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Starting at the Beginning	By : Katma Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Savage Garden Views: 2042 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Savage Garden. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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There’s a light in your eyes

That I used to see

And a song in the words

That you spoke to me

Was I wrong to believe

In your melody?

There’s a light in your eyes

Did you leave that light burning for me?

Daniel shouldered the door open and stepped inside. The house echoed with emptiness as it had for the past week and a half since Kathleen left. Daniel sighed. He hated the cold feeling in his house, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask Kathleen back. That’s a sign, you know, the reasonable part of his mind spoke up. Daniel shook his head. He’d been trying to ignore that voice ever since Darren left, but it had persisted in getting louder and more relentless with every passing day.

“Hush,” he said aloud. “I don’t want to think about this now.” Briefly, he wondered if talking out loud to the voices in his head made him crazy, then decided that he really didn’t care. He hung his jacket in the closet and made his way to the kitchen to make himself something for dinner. He was sick of carry-out.

If you aren’t going to think of this now, when are you going to think about it? the voice asked. You’ve been ignoring it all week. That’s not fair to Kathleen. She certainly deserves better than what you’ve been giving her.

“Yeah, I know,” Daniel muttered as he pulled the refrigerator door open. He peered inside and found nothing edible. Sighing, he shut the door and opened the freezer. A quick look inside yielded the same results. It looked like he was going to eat pizza again tonight. Yum. So? his mind asked him again.

“Fine!” Daniel said, throwing his arms into the air. He grabbed the phone and dialed the now-familiar number. “I’ve been beaten into submission by the voices in my head. I really am going
crazy.”

After placing his order, Daniel grabbed a warm can of soda and a glass with some ice and sat in his television room. He turned on the television and flipped through the channels but found nothing interesting. With a sigh, he shut the television off and leaned back. Now was as good a time as any to think about what he was going to do about Darren and Kat. With a groan, Daniel realized that while neither problem was simple, his problem with Kat would be easier to solve than the complicated situation with Darren. So… Kat. What exactly did he feel for her at this point?

He missed her, that was true. But it wasn’t the sharp, poignant ache that thoughts of Darrrougrought. Daniel missed the familiarity of her presence. She’d been a part of his life for so long now that it felt strange without her. Kat’s absence, however, did not leave a gaping hole in his life.
Daniel took a sip of his soda and made a wry face. He supposed that was telling. He didn’t feel Kat’s absence with the crushing weight that he felt Darren’s. He just felt bad about the loss of someone who’d been so much a part of his life. He knew that it would take a while before he and Kat could even speak to each other civilly again, and the loss of her friendship hurt more than the loss of her in his bed. He and Kat were over. It had probably been happening for some
time; Darren was just the catalyst that made him reevaluate his feelings.

Darren… now there was a quagmire of feelings and emotions. Darren scared him. Darren forced him to feel things he wasn’t sure he was ready to feel, and to acknowledge parts of himself that he’d never even dreamed he had. The singer had always had that et ont on him, but never to this extent. Daniel wasn’t sure he liked that. He wasn’t sure he wanted to confront that part of himself. But what was the alternative if he did not?

Well, he could go on with his life as he had been up to this point. He could find another girl and live happily in Australia, and never see or speak to his erstwhile partner again. That thought, however,
caused Daniel’s stomach to sink. He didn’t want to live without Darren. And that was, possibly, the most telling of He He found himself missing the bright blue of the singer’s eyes, and the way they’d dance whenever something amused Darren. He missed the warm, comforting presence of Darren by his side, and security he always found in Darren’s hugs and reassuring touches. And he missed the way the singer caused his breath to catch and his heart to race whenever he looked at him with that
intense, dark expression in those expressive eyes. Basically, he wanted Darren back in his life.

Daniel set down the soda and rubbed his hands over his face. He wanted the singer back, but he wasn’t sure Darren wanted to come back after the way he’d been treated the last time he was here.

“Well,” he said conversationally to the blank television, “You certainly managed to fuck this up royally, didn’t you, Jones?” The television responded with an accusing silence. “Yeah, I thought
so. So what am I going to do about it?”

Daniel briefly considered calling Darren, but then realized calling wasn’t the best plan. Darren could hang up on him before he finished apologizing and explaining his conclusions, and Daniel did not want that. He could email the singer, but that seemed too impersonal, and Darren could delete it without even reading it when he realized whom it was from. That left just one possibility. He had to find out where Darren was and go to him.

The decision revitalized Daniel, and he bounced off the couch and to the den where his computer was. The pizza arrived a few minutes later, and he grabbed a piece of pizza and munched on it as he waited for the computer to boot up. As soon as it started, he signed online and started searching for Darren’s tour schedule. It would have been simpler to call Darren’s mother, but he wasn’t sure what Darren had sto hto his family before he left, and he wanted to talk to Darren before he explained himself to anyone else.

“Ha, found it!” he crowed. He scanned the entries, then chose the closest date. Now all he needed to do was get tickets. That was also easily accomplished, and Daniel sat back in his chair with a sigh of relief. Now all he needed to do was pack. Daniel again bounced out of his chair and headed upstairs. The thought of seeing Darren again and getting a chance to apolo bri brightened him more than anything else since Darren had left. He entered his room and began throwing a chaof cof clothes on the bed. Finally, he reached into his closet and felt around for his suitcase. He couldn’t
find the smaller of his two, and he frowned for a moment before memory returned. Kat had taken it the night she left. He’d forgotten about her. He needed to see her before he caught that plane. He’d promised, and she deserved that.

With a sigh, Daniel grabbed the larger suitcase and packed, then checked the clock. There
was still time to see Kat tonight, and he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. The thought of hurting her was not a pleasant one, and he wanted to see her before he lost his nerve and
called instead. Lugging the suitcase down with him, he grabbed his jacket and headed back outside.

The drive to Lynn’s house was a short one. Daniel spent the duration of the drive practicing what he was going to say to Kat when he got there. He still wasn’t ready when he pulled his car into Lynn’s driveway, but he got out anyway and knocked on the door. Lynn, a short, attractive blonde, opened the door and gave Daniel a guarded look.

“Are you here to see Kat?” she asked.

“Yes, is she here?”

Lynn nodded with a bit of reluctance, then called over her shoulder.

“Kat! There’s someone to see you.”

Kat came down the stairs, wearing an old sweatshirt and a ragged pair of jeans. She stopped
short when she saw Daniel standing at the door, but after a moment of hesitation, stepped forward and nodded.

“Daniel. It’s… good to see you.”

“Hi, Kat.” Daniel said uncomfortably. “Um, are you busy?”

Kat shook her head. “No. Would you like to come in?”

Daniel nodded and stepped inside. Lynn disappeared upstairs, and Kat led the way into the kitchen. She sat down, and Daniel sat across from her.

“How have you been?” he asked.

“Busy. How about you?”

“The same.” They fell silent again. Kat played with her hands, then cleared her throat.

“Daniel… I guess you’ve made your decision?”

Daniel nodded. “Kat, I…” He stumbled to a halt. Kat watched him for a moment, biting her lower lip. There were tears shimmering in her eyes, but her voice was steady when she asked,

“This isn’t going to work, is it? You’ve made your decision, and it doesn’t include me.”

Daniel sighed, then looked up at Kathleen. “No, it doesn’t. I’m sorry, Kat. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. And you deserve much better.”

The tears that were shimmering in Kat’s eyes spilled over and began to trace wet tracks down her cheeks. Daniel’s throat got tight as he saw the obvious distress on Kat’s face. The woman pushed the tears off her face, smiling shakily.

“Well, I guess there’s nothing really to say to that, is there? Thank you for, um, being honest with me. I love you, Daniel, and I’m sorry it had to end this way.”

“I am, too, Kat.” Daniel reached over and squeezed her hand. He didn’t know what else to say.
Kat squeezed his hand in return, then let go and pushed back from the table.

“I kinda expected this, but still… If you wouldn’t mind, I think I’m going to head upstairs. I guess I’ll see you sometime.”

“Yeah,” Daniel s fee feeling horrible. Kat gave him another wobbly smilhen hen brushed a kiss against his cheek.

“I love you, Daniel. Take care, ok?”

“I love you, too. And I’m sorry.”

“So am I.” With that, Kat left, and Daniel let himself out. There was dampness on his cheeks, and his throat still felt horribly tight. Although he felt like scum, especially when he remembered how sad
Kathleen had looked, he had to admit that it had gone much better than he could have expected. He hoped his talk with Darren would go this well. And now he had to get home and get some sle He He had an early plane to catch tomorrow.

* * * * * * *

“Please,” Daniel pleaded with the guards for what felt like the millionth time. “I showed you my id and everything. I’m not lying about who I am. Please, please let me in. I need to see Darren.”

The security guards looked at each other uneasily. Finally, one nodded and stepped away. Daniel watched him go, then turned to the remaining guard.

“Where’s he going?” Daniel asked.

The guard shrugged in response. Daniel sighed in irritation and began pacing. Within a few moments the other guard had returned. He and the first guard exchanged a long look and a nod.
Daniel watched them, scowling slightly.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“Wait just a minute, sir. We’re bringing in someone to authorize your claim,” the first guard said.

“’To authorize my claim?’” Daniel repeated in disbelief. “What is going on here? I’m not asking to see the president or anything. I just want to see my best friend and old partner!”

The guards just blinked at him, unmoving. Daniel groaned in frustration.

“I don’t believe this!” he muttered, resuming his pacing.

“Well, well. It really is you. I almost didn’t believe it.”

Daniel whirled at the feminine voice behind him.

“Leonie?” he said in a mixture of surprise and relief.

“Hello, Daniel,” Leonie said coolly. “What are you doing here?”

Daniel hurried up to the fence and looked at Leonie.

“I need to see Darren, Leonie. I’ve got to talk to him. It’s very important.”

“Is it?” Daniel looked at her sharply when her tone registered. His eyes searched the stern lines of her face.

“You’re not going to let me in, are you.” It was a statement, not a question.

“No. I don’t think Darren should see you right now. He’s got a concert to do, and he doesn’t need you distracting him before he goes on.”

“What about what Darren wants?”

Leonie snorted. “I don’t think Darren’s in any condition to decide what he wants.”

Daniel blinked at her. “Darren’s always capable of deciding what he wants.”

“Not where you’re concerned.” Leonie’s tone held a mixture of anger, annoyance, and affection. “He feels guilty all year over how badly things ended with you. He obsesses about it endlessly. He asks Aniki to open for him so he could get closer to you again. He runs down to Australia to see you over
his break.” Now Leonie looked at Daniel, her eyes fierce and angry. “I’m not sure what you did to him down there. He won’t talk about it. But I’m not letting you get close enough to do it again.”

“But I…” Daniel began.

“No. I won’t let you hurt him again.”

“Leonie, please. I know I hurt him. But I really need to see him, to talk to him.”

“Maybe later, Daniel. Not now. Darren’s too fragile at the moment. He’s only just getting better. I’m not risking his health so soon.”

“His health?” Daniel repeated.

“Didn’t you hear?” Leonie asked, surprised. Daniel shook his head. Leonie hesitated, but the need to make Daniel feel guilty outweighed the instinctive desire for discretion. “He forgot the words or something at a concert a few weeks ago. Right when he got back from Australia. When the
concert was over, he went to the dressing room and threw a tantrum. But he got hurt, badly.”

“Hurt?” Daniel’s voice was tight and his gaze worried. “What happened?”

“He cut his hand on a mirror he broke. It was bad. It needed stitches.” Leonie paused for a moment. Her eyes were distant and unfocused. Daniel watched her intently. She suddenly focused on the guitarist. “So that’s why you can’t see him. I’m not letting you throw him into another talespin. He doesn’t deserve it, especially not now. Why don’t you let it rest for another year and come back then? Maybe by that time, both of you will work through all your issues.” Leonie turned
to leave.

Daniel felt his chance to see Darren rapidly slipping through his fingers.

“Leonie, please!” he called after her. She didn’t even hesitate.

“No, Daniel. Maybe some other time. But you’re definitely not what Darren needs right now, and he’s my primary concern.” She paused for a moment, then said softly and sympathetically, “I’m sorry.” She nodded to the two guards and left.

Daniel stared after her, then at the unyielding guards. With a growl of irritation, Daniel stormed off.

“Fuck!” he said distinctly, kicking the wall next to him. He’d follow Darren to each venue if he had to in order to see the singer, but that wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to get things settled now. It sounded like the singer was hurting just as much as he was. Or more so. Daniel felt a pang of guilt as he remembered what Leonie had told him. He’d really messed up this time. It was time to set
things right.

The guitarist absentmindedly wandered through the crowd gathered for the concert. He couldn’t stay and watch Darren; it would hurt too much. He stepped aside to skirt a group of young girls when their conversation caught his attention.

“I hear he’s staying at the Holiday Inn by the mall,” the shortest of the group said in a breathless, excited tone.

“Where did you hear that from?” said her brunette friend.

“I have my sources,” the girl replied, trying and failing to sound mysterious. "Seriously, though, I think we should head there after the concert. Maybe we’ll get to meet him!”

“And look like psycho stalkers? The guy needs some privacy. Let’s just see if we can catch him before he leaves the stadium, ok?” said another of the girls, this one blonde.

Daniel couldn’t hear the rest, but it didn’t matter. He’d found what he needed to know. Hopefully the girl was right with her information. If he could pull this off, he might get to see Darren tonight!
With that thought in mind, Daniel increased his pace, heading towards his rental car.

* * * * * * *

Darren stepped out of the elevator, flexing his hand absently. It still hurt a lot, especially when he got tense and involuntarily clenched the muscles in his hand. But at least he could use it again. The stitches had been taken out half a week ago, freeing him from the splint. The freedom was worth the pain. The singer turned the corner of the hotel and headed down the hall to his room only to stop abruptly as he noticed a figured curled up by his door. The person, whoever it was, hadn’t spotted Darren yet. The lights in the hallway were dim due to the lateness of the hour, and Darren squinted, trying to make out the features of his mysterious guest. He took a few steps forward, but stepped on a particularly squeaky bit of floor. The slumped figure lifted his head and locked brilliant green eyes with Darren’s surprised blue ones.

“Danny?” Darren asked on a shocked exhalation.
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Starting at the Beginning