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Blurry Days	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2083 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. Don't know Dir en grey and don't make any money from this.

Chapter List
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Alarm goes off and I tare my eyes open.
It’s so fucking cold. I never really liked winter too much, but this year I hate it with all my heart.
I put on my thick robe and slippers and drag my heavy body to Kyo’s room.
He’s awake. As always.
“Morning” I make myself to utter the usual words and take him to the toilet.
To make up his bed. To get his clothes. To prepare the bathroom.
I head back to the toilet and take Kyo to the bathroom. I quickly undress myself and then undress him. My skin immediately gets goose bumps from cold. So did Kyo’s. So I quickly drag him to the shower cabin and get in myself.
Hot shower helps a lot and when I’m no longer freezing, I start to wash Kyo up. I also shave his face in the shower as it’s the most convenient way of doing that.
To put Kyo in the thick towel and finish washing off myself.
To dry Kyo’s body and dress him. To dress myself. Head to the kitchen. Eat breakfast. Give Kyo his drugs.
The morning walk in the park. I dress him warmly and put something on myself. I feel better in the cold fresh air outside. It clears my mind a bit and I feel like I’m finally awake. My body doesn’t feel so heavy and so numb anymore. At least for now.
Next: head back home, clean up a bit, prepare dinner and eat, give Kyo his drugs, work on writing music, read Kyo a book, work some more in the evening and finally prepare the supper.
I force the food down my throat even though I don’t really feel hungry. It wouldn’t be too good for Kyo if I dropped down from exhaustion and lost my consciousness. He’d starve to death if he was left alone.
I don’t answer the missed calls on my cell. It’s just my mother and Shinya. Nobody too important for me to care. And I don’t feel like talking at all. I have nothing to say.
Nothing changed. Nothing good happened.
I support my head with my left hand and lower the chopsticks held in the right one.
Kyo is eating calmly, unaffected by anything at all.
“Yeah, it’s all so easy for you…” I mumble and drop the chopsticks on the table. They make a little noise when they reach the surface of the table, but Kyo doesn’t react at all.
“You know, Die and Toshiya are really fucking. Well, they call it love, but I call it fucking. The fucking that lasts for quite some time now. What do you think, huh? Do you think they’d last?”
I sip from my can of beer.
“Yeah, I know you’d say they’ll last. I say they… shit, I actually have no idea! No fucking idea at all!”
I push my plate aside and finish my drink.
“Die and Toshiya… who would have thought… But you know, Shinya guessed right. They are together. Huh, together” I sneer at the word. “More like fucking as bunnies and bitching of how happy they are!”
I have to wash the dishes, so I stand up and go to the sink.
“Better hurry up with your recovery, Kyo, because Die and Toshiya are getting it too easy. Someone has to get on their nerves by smart-ass comments and other shit like that. You used to have a talent at making people mad with anger by just being you. If you really wanted and put your heart to it.”
Next stop – the toilet. Then bathroom. Then I have to make your bed for the night and dress you in pajama again.
Lie you down, tuck you in, turn off the lights.
Goodnight.
I drag my legs to the bathroom again and clean it up a bit. Then undress and hit the hay.
The softness and warmth of my sheets lulls me to sleep almost immediately. I feel like I’m in heaven. My whole body starts to disappear leaving me numb, but relaxed and totally happy.
---goodnight---
I jump from my drowsiness and blink for a moment.
Shit, I really forgot!
I get out of bed and almost run to his bedroom. I don’t turn on the light, but it is not pitch-black as the streetlamps light the bedroom quite enough for me to see his face.
He is awake.
I drop to my knees and caress his cheek with my hand.
“I’m sorry, Kyo-kun” I whisper as gently as I can. “I’m sorry, I forgot to wish you goodnight. I’m just tired… exhausted, actually… I wanted to get into bed myself as soon as I could and I forgot… But it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you! No! I am just tired, so tired…”
My head drops down and hits the sheets of his bed, but my palm stays on his cheek.
I feel a knot in my throat tighten and blink trying to will the tears away.
My hand finally slides down his cheek and rests on his chest. I feel his chest rise and fall in regular intervals, his heart beating calmly under my palm.
Finally I manage to blink the tears away, even though the ugly knot in the throat stays.
“Goodnight, Kyo. Sweet dreams.”
I lift my head and look him in the eyes – void of anything at all.
I kiss him on the forehead and stand up.
“Night, Kyo-kun.”
He closes his eyes slowly and his face relaxes.
Now I can sleep as well.
***
I never can get enough of him. Sometimes it drives me insane. And today is one of those days.
Why the hell is he dead-tired namely on this day? Why the fuck wasn’t he tired yesterday?!
I sight loudly and he lifts his eyebrows questioningly, glancing at me for a moment.
“Are you really that horny, Die?” he asks. I send him a death glare. Would I be in so much pain if I wasn’t?
He roles his eyes and puts his head down on the pillow.
“It’s Friday night.”
“So what?” he mumbles, the pillow silencing most of his voice.
“We’re going to sleep at 10 on Friday night! And we’re not even senile yet!”
He sights. Or at least I think the sound he just let out was a sight.
“Die, please, we had a hell of two weeks and FINALLY we’re able to sleep as long as we want! I’m dead-tired, all I want is to sleep and I don’t care even if it would be the New Year’s night!”
“But I haven’t touched you for almost three weeks! I’m going to burst if I won’t get your ass right now!”
He’s too tired to even snigger, so a parody of a smirk and smile marks his face. His hand disappears under the sheets and I soon feel it on my crotch.
“Fuck, Die, why on earth are you hard?” he asks and cracks open one eye.
“Stop being so fucking sexy and I’ll be as cold as the ice queen!”
His hand disappears from my crotch and for a moment I think he fell asleep while talking to me. But then when I look at him, his both eyes stare back at me, clearly amused.
Oh, I so love his sneaky little smirk. His lips are perfection. When sometimes he is really amused by something, he doesn’t part his lips, but still manages to smile widely and his eyes always shrivel into very thin lines. He looks so fucking gorgeous like that.
Toshiya – handsome and incredibly sexy. Witty and wild. But at the same time very emotional and kindhearted. Faithful, devoted and tender.
“Die, I also missed our fuck-till-you-drop nights, but tonight I’m already down and nobody even had to fuck me.”
I laugh and try to put on my best sad puppy eyes I can manage in a state like I am now – horny and tired.
Toshiya sights and I can already see that he will give in. And really, I soon feel his hand back on my crotch. He slips his hand in my boxers and starts to stroke slowly. His eyes close again, but the smile stays on his lips.
I put my hand on his and help him in his quest by speeding up a bit and doing half of his job. But I don’t need much time. I’m already so tired and spent that a few minutes do the trick. I come all over our hands.
“Happy now?” I hear Toshiya’s sweet like honey voice and utter something in response.
I feel his hand disappear. He lazily grabs something from the table without even sitting up in bed and cleans his hand and then my cock with paper tissues. I’m already half asleep by the time his hand gets back at my side. Toshiya clutches my t-shirt with his hand and puts his head near my left shoulder.
I feel him breathing steadily and I know he’s almost asleep as well.
“Totchi?” I mumble after gathering the last energy I have.
“Mmm?”
“Is there something we absolutely have to do tomorrow?”
“Nnnuh” he somehow pushes out the answer.
“Good.”
I don’t even change my position in bed, even though I’m lying on my back, my head touching Toshiya’s head, and my hands just hanging by my sides quite uncomfortably.
“G’night” I utter, but Toshiya doesn’t answer anymore. The last thing I’m aware of is his muffled snores reaching my ears.

TBC
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Blurry Days