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Coming Home	By : SujiChan Category: Dir en grey > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1406 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not know Dir en grey. This is just a work of fiction to entertain. I make no money off of it.

Chapter List
- 10
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- 12
Saika wasn’t there as a third, safe, person that night. When I went back upstairs I could hear Toshiya clacking away on his laptop. His sister had brought a few of his things over so he wouldn’t be bored while laid up. I hesitated in the hallway, working up the courage to go inside that spare room to check on him. After the way he’d held my hand and behaved earlier I felt a little nervous around him. I hadn’t felt that way since the first few years after meeting Saika and Shinya. So young, so excited and nervous around their big brother who had a rosy glow around him when I gazed at him with my heart in my eyes. Now it was a very different kind of excitement and nervousness I felt around him. Over the years that rosy glow had dimmed a little as I’d gotten to know Toshiya, but it hadn’t disappeared completely. He was still handsome. He was still elusive.

He doesn’t love me.

Well, not the way I always wanted him to. I was a little sister to him. Instead it was Die who professed love for me. Die, the one member of the family who had tormented and teased me. The one who I had to admit I had gone out of my way to tease and torment as well. Saika was right about that. Die and I gravitated towards each other, and when we did it was violent and climactic. Like two planets colliding and causing an explosion that rocked the universe around it. And yet, he loved me. And when he kissed me…

“You gonna stand out there all night?” Toshiya finally called out.

I flinched, jumping when his voice intruded and startled me. Shoving my hands in my denim pockets I stepped just inside the door. “Just making sure I didn’t forget anything before I turn in.” I suddenly gave a fake yawn and stretched. “I’m really tired tonight!”

Toshiya arched one dark brow. “Are you?” He grunted, and nodded. “I see.”

I had the distinct feeling he believed me about as much as he would believe that Shinya was a sex whore. “So… you okay? Anything you need?”

I must have missed the sudden gleam in his eyes that would have warned me he was up to something. “Some company for a bit? I’ve been stuck up here all day and evening, alone.”

Damn. I slowly moved more into the room, but didn’t go near the bed. Instead I walked around the room, touching the dresser top, the sliding closet door, and even opened it to peer inside the empty closet. “Guess your family is used to you not coming home for days, right?”

He’d been watching me avoid him, and was amused. “It’s a sad day when you find an empty closet more interesting than me in bed.”

I flamed, sliding the closet door shut and turning to face him. I didn’t go near him, though. “You made sure I wouldn’t continue my interest in you so you can’t complain about it now.”

“True,” he nodded. “But now you’re downright avoiding me.”

“Tables turned?” I quipped.

Now he winced. “I’m sorry about that,” he admitted. “I’m trying to make up for it.”

For a moment I looked away, and then back at him. He looked sincere. I deflated, and moved forward to sit on the edge of the bed. He might not love me like I wanted him to, but I still meant something to him. I would have to learn to accept that. It would be difficult to see him as just a brother, the way I saw Kaoru and Kyo. “I’m not used to this,” I grunted, clenching my hands into fists in my lap.

“Being alone with a man?” he teased.

I shrugged. “Being near you, talking to you,” I admitted in a whisper. “I’ve known you nearly my whole life, and never had a conversation with you.” Oh God, how true that was! When we were younger he simply didn’t notice or pay attention to the little kids that his twin siblings and I were. When I was older it was the avoidance. I’d spent the better part of my life watching him walk away. I realized it, now that my pretty little bubble of love for him had been burst, and could see myself how I’d been all those years. It was so sad how pathetic I must have appeared to them all. Little Suji-chan who was too blinded by love to realize the object of her affection deliberately went out of his way to not be around her.

I could feel the colour rising in my face, the heat growing. Reality was a cruel thing. I was so tense that when Toshiya reached out to touch my hand he felt it vibrating with my anger and shame, and he pulled me to him, hugging me. “I’m sorry,” he said low in his deep voice, his breath warmly rustling my hair at my temple.

He smelled like shampoo, and clean male. Kind of how I remembered him smelling from that only other time he’d ever hugged me. The day I ran to his home crying about having to move, and he’d been the only one there at the time. He’d held me a little awkwardly, but as tightly as he did now.

“You’d better not be crying,” he teased. “I can’t handle it when a woman cries.”

I reluctantly pulled away, knowing I should do so before I wanted him to never let me go. “Do you run away when they cry?”

“No, I kiss them,” he admitted. “It usually works. They forget all about crying and think only of how good things can turn out. Why? You gonna cry?”

“What do you do when Saika cries?” I curiously asked, not touching that question with a ten-foot hope!

“Kill the bastard who hurt her,” he said with a feral gleam in his eyes and a baring of his teeth that might have looked like a smile, but was nowhere near friendly. Suddenly those intense dark eyes fell on me, and he arched a dark brow. “You never answered my question. You gonna cry?”

I rolled my eyes, mostly as an excuse not to get caught by that lust-inducing dangerous gleam in his. “I highly doubt a kiss is that effective.”

“Wanna bet?” he said low and deep, the sound of it making my body quiver. “I’m gonna have to have a talk with those brothers of mine. Obviously they’re not doing something right if you can say that.”

I flamed. “They kiss just fine, thank you!”

“That’s the problem,” he sighed. “It’s only fine. A kiss should be something that knocks all your reasoning down to your…” His gaze fell to my lap.

I shifted, starting to feel mine drop all right. “That would never happen,” I tried to say with nonchalance, but my voice was getting husky and low. Damn! This was not good! And what was up with him turning the charm on? How was I supposed to get over him when he was like this? It would be easier if he’d continue to avoid me!

My cell rang, startling me so bad I almost screamed. Jumping up I fished it out of my pocket. “Not used to having one of these yet,” I lamely stated with a dry little nervous laugh. “Hello?”

“Suji.”

I flushed. “Die-san?”

“Hai,” he said. “Wanted to tell you to dress casual.”

“Huh?” For what?

“If you tell me you forgot about our date tomorrow I’ll…”

I snorted. “You’ll what?” I shot, rolling my eyes. Then I flushed. “Where are we going?”

“Surpise,” he replied. “I’ll pick you up at 9am. You do remember it’s a day long date?”

“Bite me,” I grunted.

“I have. You taste good,” he shot back.

I flamed, and turned shyly only to lock gazes with Toshiya’s. He was avidly watching, his eyes narrowed intently, and I blushed even more… if that was possible. “Okay, well, good night, Die-san. See you tomorrow.” I hung up on him. “Well, early start to the day so…”

“Are you in love with Die?” Toshiya bluntly asked.

I’d been about to leave the room when he asked. Now I paused, my hand gripping the doorframe, my knuckles going white at how hard I dug my fingernails into the wood. “I’d spent 15 years loving you until my world was flipped upside down so I have no idea what I feel for anyone anymore.”

“Suji…”

“Good-night.” I hurried out of the spare room.
……………

Morning came all too soon. I’d tossed and turned all night, unable to find a comfortable position, and unable to shut my mind off so I could drift off without continuous thoughts about Toshiya hugging me or holding my hand, or saying my name in that low and deep voice of his. My alarm went off, and I reached over to turn it off. Forcing myself up I headed for the bathroom, showering and brushing my teeth. In towel only I headed for my room, and froze to see Toshiya standing right there in the hallway. I had to stop walking around in a towel only.

Face flushing I looked away. “Did I wake you?”

“No,” he grunted in a sleep-thick voice. “I barely slept all night.”

“Know the feeling,” I grunted right back. “I should… get dressed.” It was a little disconcerting to be standing there wearing nothing but a towel with a man who was wearing nothing but boxers. Especially when said man was the one I’d been in love with for 15 years.

His only comment was another grunt as he made his way towards the bathroom. I hurried to my room and dressed. Die had said casual, but it was a date, and a little effort had to be made. I put my hair up in a messy bun, and put a little mascara and gloss on. Then I drew on the pretty little floral dress I owned. It was cream coloured, with soft pink flowers that reminded me of sakuras. It was why I’d bought it. There were no sleeves, but frilly soft material that fell in a flounce just off the shoulders. The skirt was mid-thigh, and if I twirled would lift a little at the flounced hem. The bodice was heart shaped, showing off some cleavage and pushing my breasts up so they looked even nicer than normal. Last were low-heeled pink strappy sandals. Quite feminine and soft, I thought as I looked over my reflection in my dresser mirror.

Leaving my room I saw Toshiya in his bedroom doorway, leaning against the frame. “There’s food in the fridge, and Saika will be by later to make sure you eat.”

He hadn’t said anything. His eyes were hooded, hiding them, and his emotions. He didn’t speak a word so I gave up and left, going down the stairs and heading out for my date with Die.
- 10
- 11
- 12
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