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On fire	By : Kat1975 Category: Individual Celebrities > Gerard Butler Views: 7043 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Gerard Butler. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 10 - **Wishing it was**

Gerry woke up in a room lit up by the morning sunlight and bleary eyed he followed the rays of yellowish light that came through the curtains which moved in a light breeze. Eyes half shut he tried to rub away the fuzzy feeling hindering him in his quest to bring things into focus.

After a short moment of confusion the happenings of last night came crashing back and h turned his head to the right and there was the culprit in this twisted game. She lay on her stomach, face tuned away from him and he realised that he felt unable to revisit his annoyance and anger, as both feelings seemed very distant now in the light of the new day. The sheets covered her to her upper thigh, from where her pyjama took over to cover her skin but there was at least some uncovered skin on her lower back thanks to her shirt that had ridden up.

He studied the smooth skin and the indentation that flowed smoothly along her spine and ended where her pyjama trousers regrettably began. He extended his hand wanting to touch her, but at the same time wanted to avoid waking her. Thus, after hesitating for a moment, he withdrew his hand slowly. The dizziness in his head had vanished and it took him only a moment to decide that what he really should do was take a shower.

The warm jets of water tingled pleasantly on his skin and streamed down his body in clear rivulets, washing away the remainders of his ejaculate just as much as the skin deep memories of the night. After he felt satisfactory clean, he stepped out of the cubicle, dried off and picked up his strewn around clothes to dress himself. A quick look into the mirror confirmed that he had felt and looked better on the vast majority of days in his life.

When he came back into the bedroom, he saw that she was still sleeping. A look at the clock on the bedside table made him pause on his way. It was 9am and had she not mentioned she needed to go to work? After a short internal struggle whether to leave or wake her, he put his hand onto her shoulder and shook it gently ‘Hey, wake up. Wake up…’ She stirred immediately and turned around looking drowsy and confused with wildly tousled hair that was all over her face.

He grinned ‘hey sleepyhead I have a feeling you need to get up’ and pointed towards the alarm clock. One look at the time made her groan and attempt to jump out of bed only to nearly fall over. He steadied her, laughed and with a raised eyebrow mocked ‘good morning to you too honey’. She stumbled towards the bathroom and mumbled an unintelligible answer before the door slammed shut.

Gerry grinned and felt good and when he elicited the feeling he decided he felt much more in control of things now. But he urgently needed coffee and hence proceeded towards the entrance door. There he stopped. Damn, how he hated these moments. He felt obligated to not leave without a note or…something. On entering the kitchen he nearly jumped when the phone started to ring and although he had no intention to pick it up, he took the phone and carried it towards the bathroom.

She came bolting through the door, half dressed and took the phone out of his hand, said ‘thanks’ and answered it in the very same moment. On his way back to the kitchen he grinned to himself as he thought that she had looked nice wearing black trousers and a red lacy bra only. He started to regret that she would soon race off to work. The appointment he had was later in the afternoon and it would not hurt to have breakfast together, although come to think of it, having a shower together would be preferable.

Maybe he should make some coffee and see whether there was anything eatable in the fridge. It did not take him long to figure out how to start the coffee percolator and he felt satisfaction as he watched the water noisily run through the filter. His grumbling stomach made him peel his eyes off the coffee gathering in the glass can and he opened the fridge wide to find it well filled with all kinds of food.

When she entered the kitchen he stood in front of the fridge frowning, with a box of eggs in one hand and a honeydew melon in the other. She stopped took in the unexpected sight and laughed ‘you might want to reconsider making melon-omelette’. Only now did she smell the coffee and looked from the percolator to Gerry and back.

He beamed proudly at her ‘Want a cup of coffee? I figured we could both do with some.’ She silently sank down onto a chair and nodded at him. Surely this must be a dream. She was ripped out of her thoughts when he inquired ‘don’t tell me you have to go to work right now before some food has made its way into my stomach? I’m starving!’

She grinned and replied ‘You’re lucky actually. My colleague is covering me and will tell our boss that I have a meeting with a potential customer should he ask. I only need to be there before our Monday-noon-meeting.’ At that he realised the subject of their jobs had not been touched before.

When she saw the wheels turn in his head she added ‘I work for an advertising agency’, but did neither detail this information nor ask him about his job. He felt surprised, but right now food was on a sole position at the very top of his priority list.

She took the eggs and melon out of his hands and put them onto the counter behind her. Winking at him she established ‘I think I will take over from here. I’m not in the mood for melon and eggs right now you know. Why don’t you take care of the coffee instead Gerry?’

He narrowed his eyes and pushed past her but not without putting both hands onto her hip from behind and growling into her ear ‘I cannot help but feel that you’re taking the piss out of me honey’ and added ‘I can cook you know…kind of’ before moving on to pour them some coffee.

A little time later both sat on the little balcony in the sun. Tamsin watched Gerry devour his mushroom & herb omelette and could not stop herself to snort with laughter when he glanced over to her and promptly choked on a too hastily swallowed piece.

Eyes tearing up from the coughing, he put his plate down on the ground next to where he sat and picked up a piece of bread to throw it at her.

She protested in vain and was almost immediately hit by a flying grape. ‘Hey you pig! There goes my perception of you being a cultured man!’ With that she put her plate down too and flung a handful of cornflakes at him. Some got caught in his hair and some made their way into his only partly buttoned up shirt. Gerry tried to get the cornflakes out of his hair by running both hands through it and threatened ‘you will pay for that, you know that do you?’

With that he lunged at her and pinned her against the wall ‘you will get every single cornflake out of that shirt…now!’ She giggled, stared determinedly into the green eyes above her and started to unbutton his shirt. When she reached the second button their lips met in a surprisingly demure kiss and she put her hand around his neck, stroking the short hair on the nape of his neck with her fingers.

She felt his hands on her hips and when he broke the gentle kiss after a moment, his face was still close to hers, his breath warm on her skin. She took her hand away from his neck and asked ‘what about the cornflakes.’ He sighed and dryly stated ‘you sure know how to break the mood.’

Laughing she re-commenced to unbutton his shirt, which he decided was not too bad a move after all. He quickly reconsidered this when she swiftly swiped away the crumbs that stubbornly stuck to his stomach. In his opinion she showed a considerable lack of appreciation for the subject. He sat back in his old spot against the wall and ate the remainders of his now only lukewarm omelette.

‘Oh come on, stop the sulking Gerry!’ and accompanying this, Tamsin’s hand holding a strawberry entered his field of vision. With his teeth he took it out from between her fingers but not without biting her intentionally into her index finger. A yelp accompanied by ‘ouch you bastard!’ and a slap onto his chest was the tit for tat response.

He laughed wickedly getting back into the spirit and crawled towards her, to claim her lips with more determination than before. When they peeled themselves apart for a moment, Tamsin checked her watch and saw with alarm that it was half past eleven, meaning that she would most likely be late for the institution that was the Monday-noon-meeting. ‘Dammit’ she exclaimed loudly. Gerry raised both eyebrows and smirked ‘yeah that was nice but we could surely do better’.

‘No Gerry I will be late for that damn meeting and David will be furious, especially since I have to present my concept today.’ Reacting quickly he jumped up and extended his hand ‘come on then, we’ll get you there in time.’ When she hesitated he went on ‘Go, go…get your stuff and I’ll call a cab.’ She looked at him in surprise and then after initial hesitation took his hand and soon bolted around getting her things together.

Two minutes before noon the cab pulled up in front of her workplace and Tamsin was on her way out of the cab when Gerry grabbed her wrist just in time ‘hey, you won’t get out of here without saying goodbye.’

With shock the reality of the situation hit her. For the whole journey all her thoughts had been revolving solely around getting there on time and going over what she needed to deliver during her short but important presentation. Now she was in the position to say goodbye without knowing whether this would be a goodbye for good.

The last thing she needed was a short term affair and with her luck even if she met him again, he would most likely still disappear, once he had satisfied his ego by getting her into bed once more. She sat back again and turned towards Gerry with no emotion showing on her face although her lips were turned upwards in a forced smile.

In a steady voice Tamsin addressed him ‘thanks for getting me here in time and the breakfast was fun too. Hey and I hope you won’t be scarred for life by…you know the whole disaster…thingy.’ Gerry looked at her seriously and then both met in the middle of the backseats to kiss each other on both cheeks in an impersonal display. ‘You take care and now go give them one great pitch!’ he said.

Their eyes met and she hastily got out of the cab but then slowly closed the door as if it was the door to their relationship. The cab drove away and Gerry felt as uneasy as if he had experienced a loss.

Warm air was streaming through the half opened window and the cabbie was turning up the volume of the song that was on, but Gerry was too distracted to listen to the lyrics that filled the inside of the taxi…

“…Good times can put me in fear
I always feel safe when things are bad
so I cannot let you come near
…
Pain never makes me cry, but happiness does,
it's so strange to watch your life walk by
…
I tell you I’ve been here before
when it's moving this fast, it's a matter of time
one of us walks out that door
it seems that I thrive on the dark side of things
…
Give this some thought
and I'm sure you will know
This is the way it must be…”

In his quest to fill the displeasing void and at the same time rid himself of the overall discomforting feeling he refused to dwell on, he pulled out his cell phone to ring one of his friends.

After a short time they had agreed upon meeting later that night for dinner and when Gerry was asked whether he would bring a girl, he hesitated and then quickly said ‘yeah, I’ll just have to arrange a date.’ Once he had ended the call, he started to flip through his phone contacts until he came across the number he had been looking for.

He dialled and soon the other phone was picked up. He smiled and said cheerily ‘Hi Rachel, Gerry here. Remember me? We met a few weeks ago.’

~Epilogue~

Some dark things are hidden deep inside us, so deep we only sense their existence in scarce moments. They hold us back yet we don’t know what it is that impedes us from finding sustainable happiness.

What we find unbearable is that this very darkness inside is so much part of how things are, that it is hard to give up the comfort it gives us with its familiarity.

In a paradox of act we keep holding on to the very things we despise whilst we desperately try to push them away. There are things we wish for with all our heart, yet undermine them under the influence of what is buried deep inside our soul.

What we know too well in the end, are the feelings that return again and again, the unhappiness that results.

But then, at some stage and after a long battle something in us becomes stronger than the darkness and finally overpowers it. It will remain unknown to us why and what has changed, but at last we can push it away and we are freed.

**To be continued**

Song lyrics: ‘Wishing it was’ by Eagle-eye Cherry

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