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I'm Not Gay	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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|| Bill’s POV ||

I hadn’t even been kissed by Tom in over a month; he was so true to his words. I hated him for that. In a way. But he had also said he wasn’t going to ignore me. And he doesn’t. The school knows now. Georg and Gustav let it out. Tom and I were both adopted and we were brothers. So now we hung out at school as well as out of school. But Tom went out with Georg and Gustav again. So it wasn’t just the two of us at night like it had been. Those two weeks were the best in my life, even if I was distant to Tom; I still had him to me. Just me. And I loved it all. And I still had his smile all to me. He’d flash me it in classes, before he left with the G-strings, anytime he thought no one else was looking.

A month ago I told him. Three weeks ago we told our parents what we had figured out. Two weeks ago we got a DNA test. A week ago the results were in- Tom and I are identical twins. And now, I sit in my bedroom, laying upside-down half off my bed, bored and upset. Tom was with his friends, he told me I should get to know more people at the school. I didn’t want to get to know anyone. I just wanted to be with Tom all the time.

“Bill!” I ignored the shrill sound of my mom’s voice from down the stairs. I don’t call her mom anymore. Shari. Shari and Gregory Mehr. I refused to go by Mehr either. Kaulitz. Always Kaulitz. It made me smile a bit. Tom still called Hailey mom, but he didn’t call Urie dad. But he too started going by Tom Kaulitz. He said it was just because it sounded better, but I knew it was because I was going by it. “Bill!” She called again and I just once again ignored her. I put my earphones in my ears and closed my eyes.

I had Tom’s iPod on me. We traded off two days ago, it was my idea. I said we should listen to each others music. Tom laughed at me at first, but I was serious. So he gave me his iPod, it was blue and had his name etched in the back from something- I bet a safety pin. He had my lime green one that had my name on in it pink metallic sharpie- Andreas had written it when I got it. He had the same coloured one. I heard my door open even threw the loud hip-hop music in my ears and I groaned, “Shari! If I wanted to talk to you then I-”

“First of all, I’m not a girl, and certainly not your mom. Second of all, since when do you call your mom by her first name?” I heard an all too familiar voice and I wanted to scream with joy. I hadn’t seen him or heard from him since the night Tom found out. Andreas.

I tilted my head back a little more just to make sure I was right only to see my best friend there, looking just the same as he did when I left nearly two months ago. “Andi!” I cried, turning over onto my stomach so I could pull Tom’s iPod form ears and drop it to my bed before I ran over to him, wrapping my arms tightly around my best friend. Not even bothering to answer either of his questions.

Andreas hugged me back, laughing a little as he picked me up and spun me in a circle. “Hey Billie,” He nearly cooed as I let my feet fall back on the floor. This was the first time I had smiled when Tom wasn’t with me in over a month. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

“Andi, what are you doing here?” I asked him, taking his hand and leading him to my bed. I could hardly believe Andreas was here- really and truly honestly here. He sat down and I crawled on his lap before I felt his arm wrap around my middle. I nuzzled his neck some and he sighed in content.

“Well, I haven’t heard from you in near a month and I was really worried.” He said honestly, his fingers running up and down my back and I shivered some. “Last time I heard anything from you, you were crying your eyes out and I couldn’t understand a word you had said to me.” I lifted my head off his shoulder and looked at him, telling him so clearly that he didn’t answer my question. “And I missed you too much. So, I begged my parents to move here. Dad talked to the company, got him a transfer here as well. And vua-la! I live two streets away again.”

I grinned widely. Hugging him tight again, “So you’re here for good?” I asked, and he nodded. I squealed, not being able to hide my excitement. Tom was gone from my mind for the time being. Seeing my best friend again after so long did that.

“Now you’re turn,” He said, “What have you been up too? What did you call your mom by her name? And why were you so upset that night?” I couldn’t answer all of those questions completely honestly. Tom was brought back up and a small frowned fell over my lips. Andreas regretted his questions, but they were already asked and he wanted the answers.

“Well…” I started, slipping off his lap and onto my bed, crossing my legs so I was sitting Indian style next to him and fiddled with Tom’s iPod, “I’ve been hanging out a lot with my brother…” I trailed off and Andreas looked more then confused.

“Bill… you don’t have a brother…” His eyes grew wide and he took me by the shoulders, staring directly into my eyes, “Billie, are you seeing things? Is that why you were crying? Are you loo-”

I cut him off by placing a finger to his lips and laughing. I shook my head. “I’m not loosing my mind or seeing things, Andi.” He let my shoulders go and I leaned back on my hands as I looked at him, waiting for an explanation. “You see, Andi… Shari and Connor have been lying to me my whole life.” I started, unsure how to explain this. I hoped he wouldn’t hate me. “Shari couldn’t have any kids so they adopted me and decided never to tell me. But when we moved here, I met this kid at school.” I scratched the back of my neck as I tried to think of how to explain Tom without letting anything away of what we had done when we met.

“Everyone thought I was him when I got there. Saying things like ‘What did Tom do to himself.’ Or ‘Tom lost his mind!’ And things like that,” I had that ache in my belly I always got when I thought of my twin. “Then I met Tom… and he looks almost just like me. Our styles are different, but other then that. We’re completely alike.” I didn’t notice, but my fingers were clenching around my bed covers, “So I started asking Shari questions only to find out I was adopted just like he was. Tom and I don’t go by our adopted parents names anymore,” I chewed my lip, “I’m now Bill Kaulitz, twin brother of Tom Kaulitz. He lives next door.”

Andreas’ mouth was hanging open by the time I had finished and my face was flushed a little red. He couldn’t actually hate me for this… could he? “That’s why you were so upset?” He asked me. No, not really. But it would work, so I just nodded. I was upset because Tom knew and didn’t want me anymore. But yeah, let’s tell Andreas I lost my virginity to my brother. Unknowingly to him, but knowingly to me. Great Idea! Yeah… no.

His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me close. I sighed contently in his arms. I did love Andreas, just not to way I love Tom. I love Andreas like a brother. Oh god, how fucked up is that? I love my best friend like a brother and my brother like a lover. If that’s not twisted, I don’t know what is. “You don’t have to go threw this alone, Billie…” He whispered to me, breaking me out of my perverse thoughts. I blinked a few times and looked back up to him, “Neither of us are going anywhere.”

I should have thought before I spoke. But my mind was already completely warped around Tom now and I wasn’t thinking right. “I’m not going threw this alone, Andi. I have Tomi.” I shouldn’t have said it. I knew it the second the words spilled from my lips and Andreas looked more hurt then I have ever seen him. He looked as though I just stabbed him with a knife rather then said a few words.

“Tomi?” He said, his words full of distaste for my brother. “You’ve known the kid less then two full months, Bill. Are you saying you trust him more then me? Why did I even bother coming here then? He sounds like a piece of shit anyways.” I wanted to slap him just for using Tom’s name in such a way. But nothing could be done about that now. He couldn’t know how I feel about Tom.

But I could still snap at him, after all, Tom is my brother after all. “Andreas,” I scowled pushing myself out of his arms and moving away from him on my bed. “You don’t understand. I know I haven’t known him as long as I’ve known you.” He opened his mouth to speak but I held my hand up to keep him quiet, “You’re my best friend, Andreas, but Tom is my brother. My Twin brother. I know him. I know things about him that he doesn’t tell me. It’s simply the way we are with each other. You cannot be mad at me about it. I won’t allow you to be. Because if you really care at all about me, Andi… then you will accept Tom as much as you accept me. And you won’t say such hateful things about him.”

Andreas frowned this time, chewing on the middle of his lip. It wasn’t like Tom did. How tom would suck his lip ring into his mouth whenever he thought about something- or when he was trying to keep quiet. I still remember the way his eyes were glassed over in pleasure I would cause him. When Andreas spoke my sick thoughts were broken again and I was grateful for it this time. If they had kept on that way I would be hard… and explaining that wouldn’t have been fun. “Billie, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just jealous. You sounded like you don’t need me anymore and I don’t want that. I love you too much to handle that.”

I shook my head, moving close to Andreas again before laying my head on his shoulder. “Andi, I’m always going to need you.” I whispered, lacing our fingers together. I would always need him. Even though I knew there was a part of me that Andreas could never fill completely. Only Tom could do that. And Tom wasn’t willing too.

Andreas smiled at my words though, tilting my head up and pressing his lips against mine in a soft kiss. “I had hoped you would say that, Billie…” He whispered to me. I was confused. Andreas and I have kissed before… but that kiss was different. Too soft, too sweet. “Bill,” He said, looking into my eyes and cupping my cheek, “I really do love you.”

“I love you to, Andreas…” I said, I do love him. And the smile on his face was all I needed to know I shouldn’t have said that. He meant it like I meant it when I said it to Tom. He now though I meant it that way. I opened my mouth to speak again before Andreas placed two fingers on my lips to keep me silent.

I was started to get annoyed with people doing this when I really need to tell them something. “Go out with me, Bill.” He said, I was afraid he was going to ask that. “I know we’ve tried it before, but after you left, I realized that I can’t live without you.” That’s how I feel about Tom, not Andreas. He needs to stop before he says something that I’ll completely regret, not that I don’t regret it all already. “So let’s make it official. When we go to school tomorrow, we’ll be together.”

I wanted to say no. Tell him I was in love with someone else. But I couldn’t tell him that. I couldn’t tell him that I wouldn’t want to date him becuase of Tom. And I couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough. My mind was racing as I thought of anything. But it all led back to Tom. Tom who was back to screwing every girl he wanted too. Tom making me insanely jealous. Tom with his perfect smile and kisses. The smile that is only there for me. Then it hit me, I knew it was mean- more to Andres then anyone. But I knew I wanted only Tom, and the only way I would ever get over him was if I knew for sure he didn’t want me. Maybe I could make him jealous enough to want to be with only me. It was worth a try.

“I love that idea, Andi.” I whispered to him, leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. It wasn’t the kiss that I would only ever give to Tom, but it was still something Andreas wanted.

“Does your brother know you’re gay? Or is going to completely freak out tomorrow when he meets me?” Andreas asked me. I had to stop being so cruel. But when your in love, you’ll do anything to keep it.

I crawled into my best friends- my boyfriends arms and he wrapped them around my waist. “He knows I’m gay. He’s known since before we knew we’re brothers.” I looked at my friend as he opened his mouth and shook my head, “No, he’s not gay too. We do a few differences.” True fact. He’s not gay. He screws too many girls to be gay. And wont to anything to any guy but me.

Tom is just sexual for girls- and me. Well, used to be me at least. Until he was grossed out by us being brothers. I sighed a little as Andreas pulled me closer and kissed the side of my head, “I’m happy you said yes, Billie.”

“So am I,” I lied easily, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. I feel bad knowing I’m going to be using him like this, but I don’t have any other choice! I want Tom and right now, I’ll do anything to get him to be only mine.
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I'm Not Gay