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Snowflakes in Your Hair	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 892 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: this is the work of fiction. Don't own DEG and don't make any money from this.

Chapter List
- 1-Snowflakes in Your Hair
- 1
It was like sunshine… his shy rare smiles…

I used to always stop whatever I was doing or saying and just look at him as he smiled shyly, barely able to look me in the eyes and simply just glancing shortly and then casting his glance downwards again, but still smiling. He looked so innocent and so happy at moments like that. As if everything else was wiped clean from his mind and there was just him and me.

I sight sadly, looking at the huge chunks of snow slowly falling from the black sky. It was another cold January day. And I was here all alone again. Sitting near the window, smoking yet another cigarette and wishing he would lean into my shoulder and I would feel his soft blond hair tickle my cheek, and he would sight contently and would grip my hand lightly in his. And I would feel like there was nothing in this entire fucked-up world that I needed more than him. Because there was nothing better, nothing as wonderful, as good, as perfect as he was. Kyo was everything, my entire world was spinning around. My thoughts, my work, my dreams, my future, my happiness.

I clench my hand into a fist and grit my teeth. It hurt too damn much to loose him. Why the fuck did he go? I knew he loved me, but he just went…

The perfectly white snow was still falling and falling down and I got sick of the pure whiteness, of the pure perfection of the world. Kyo was gone, but the world kept spinning without him in my life. I wish it would just stop! Because there is no purpose in life anymore when he’s gone!

The phone suddenly rings and I stare at it for a moment, thinking I really don’t want to talk to anybody in the world. But then I sight and pick up. It might be important.

“Yes?” I answer, keeping it short to show that I’m in no mood to chit-chat.

“Hey, Kao! How are you?”

“I’m fine, Daisuke. What do you want?”

“Sounds more like ‘I’m fucking miserable so piss off’ to me” Die joked, but I could sense the slight concern in his voice.

“I’m not about to tell you, so better say what you want.”

There was silence on the other end and finally Die sights.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing. It’s our holidays and before Christmas you seemed to be very down and very… sad. You’re always very professional when it comes to work, but lately you’ve been too professional and aloof… Are you having some problems? Could we help maybe?”

I sneer at him and almost cut him off and drop the phone. They are concerned! I’m sure Kyo went off to one of them and they are concerned! But I get a grip on myself.

“It’s just holidays and I’m just feeling lonely because everyone’s got somebody and I’m still single. It’s because of these stupid ‘celebrations’, don’t worry. I’m fine.”

“Hmm…” Die seemed to be hesitant but I’m in no mood to talk to him for a second longer.

“Bye!” and I shut the phone. He would be as well making this call with Kyo in his bathroom, washing himself in a shower after sex. His small muscular frame wet and dripping, his hair glued to his face, his lips parted a bit, steam rising in the shower cabinet and making his skin turn red and soft form the heat…

“Kyo…” I can’t help it but whisper in the silent room and it comes out like a moan. The pain is too much… I can’t handle it… I can’t…

I drop the cigarette in the ashtray and stand up. I quickly open the balcony door and step into the cold, covered with snow balcony and grip the wet rail. The cold stings my hands and at least for a moment I feel physical pain that I can handle, instead of another, more devastating one.

I stand like that for some time, breathing heavily and starring at the street beneath me, at the white snow, still falling down, at people, hurrying past my apartment building. My breath turns into vapor in front of my face, my fingers already freeze to death. But I cannot let go. I will not let go. I want him back… so badly…

For a second I think I’m going mad as I think somebody looks up from the street directly at me. All I see is dark brown eyes and blond hair. And huge white snowflakes in blond strands. Not melting but shining like a white crown on the purest, most perfect face on earth. I hold my breath and stare back down, not able to believe he’s really here.

Kyo suddenly moves and vanishes into my building. I still remain in the same place, thinking millions of possibilities as why he would be here and what the hell should I do. He might be just passing by. He might be just getting back some of my stuff. Or might want to pick up something he left here. Or maybe he wants to assure me once again it’s really over. Or…

But my thoughts are cut off as the doorbell rings and I turn around abruptly and almost run to the doors. My mind is blank. I don’t know what to do. All I know that he’s here and I’m acting like a fucking sixteen-year-old. The world is crumbling down around me because he’s here.

I swung the door open and – and he’s really here. Standing at the door, a bit farther away, his head bowed down, his lips squeezed in a thin line, his hair wet from the snow, with a couple of snowflakes still shinning on them not melted yet. He doesn’t move, just stares at the ground before his feet, as if he was afraid to face me.

But finally he slowly lifts his head and looks me in the eyes. My heart clenches painfully at what I see. He’s so sad. His eyes are watery and red, as if he was crying for the whole night. He looks with pain clearly visible in his eyes and I want to ask if the bastard has hurt him. I want to take the pain away from him. Has that somebody from the band treated him badly, pushed him away when he got what he wanted?

“Kaoru…” Kyo whispers and his voice is so broken. He barely manages to keep it from trembling and I grip the door handle tighter. I must refrain myself from doing anything rash. From scaring him away.

“I’m sorry, Kaoru…” Kyo whispers and tears finally find their way down his cheeks. “Will you ever forgive me?”

I stare at him not really believing that I heard correctly. Kyo looks at me very insecurely, very shyly, and ready to turn away and flee in case I wanted to hit him for ever showing his face in front of me after what he’s done.

I release the door handle and in another second Kyo’s in my embrace. I hug him as tightly as I can, not wanting to ever let go. He buries his face in my chest, his hands come around my waist and he cries. He cries so hard that I don’t think he’ll be able to stop soon.

I lower my head to touch his wet hair and close my eyes. The corridor is empty, only the wind from the open balcony comes through the door and makes me shiver from cold. But all I care is him in my arms.

Kyo’s small frame shakes badly from crying and he starts to sob, still gripping my waist tightly.

“It’s ok, Kyo. I forgive you” I manage to say almost with a steady voice. But to tell the truth, I have a hard time keeping my face straight. Kyo looks up at me and our eyes meet. He looks pleadingly in my eyes. He looks scared and sad and tortured. And at that moment I know that he’s sincere. That he sincerely regrets the choice he made. He knows it was a bad one. And he’s finally here. In my arms. With me.

Tears still run down freely from his eyes and looking in his eyes I know that he doesn’t really believe me. It was too horrible what he did. It was too painful for me, too harsh from his side, too unfair and too cruel. And he doesn’t believe I can forgive so easily and so quickly. But he doesn’t say anything else, perhaps afraid that I would change my mind. Perhaps thinking there would be more opportunities to talk about this. He buries his face in my chest again and cries silently, for the first time in all the years I’ve known him looking so small and vulnerable in my arms. Almost like a child’s frail glass sculpture that melts quickly with the slightest touch of sunshine.

I inhale his scent deeply and close my eyes. Suddenly all the pain has gone, has vanished into the thin air leaving a slight aching shadow in my soul. It would take time for the shadow to blend into the sun and disappear, but I have got Kyo to do this last job. His shy little smiles would scare the last ghostly shadows away. And with time we would be standing in the bright clear sunshine again, feeling ready to spread our arms for the future that waited.

But now I needed to take him inside and make some tea. He looks cold and exhausted and miserable. And I want to make him mine again and forget that he was in somebody else’s arms. I need to make him remember how good my touches and my caresses are. And how nobody else in the world would love him as much as I do.

THE END

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Snowflakes in Your Hair