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Nobody's Home	By : EmilyRose Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2243 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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This is for Jenn and no one else.

Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're never there
But when I sleep you're everywhere

I didn't know what to do, or how to react. All I could do was sit there on my knees in front of him, hoping somewhere inside that he would say something again. But when he didn't I closed my eyes tightly to stop the tears that were threatening to spill. Then I leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek before I stood up and said goodbye to him again.

As I walked towards where his doctor was I felt a wave of sorrow wash over me. What if that was Gerard's way of saying goodbye? What if he had been able to break out of his empty shell just long enough to tell me… to tell me what? I had no idea what I meant, but I was so scared. More scared then I had ever been. And where I was at the moment didn't exactly help. I knew this was the best place for Gerard, but when I passed a woman who was talking to her right arm it just felt so weird. He wasn't crazy, he was just sad.

But apparently that's almost the same thing these days. I sighed and took a deep breath, allowing my nostrils to be filled with the cold, metallic smell of the intuition. Finally I reached the door I was looking for and knocked on it hesitantly. I knew I had to tell them about this, after all wasn't this a step in the right direction? Once again I was filled with the horrible thought that Gerard had just said goodbye to me.

The door opened and Doctor Thompson appeared. "Hi Frank, here to see Gerard?" He asked as he held the door open for me and ushered me inside. I mumbled a yes as I got inside and sat down in the chair opposite to his behind the desk. Dr. Michael Thompson was a man in his early forties, and he seemed to be the only one here that actually liked me. He always smiled at me when he saw me, and he was the one that told Gerard's parents that me being here would be good for Gerard.

I smiled at him as he folded his hands together in the typical doctor way, as if to tell me to say why I was there. I took a deep breath and thought for a moment. "Gerard looked at me" I finally said, and he raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure? And I don't mean that in the 'oh but that's impossible way'" he added when he saw me frown. I was so used to the fact that all of Gerard's nurses except one thought he was a lost cause and thought that I wasted my time visiting him.

I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah, at first it was so fast, and I thought I had imagined it" I hesitated for a few seconds, but he smiled reassuringly and I continued. "But then we had eye contact for several seconds and, then he spoke" When I came to the last part I had to bite my tongue really hard so I wouldn't start crying again. I looked at him with fear in my eyes, afraid of how he would react.

"What did he say?" That was all he said. Not 'Oh yes sure he did' or anything else like that. He believed me, and didn't just think I was making it up so that Gerard could go home. I swallowed slowly and mentally slapped myself when I noticed I was crying. "He said my name" I whispered, no longer being able to meet his gaze.

After a few seconds I had to look at him, to see what he was thinking. He looked thoughtful, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking behind his big glasses that had slipped down to the very tip of his nose. Almost like he had read my thoughts he gave the glasses a slight push and they were back at the bridge of his nose like they should be.

"I think this it the best news since Gerard got here" He admitted, and I couldn't help but gasp. "But, what if this was his way of saying goodbye?" There it was. I had spoken my biggest fear out loud. And God knows I was scared shitless when he opened his mouth to reply. "I can't promise that it wasn't, but Frank I think it was a sign that you're helping him more then you think" He stopped for a moment to put his palms down on his neat desk and then he sighed. "I think he's trying to take contact, and I'm not surprised that you're the first he reacted to" "Really?" I couldn't help but smile, this was so surreal.

"Yes, and now I think we should go see Gerard" He said as he got up. He gave me a reassuring smile and I stood up as well, and together we walked back to Gerard.

And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so

"Hi Gerard" Me and Dr. Thompson had finally reached Gerard, and we had asked two of the nurses to lead him into a more private room so Dr. Thompson could examine Gerard. I was of course there, because Dr. Thompson thought it would just be a bad idea if I left. So at the moment we were sitting in three chairs in a pretty small white room. I came to think about how it was ridiculous that all hospitals and institutions always were white. White walls, white floors, white everything.

I was ripped from my thoughts when Dr. Thompson took a small flashlight and looked at Gerard's pupils. All the while he was examining him he was talking with his calm voice about what he was doing; and other stuff in general. That's why I liked Dr. Thompson so much. He talked to Gerard just like I did, and that made me feel like I wasn't crazy talking to a person that didn't react to me.

"Gerard, Frank's here" When I heard my name I was brought back to the room, and my own thoughts disappeared. I looked carefully at Gerard for any sign that he was there. Ah well, you know what I mean.

There was nothing, not a movement, not… wait. Oh God. "Gerard?" My voice shook with excitement and I had a hard time sitting still on my chair. At Dr. Thompson's words Gerard's mouth had twitched a little, almost like he was trying to smile, but his mouth didn't really remember how to do it. I felt another wave of emotions pass over med as Dr. Thompson talked to Gerard.

"Gerard, can you hear me?" Dr. Thompson was studying Gerard carefully, and he had placed a hand on my leg to calm me down. If any other person had placed their hand on my thigh I would've screamed bloody murder, but this was different. He wasn't hitting on me; he was giving me a sign that he had seen what I saw as well. And that calmed me down, on the outside. On the inside I felt like I was going crazy.

And there it was again. Gerard's mouth twitched once more, and I couldn't stop myself. I let out a sob as I tried my hardest not to move. I was so tensed, and I felt like if I moved Gerard would be lost again. However Dr. Thompson turned his head towards me. "Talk to him Frank, take his hand, and show him that you're here. It's because of you that he's reacting"

I did not need to be told twice. I took Gerard's hand in mine and leaned forward in my chair as much as I could without falling out of it. I let my other hand brush the hair out of his eyes as I cried silently. "Gerard, baby?" I asked as I moved my chair a little closer to his. Dr. Thompson moved his chair back a little, as if to tell me to move mine closer. Which I did immediately.

Then I leaned towards Gerard again, and placed one hand on his hands that were neatly folded in his lap, and the other on one of his shoulders. I gave his shoulder a light squeeze as I let out another sob. "I'm here Gerard, Frankie's here" I don't know why I referred to myself as 'Frankie' but it felt like the right thing to do.

Suddenly his eyes moved, not to mine, but they still moved. His lips finally curled into a tiny smile, and his fingers twitched under mine. I had no idea what to do. My insides where practically screaming at me. I felt dizzy, and my knees went weak. I took deep breaths as I continued talking to him. Telling him I was there, and that I loved him.

"I meant what I said that night Gerard" I paused as his fingers twitched again, and his eyes darted from a spot on the floor, to Dr. Thompson's legs. "I'll always keep holding on" I whispered. If any other doctor had been there, I would've felt stupid. But Dr. Thompson was encouraging me to do this. To talk to Gerard, to try and break him out of his shell. He patted me on my back a few times as if to tell me to go on and I smiled weakly at him before turning my attention back to Gerard.

"If there's anything I can do baby, just tell me, I'll do anything for you" And finally his eyes met mine and I had to restrain myself from throwing me in his arms. "Frank?" His voice was hoarse from the lack of use. "Yes Gerard, I'm here" I said as I took both his hands in mine without breaking eye contact.

I felt Gerard's fingers wrap themselves around mine and I let out a sigh of relief. Dr. Thompson was totally forgotten, and I wouldn't even have known he was still in the room if it wasn't for the fact that he had let out a sound of relief as well.

Gerard's eyes were filled with pain and sadness as he gazed into mine. I gave his hands a light squeeze, as if to encourage him to continue talking to me. "I'm sorry Frank" I shook my head as tears started leaking from his eyes and I let go of one of his hands to wipe them away. "Don't apologize baby" I choked out between sobs. He however didn't even seem like he had heart me.

"I'm so sorry Frank" He said again, and I continued shaking my head to tell him it was okay. "I have to go" He said and I felt my heart sink. "No Gerard, No please don't, stay!" I didn't know what he meant, but I pleaded with him to stay anyway, even though I wasn't even sure what that meant. "I have to be with Mikey" He whispered and I felt a stab in my heart. But I ignored the pain and told him again to stay with me. That I loved him. That I'd do anything for him. "Goodbye Frank"

And that was it. His eyes left mine, his hands relaxed, and he was gone. Lost within himself once more, and this time he had said goodbye. This time, he would stay lost forever, because he had made the choice to stay that way.

I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that
you might not be real

Dr. Thompson called for a nurse and grabbed me and pulled me out of the chair I was sitting in. I was screaming and crying, both on the same time. My heart had just been ripped apart, and I was so angry. With myself, with Mikey, with Dr. Thompson, but mostly, mostly with Gerard. How could he do this? How could he leave me?

A nurse came, and she took Gerard with her on Dr. Thompson's orders. I continued screaming but he didn't do anything. He let me go and let me take out my anger on the small room we were in. His face had sorrow written all over it, and I was thankful he didn't try to talk to me. There was nothing he could say to make this better.

I continued crying and screaming as I threw chairs around me, as I kicked at the walls, and finally as I sank to my knees and started pounding my fists at the cold tiles on the floor.

I couldn't breathe, and neither did I want to. I felt my hands get sore, and I was pretty sure I was bleeding, but I didn't care. I didn't stop until I felt Dr. Thompson take a hold of my wrists to I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. I leaned on his shoulder and cried as I tried to gasp for breath. "Why?" I asked over and over again, and he didn't reply.

Finally I calmed down enough for him to pull me up to my feet, and lead me into his office again. In there he took out a cloth and some other things to fix my banged up knuckles. When he was done he didn't let go of my hands, instead he looked at me with sad and tired eyes. "I'm sorry" Was all he said, but I shook my head. There was nothing he could say to make me feel less broken inside.

"Don't stop visiting him" He said and I glared at him. "What? I should keep on visiting someone who just said fucking goodbye to me?!" I spat at him furiously. I knew he was just trying to help, but right now he wasn't doing a very good job.

"Yes you should" He said and withdrew his hands from mine. "All hope is not gone" He said and I closed my eyes to keep me from punching him. It wasn't really him I was angry with anyway. "Yes it is" I said, and to me that was true.

My Gerard had just said goodbye to me, he had told me he'd rather be locked inside his own body, then to be with me.

"In his head he has created a world where Mikey is still alive" Dr. Thompson said, and I knew it was true. I nodded wearily and opened my eyes again. "But don't give up Frank, just don't give up"

I knew I shouldn't give up. But right now I was so tired; I just wanted to feel okay again. I just wanted my pain to go away. I just wanted Gerard, but I couldn't have him.

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone

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Nobody's Home