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Mine To Give -COMPLETED - EPILOGUE FINALLY DONE!	By : pensfan100 Category: Casts RPF > Star Wars (all) > Star Wars (all) Views: 8495 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the people I am writing about in this fanfiction. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Mine To Give – Chapter Nine

“Has she said anything?” Tove lowered his voice, copping his hand surreptitiously then shoving a cracker in his mouth for effect.

Hayden shunned hiding his concern and looked across the room where Natalie sat conversing with his mom. “No,” he shook his head, his frown deepening. “When she woke up yesterday she was cheerful and friendly and completely closed on talking about what in the hell is going on inside her. We had dinner here yesterday and we had dinner here again today and it’s not MY doing. She wants to be here. I think it’s her way of keeping the real conversation from ever starting.”

Tove followed Hayden out of the room, eyes on the slumped shoulders. In the kitchen, Hayden scarfed through the refrigerator.

“You just ate dinner,” Tove pointed out, pulling Hayden from his perusing and closed the frig door, but not before scanning its contents himself. Just in case. Hayden passed a weary hand over his eyes. “Look, Hayden, I know it’s difficult, but give her time. She’ll tell you when she’s ready. Obviously, something is eating at her, but it’s you that she came to and no one else, so, it’s you that can help her. Whatever it is, don’t overreact.”

“Overreact? Me?” Hayden pointed to himself, eyes wide with mock surprise. “I don’t overreact.”

“True,” Tove agreed, propping a hip against the counter, “but this is someone that means something to you.” Hayden’s eyes met his brother’s and Tove pressed the point sharply home. “Someone you love.”

Hayden clamped his lips together and turned away. THAT he did not need to hear right now. What if he DID love her and she did NOT love him? Too many strange variables were at play here and until she confessed whatever was eating her soul he was living with grappling hooks clawed into his gut. The last two nights she’d curled up to him as if for safety, the brittle act of normalcy hurling her into exhaustion by the end of the day. He let her call the game, but he was fast running out of patience. Waiting was no longer an option for him. He had to circumvent her plan to surround them with his family and get her alone.

“Are you going to admit it or deny it?” Tove asked, beleaguering his brother for an answer.

Hayden turned, eyes hard in purpose. “I’m not denying or admitting anything until Natalie and I have talked things through.”

“So, I’m right!” Tove crowed, immediately lowering his voice at Hayden’s punch to his shoulder. “I knew things were deeper than you said they were. Ow.” He rubbed his shoulder.

“Just shut up and let me deal with this, ok?” Hayden begged, propping his hands against the sink counter. “I don’t need the whole family getting involved and messing things up before I can get to the bottom of this.”

“Ok, ok,” Tove held hands up in surrender. “I’ll run interference for you, but you know Mom, she’s already suspicious.”

“Just keep them away,” Hayden muttered as they headed back into the family room.

Across the room Hayden watched Natalie enjoying a lively conversation with his mom and sisters, Hejsa and Kaylen. His family appeared to really like Natalie and more than once Kaylen had secretlbowebowed him and given him a nod of approval, as if he needed her blessing. Natalie was holding up her end of the conversation and he suspected some of the talk was about him. As the women burst into laughter and all four pairs of eyes turned on him, he knew someone was telling stories for sure…and probably pretty embarrassing ones at that. Crossly, he glared at them but they only laughed harder. He shook his head, inwardly happy that Natalie seemed to be loosening up more and relaxing. Color had returned to her face and she’d actually eaten dinner tonight instead of picking at it like the night before.

Now, her eyes scanned the room surveying its warmth and coziness. His dad sat close to the television to catch some of the news of the day and Hayden turned his eyes to the set. Far enough away and not really concentrating on the screen Hayden vaguely detected a mass of rubble that had once been a bus, ambulances, and people running and screaming. So far removed from the horrors of war while in his family’s embrace, he swung his gaze back to the group of women. Natalie sat ramrod straight, eyes wide and intent on the screen, obviously lost to her surroundings. Again, Hayden glanced at the screen but a commercial appeared, washing away the last images with a promise of soft clothes if you used their detergent religiously.

Tove, noting his brother’s stillness, leaned over Hayden’s shoulder. “What is it?”

Hayden shook his head for quiet and heard Hejsa ask, “How long will you be in Toronto?”

Natalie jerked herself back to her surroundings, her smile now forced and shaky. “I will probably have to leave tomorrow morning.” At Kaylen’s noise of disappointment, Natalie swallowed and tilted her head at an angle of equal emotion. “I know. I’d love to stay longer if I could. Hayden’s probably ready to throw me out as it is.” The women chuckled and Natalie glanced across the room, but Hayden was gone. Forcing herself back to the conversation, she grew quiet allowing the others to carry on while she fixed an interested look on her face, carefully glancing now and then at the television.

“What are you doing?” Tove followed his brother back into the kitchen.

Hayden prowled over to the wall and hoisted the portable phone into his hand. Jabbing at the buttons, he answered, “What I should’ve done yesterday! Whatever is bothering her was on that TV just minutes ago. Did you see her face? If I hadn’t known better I’d have thought she’d just seen a ghost!”

“What was it?”

“I don’t know, Tove!” Hayden swung the phone to his ear. “I saw a bus that had been wrecked or something, but I didn’t get a good look because I wasn’t paying attention. It was the look on her face that…Grandpa? Yes, it’s Hayden. I need a favor…yes, I’m fine…Listen…No, I’m still home for a bit…Grandpa…Huh? Um, no, I don’t know…Grandpa! I need a huge favor from you!”

Tove’s eyebrows climbed at Hayden’s raised voice, impressed at his usually subdued brother. Hayden scowled back at him. As he told his grandfather what he needed, Tove nodded at the plan. “Sneaky, brother, very sneaky,” Tove commented when Hayden hung up. “I can go pick those up for you so she doesn’t know a thing.”

“Yea, that’s probably a good idea. When you get back just slip them into the inside pocket of my jacket in the hall,” Hayden instructed.

“So…when are you going to put your plan in motion?”

Hayden’s lips thinned. “First thing tomorrow morning.”

“I gotta hand it to you,” Tove grinned, slapping his brother’s shoulder, “it’s a winner.”

“It better be,” Hayden breathed grimly, eyes narrowed, “because if it fails…”

“You don’t have to leave, you know,” Hayden said, guiding the car onto the highway.

Natalie lowered her eyes and examined the hands fisting in her lap. Tears pricked behind her eyes and she bit her lip. I don’t want to go! She thought to herself. I want to stay with you! I want to tell you…

“I know, but I really should get back,” she sighed instead, glancing over at him. Behind his mirrored sunglasses his eyes hid their response. A tiny lurch kicked in her belly as she took in his body. His face held a certain mysterious sensuality with his eyes hidden from view but his full lips pursed in thought. Cursing silently, she reluctantly admitted how handsome he was and her fingers itched to touch him. She tightened them, her knuckles whitening from the pressure.

Hayden nodded and continued to drive, concentrating on the traffic. Natalie could not read his emotions and he kept up meaningless chitchat, distracting her from thinking about leaving him. She laid her head back on the seat and looked out the window.

“Why did you decide to drive the SUV and not your Jag to the airport?” Natalie asked, just to say something.

“It’s supposed to snow,” he answered, looking over his shoulder before moving into another lane. The vehicle veered off the highway only to connect with another one in a different direction.

Natalie squinted at the sky. “Snow? Look how sunny it is! There’s hardly a cloud in the sky!” A giggle bubbled from her throat and Hayden smiled at her teasing. Her heart bumped against her ribcage. It was the first real smile of the morning and his smiles always seemed give her butterflies. His white teeth flashed at her as he chuckled, too.

“I’m not a boy scout but I like to be prepared,” He grinned disarmingly. “I heard the weather report even if YOU didn’t!”

Natalie laughed and turned back to the window, not recognizing the sight. The city seemed to thin out, drop away. Frowning she said, “This doesn’t look familiar.”

“Probably because I’m not going the same way the cab driver did,” Hayden retorted, biting down on his cheek at the lie. Well, he reasoned, THAT isn’t a lie, technically. The driver didn’t go this way.

Natalie propped her head against the headrest again. In minutes, her eyes began to feel heavy from the lack of sleep last night. She’d made herself stay awake as long as she could, knowing it was her last night with Hayden. As the hours raced by, she’d lain with her head pillowed on his chest, listening to his heart beat, or sometimes propped on an elbow just watching him peacefully sleep. If her hand crept through his hair or stroked down his cheek, she made sure she was careful not to wake him. If he tried to talk her into staying with the comfort of the night all around them she would’ve caved into his requests. Instead, she ran her hand along his shoulder, down his chest and over his taut belly. When he rolled onto his side, she scrunched up behind him and flung an arm over his side, pressing tiny kisses across his back, never knowing that he opened his eyes and stared helplessly at the wall, suffering the torment of a thousand silent hells at her touch.

Thirty minutes later, Hayden glanced over as she stirred awake. Blinking in confusion, Natalie sat a little straighter and looked at Hayden. “I fell asleep!” she exclaimed in astonishment, her eyes rounding. “Have I been asleep long?”

“About thirty minutes, I think,” Hayden settled back in his seat, body stiffening in preparation.

“Thirty minutes?” Natalie’s mouth dropped. “Turning to the window she looked out to find the city nowhere in sight. No airport. No high rises. Nothing. “Hayden! Where are we? Where’s the airport?!”

“Well, if it’s still where it always is it’s about an hour back that way,” he thumbed over his shoulder.

“What!” Natalie spun in her seat unable to take it in. “But I have a plane to catch!”

“No, you don’t,” Hayden shrugged. “I never made you the reservation, so there’s no seat for you on that plane.”

“Hayden!” Natalie stared at him in shock. “I have to get back to New York! Turn this vehicle around this instant!” When Hayden took no notice of her, she shouted, her voice approaching panic. “This instant! Now!”

“I don’t think so,” he shook his head, maintaining a calm exterior while his insides churned frantically. “We’re going somewhere else where there’s no family for you to hide behind so that you can tell me what in the hell is going on.”

Panic set in weaving blue and green patterns in front of her eyes, the flight or fight response kicking in, nauseating her stomach. “No, I can’t!” She gestured wildly, her hair flying all around her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Yes, you do, Nat,” Hayden moved the car off the highway and proceeded up a two-lane road. In front of them, clouds gathered and thickened, gray and threatening snow…just like he’d predicted. “I saw your face yesterday afternoon when you saw something on the news. I’m not sure what it was, but it has something to do with you wanting to see me and suddenly wanting to go home. Well…now you’re going to see a lot of me because no one is going to be around.”

It was too late. He had her and there was nowhere to run. Nerves stretched tight in the tension, threatening to unravel and split her in two. Heart pounding she resigned herself to her fate. “W…where are we going?”

“My grandfather owns a company that builds luxury homes and bungalows for ski resorts and vacation destinations. We’re going to a bungalow that’s closed to the public right now. It’s just been finished and he’s thinking of keeping it for him and grandma. He said whenever we want to use it to go right ahead, so I’m the first to take him up on the offer.” Hayden grinned at his good luck and pulled his sunglasses off his nose as the sun outside dimmed behind a cloud. A self-congratulating expression creased his cheek. “I called yesterday from my parents’ house and Tove drove over and retrieved the keys for me.” He patted his jacket pocket. “They’ve been right here ever since.”

Natalie’s mouth dropped, her eyes huge in her face. He’d planned all this! Part of her cowed in terror, but another part of her peeked around the corner of her heart and smiled, feeling warm and gooey at the pains he’d taken to keep her near.

Still, unwilling to submit completely, she folded her arms and scowled. “All right, but you won’t get away with this.”

“I already have,” he pointed out, his mouth tilting at his triumph. “Another twenty minutes or so and we’ll be there. It’s near a ski resort called Horseshoe, but far enough away that you can’t escape on foot in the weather that will be howling down on us in a couple of hours. So, get used to the idea, sweetheart. You. Me. Alone.”

Natalie slowly spun in the foyer of the bungalow, an appreciative eye appraising the surroundings. Small in size, but adequate for a couple, the bungalow split off from the foyer in two directions. To the right, a cozy living room ensconced with a maroon stuffed couch begging to be lain on and two armchairs flanking an inviting fireplace on those biting winter nights beckoned. The plush beige carpet sunk beneath her feet and she yearned to take off her shoes and sink her stockinged toes into its depths. A pale cream splashed the walls highlighting and promising to reflect the watery winter sunlight that had already disappeared behind a thick gray wall of clouds.

Wanting to do anything but think about the upcoming conversation, Natalie crossed the room and studied the breakfast nook and small but complete kitchen. Everything still smelled new and a tiny thrill at being the bungalow’s first occupants sparkled through her.

Curious, Natalie climbed a flight of stairs and gasped at the large bedroom stretching across most of the second floor. The king size bed covered with a thick blue quilt occupied a large portion of the room. Natalie longed to burrow under its thickness and lose herself amongst the large, fluffy pillows in blue and gray tones. Another fireplace, more chairs, a loveseat, a large mirrored dresser, two low lamps on the nightstand, heavy gray drapes…Natalie shook her head. It wouldn’t take much to coax her into taking a nap.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Hayden’s voice drew a startled squeak from Natalie. She wheeled and found him just inside the doorway, lugging their packs. He’d shed his jacket, the dark blue of his sweater reflecting its color in his eyes. He seemed made for this room. A strange knot of pain strangled her throat so she only nodded. “I think it was supposed to be a honeymoon cottage, but,” he shrugged, setting the packs down, “my grandpa decided not to sell it to the resort.” He gestured to another doorway. “I think the bathroom is in there.”

They walked through a small dressing area and down a couple steps into a bathroom almost as large as the bedroom. A huge glass walled shower filled a corner, a sauna not far away. Across the room, a large Jacuzzi tub on a platform waited to be used, bath soaps and oils decorating the shelf beside it. Natalie shook her head as she averted her eyes from the mirrors, her cheeks pinking at the thought of what this had all been built for.

“I told you it had originally been built for honeymooners,” Hayden cleared his throat, working to keep any mental images from forming. “Through there is a small deck with a hot tub. It’s in the back of the bungalow so you can look at the mountains and any wildlife. Very private and relaxing. Grandpa fell in love with the sight and the house. With two floors I don’t know why he calls it a bungalow, but he’s the builder not me.”

Relaxing is not the word I’d choose, Natalie thought, her expression revealing her hidden words. Hayden forced himself not to smile. He was feeling decidedly nervous at being with her in the luxurious, almost decadent bathroom. It was definitely not made for merely bathing!

“I’m going downstairs to put away the groceries and start a fire,” Hayden turned away, attempting to keep his tone neutral and unthreatening. “It’s started to snow.”

Natalie cast a glance out the window and saw the fat flakes drifting and spinning in ballerina twirls. “I didn’t know you brought food,” she followed him, her voice full of surprise. “I’ll help.”

“Oh, I can be sneaky when I have to be,” came his cryptic reply.

Natalie’s back stiffened, the reminder of what she had to do slamming into her. Images of Matt and Staci, and the baby that would never be haunted her. Two lives needlessly snuffed out and one that had barely started. The burden sat heavily on her shoulders, its strength suffocating.

Silent, Natalie and Hayden took care of the groceries then Hayden brought in wood and built a fire. Natalie kicked off her shoes, curled up on the couch and watched Hayden work to coax a tiny flame into a roaring fire. When he finished, he stood and surveyed his handiwork, pleased at the glowing warmth. A satisfied smile pulled at the corners of his mouth but faded as he looked on Natalie’s still form curled almost fetal like, her eyes wide and unblinking on him.

Hayden walked over and crouched before her, one large hand curling over hers. In the depths of the bruised brown eyes, tears glittered and threatened, even as she silently fought to hold them back.

“Natalie,” Hayden began, his voice hushed and deep. “You are tearing yourself apart inside. You came to me. Let me help put you back together.”

Natalie bit her tongue hard to quell the tears until they retreated behind her eyes. “Can you do that?” her voice, barely above a whisper, cracked nervously.

“Not without your help,” Hayden admitted, a hand curving her cheek. “You have to tell me everything. I can’t stand seeing you like this and being so closed off from you.” The big brown eyes stared at him. “You don’t have to suffer alon
H
Hayden reached for her and pulled her off the couch to sit in his lap, his arms strong and secure, one hand cradling the back of her head against his shoulder. The fact that Natalie didn’t fight him told him how far she had descended into herself.

“I’m not letting go,” he promised, his arms tightening around her. “Have you been sick or something?”

“Or something,” Natalie breathed into his neck, her body shivering even in the heat of the flames crackling in the fireplace.

“Take a deep breath,” Hayden advised, lips against her forehead, “and just say it.”

“Matt and I had a fight,” she blurted, hands grabbing and bunching the sweater covering his chest for support.

Hayden stilled and waited. When no more came, he asked, “About me?”

“He…he came to me and wanted to take me to Israel…I said no…he got very angry…so he was going to take Staci instead in hopes of making me jealous…I begged him not to…”

“Why?”

“She had a crushhim him and I didn’t want him using her to get back at me. It wasn’t fair to her.” Natalie shut her eyes but two tears squeezed their way free. A horrible, cold, black lump rolled into Hayden’s stomach as his mind raced ahead. “I told him…I told him Israel was too dangerous. He…he knew…”

“He knew what?” Hayden prompted.

“H…he knew I wanted to be w…with you,” she whispered, her body shaking uncontrollably.

A tiny note of joy resounded in Hayden’s heart, but the body in his arms squashed it as her teeth chattered with nerves.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, sweetheart,” Hayden quietly assured.

“I didn’t want to hurt him,” Natalie fiercely asserted, letting go of Hayden’s sweater to swipe at the tears clinging to her cheeks and chin. “But I tried to talk him ou it… it…”

Her voice trailed off as she fought for breath. Hayden tilted her face to his and kissed the tears on her cheeks, his stomach in knots at the painful things he knew he had to make her say. She rubbed her wet face against his and sniffled.

“Say it,” he urged relentlessly. “Say the rest of it and get it out where it belongs.”

“He took her to Israel,” the tiny voice tickled his neck. Hayden blanched at what he knew was coming. “They went to a market to explore...the bomb killed them instantly…”

Arms like steel banded her close as she started to cry harder. “I…told him not to…” she choked.

“Natalie…” Hayden’s voice trailed off as a new thought hit him. “…Are you blaming yourself for their…is that what this is about? You’re tearing yourself apart because you think it’s your fault?”

“I…told him…”

Hayden stared at the jumping flames, struggling to follow her train of thought. A little guilt would be natural, but how had she followed a path that made her their murderer? He rocked her gently and pried her face out of his neck.

“Listen to me,” he grabbed her chin with his fingers and forced her head up. “Matt made his own choice. You did NOT make it for him! I know losing you hurt, I can understand that, believe me, but you warned him. He was not a child!” She opened her mouth but he continued. “And Staci made hers. No, don’t give me that look! Nat, a person would have to live under a rock to not know the Middle East is a dangerous place, ceasefire or not!”

Hayden held her face close to his so she had nowhere else to look. “You saw that bombed bus on TV yesterday,” he stated, comprehension filling him. “It reminded you that you don’t deserve to be happy.” Natalie swallowed her tears. “That’s not true! How did your mind put two and two together and come up with six?”

“Hormones,” Natalie whispered sadly, her red-rimmed eyes pinned to his, a small spark of her old strength trying to ignite deep inside her.

“Hormones?” Hayden’s brows drew down. “What are you talking about?”

“The d…doctor said because they were so rampant I was very emotional,” she murmured, her voice laced with the relief of lifting the burden off her shoulders. “I…couldn’t help it.”

“You went to the doctor?”

“I kept getting sick,” Natalie plowed on, staring into his blue eyes. “I thought it was because of their deaths.”

“And?” Hayden said when the silence stretched.

“I found out I was pregnant…with y…your baby.”

Words failed him. The thought process shut down completely, along with his brain. He wanted to move his mouth but it wouldn’t obey. Dumbfounded, he blinked at her, his mouth dropping. Shock cradled the blow and wrapped him in a fuzzy cotton wool as her words relentlessly drilled their way to his core then flung him back into reality burning him with the speedy reentry.

“Pregnant?” Hayden finally managed to get his lips around the word. Natalie nodded and Hayden’s eyes drifted down to her flat belly, his hand unconsciously sliding there awakening nerve endings that missed his touch.

“I miscarried,” she whispered, biting at her lip, unable to halt the spilling tears.

Hayden’s chest tightened painfully and he dragged his eyes back to hers to glimpse the painful truth. They had made a baby then lost it. And in those beautiful eyes he read the lonely vigil she’d kept.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, his fingers clenching in her hair. “I would’ve come right away. You know I would have!”

The dreadful, silent tears coursed down her cheeks and she haltingly told him the story no one else knew. Only Dr. Vaughan knew part of it. Hayden listened to all of it: the suspicion, swiping the pregnancy tests, the doctor visit, the bookshop with the baby name book, Michelle, the miscarriage.

“You did not kill our baby,” Hayden stroked the soft hair, a sad smile ghosting his mouth. “I can see how you might have felt right on the heels of the bombing, but logically you know you didn’t, don’t you?”

Natalie nodded as Hayden wiped her soggy face. “Logically, but emotionally I’ve been all over the place, Hayden.”

“I wish you would have told me,” regret tinged his voice.

“I’m so sorry, Hayden,” Natalie apologized between sniffles. “I think I wanted to punish myself for Matt and Staci.”

“I wouave ave been there for you every step of the way. Damn it, Nat!” Hayden’s voice rose with frustration. “I should’ve been allowed to be there! You had no right to keep this to yourself.”

Natalie cowered in Hayden’s arms at the anger and disappointment he couldn’t hide. “I know, Hayden, and I am SO sorry! I was going to call you that night and ask you to come to New York so I could tell you, but then I started having the cramps…I didn’t tell anyone and only the doctor knew because I had to tell her! The doctor said I’m suffering a type of post partum depression. You have every right to be angry with me for not coming to you.”

A deep sigh expanded Hayden’s chest and he rested his forehead against hers for a moment and closed his eyes tke eke everything in. “That last night we were together,” he broke the silence, his breath sweet on her lips. Natalie opened her eyes and he lifted his head. “That’s when it happened. It felt like your body and soul opened and swallowed me whole. That’s when we created a life. Wasn’t it?”

Natalie nodded, her eyes pinned to his. She felt his hand slip under her shirt and rest reverently on her belly. In the quiet, broken only by the snaps and hisses of the fire, her tears dried and her heart healed. Her arms crept around his neck to bring her face to his. Soft and gentle his lips grasped hers, his eyes drifting closed to savor the millions of somersaults his stomach performed as she clung to him.

“I love you, Hayden,” Natalie whispered to him, watching his handsome face soften with the words. The firelight cast dreamy shadows of wonder over his face as he opened his mouth to speak. Natalie laid fingers against his lips. “Shh. You don’t have to say anything. Take me to bed and open my soul. That’s all I need.”
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Mine To Give -COMPLETED - EPILOGUE FINALLY DONE!