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Schism	By : matchakitty Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 1683 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Schism
- 1
Ficlet title: 05 schism - kyo & toshiya
Author: Matrim
lyrics: Maynard Keenan
Comments: My little ficbit challenge for myself and I shall try to finish it an hour, how's that? So no one can complain that I don't do anything ^^:;; The song is schism by tool (this ficlet actually took a day to finish seeing as Matchas are distracted easily by anything that makes noise or anything that looks good to eat. Suffice it to say she got distracted by the tv and her friends both online and offline<--no, she didn't eat them....but I'm sure none of you mind) The lyrics posted are exactly as the Man (not That Man, mind you *^.~ to sumicha*) wrote them on his computer. The last part, "I know the pieces fit.." I added, because that's what he sings at the end of the song even though he didn't write them down ^^: If that makes any sense O_o
05
Schism
==
~I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away

Mildewed and smoldering. Fundamental differing.

Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion

Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication

The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so

We cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.~
==
There are those first few months that mean everything to a couple--the honeymoon months where everything is perfect and the lovers think that nothing matters ahat hat no one knows what they know. The first few months where communication goes easy and smooth, where one lover anticipates the needs of the otand and fulfills it, keeping the other satisfied. It's the natural dance of a love affair but what everyone doesn't know is that love cannot fuel a relationship alone. A relationship requires hard work to have it continue.
Along the way communication becomes crippled and this is where they were, sitting in the living room. One shorter abrasive man sitting at one end of the couch, another long legged fed up bassist sitting on the other. They ignored each other and stared at the tv instead, hoping as if the machine could take away the cold silence that descended between the two. And it wasn't as if they knew what they had been fighitng before that, but that wasn't the point.
The point was that the blonde man on the other side of the couch was a temperamental fuckhead who couldn't admit he was wrong.
And the other point was that the bratty bassist on the other side of this couch couldn't seem to see past his own damn opinion and should've known better than to ask him stupid questions.
==
~I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down

No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to

Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.

To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication~
==
A few minutes ago, they had called this temporary truce of sorts. The kind of truce that requires one lover to sigh and look away even called for a crossing of arms to show their unwillingness to speak. The lover who did this was Toshiya. The second was Kyo but without the crossing of the arms. Yet every now and again, it would be Kyo who glanced over to Toshiya then occasionally scratch his head.
It wasn't his fault.
It wasn't Toshiya's fault.
It wasn't anyone's fault--it was just the fact that they had entered some sort of discussion that they shouldn't have and someone blew up and it just happened. Yet even as he knew this, the other side of his brain refused to accept it, labelling it as Toshiya's fault. It wanted him to say something, wanted him to yell at Toshiya for being the cause as to why they weren't speaking. He wanted to blame the other man, bring him dond mnd make him sorry for making them argue over nothing and ruining their afternoon.
Anything would be better than this damn silence where they had to pretend to be watching tv while watching each ot's e's every damn move out of the corner of their eyes. And dammit, he was getting very fond of that swear word too--another thing that his brain wanted to accuse Toshiya of.
Making him fond of wor word 'damn' when 'fuck' could be used but no, whenever they were in a fight the word 'damn' had to come up.
==
~The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,

And the circling is worth it.

Finding beauty in the dissonance.~
==
Then there was a sigh.
Kyo glanced at Toshiya and actually turned his head to do so. "What's the matter?" But the words came out harsher than he intended.
The bassist snapped his head toward the side to glare at Kyo. "You. That's what's the 'matter'." And maybe, too, these words were harsher than the bassist intended and although somewhere deep down, Kyo understood it, it didn't mean he had to like it or just sit there and take it.
"Do you want me to leave."
"Why? You never will."
"You're so goddamned sure of yourself. You think that because you say things--they're automatically supposed to be true?!"
"Better than being someone who always thinks what everyone else says is wrong and sticks to it. What?! Do you think the world is flat too?!"
"As flat as your Mother's chest," meaning not very.
"Don't you dare talk about my mother that way." Toshiya returned and huffed. "I don't even know why...fuck off, Kyo."
"Real mature, Toshiya."
"Well that is your favorite word, Kyo."
"The favorite word of the moment happens to be 'damn', Toshi It It happens every time I get in a fight with you!"
"And it's my fault I suppose? Again?"
"No one said it was your fault."
"You know I know you better than that."
This conversation was irritating him just like the first had. "I never said it was your fault. Okay? It just happens to become a favorite word of mine when we fight. You don't know everything about me, Toshiya."
"What am I supposed to do then?'m d'm doing the best I can and the only thing I get out of you is that you like sleep and sex, certain foods, and Kuroyume and Buck-Tick are your favorite bands."
"I thought you knew me better than that."
"Shut up."
"Hn."
==
~There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.

Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting

I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessin>
D>
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.~
==
Quiet descended again except for the damnable sound of the stupid tv with Morning Musume jumping around on it and even though he knew Shinya was getting a kick out of it, he wasn't having fun at all. He hated shit like this and he hated when they always went through, 'I thought I knew you routine'. They did know each other! They knew each other so well that they didn't have to talk half the time and nevermind that most of the time, they did talk they ended up in an argument or either that on the bed. It wasn't everyone's idea of a perfect relationship but it was the one that had lasted the longest in his opinion.
And dammit, he wasn't Shinya and he didn't prefer silence. He hated silence. A Kyo wasn't fit to survive in silence. (Excluding the tv, of course). And he knew that unless they had found a resolution to all of this, they might end up growing apart and--
--the thought was stopped even before it really started.
He didn't want to imagine himself after a break up. He knew what he would do--what he always did. Sulk around the apartment, blame everything on him and his lover, growl and throw things when it suited him, bother his family and ask him mom to cook for him so he could feel loved by someone then shp top to practice and snarl at his bandmates. And at the moment, he didn't particularly feel like doing either the above especially the snarling bit since Toshiya was a bandmate and he always tended to sniffle when he snarled (in the bad way of snarling, of course). That and the rest of Dir en grey refused to take Kyo's crap. Kaoru would look at him then ignore him, Die would roll his eyes and tell him that he was neither psychologist nor punching bag and Shinya had his cold defensive wall. It wasn't as if the three didn't love him, they just didn't want to support his bad behavior. And alth he he knew in the long run it would be good for him, at the time he snarled, he always hated it.
Okay.
So if he didn't want to break up with Toshiya and become grouchiness personified, they'd have to have this fight. He tried to ignore the part of him that was starting to think that this was some sort of wrestling match and took a deep breath. Besides, there was some sort of beauty in the way they verbally sparred with each other, no matter how much it hurt.
Toshiya may be beautiful but he was no idiot.
In this corner weighing 4 kg and at 1 cm high, we have Kyo of Dir en grey!!! And in the other corner of the couch, weighing a lot more than he looks because of all that leg and way taller than Kyo will ever be, Toshiya of Dir en grey! Kyo kicked that part of his brain and forced it to get serious and when he had his argument ready, he took a deep breath.
"Listen." And he knew that although Toshiya didn't want to, he was listening. "It's not..it's not as if I don't agree...I mean, alright, I don't have anything against fanservice--and don't interrupt me before I'm finished," Aw, shit, his hand was doing that waving thing again whenever he was trying to make a point. Kyo frowned at it and placed it down on his knee. "I don't have anything against fanservice. It's a nice marketing ploy. And I agree that it makes the crowd go wild and pay attention and that it makes you and the rest of us excluding Shinya--'cause he won't let anyone touch him unless he's unawares--very sexy." And here it comes, the big ol' kicker. He was aware of this not only because he was starting to get a bit jumpy but because his voice felt like it was about to start rising into a yell. "But that does NOT MEAN I HAVE TO LIKE IT WHEN YOU START DOING IT WITH THE OTHERS."
Toshiya's head fell back against the wall, making a nice thudding noise to show off his exasperation. He sighed. "Don't you think I got that? Didn't I tell you that you should trust me? Kyo, do you see me jumping into their beds, provided that they actually went for that sort of thing? No. Why?! Because I'm in your bed every night!"
"Yes! I got that too!" Kyo snapped, "Jesus Christ, how many times do we have to go through this?! I trust you! Anddon'tinterruptmeI'mnotdoneyet!!!!!!!!" He quickly blurted out once he saw that Toshiya's mouth was opening. The bassist shut his mouth quickly and simply glared. "I told you! I trust you!! I know you wouldn't do anything like that. But that doesn't mean I can't get jealous! That doesn't mean I'm automatically supposed to like it when you lick Die's guitar and get a little too close to his crotch!"
"Who told you to look?!!"
"I wasn't looking!!!!!!!!" Kyo yelled, feeling like jumping up and down on the couch and throwing a childish tantrum. "I saw a picture of it!!!!!!!!!!! My family said something!!!!!!! Jesus Christ, my mom was in tears! She thought you were going to marry me and thought you were cheating on me!"
"You know that's not true!! And .... you told your mom about us?"
The sudden change of Toshiya's voice temporarily halted the self-destruct mode in Kyo's brain and threw anything else he was about to say out of windwindow as his head nodded dumbly. "Y-yeah, of course, I did. You mean, you didn't tell your mom?"
Toshiya shook his head, dark eyes wide with confusion. "N-no."
And Kyo delivers a body slam to Toshiya's psyche and his linguistic skills are temporarily down for the count! The announcer that was the other part of Kyo's brain crowed. "What do you mean you didn't tell her? How could you not tell her?"
"She doesn't know I'm gay!" Toshiya blurted out.
And Toshiya counters with a steel chair to the back of the head!
"What do you mean she doesn't know you're gay?! Everyone knows you're gay!"
"My mom doesn't!" Toshiya nearly wailed.
The room fell into a stunned shocked silence before coldness decided to get involved and mixed in with it.
How could Toshiya not tell his mom he was gay? Kyo knew that it was hard at first to tell your parents that and fear rejection from the two people who was said to love you unconditionally. He knew, because, well, he had to do it last year as it was his New Year's resolution. Fortunately, his mother took it easier than he thought she did and told him although it was stunning, she did still love him and always would and also told him to be careful. He was glad that she didn't take it in her mind to start telling him to start dating that kid next door to him. He knew he wasn't gay even though he was one of those art critics.
But I don't understand, Kyo grumbled, Everyone can tell Toshiya's gay in a matter of days and his mom can't tell for twenty four or more years?! He was so involved with brooding over this and unaware of the frohat hat was on his face. What was this whole damn trust thing about?! Trust Toshiya when he didn't even tell his family that he was gay?! How was he supposed to be honest and trust someone when he wouldn't even be honest with the people he was spawned from?! Talk about a hypocrite! And now it was a new fight they were involved in.
But somehow this one was more important than the fanservice one.
==
~Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any

Sense of compassion

Between supposed lovers/brothers~
==
It took him ten minutes to realize that he was glaring at the television. It took him another few minutes to realize that Toshiya was cringing on the couch. Now why on earth would he be cringing? It wasn't as if anything was attack him and the only thing that could be attacking him was too busy glaring at the television.
The couch shifted.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Toshiya scooting closer to him yet still pretending to be interested in the tv. Not like any of them knew who was on. Pretty soon, Toshiya was so near him that all he had to do was slide two centimeters over and run smack into his shoulder. Yet Kyo continued to ignore him and stared at the tv. He had no idea what to do now. He wanted to talk about it but unlike the fanservice thing, he knew he could lose his real temper with this topic. Toshiya fidgeted with his fingers for a moment then wrapped his arms around Kyo and pulled him into an embrace.
Kyo wasn't expecting it so instead of being pulled in nicely for a hug, he kinda toppled into Toshiya's lap. "Kyo....Kyo, you're...you're not too mad at me, are you? Are you? I mean...I couldn't tell her, you understand, don't you?" Kyo remained quiet and righted himself but Toshiya continued to cling onto him. "Forgive me?"
Forgive him? For telling him to trust him and his honesty?! What did Toshiya say whenever his mom asked him if he had a special someone in his life? That he was dating the girl who lived next to them, who thought Kyo and Toshiya were 'precious', but was very devoted to her girlfriend? Damn you, Toshiya, Kyo thought, his eyes narrowing and growled under his breath.
"Kyo...."
He was pouting. He was cheating.
And now Toshiya was wiggling and pulling both legs up on the couch and wrapping them around Kyo. The bassist reached for the control and turned off the television, thrusting them into an even deeper silence. "I'll make it up to you. I'll tell her, just don't be mad at me."
He hated it when Kyo was angry with him.
It wasn't as if Kyo chose to be angry with him. It wasn't as if something he planned for all weekend. It just happened and now he was too angry to even use the word 'damn', like he wanted to. But how did Toshiya think he felt?! Did he even ponder that idea? Did he think that sex would just appease him and make him instantly pliable to his will? It didn't work like that! Much as Kyo liked to be with Toshiya in the many ways possible on their bed, it didn't really help solve the problem. Kyo's eyes narrowed again. Toshiya did say he would tell her but...
"I'm still angry with you. But you should tell mot mother."
"I will, Kyo, I will," Toshiya said in that soothing voice he used whenever Kyo was upset about anything. Usually it worked but at the moment, it was just irritating him. "I'll tell her as soon as I can."
"You'll tell her tomorrow."
Toshiya hesitated and Kyo gave him a glare that sae woe would accept no other answer than the one he wanted to hear. This is what Toshiya deserved for telling him all about honesty and trust and pulling this on him and his mom. God, she must've thought Kyo for being out of his mind for the way he treated her and sometimes called her 'Mom'. She didn't even know why he was doing it!! >< "I'll tell her tomorrow, Kyo."
"Good." And that was all Kyo was willing to say but Toshiya wanted more. He was murmuring into Kyo's ear and cuddling him. He stood then gave Kyo that certain look and walked off into the direction of the bedroom.
Kyo sat there for a few seconds before finally standing and following after his lover, resent and desire clouding his mind. He joined Toshiya in the bedroom, closing the door as the last bit of Toshiya's clothes fell to the floor. And even when Kyo's clothes left him and Toshiya's legs and arms surrounding him, Kyo's teeth on Toshiya's neck, he continued to feel the resent. All that was in his mind, despite the love of the man who shared his bed, was the idea that Toshiya had to pay for his actions and be remorseful. And all he wanted to hear were the screams that would beg for his forgiveness yet beg for more abuse during their little 'play'. Yet despite the bites, the slaps and the rough way, Kyo took him there was no sound except for exhalations of breath or gasps.
Cold in the room.
Cold in his heart.
One day, the warmth would return to the room.
One day, the warmth would return to his heart.
==
~I know the pieces fit...
I know the pieces fit..
I know the pieces fit~
==
A scream ripped through the air.
.....Ah....
.......Warmth.......
-owari-
++
I can hear it now. "God, Matcha, what kind of crazy ending was that?! What happened?!" I don't know *laughs* That's how it's supposed to end--that's what Kyo demanded ^^;; It just turned wierd on me ^^: I'd like to say morbid but I think that word's been overused by unqualified people. So I'm not going to say it. Honestly, the song's not a very happy song, the fic's not very happy and I didn't think it'd be very happy so there you go XD *wiggles* I hope I did good ^O^ I have to wait for Alex to wake though so she can read it. *waits*
*later*
and is all good 'cause I said 'spawn' XD
Mat(rim)
- 1
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Schism