Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

...and all the sinners, [are] saints!	By : runningnakedinthepark Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rammstein Views: 2308 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Rammstein. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Hope I
- 2-Love (Chastity)
- 3-Anger
- 4-Jealousy
- 5-Sloth
- 6-Greed
- 7-Lust
- 8-Gluttony
- 9-Charity
- 10-Vanity
- 11-Hope II
- 9
- 10
- 11
Title: ...and all the sinners, [are] saints! (9/10)
Author: Mr. Naked
Rating: NC 17
Pairing: Christoph/Till
Disclaimer: If this happened for real, I'd like to know too.
Summary: Vanity
Archiving: Only with my express consent.
Inspired by Apocalyptica “Coma”
Special thanks to my betas Minx & Natt

IX – Vanity

“So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I’ll lay your soul to waste”
- The Rolling Stones: “Sympathy For The Devil” -

“And this is a thing to be proud of?”

Till. The big and old, wise man, laid on his bed in his dark room, a room flooded with thick cigarette smoke, making the air unbreathable. The solitary god locked in his loneliness, in his narrow chamber, along with his mysteries and secrets.

This makes me feel like we're so far away from the real world - I know that there is a glorious sunny day behind the thick heavy curtains covering the windows. I know that there is the rest of us and that there's animated life beyond the room's walls.

I saw them all, not long ago, in a different room, where they were all fighting.

Richard accused me of trying to tear the band apart. He accused Till for being a selfish fuck, Paul, for being a vengeful idiot, and Olli for coming between him and me. Olli accused me for luring him in my bed and then going for another man. He also accused Paul, Richard and Flake for coming between him and me. For Olli, I was his first man, of course my infidelities hurt him. Flake said I'm irresponsible, no better than the others, just another whore. Paul was mad at me because I used him to pay my revenges and play my games on the others. Of course, he wasn't happy to know that he wasn't the only one I was fucking with, either. And Till only told me that all I've done was disgusting even for someone like him.

Only moments ago I opened the door to that room and I froze...

Watching them arguing like that made me think that I’ve seen that image before, somewhere. Yes, inside me. All these beasts fighting in a muddy pit, trying to bite each other with fierce sharp fangs, trying to rip the flesh off the opponent, trying to drag him down and drawn him in the mud. And they fight and fight until they collapse exhausted, until they are close their deaths but they don’t give in. They just lift their claws to clench on another beast, to shred it apart, they growl and howl, hurt and angry, restless worms on a corpse - my conflicting thoughts on the corpse of my dead soul.

He, Till, killed my soul with a word. A simple word was enough.

“You fucking power freak!” Richard got yelled at.

Yes, he might be, but it was me who played all of them the way I wanted. I was angry about the death of my soul and I wanted to avenge it.

“Shut the fuck up, you whining bitch!” Richard barked back at Flake.

Oh, but I was the major bitch, for the each of them! I took my revenge upon them. I was the bitch for each of them. I enjoyed snatching their hearts out of their chests, riping them with my teeth, and see them all four twitching in pain.

“Who the fuck are you calling bitch, princess?” Paul growled, suddenly turned into Flake's defender.

“You, jealous fuck! You're the one bad mouthing people behind their backs,” grumbled Till at Paul.

I didn't badmouth anyone, but through my words I've sneaked some wicked ideas into their minds, putting them one against the other.

“Shut the fuck up, Till!” Paul replied. “I didn't...”
“No, you just made sure you'd break us!” Jumped Richard.

“Us, who? You and Till, you and me or you and Christoph?”

“See if he remembers,” snarled Flake.

Richard was squinting back at Paul and Flake seeming to be thinking of a reply, but then he turned his sharp glare toward me.

“What the fuck are you trying to do to this band?” Richard slashed me with his icy tone

“He could have come to us and say he wants out of it,” I heard Paul's mumble.

“Probably he wanted to go with a bang,” chuckled Olli.

“What the fuck are you trying to do to us?” Richard's glacial tone rose.

I looked at Till, helpless, and, probably he knew that I needed him to intervene, but he seemed more preoccupied with staring at his hands, studying them intensely, with an air like he wasn't in the room with the rest of us.

“Like you're any better,” I emitted this croaked whisper, looking at the other four of them.

“We worked hard to get where we are now, now it's all falling apart,” I heard Till's husky but calm voice. “Again!”

“You, shut up!” I exploded. “It's all your fucking fault!”

The others, sitting or standing in the room, turned their gazes toward Till.

“What did I do to you?” Till asked, still not looking at me.

“You know very well”

“That's why you had to act like a frustrated bitch?” Flake commented.

“I don't give a fuck who did what to whom!” Richard interfered, taking control once again.

He cocked his head and looked straight into my eyes.

“You played each of us the way you wanted. What the fuck do you want to prove? What’s your problem anyway? Why are you trying to tear this band apart?”

“I'm not trying to...”

“You know what?” He shouted. “Leave!”

“What?”

“Fuck off, Christoph!”

I looked at him refusing to understand. Then I looked at each of them and I still wasn't getting it.

“Fuck off!” Richard repeated. “I can't stand to see you anymore!”

“Do you want me to...?”

“Leave this fucking room, now!” He howled, but Till was already near me, opening the door behind me and pulling me out of there.

“He wants me out of the band?” I asked out loud.

“He wants to break your legs, for now!”

“Fuck off Till!”

I fought with him, but he was stronger and he just dragged me into his room.

And now... now here I am, with him, in his refuge, using the darkness in here as a veil to cover ourselves with, to hide from each other.

“It's partly your fault” I sigh.

Through the obscure veil comes the flickering sounds of his lighter.

“Was it me playing around with all of them?” Till asks and, for few seconds, the lighter's flame carves from the dark the sparkling blue of his eyes, along with his tall, slightly wrinkled forehead, his cheekbone and the curve of his raised eyebrow .

“You fucked with each of them, just like I did,” I mutter, fidgeting on the armchair, looking at the shapes of his face melting in the black background as the lighter's flame dies.

I feel strangled by all this duskiness and cig smoke. Yet, I don't want to leave before all that has to be said is said.

“They came to me,” Till's husky voice sneaks through smoke coils.

“They came to me too,” I reply sinking my glance into the fake night in the room.

“I should feel flattered. Someone to cause all this mess just for me,” I hear him chuckling.

I bite my tongue not to snap at him my first reply crossing my mind. Can he sense how angry I'm becoming?

“Then, how do you feel? Still disgusted?” I ask on a monotone voice, like I'm afraid to disturb the darkness and the snakes of smoke floating lazily through it.

Even thought I can't see him well, judging by the hissing sound of the fabric, I figure that he shrugs.

“They are going to eat me alive, sooner or later,” I mumble more for myself.

“They'll get over it,” comes his flat comment.

There's this burning spot floating like suspended through the obscurity; now it gets brighter for few seconds, then I hear Till's loud exhale of the smoke.

“How can you be so calm about all this?”

“Would it help with anything if I start agitating?”

No, of course it wouldn't.

“Why did you do it? He asks.

“Why did you reject me back then?”

The bright reddish dot in the darkness remains still.

Till is not going to answer.

“You fucked around with everyone but me. What, I'm not good for you? You said that if we get into this, it would break the band, yet...”

“I did it to protect you, Christoph,” his dry, yet gentle words interrupt me.

“I'm a big boy, Till,” I growl through gritted teeth.

If I stretch out my arm, I could grab his fucking throat and snap it. Instead, I only cringe more into myself. I feel my eyes stinging, probably from that damn smoke chocking the room. How the hell can he stay like that?

Minutes of silence crawl tangled with the unreal gray bodies of the smoke chains.

“And if I fuck with you, you'll stop all this shit?” He asks.

Now I could jump on him and bash his lying mouth! Knock his fucking teeth out!

Instead, I rub my face nervously, with my palms. Then, I place my hands back in my lap, and stare toward where my fingers are, though I can barely see them.

Under the warm tingling caused by my sudden irritation, my mind is empty, my soul feels empty too. I should start making a plan, it's his turn for it, right? He hurt me, I'll hurt him back, simple as that! This is what I do, this is what I've been training for, lately.

“What are you afraid of, Lindemann?” I hear my own drained voice reverberating in the dark.

His nervous short burst of laughter is the answer I get.

“Well?” I insist.

It's like... it feels like all this darkness, the coiled bodies of smoke snakes, the whole universe outside, all are pressing on my back, making me crouch even more on my seat. Few moments ago I was like a winged flyer, aiming toward the skies, to argue with the gods, and ask them why do we all have to live in this mud pit. Now, the dark daring angel is losing his wings.

“I don't know,” he sighs. “Maybe of myself, of what I could do...”

“You'd do shit!” I snap, jumping on my feet.

But I freeze, for few seconds, like freaked out that I've disturbed some delicate balance in our small world sunk in obscurity.

“You don't know...”

“I know!” I cut his words with a harsh whisper. “You're afraid that you might start feeling something. That you'd be like the rest of us, human, feeble and vulnerable. That you'll have to assume a commitment, that you'll have to give something in return! Don't you want to have someone, to be with them, to feel for them so you'd hate yourself less?”

I'm raising my voice while squinting at him, because of the poor light, because of the smoke biting my pupils, because of my stinging eyes.

But my words stop, like I'd be scared at hearing worded out thoughts I wouldn't have guessed I have.

“I might be in some big shit, but I don't envy you, Till,” I add lowering my tone.

“So much vanity!” - His whisper.

“Ha, look who's talking! You're so afraid of any responsibility; you won't allow yourself any feelings, not even of happiness and joy. That's why you're playing this role of the detached observer, the one above the rest of us, the statue of wisdom and coolness. That IS vanity, Till.”

“And what you did is whoring.”

“At least I had fun doing it. But, up there, on your cloud, you must be so lonely and so empty. Pitiful!”

“Wow, that's insulting,” he mocks me and I swear he is grinning, even if I can't see his face properly.

I stop. For a while I'm listening to my own blood pounding madly through my veins. I'm puzzled, staring at the burning end of his cig that is getting brighter again, for a split of a second. I don't even know how to react, to start hitting him or to burst into laughter.

“I only asked for one chance,” I sigh. “And you denied me that.”

I'm blinking heavily. This room is stuffed with smoke!

I make few steps toward where I know the door is.

Maybe it's time to put an end to all this. I had them all in my leash, now I should just let go.

“It's not that I don't want you,” his deep voice crosses the darkness, followed by the sounds of fabric as he's moving.

“Oh, great, now he wants me!” I sneer, stopping near the door.

“You're right,” I hear his voice getting closer to me, as he's walking over. “I do feel lonely and empty. Actually, I feel so dead inside, nothing can bring me back to life. Nothing can light again that sparkle to make me enjoy this life,” he adds and stops in front of me. “That's the truth you asked for, Christoph. I feel that I'm falling, and I can't allow anyone to join me into this. I can't do this to anyone anymore, especially to someone like you” he whispers, huskily, and I see this shadow, his hand, rising and stretching out to my face. “I do need someone to try to pull me out of this, but so many tried and failed, ended...”

He stops talking; instead he runs his fingers through the curls of my hair, not too close to my face, though, like he's afraid that any human touch would contaminate him with the life pulsing under my skin.

“... They all got destroyed during the process, Christoph.”

His voice sounds deep, warm, pleading.

What the fuck is this shit?

“So, you wouldn't give anyone a chance, not even to yourself?” I reply on a soundless tone.

He stands there motionless, while his heavy palm travels down, from my hair, to lie, hesitantly on my shoulder.

“I could try,” he answers on a same voiceless whisper as he's leaning toward me.

His dry lips brush warmly against mines; he opens his mouth, I open mine too, instinctively, to receive his kiss. His kiss is soft, gentle, slow, like savoring each contact with my lips and tongue.
I lift my hands and touch his pectorals through the thin layer of his t-shirt, his nipples hardening under my fingers. He tastes bitter, of tobacco, yet intoxicating and arousing. Even his stubble, scratching the skin on my face, turns me on. I could just close my eyes and sink into his embrace, throw myself mindlessly into this new turmoil...

His lips leave mines bit by bit, until he's standing again only few centimeters in front of me, motionless. I feel his warmth and scent of cigarettes sneaking and folding over my body, tucking around me like a thick comfortable blanket.

“I did all this for myself,” I whisper, fighting this sweet dizziness pouring over my brain.
I'm caressing his chest, moving my fingers on his abdomen, sneaking their tips under his belt. “I had to prove a point. And I did. I also saw how far I can go,” I continue, suddenly calmed, even cheered up, like I've found the answer for all my problems. “Thinking that I've done all that for you, that's vanity, Till.”

If there was any light in here, he would see me smiling.

I tilt my head as I'm placing my fingers lower on his crotch, to feel his member getting hard.

“And, no, Till, I won't fuck you. It's me holding the end of the leash, not you,” I add shaking my head slowly. “I'm not just going to drop everything and come running to you when you snap your fingers.”

My palm leaves, bit by bit, his warm body; he's still there, motionless, like a shadow frozen in darkness, with the cig burning between his fingers.

I turn around and open the door. For a second I stare at the threshold as it seems split in two - one half covered by the darkness in the room, the other half, lit from outside.

I inhale deeply and move my leg stepping into the light.

I twist my head and see Paul at the end of the hallway. He smiles and waves at me, as a salute. I nod back at him and turn my head until my glance meets the silvery waters of a mirror on the wall in front of me. In there I see, behind me, the door opened like to a dark place resembling a pit of hell where Till is hiding.

To be continued...
- 9
- 10
- 11
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

...and all the sinners, [are] saints!