet did, but he’d be fine other than that.

He had been home three days, twenty-two hours, fifty-six minutes and thirty-nine seconds. Gerard couldn’t sleep. He got up and slowly made his way down the hall, he no longer walked with the confidence or strength he’d had before. After all, he’d only just gotten back. He didn’t bother with lights or being completely quiet; their parents had died in the first two years of his absence.

He came to the last door in the hallway before pushing it open lightly and walking inside quietly. Mikey was still up and reading from some book that Gerard was clueless about. He hadn’t changed really. His hair was still the same color and it still covered the right side of his face. He still had those too-big glasses, and he was still lanky and thin. Gerard thought he’d only gotten even more beautiful, and he told him the day he got back. Mikey had smiled and Gerard couldn’t hold back, he’d kissed him. To his surprise Mikey kissed back.

Not all of his return was pleasant, and even then he couldn’t step outside the house without hearing hell.

If he so much as walked outside the house he’d be called a murderer, an evil person…all he’d done was follow orders. Logically in his mind, he knew that, but the words still stung worse than any bullet he’d been hit with. When he’d come home, he’d been spit at, called everything but a good soldier, and had received every gesture except a simple smile and pat on the back. That’s all he wanted…he wanted to be told he wasn’t a horrible murderer; an evil, heartless person. He’d cried every night for those people that weren’t supposed to die, but every person eventually runs out of tears.

He still saw the gore on himself when he went to shower or when he would wake up in cold sweat from a dream. Small sounds like the sound of the refrigerator kicking on and off would send him into hysterics sometimes…no one could be behind him or he would become so uncomfortable he would eventually pass out.

Mikey put up with it all with a smile and comforting words. When Gerard would loose it, Mikey would hold him until he calmed down, when he would start to break down and have a relapse into it all, Mikey was there to keep him tethered to reality. Mikey was there—though not in person—when he thought of just getting out of it all by killing himself, and now that he was home again, Mikey was keeping him alive again. Gerard found that Frank’s words were true; he no longer cared what other people thought about him loving his brother. Mikey was his life. without him, Gerard would be dead. Mikey put his book down and got up walking over to Gerard.

“You okay?”

“I’m sorry.”

Mikey looked at him a little confused, it reminded Gerard of when he’d told him that he was going off to a country around the world to possibly die. “What do you mean? Sorry for what?”

“I…I’m just so sorry.”

“Gee, it’s okay…” Mikey leaned forward and pulled the slightly shorter man to him in a hug.

“No, it’s not, it’s so wrong…” Gerard felt his legs give somewhat, but he didn’t fall. “Everyone’s right…”

Mikey grabbed both sides of Gerard’s face and looked at him. “No, they’re not. They’re all heartless bastards. They have no idea what you went through. No one should have to go through it. Most of them dogged the draft, so they’re nothing but cowards compared to you.”

Gerard lifted his hand to Mikey’s shaking his head.

“Gee—“

“I’m supposed to be the older brother, the strong one, the one that follows the rules so you stay in line—“
“Gee? I don’t care what people say about me, or you, what we do is our business, not theirs.”
Mikey leaned down to where Gerard had somewhat fallen and gently pressed his lips to the other’s. Gerard gave a small smile before looking into Mikey’s eyes, made a little larger by his glasses.

“You calmed down some now?”

“Yeah, don’t know what came over me.”

Mikey laughed a little and pulled on Gerard’s wrist pulling him over to his bed. “Lay down. You can sleep with me tonight.”

A few minutes later Mikey’s head was on Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard started to notice that Mikey was shifting a lot, but thought he was just not used to having someone else in his bed with him.

“Mikey…if you want me to leave, I’ll leave.”

Mikey shook his head and stopped moving, though Gerard could tell he wanted to. Gerard was about to say something again when he realized exactly why Mikey was shifting around so much. Gerard turned onto his side and looked at Mikey, who was pretending to be asleep but failing at it horribly. Gerard slowly reached down under the covers and gently pushes against Mikey. He heard a strained groan though it was quiet.

“Mikey…”

“No, it’s too soon…you’re not—“

“Don’t tell me what I’m ready to do or not, I want to go back to a normal life…just being me,” Gerard slowly climbed over Mikey, kissing him lightly. “I want us to be just a normal pair of people in love…I want to live with you, and I want to make love to you, too.”

It didn’t take long before both were naked. Gerard focused on Mikey’s face, how happy he looked, how his skin practically glowed. When they were finally together, Gerard knew that Mikey was in pain but in time it all passed and soon both of them were rocking against one another, moaning and groaning loudly, each telling the other how they felt or what to do. It felt like lightning between them and before long they both came, Mikey between them and Gerard inside his baby brother, his life line.

Gerard let himself collapse onto Mikey’s chest where the younger man’s fingers ran through his hair and hugged him tight. For the first time in nearly six years, four days, two hours, sixteen minutes and five seconds he didn’t think that he could feel any more at peace with himself. He wasn’t a murderer, he wasn’t some evil sadistic person, he was a normal man, with a normal lover curled up beside him…regardless if it was his brother or not.

THE END

*****okay so it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, but I like it all in all. And the ending was going to be a big lemon, but I decided that just a vague description would actually be better with the theme of the story. ^_^ I hope it didn’t suck to badly. Again, American history and I don’t know each other, so I hope it was at least a LITTLE believable.**********
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Ghost of You