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Complicated This Feeling	By : AEMorgan Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Good Charlotte Views: 2569 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Good Charlotte. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Tears blurring his vision and a sinking sick feeling in his stomach, he stumbled down the hotel corridor, paying no attention to what he was doing until a door opened and a gasp made him look up.

"Joel?" Matt grabbed Joel's arm and pulled him in, cupping his face in his hands, turning him to get a better look at his swollen lip under the light. "What happened?" He shook his head and kicked the door shut. "Please don't tell me Tony did this to you."

Joel shook his head. "Benji," he replied numbly, letting Matt steer him across the room to sit in one of the chairs, Matt sitting down opposite him.

"Benji did this to you?" Matt blinked, pinching the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger. “But… I’ve never ever seen you two argue, let alone… “ He shook his head, words failing him temporarily. “What... What happened, Joel?"

"I.... I don't know," Joel admitted softly, tears spilling over and streaking down his cheeks. He lifted a heavy arm, fingers running over his bloody lip. "I don't know," he repeated, sniffing and squeezing his eyes shut.

Matt swore and rose to his feet, crossing the room and grabbing a towel and a handful of crushed ice from the bucket on the table. “Here…” He knelt down in front of Joel and tipped his chin up, dabbing away the blood with the towel before pressing the ice against his lip in an effort to ease the swelling. "OK?"

Joel nodded and took the ice from Matt, wincing as he held it to his throbbing lip. "Thanks."

Matt nodded and sat back down, propping his chin in his hands, elbows on his table as he watched Joel. "Wanna talk about it?"

Joel whimpered. "I fucked up," he whispered. Matt's eyes grew wide at Joel's confession but he didn't speak, waiting instead for Joel to continue. "I told Benji about me and Tony," Joel continued after a pause, his voice emotionless. "He said he was ok with it and that everything was cool. But then he... he threatened Tony. Said... " Joel bit his lip and shook his head. "And I kinda went mad at him. We argued and I said some shit I shouldn't and…" He looked up, meeting Matt's eyes. "I fucked up," he repeated with a sigh, shoulders slumping. “He called Tony a slut because of how he behaved last summer,” Joel’s tongue darted out over his lip. “And then… I… uh… “ He paused, closing his eyes, a pained expression on his face. “He threatened Tony and… “Joel shook his head and sighed. “I told Benji he was just like our father.”

Matt winced and shifted in his chair, unsure what to say. “There’s something else, isn’t there?” He asked quietly, reading Joel’s expression.

Joel nodded and bit down on his lower lip. "What if Benji's right, Matt? What if... What if in a few months Tony gets bored of me and…" He broke off into a barely concealed sob, shaky hands running through his hair.

"He won't," Matt took both of Joel's hands in one of his, running a thumb over the back of on. "I promise you he won't."

"How can you be so sure? You know as well as I do what he was like last summer..." Joel shook his head and pulled his hands away from Matt with a sigh and a shrug of one shoulder.

"Fuck 'em and dump 'em, right." Matt paused and Joel nodded, fighting back the tears he could feel welling in his eyes. "You know whydid did that?" Joel shook his head and Matt continued. “To piss me off. To make me angry enough that I would take it out on his ass!” Matt laughed at the puzzled look on Joel’s face. “Tony loves being spanked,” Matt explained. “But… I didn’t want to hurt him and he always complained I didn’t spank him hard enough.” A faint blush coloured Matt’s cheeks as Joel’s eyes grew wide. “So... uhmm… he used to treat them that way to piss me off. And it worked every fucking time!” Matt shook his head, laughing dryly at himself.

Joel blinked rapidly, his jaw falling to his chin. “Oh.”

Matt chuckled at Joel’s reaction, relieved when Joel grinned back at him. “See; you’ve got nothing to worry about, OK?”

"What happened between you and Tony," Joel asked softly, wincing at the hurt look on Matt's face. "I'm sorry," he apologized, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have..."

"No, it's ok," Matt took a deep breath. "He fell in love with you."

Joel's eyes grew wide, his lips forming a wide 'o'. "Oh. I... uhmm... I didn't... I.... " He swallowed heavily, tongue darting out over his dry lips. He reached out for Matt's hand across the table but pulled back before he touched him. "I... I'm sorry?"

Matt laughed softly and shook his head. "Don't be."

Joel blinked, confusion etched clearly on his forehead as he dropped the wet towel back in the bucket. "You... you don't hate me?"

Matt sighed as he stood up, pushing his chaickwackwards. He was silent as he walked across the room to the fridge. Pulling out two cans, he sat back down, sliding one across the table to Joel. He took a long drink before replying. “I wanted to,” he admitted. “Fuck, I tried to.” A shrug of one shoulder. “You make him happy,” he said simply, the tone of his voice clearly saying he wanted to drop the subject.

Joel opened his drink without taking his eyes off Matt. “You still love him,” he realised quietly.

“Yeah,” Matt swallowed loudly. “Can you ever imagine not feeling the way you do about him?”

Joel moaned softly. “No,” he admitted. They both fell silent, staring at the table, lost in thought.

Matt finished his drink and threw the can in the bin, the noise making Joel jump. He flashed an apologetic grin at Joel. “This isn’t what you want to hear Joel, but… “ He sighed, forcing himself to meet Joe’s eyes. “Tony… Tony might not always be there for you, you know that. But Benji will always be your brother. I… think you should go talk to him.”

“Yeah I know,” Joel agreed. “But… what do I say to him?”

Matt shrugged. “Now that I don’t know. Did… did you mean what you said to him; about him being like your dad?”

Joel moaned and shook his head. “No. I… I was angry and hurt. I just… lashed out, said the thing I knew would hurt him the most.”

“Then you know what to tell him.”

“Yeah.” Joel nodded and stood up. He walked slowly across the room, one hand on the doorknob. “He looked back over his shoulder. “Matt? Thanks…”

Matt nodded in acknowledgement, swearing under his breath as the door was flung open from the outside, Tony’s face lighting up at the sight of Joel, and then darkening when he saw the split lip he was sporting.

“Joel?” Tony reached out, his hand cupping Joel’s cheeks. “Matt? What the… “ He stepped fully into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. He gently turned Joel’s face to the side, taking a closer look at the cut. “What happ…” His eyes widened as realisation dawned. “Benji did this.” He growled low down his throat at Joel’s nod, hands clenching into fists at his side, eyes narrowing. He span on the spot and was about to stalk back out of the door, but Matt and Joel each grabbed one of his arms, dragging him into the room and pushing him down onto one of the chairs.

“Tony…” Matt started, not fazed by the glare Tony shot him.

“Don’t ‘Tony’ me,” Tony growled, pushing himself up from the chair, grunting when Matt pushed him back down, raising one eyebrow in a challenge. Tony’s eyes darted between Matt and Joel, defiance flashing in them. “You know what Benji said to me? He said ‘if you hurt him, I will kill you’. I’m keeping the promise for him.”

“Drop it, Tony.” Joel begged. “It’s not worth it.”

Tony shot out of the chair, knocking Matt out of his way. “Not worth it?” He echoed disbelievingly, hands on Joel’s shoulders. “Yes, it is. You are worth it.”

Joel sighed, pressing his lips to Tony’s in a quick kiss. “Leave it, Tony. Please?”

Tony returned the kiss before stepping away and moving to the door. “Sorry, Joel. I can’t do that.” He had one hand on the door and was just about to open it when Matt’s voice cracked through the room, his tone sending electricity crackling in the air.

“Anthony, I want you to step away from that door.”

Tony flinched, his back straightening and his hands falling to his side. He took a step backward then turned to face Matt; his chin against his chest, eyes focused on the floor. Matt closed the gap between them, hand roughly forcing his chin up.

“Go and sit in that chair. Do not move or speak until I give you permission to do so.”

Tony nodded, blushing at the feel of Joel and Matt’s eyes on him as he slowly walked across the room, sitting down in the chair, holding his head in his hands.

Matt sighed and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He turned his attention back to Joel, his voice losing its rough commanding timbre. “Go talk to Benji; tell him what you told me, OK?” He waited until Joel nodded, smiling encouragingly at him. “I… uh… “ He glanced over his shoulder at Tony’s slumped and dejected form. “I think I need to apologise to Tony,” he admitted ruefully. “I had no right to…” He shook his head and opened the door, gesturing Joel out. “Talk to him Joel,” he repeated.
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Complicated This Feeling