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I'm Not Gay	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 9
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- 11
|| Tom’s POV ||

I sent bill home, I couldn’t be around him anymore. I was still so hurt, so upset. I couldn’t believe he was lying to me all this time. No… I could believe it, I just didn’t want too. I didn’t want to believe that I had actually done that with my… my brother! It’s so wrong on so many different levels, but why did it feel right?

I walked back into the bar and the girls were there with Georg and Gustav, waiting for my return. I didn’t even remember their names at this point. Sarah? No, she was from school Ah, fuck it. It didn’t matter. I didn’t plan on taking them home anymore. I hadn’t planned on taking them home to begin with. “Geo, Gus,” I got their attention and they looked at me expectantly to tell them something. I wasn’t going to tell them a damn thing. “I’m getting out of here.” I just threw money on the table for my drinks and they frowned as I walked out.

I wasn’t going home just yet… I had to think. “Why is it so wrong?” Oh damn him, he knew why it was so wrong! And I honestly wanted to hate him for it right now. Anyone else, and seriously, I mean anyone else, would have already been long out of my life. I wouldn’t have them in my bedroom waiting for me. Probably scared as all hell of what I’d do when I got back there.

“Why is it so wrong?” It’s a good question… the more I thought about it less wrong it seemed. Oh that’s total bullshit. It is wrong. We’re related. And I’m not gay. I’m not bisexual. I don’t like guys. I know I say that all the time, even though I can’t help but just adore the time I’m with Bill. Maybe I’m just Bill-sexual? He’s in a category all his own. I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck as I turned down my won street again and let my eyes wander to Bill house, he wasn’t there. All the lights were off. His parents must be sleeping. No, they are not his parents. No more his parents then Hailey and Urie are mine.

My eyes wandered to my own and I saw the lights of my room reflecting threw my window and I couldn’t help but smile. It’s not so wrong. Sure its incest… twincest even. But, I don’t care. That’s why I adore him so much. That’s why I want to be around him. Ugh…. Yes it is wrong. Beyond wrong. He’s my brother, so I do love him. But I’m not in love with him, I know I’m not. I can’t be. But, I do have some sort of a love for him. I loved fucking him. That was sure enough. I smiled a little to myself when I saw the shadow of my twin pass the window, he was pacing. I did that when I was nervous as well.

He wasn’t looking out the window; his head was down so he must be staring at the floor. I shook my head as I turned into my driveway as snuck into the backyard before climbing up the ladder to my window and letting myself in. Bill gasped when he heard my small grunt as I jumped onto the ground. “I didn’t think you were actually going to come back…” He said, pushing the bangs that seemed permanently in his eyes away to no avail. There was never a point to that; they just fell back like that always did.

“I told you,” I said, my voice wasn’t the least bit slurred now as I walked over to him, proving that I had walked off the alcohol that was in my system. “I needed to think.” He looked scared and I just smiled the smile that only he ever saw. He noticeably relaxed at the small turn of my lips. I didn’t know what I could say. I was so bad with words. Since I met Bill… he was the better one with words. The one who was more open- despite not wanting to tell me the truth. Where as I… I never know what to say. My hand moved from my side and pushed the bangs out of his face and I kept my hand there so I could look in his eyes. “You’re my brother, Bill…”

“I know, Tom. I know, and I’m sorry. I should have told you-”

“Shut up.” I said, it wasn’t mean, and he could tell because I was laughing as I said it. “You talk too much sometimes.” I told him, even though earlier I told him he didn’t talk enough. He’d have to deal with that. He talked too much when I was trying to say something. My hand moved and wrapped around the back of his neck before my other moved around his waist. “We’re not going to be together.” I said sternly. My lips pecked his quickly, he whimpered softly from the loss of contact. It was the shortest kiss I had ever given him. “Nothing. It is wrong, Bill.” What was I saying? This isn’t what I wanted to say… “We’re just brothers now. Normal, everyday brothers who happened to be adopted by two different families.”

Bill frowned and I could see the pain in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my chest, his fingers clenching around my shirt as he cried. Heavy sobs that shook his body and my fingers softly rubbed his back. “I’m sorry, Bill. But I’ve told you, I’m not gay. All I feel for you is a brotherly love.” I don’t know why I didn’t believe the words as much as I wished I did. As much as I should have.

“But Tomi… I love you more then anything else in this world. Are you just going to forget about me?” He asked, brushing his tears off his face. Smearing the already smeared eye-liner around his eyes and a little on his cheeks.

I shook my head, kissing my brother on the cheek lightly, nothing intimate anymore. I couldn’t let that happen. Especially after what I had just said to him. I took my thumb and rubbed it across his cheek, ridding of some of the black colour that lay there. “No. But we are brothers, Bill. So we can’t do things like we used too.” I told him, he whimpered again and I just shook my head and took his hand. “Come on, Billa. Let’s watch a movie and we’ll have the sleepover our mums wanted.”

I felt an ache in my stomach as I said the words. Deep down, I didn’t want things to be different between us. I wanted to still kiss him. Still do anything and everything I already do with him more so then before. I think that was because I now know I can’t do it. I can do anything with almost anyone I want except for him- so it makes me want it more. I love Bill, but it’s only a brotherly love and I’ll have to remind myself of that. I just never had a brother before. So this feeling was just completely new.

We changed into our pajamas without looking at each other and both crawled onto my too big bed. He sat away from me as the movie started and I frowned. “Come here, Bill.” I said, opening my arms. He looked confused and didn’t move, “I said we couldn’t do things because we’re brothers, I didn’t say we still couldn’t be close.” He smiled weakly and crawled over to me, resting himself in my arms. We looked like brothers- just like this. Just like twins who have spent their whole lives together.

I hate myself right now. More then I ever had before. He soon fell asleep in my arms and I pulled my covers over us as I stared down at him. I was an idiot. I did love, Bill. And I might not know what brotherly love really feels like, but I highly doubt brotherly love has anything to do with wanting to kiss away the tears that fell down his cheeks in his sleep.
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I'm Not Gay