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May All Be Pain or Love	By : Skwishee Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 5673 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
- 11
"Not sleeping for pain is a small thing to bear, compared with the joy of being alive when all the rest are dead." - unknown chinese poet
Isshi lived in his shrine like a bird in a cage —not quite alone, but the mice in the rafters and the few birds and animals that did hang about in the windows were hardly sufficient company. By his reckoning he was nearly one thousand years old. He had told me this and other things to appease my restlessness as I was prone on the bedding I'd been occupying since this whole surreal episode had began. I suppose he humored me to ease my nervousness as I waited for whatever was lodged so indiscreetly in my chest to do whatever it was he was so anxious for it to do. Save me, if that was its intention. Friend or foe, under the circumstances I would have welcomed anything if only I could live to see my family again, I suppose that virtue was in my favor.
I have to say I was grateful for being taken care of so well by one so at odds with my human world. I could see his aversion to it now and almost grew to hate it myself whenever he spoke his thoughts on the matter. Hundreds of years ago his kind would have been revered and poets would have written verses in praise of their wisdom and immortality, but time had been vicious. Superstition was dying, belief in the supernatural as well and every day people remembered less and less of the glorified creatures that had owned this world before man came. Kistune, Tengu, Naga, Kasha, they were all legend now, only imaginary beasts created by a vastly righteous religion insistent on worshiping myths and superstitions.
Once the Japanese worshiped Kistune. They had to, to appease their voracious appetites for lovers they'd inevitably dispose of. Shrines and temples were erected in honor and praise...in hope that by giving them the attention they craved so much that their wives and daughters, husbands and sons would be spared a call to mate and die. It seemed to me a foolish thing to do, like showering a temperamental child with undue attention to keep them happy. If the kitsune weren't spoiled before they had become so over the years, even though no one really believed in them anymore. They still revolted, they still mated and killed, but we humans found alternate means of explanation for the otherwise suspicious deaths, refusing to believe that anything otherworldly had been the culprit. Otherworldly was the myth. The oni were more of this world than we were.
Isshi said that once it was very different, it was as it should have been, before he hid himself away in this place to accommodate human evolution. I asked him why he shouldn't come out now and reawaken the old ideals.
"Maybe that would have been wise centuries ago, but now...no, they don't even recognize us when we walk in front of them, when we smile to them, kill them or even bed them. It's not that we are hiding, it is that they no longer see us for what we are. Not many humans see the way you do, believe the way you do. To them I may only seem a man of normal height, this tail, not a tail, but legs as normal and as unoriginal as theirs. Because you grew up with an oni you can see us for what we are. Just by being near him you've been given a gift that not many are blessed with. Be grateful you can see past the end of your nose."
[[How can that be? Kyo...he used his voice tonight, you can't tell me those who witnessed it could be so blind as to still not believe in what he is.]]
"They do not, and they will not. What they saw they'll find some rational explanation for, no doubt, as humans always will. They'll not see him as anything more than an average daimyo with above average looks. That is our trademark, those of us who walk among the humans, we are seldom anything but beautiful. I can't say the same for the tengu or the gaki or any other of the forest dwellers----"
I laughed in my head. [[If that were true then Toshiya, Dai and Shinya, all three would be oni.]]
His lips curled up in a faint smile for the first time. "Perhaps in another life they may have been, in fact, I'm almost certain that is so. The way you found each other, the loyalty that you share, the bonds and the love, it's reminiscent of oni mating and human adoration. The family behavior, the way you must be with them always and they with you, that's demonic. The fact that you love them, that's humanistic. Perhaps you've received the best of both worlds, but somehow you five were meant to be together and that won't stop with this lifetime. You should find each other again and again, and always by accident, until the world ends, because that's how it's done."
Before I could respond something hitched inside me and I cried out in pain.
"It's happening, this is lucky..."
I did not feel lucky in the least. Actually, him even saying so gave me the urge to hit him, but I was too overwhelmed by the strain to even make a fist. The shadow was moving through me, in my chest, in my veins, tiny tendrils snaking through my body, hot as fire, and they held that pitiful lump of meat that was once beating and strong and squeezed it tightly. I screamed as the sensation in my chest turned from terrible to unendurable when the shadow shot what felt like two inch long thorns out from the side where it was pressed against the remaining half of my heart. Had I been thinking correctly I would have thought that it was only trying to anchor itself to me, but because the pain was so intense I could only think that it was malicious.
Suddenly the ache that was encompassing my body contracted, and I felt the pressure dissolve so rapidly and the newness of air fill my unused lungs so heavily that I was forced to arch into the mattress as it left me.
O O O
I must have lost consciousness again, because having opened my eyes I found that they were badly adjusted to the light and were gummy with sleep. The world still seemed dark, though it smelled differently than it had before. It must have been morning, but the rain still fell as violently as ever outside.
Gloomy light was sent in by way of the high slats in the wooden frame of the room. The greyish tint fought with the yellow of the still burning lanterns until the room agreed to settle into a dirty mud color, both sources of light absorbed by the stone statues and wooden furnishings.
I was able to sit up this time without much pain at all. The only parts of me that protested were my muscles and a few stiff joints but the ache was ecstasy compared to what I had felt before. The hole in my chest was sutured but not bandaged and I could barely notice any undesireable sensations coming from it anymore and the pressure in my chest and throat had gone. The little mattress I had been laying on was soaked red on top. My blood was everywhere. Clearly I would have died on this bed if not for interesting sorcery.
"Humbling, is it not?" I found Isshi settled by the door frame. He had to slouch to fit through to the other side. Isshi might have been a shorter man had he been human, his torso was the same length as mine. Looking at him directly I couldn't help thinking he should have fitted through the frame with ease, but then with his lumbering movements I was reminded of what he was and the long length of tail that was very attached to the afore mentioned body. "To see what would have been. It's like looking back at your body after death, or something like it." His voice grew still. "Are you in anymore pain?"
I shook my head.
"Good. You can use your own voice now, that has been mended as well. The shadow took your body better than I expected." "Then I'm alive?" I said weakly, noticing that I was breathing again. My throat still felt scratchy and dry. "Very much." said Isshi. "What does this make me?" I asked, unsure that I wanted an answer.
Isshi looked at me curiously. "No more than you were. Even a kasha's shadow can't make gold from a copper coin, you know. Or are you asking if your humanity is shifted? Yes, maybe it is, but you're not an oni. If you want to contend semantics...I suppose it would make you a living corpse, though that's not an accurate description anyway. You're much more alive than that, much more."
I nodded numbly, gratefully that he had done away with that title.
"You need to clean yourself up, that blood has been sitting for days and if infection hasn't developed it soon will. You can wash outside in the fountain." Glancing at the mangled hues of light again I sighed. "Is it morning?"
He nodded. "Hn...but not quite the morning you're thinking of." I gave him a suspicious look. "How long have I ...hours or..." "A day at least, it's almost afternoon. Your body needed time to accept what it had been given. Really I'm surprised it happened so fast, amazing."
"I have to go back..." I stopped myself, thinking clearly for the first time since I came here. "I don't even know if they're alive..." "It's all been dealt with. You've won and they're alive, be happy."
What did he mean? I couldn't fathom that he had gone out of his shrine, but news must have reached him somehow and if it had, why did he not tell me sooner?
"What do you mean, we've won? How can you..." "Do you think I'm such a fool that I wouldn't know what happens in my own forest? The oni here are my spies, even the one that sent you to me..." I had the feeling he just let something slip he wanted to keep hidden by the look in his eyes.
"The one that...who sent me? I came to the house on my own and was taken here against my will. No one sent me!" I argued.
He snorted. "You humans can be so mindless. From the beginning of this havoc the hanyou has been steering you toward me because he knew that something serious had to happen for you to shed your humanistic idiocies and understand the world you chose to live in." "Kyo?!" I exclaimed, sincerely stunned. "Kyo has..." "I said hanyou, but I didn't say your lover's name did I? There are two hanyou in these woods. It was Közi that shepherded you into Aomori." I was irate. "Közi!? No, it was Hirota that betrayed me!"
Isshi nodded. "Yes, that must have been how it seemed to you." he said simply. "But it was always Közi. It was also he whom attempted your seduction in Pontocho and then told you of the rebellion. Incidentally...he may have also pushed Ryozen to attack when they did, but I can't be sure of that."
"He meant to kill me..." I realized.
Isshi was surprised. "Kill you?! Of course not, don't be stupid he was helping you. It was Közi that came to me and told me should you come into my home I should help you because you belonged to Kyo." "That doesn't make sense, why would he help me? And what did I need help doing?" Isshi carried the semblance of a smile. "Maybe it's you who makes no sense. I certainly could see that a little easier. Your humanity, his...inhumanity they can't exist together. You had to see him for what he really was before your emotional ignorance killed you both. There are reasons demons live longer than humans and brainless adoration is one of them." He sighed deeply and he even gave that a certain amount of sophistication. "He can't live like you, you know, hanging on a paradigm that all he needs to ensure his place in this world is you, or love. It's ridiculous to expect it. You've died once already because you are just that stupid, if you love him you can't let him do the same." I kept quiet as Isshi moved to relight an oil pan that had gone out because of the wind. The red glow that sparked from the flint captured my eyes. "His mother lived like that." My head raised of its own volition. "His father was like you, chivalrous, protective, but more than anything he drummed it into her head that because he loved her and she him they would live forever. When she finally believed it, the first day that she was actually, truly happy, one small mistep cause that amity to fall. Her love died to protect her and she died giving birth to the hybrid he made inside her and it left that child miserable." "He's not anymore." was all I could say. "No. You came along and you started the process over again. He's a gift, Kaoru, one that two very good people had to die for, and you were dragging him down the same path he was born from. Love is...sacred and beautiful but also...terrifying." "Are you telling me I shouldn't love him?" My voice was so weak I wondered if I had spoken aloud. "No. Love him, but don't let it kill him. Közi respects him greatly. Any other demon with that kind of loyalty would have just had you killed, but he opted, rather, to give Kyo something better and give you Kyo in return." His eyes narrowed dangerously. "Thank him when you see him next, he didn't have to go to that trouble." I was still staring at the stone tile in deep thought. "Go and bathe before I get tired of caring for you. My patience isn't infinite, though you've certainly tried and tested it. Go."
Rolling off the bed proved harder than I had imagined, depsite my improving condition, but somehow I managed and for the first time in days my dirty feet hit the floor, knees immediately buckling from misuse. My hands found themselves braced against Isshi's raised tail. The smooth scaling underneath was cool to the touch. It was a nice change from the heat I'd been feeling for days. "Go slow." He said to me in a kind voice. "Being alive doesn't mean you can over exert yourself." I kept against his tail for support as I reaquainted myself with the sensation of breathing properly. Without his sorcery it was much harder to function upright. I had been fine when I was stationary but my muscles seemed to have atrophied a little in the meantime so moving was far more challenging than standing still.
It took me awhile before I was steady enough to push away from him and stand on my own. He lead me out to the courtyard and I was directly grateful for the dismal weather since even the dreary light felt like fire on my eyes. This little cloister was covered in grey stone and the walls surrounding it were high, almost half a meter, which was well over my head. Near the back wall of the enclosure there was a recessed pool, the bottom or which was no more than a few inches deep and covered in colored mosaic tile. Two columns rose up from a ledge to brace four v shaped stone beams that poured water down into the short pool where it would drain back out to its source again.
Disrobing felt indescribable. My body had been so hot, sweat soaked because of the strain and spoiled by patches of caked blood. I hadn't realized how disgusting the feeling of it was until I pulled off my clothing bit by bit and the wash of cool dank air and cold water refreshed every inch of me. My battered clothes I laid on the stone rises of the fountain, they were so torn and bloodied that I knew I would not be able to bear putting them on again.
The water was like a blessing. Though the torrential rain was more than enough to get me suitably clean the added fullness and pressure of the fountain made the process all the easier. It was cold though and I shivered through the downpour whenever the wind would blow in from the east. There was a furrow under the pipes that fed the water through hollowed paths that ran and renewed themselves on the exterior of the shrine. These had been overflowing for some time as an attestation to the fierceness of the weather.
My hair was tangled and sticky like a tar covered brush, so matted with blood that even the water had little chance of salvaging it. I moved to grope my clothing for my dagger but my spine gave an ill rending crack from the motion and I dropped to the tile like a rag doll. "I was beginning to think you'd come away without much injury, but I can't always be right, can I? It's rigor...don't forget you were dead once. Death may have been unsuccessful but not before it caused you some grievance, however it's only a small one, so be thankful. No awkward motions just yet. Give it time."
I coughed as a cold, softness brushed the small of my back and then crept along the puddles in front of me making me gasp in surprise. The naga's long tail glided through the small pool around me and I couldn't help myself from going cold with nervousness. Each time a part of it was settled the part that followed would crash into the pool with a heaviness that made me realize if he meant to do me harm there was no way I could escape from his coils. But I reasoned with myself, why would he hurt me now after trying so hard to keep me safe? Still, even knowing that I couldn't help but be anxious as his tail constricted around me and the thing was so insanely weighted that my body was forced upright with the grip until I was kneeling as straight as I could in the pool. "Issh..."
"Shhh. Be quiet, this may hurt..." I could glance down and find the end of his tail pressed against my chest. "Breathe deep and don't let it out till I tell you." Finding my breath in the first place was harder than it seemed but it came to me with a little effort and when I had a lung full I felt the lower coils tightening and a strangled cry pushed out of me as my spine was crushed into place accompanied by an obnoxious and sickening noise, but instantly I could feel the pressure in my vertebrae abating..
He didn't let me drop quickly as I'd expected, instead he kept himself around me and he pulled something from inside his kimono. The delicacy in which he held my tanto seemed to me some kind of beautiful irony. With all the power wrapped up in his body it seemed a useless toy. I wondered for a moment on what he meant to do with it, but then he let up the pressure around me enough to lift my hair out into the open and then I felt the blade sliding effortlessly through it, separating the salvagable from the horrendous mass of bloodied black that fell down around me. I could literally feel the weight disperse as each knotted strand was severed and at last the remaining length of it lay still against my chest, not quite reaching the sutured lesion over my heart. The amount of hair that was left to drop made me wince, almost a foot and a half of black silk thrown to the pools on the ground. When it was done I felt the air meet me piously for the second time that day and each elephantine coil of him drew away and left me open in the elements. Isshi let the tanto fall near my feet and moved to fetch the new clothes he'd left by the broad side of the fountain.
"They're still wet, but they're clean. You'll only get them soaked again the way you're going anyway. Do you think you're ready to see him now?" He said, offering the simple robes which I took gratefully to cover my nudity and then my set of daisho which he'd had strung on his side. I slid my tanto back into it's place along side the other swords as I tied my obi. "I'm ready to do more than that." He nodded and for a moment he looked like the wisest person I'd ever seen. "I should hope so. If you were to ignore such a rare opportunity then I should be happy to take it from you again. Never forget that, you only live because he loves you. If that were not true then you would have rotted in the forechamber just like the others. Think on that image when you make your choices if you can." "With all due respect, my lord, that won't be the image that deters me. I almost lost everything, nevermind actually losing myself." I pulled my collar up to my face and sank into the smell of clean silk "Are they really alive? "Are you asking me if I lied to you?" His tone alone was enough to tell me not to challenge him. "No. I'm asking if you're certain of your sources." Crossing his arms and flicking his tail made it clear to me he didn't like to be questioned. "Yes, I'm certain. I'm certain that I asked my oni to protect that house, and I'm certain they have done as they were told. I can smell the blood on the air, its mortal malodor covers the ground. Even if Miyamoto is in that mixture, Kyo is not, be satisfied of that."
Satisfaction, I realized, would only be gained by my going to Miya-tei myself...whether I was ready or not.
O O O
Standing at the gates of Miya-tei left me in a surrealistic state of deja-vu. The rain was so heavy I felt like I was drowning in it. The white gates were open, the wet cobblestone bred greedy blood pools. Mechanically I looked to the trees. There were no bodies to mirror my dream, but there clearly had been some hours ago. The trees were deep red, blood soaked the bark from the branches to the trunks. Then the lightning...when this too came into play I all but ran through the gates expecting to see Kyo and the evidence of our house's contention.
Thankfully the courtyard was clear, no corpses or piles of the dead, only servants on their hands and knees despite the rain remained. With buckets of soap and brushes they used the puddles to desperately clean the walks of blood and entrails before the walks were stained. The moment I walked in all weeping eyes were on me, surprise and relief on their faces. It was clear I was supposed to be very dead.
I motioned for all of them to rise, the work could wait. When they didn't move I pulled them up one by one and told them to go inside and rest. Without a doubt some had lost their loved ones. It was clear in their eyes and I wished I had the power to make everything right again. I had caused this insurrection and people had died because of my brash mistakes. It wasn't right.
"KAORU!" My heart rode on that voice. I felt as though I'd been missing it since I left the house days ago. Toshiya's long legs took him across the courtyard, awkwardly shaking on his sore ankles. When he collided with me it was with such an impact that I was almost knocked over. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to, so I left him crying in the crook of my shoulder.
He was scratched and bruised but seemed to sustain no other visible injuries. He was also exhausted. I could feel his legs quiver against mine, threatening to come out from under him. I slipped my hands under the bend of his knees and scooped him up in my arms. I didn't want him to cry. It nearly broke me in two to see him like this after I told myself I would never let him be hurt again. I stood in the rain for minutes just holding him in my arms and looking at the destruction of my house. It was in good shape for the most part. Hinges had been broken, paint scratched, wood hewn, but it was still there and so were my family and I was so grateful to be holding Toshiya in that instant that I could have cried. Whatever Isshi had set in motion had obviously worked and I owed him everything.

Dai seemed the most real of all the people I had seen since that day, having appeared in the far away walk. Battered and tired, his eyes were slightly swollen from crying, somewhere private I had thought because Dai never cried where we could see. His catlike face was home to slow healing cuts and a few deep brusies, and a severe limp rioted through an effected leg, but his broad grin in spite of everything told me he was every bit as strong as I'd always thought. He met me with enthusiasm, wrapping an arm around my neck and pushing his face into the crook of my neck.
"Kaoru! Gods, I was afraid we had lost you. Are you alright?" He asked quickly, stumbling over his words. "We thought you were dead...Hirota-san...came back and informed us that you had bled out and died in his arms...I never thought I would see you again." When he pulled away he was still smiling and in that infectous way he had he'd pulled a weary one from me as well.
"Just now, Dai...I couldn't explain it if I tried. Hirota...he threw me in the shrine to die." I said.
Dai made a face that was unreadable. "Aomori?" I nodded. "I was left for dead...my heart burst..." I sounded insane, I knew it. He looked at me incredulously. "T...there was someone in there...someone..." I trailed off. "Nevermind, it's too much to explain now. I'll tell you all you want later...I'm too happy to see you...er...relatively well." He laughed. "I'm holding together. If anything I'm enjoying Shinya worrying over me all the time." "How is he?" I asked. "Asleep now, but he's fine, just tired. He's been the one to pull everything back together and I've only just made him go to bed." "Thank you for that...and Kyo?" Dai looked stricken. "I..I don't know. After the fighting stopped he just...fell down...like he was hit by something invisible. I turned my back for a minute and he had already run off. I didn't go after him...there was too much to take care of here." I threw him a glare. "I'm sorry, Kao! You know as well as I do that Kyo will do as he pleases, if he wanted to run then nothing I could have said or done would have stopped him!" I nodded, he was right. Dai stretched out his arms. "I'll take Toshiya inside before he gets sick.I need to change his dressings anyway." Dressings? I looked down as Dai pulled him from me and noticed his hands were bandaged. I didn't even have to ask. "The garrote. It really cut him up, but he was incredible out there." Toshiya smiled sleepily at the compliment. "He's really tired, you have no idea. Listen, you need to go and find Kyo. He thinks you're dead...He just...the look in his eyes was like...he just shattered. He probably went to find your body. I'm worried about him, but I don't have the strength to run after him. Please bring him back, nothing's the same around here without him. We can talk when you come home."
O O O
In the downpour the dark, spindly woods were not so much frightening anymore as it was sad. I followed the well worn path that our footsteps had long ago forged, followed them right to the spring and there was Kyo. I hadn't had to even guess where he was. This was the place he mourned. This was a part of his world no one else but me seemed to know about. He was safe here.
He sat curled against himself in front of Kano's tree staring into the abysmal crook and the haggard bit of cloth inside and he wept. Or, at least, it seemed as if he were weeping, for his whole body shook with every inhalation and every breath ghosted wet mist into the gloomy air.
When he saw me he went still and his face flew into expression, lingering in that fine grey area between relief and horror and when he was overcome with them both they seemed to collide and his face sank into an angry glare.
"What are you doing?" He whispered to me, I didn't understand. "What are you doing to me?!" he shouted over the persistant atmospheric noise. "Is this your idea of a joke, fox? Do you think this is funny, your coming to me in that body? How dare you!" He looked madder in that instant than I had seen him look in the courtyard, more than I'd ever seen him look. "I'll hang you from the trees and make a coat of your skin you wretched beast if you don't come out of that body!" Fox? Oh yes, the kitsune... "Kyo! I'm not Közi, It's me... Kyo, it's me." I tried to put my hands on his shoulders but he threw them off.
"Don't! Don't touch me wearing those hands, I'll gut you." He tried to conceal a sob but it sounded anyway. "He's dead...I felt him die. I didn't hear about it, I didn't see it, don't you understand? I felt it..." he trailed off. "As much as if it were me..." He looked past me as if he'd be sick if he looked at me.
"Don't pretend, don't...wear that skin...j-just...don't." He choked on his last word, looking as though he would erupt into tears but then he became enraged and he pushed me so hard I stumbled back into a sodden tree. "I...will kill you, no, no I won't because it's too hard, you're too....because you won't die...but I'll hurt you..." His eyes were dangerous and I actually found that I was afraid. "I'll make you wish you could die, but not in that body...don't make me in that body, Közi."
Fear. Dear god Isshi was right. What had I done to him? Kyo was so strong, I thought that nothing in the world could break him. I had thought that as long as I was there nothing would have the chance. What I hadn't realized was what would happen if I wasn't there anymore. And this...this emotion sickness that violated him from the inside out, this wild insanity, was the end result of a crushing idolatry we had made in each other. Sick, sick dependency, one we couldn't afford to nurse any longer. It had to be satisfied...one...last...time.
I did the only thing I could think of, I pulled open the top of my robe enough that he could see the freshly sewn scars on my body and the gold chain still wrapped around my waist. I didn't say anything because I couldn't think of any words that could convey his mistake without making him feel like he was going crazy. This simple action seemed effective as he was shocked into stillness and he stared at my torso like it had grown eyes and teeth and nothing could have made him look away. Közi may have been able to replicate my form but Kyo knew a kitsune could not replicate a detail so small. He wouldn't have known about the chain.
"Kaoru?" He tested my name, wanting so hard to believe in it even for a second. I knew what he wanted me to say, something to tell him it was really me, that he wasn't hoping blindly, but my voice failed me. I think he would have believed in his hope too if he hadn't then noticed the delicacy of my robes. I never wore kimono, not even his.
"You bitch..." he regarded the string of gold around my waist like an insult. "Sneaking...tricky, tricky...tri..." He closed his eyes against his tears as his voice faded to a whisper. "So like a fox..." his eyes were paling, the glacial blue turning to milky ice and they were furious. "...to steal from the dead." "No.." I whispered desperately, shaking my head incase my voice wasn't heard. "Scavenger." "No." "Whore." His growl shook the air so hard the rain was thrown into convulsion. "...sadist..." Suddenly the look in his eyes shifted from anger to hurt and he fell to the ground. "...his body is mine, regardless of what you've done to it. Bring it to me, fox." Kyo stared at the ground passively, broken. "BRING IT NOW!"
I dropped to my knees in front of him trying to sort out something that would make him see his error.
"Take it, it's yours after all. No more childishness, no more whining, you treat me how you like and I love you however I like. That was the deal wasn't it? I grow up and you wear this for me?"
Something coherent flashed in his eyes and he wept. "Where have you been?" He whispered, his upper body was shaking violently. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? I looked, I looked everywhere but you left me" he cried. He had to cry, had to get this feeling out of him because it was so unwelcome. It had to leave so that he could be Kyo again and after a little while he was. I had talked him down, told him everything, everything I had done and everything I had yet to do that I must and little by little that fearful madness drained out of his eyes and he was left more composed and more like the Kyo I remembered. "Touch me." Was all he said when he regained his senses and I thought, just this once it wouldn't hurt. I pushed him back into the trunk of the red maple that set singularly by the big oak and pinned his arms above his head. He accepted my kiss with a hunger I had never felt in him before. I couldn't tell whether it was my sudden forcefullness that spurred his enthusiasm or if it was just that I was alive and he could touch me again. Really it didn't matter, whichever it was, all I cared about was melding with him in that instant, tasting and taking him in until I was sure I would never be able to wash him off of me. He seemed to be doing the same, grinding against my body with a primal fervor that made me want to exhalt and bless him.
Hurriedly I unwrapped his obi and all the trinkets tucked inside fell to the ground and when I set to pull apart his kimono the wet heaviness of it brought it off his shoulders without the slightest coaxing. His body was a waterfall of little streams, each brook licking over his muscles and stimulating him in all the right areas. He moaned when I pulled him down the tree and the leaves above shook pulling the drops to land directly on his nipples with some degree of protean hardness. The pure weight and mass of the downpour on his naked skin was making him purr with delight, especially so when I pulled him from his robes and gifted his organ to the elements, the drops bearing down enough to cause it to spasm in the air. He moved to grab himself but I held his hands tight.
"No. Don't you dare." I told him. "Don't you see how beautiful this is? No haste, no quick relief, Kyo. Not this time. I want to remember..."
He laughed in such a husky way that it sent me spiraling into madness. "Like you could ever forget me. Be realistic, Niikura." The heaving of his chest in such close proximity was enticing me in a way that was all Kyo. "You even came back from the dead for me."
"Only so that I could command you." I teased. Kyo laughed. "As you commanded death? Don't be a fool. I don't know how you did it, but I know that you didn't pull yourself from the gate alone. I don't care, not right now, how you did it...I'll ask you later. Try and command me now, yes? " "Yes." I whispered against his lips as I pushed him hard into the tree trunk again and he grunted sharply into the air. Worshipful kisses trailed down his stomach and I fished my tongue into his navel so hard it seemed as though I was trying to enter him from the middle. He wriggled and writhed against the tree in an ecstasy so pure it was intoxicating.
Refusing to move downward any further I assaulted his stomach with my tongue and tilted my head so that his cock was pressed against my throat and on every deep swallow my adams apple would run over the top of it and make him push upwards into me, desperate for me to take him in. I could only do this so many times before I consented and I found myself moving slightly downward and sliding it into my mouth.
He watched me with fascination, my motions a source of intrigue clearly expressed in his small shudders of appreciation. His eyes never closed, instead he looked at me and I thought that he was seeing me for the first time since we were young.
I pushed my tongue against the head of his cock then drew back as hard as I could and the subsequent suction forced him into my throat and we both groaned. "I forgot what it felt like..." Kyo sighed. "...your mouth." Tangling his hands in my sopping hair he pulled me more against him.
Lust inspired me to unfasten the gold chain from around my waist and string it along the organ in front of me. Kyo smirked as I wound the chain from the base of his erection to just below the head, keeping enough length and control on both ends of the thing to constrain as necessary and I pulled it tight. His mouth fell open in a soundless gasp, but the look of amusement never left his face.
The tighter I pulled the deeper the color of him grew till I was face to face with the most deliciously dark and swollen sight I'd ever laid eyes on. A bit of reddened velvet on a golden pike and I couldn't stop myself from sucking gently on the tip. I rolled it around in my mouth just to hear him say my name in his signature vital tone. "Kaoru...stop." He half-heartedly pushed my shoulder away from him. "You really want me to?" He nodded. It was all he could do, seeming so far gone he could barely lift his head properly. I didn't know what he meant for me to do so I sat calmly back on my heels and waited for him to tell me.
All the while the rain came down against my eyelashes and down my cheeks as I kept my eyes on him. For awhile he stared at me also, content to catch his breath and blink his own eyes against the heavenly barrage and then when he'd settled himself a bit he sat up on his knees, grabbed the front of my kimono and slipped his hands inside. Opting not to say a word I watched him assert himself over my body and I realized it wasn't at all as vulnerable a feeling as I thought it would be. His left hand played with the newly cut bits of hair that fell over my shoulders and he brushed his hands across the bit of scruff on my face that had formed throughout my ordeal. "Are you angry? Kyo..." He shook his head. "I like it. You look older."
Drawing the kimono down my arms took his focus off my appearance and he didn't think on it again. Taking my skin to his mouth became his new priority, he'd successfully bared my chest for it. Everytime his lips came down on me he would suck in hard and leave off just as quickly until it was a constant battle between hot and cold. Without being directed he found my nipples and slowly teased them to hardness until each of them were sore and straining for him to return.
"Lay down." I growled and he looked at me indignantly. "On the ground?" "Where else." I snapped. "Put your kimono underneath you."
Obeying commands had never been Kyo's strong point, but this time he complied almost immediately, fanning it out on the ground underneath him, and then he cautiously lay down on the proffered silk. I came down on his chest and bent, taking the uncovered bit of his cock into my mouth again and his sounds of encouragement followed suit. I went slow, sucking gently and then forcefully, always alternating the two extremes until he had buried his face into my thigh and everytime he nuzzled against it I would pull the chain around him tighter to pull a rattling cry from deep in his throat.
He occupied his restless fingers by sinking his nails into the backs of my thighs, I could feel their sharpness through the fabric still covering my bottom half. He tired of it quickly though and found better use for his hands, using them to pull apart the ties on my waist until my obi and my robes fell to the forest floor and he employed his taught abs to arch up and capture my length in his mouth and he found himself content to scrape his nails across that for awhile.
I mouthed the deep red head of his erection and in turn he'd press his head up so hard into me that my own arousal would slide so far down his throat that I thought he would swallow me whole. All of a sudden he pulled back, "Kaoru, take it off." he moaned. "Please, it's too tight."
The demon struggled underneath me and I finally took pity on him and slowly I unwound the chain. He was as red as blood the whole way down and every inch of him was weeping for relief but I didn't have it in me to touch him and end it without savoring some small amount of the process. In light of this I brought my head down as slow as I was able while he pumped me below. First the crown slipped past my lips and then at a torturous pace I slid down inch by inch, my hands keeping him pinned to the ground. When the last bit of him was literally down my throat he meweled and I was flooded with his semen.
He had to let me go as he contracted. I had never seen him so absorbed in pleasure before, but I kept him in my mouth till he was still and then I let him go slowly and leaned back against the tree.
He was beautiful on the ground like that, soaked and panting out his affection. My face warred with itself, undecided between a look of hazy lust and pure joy, but in the end I settled for a disbelieving smile. "Kaoru..." His voice was small, much meeker than I'd ever heard it. "What happened?" "Hmmm?" I looked up and he was looking fairly dazed. Kyo sat up grogilly. "Did I pass out? I laughed, "Did you?" "I think so..." He said before laughing at himself. His genuine smile was more than I could have asked for. "I just felt dizzy and then I saw you looking smug." My smile widened. "I think if you passed out I have every right to look smug, do I not?" He laughed again. "Perhaps, but you shouldn't. I'm much better at looking smug than you." Chuckling I leaned over him again, this time to kiss him deeply. I threaded my fingers in his and pushed him back up against the tree to let him feel my hard nipples rub against his as we breathed. I sucked on his tongue for minutes in this position until he went hard against my thigh again and when I was satisfied at my progress I resituated myself on his kimono and spread my legs.
"What are you doing?" Kyo stared at my body with severe lust coupled with a sense of respectable restraint. If I wasn't willing to continue he wasn't willing to pursue me. He had had his release, now he focused on mine, and that desire to quell me hardened him again. "Breaking." I said, and the excessive pretense of that undeniably emotionless demon nature seemed to splinter. He steadied himself on a sigh as though my response had been monumental. "I don't understand." He said honestly. "It's time we were equals in all things, including this." "Equals?" His face battled itself for a finite expression. "How do you think we could be eq.." I cut him off. "Ugh, Kyo, don't think. Don't you dare take the time to think on the meaning. You wanted to command someone, and I refused, it's why you left me. Then command me now..." I smirked. "I promise I'll moan as loud as the hanyou." He scoffed. "You are crazy. You want me to top you?" there was a starvation in his eyes that meant to consume me, but he held it back. "I have nothing for..." "You had some things in your obi, I felt them." "Inscense oils for the temple...for prayer, not for this." He replied. "Use it. And the other things?" I asked more out of curiosity than real purpose.
Narrowng his eyes at me he made sure I saw his offputting glare. "A flint, coins, my dagger..." "What were you going to pray for?" I asked, deciding that the other items on the list were relatively useless. Silence took him for a moment as he decided what to tell me or if he should tell me anything at all. "That I could find your body." "And if you couldn't?" A deep breath stabilized him and he shrugged softly. "That's what the dagger was for." So saying I didn't speak again. I could only accept and move on.
I laid on my back, eyes shut against the downpour, Kyo crosslegged in front of me, back against the tree. Wordlessly he watched as I began to stroke my fingers down my bare belly. My skin was soft and slick, unbelievably warm despite the coolness of the rain. If I opened my eyes I could see him, eyes fixed on my fingers while he began to touch his hardness. There was a swell of heat inside me at his every slow breath and I worried that my body would fail itself when the intensity got too great. Farther and farther treked the pads of my obstinate digits until they fell between my legs.
"So, we're starting again?" he remarked. "We never stopped. Open me up." I told him.
Opening my eyes I was caught by the image of Kyo dipping his tongue into the little jar of oil like a cat and he bent, holding his tongue steady but tucked away just inside his open mouth, away from the angry weather which was determined to wash away his work. One hand on each of my thighs spread them with no resistance and his eyes found mine as he sank down and brought his buttery tongue across my hole. Eyes were never so resistant to remaining open as mine and when he went for the oil again I gave up fighting them and sank back to the ground in a hazy bliss.
All I saw was black, but I felt the heavy moisture hit my face and the burning stretch of my groin muscles as my legs were parted almost too far apart, and every once in awhile the warm drip of oil and saliva rolled down between my crack and I would moan breathlessly for him. Just for him. There was a dissonance in the grass when the little jar was set aside and Kyo's tongue fought to enter me. I gave a less than masculine cry as it slid inside to push the coating deeper and then after he was satisfied with the way it filled me he took it back and sat away from me.
I did not bother to open my eyes again, what would have been the point? "You look flushed." Kyo's voice sounded so lust addled my erection could not help but thrum hard against my stomach. "All of you." he added, pulling my cock back and letting it go to slap against my skin. "I cannot believe you used your tongue." I panted. "Well, I could have used my fingers, but the lacerations would have you torn like paper. It wouldn't have been pleasant for either of us." He brought his nails down across my inner thighs with a low chuckle and then those same hands gripped my thighs and pulled my lower half up into his lap. I must have looked so vulnerable in that position. My back was level with the sopping ground and my hips comfortably elevated up against him. His organ was erect in the cleft of my ass and my balls pressed against his stomach, legs spread on either side of his body and my dirty feet flat against the trunk of the tree. I wondered how long he would hold me in this way since he seemed pretty keen on staying just that way.
"Shall I move into you, or are you going to fall asleep like this?" His laughter was deep and thick with arousal. I decided that he should always sound this way. "I'll never sleep again if you don't." I retorted lazily. I could hear the smile in his voice if that sounded possible. "You won't sleep anyway. Not tonight."
My hips were lifted a little and then I felt the initial burn of his ascent into my body which felt as if it were tearing to take the whole of him in. But the pain was nothing compared to what I was expecting nor to what I had felt in the shrine and I reasoned that if I could come through that without any certain goal (because for all I had known I would have come back to the death of my legacy) I could and would have braved much worse for Kyo's pleasure.
"It's still hard to move. You're so tight." Kyo said through gritted teeth in a mix of pleasure and strain. I waited and whimpered, wanting to hide my face against him or in the ground or anywhere that could offer me that anonymous comfort. "There'll be blood soon enough...it will...be easier then." I reasoned, wondering absently if I even had any more blood in my body after I had lost so much of it, or if it was all right of me to bleed again. That was fine though, if it came, he could have it all if he liked, but it never did.
"please..." I begged him. What for had been lost or understood by us both, I don't know. Shockingly I felt his oil slicked fingers roll around me again and suddenly he slid in with more ease and soon he was fully seated and I was simply full. So much so infact that all I could manage to do to encourage him was speak in a language comprised of throaty grunts that were so passion laced they even sent my own body into a frenzy. I can only imagine what they did for him. Maybe they were what made him throb so deliciously against my loaded interior.
Kyo leaned over me as best he could without dislodging me from my relaxing pose, conforming his body to the arched curve of mine and pressed his hands over my clenched fists. His hips worked me within a rhythm made of purely ferine instinct. I could feel it through me, like the pulse of a taiko beat. It was pure music he poured inside me, composed and consumated, while his wild moaning sang verses in my eager ears. I was in love with the sound of us writing nameless love songs inside one another. If I closed my eyes I could hear them performed for the first time and the sound of emotion infected me until I decided to somehow bring this sound out into the world. Sadly I had no talent for music, but that didn't stop me from imagining.
Should I have done it with a shamisen? I thought, but then again that would be too understated. Neither a shamisen nor a koto could have been brought to such satisfaction, and yet I reasoned that it should begin with a drum because that was the most reoccuring sound. Heavy and steady, our heartbeats, both against my chest and faster than any mortal could have made a rhythm. It was voltaic, I had to compose it. It was too beautiful, and even if I had to wait a hundred years to do it then it would be worth it still. Mankind could not survive without this sound.
"Open for me and take me," Kyo whispered to my stomach as he rested his forehead against my chest. "Milk my body..." Gasps and breaths grew more passionate than before. "...until I am yours and you belong to me." Inhumanly strong hands fisted my cock until I was wriggling in his lap, and he spoke again clearly lost and unfocused. I was barely hearing him through the rain anymore. "No matter how many times we live and die promise me this, that we will always find each other."
"Yes." I moaned as he pushed deep inside me increasingly harder and faster until I felt like we were racing each other. He growled. "I don't care what we are. Familly, friends, lovers, pets...just promise me you'll find me..." he laughed at himself. "Come back as my horse and I'll ride you every night.
My laugh quickly died on a moan but I hoped that the small gesture would be accepted and that he would not make me answer again. There was no possible way I could will myself to speak to him. My feet pushed against the tree trunk for leverage and as a possible answer to him I used the duress of my position to move hard into him. The burn had been lost long ago but the fullness and the pressure only increased with every push against him. When he released inside me I screamed my completion and pushed against the ground so hard that every burrowing insect was sure to have felt the aftershocks.
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May All Be Pain or Love