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Blurry Days	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2083 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. Don't know Dir en grey and don't make any money from this.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
Author’s comment: Don’t really know what to say about this chapter… But this is my ‘something finally going on’ in this story :)
CHAPTER 11
Die and Toshiya look at each other for the last time and Toshiya rings the bell at Kaoru’s door. They wait, Toshiya fidgets nervously and Die rubs his lover’s shoulder with his hand soothingly. They’ve never expected anything like this to happen. And they both were very worried.
The doors open suddenly and they see Kaoru. He looks worse than they imagined – pale, with bags under his eyes, thinner than he was when they last saw him four months ago. Things were as bad as they had imagined after they got an unexpected call from Kaoru yesterday.
“Hi guys, come in” Kaoru greeted them and stepped aside. Die dropped their bag on the floor as soon as they crossed the threshold. He saw another, smaller bag right beside the door. So Kaoru already had packed and apparently was already dressed up to go. He only needed his shoes and jacket.
“You don’t know how much I appreciate your help. I’m really thankful for you for doing this…”
Toshiya nervously cleared his throat, his eyes scanning as much of the apartment as he could see.
“It’s nothing, Kaoru. If it was so bad, you could have called us sooner.”
“It’s not bad!” Kaoru raised his voice so unexpectedly, that even Die flinched, and Toshiya seemed to shrink back from both of them. “It’s… it has just gotten very hard to bear…”
He lowered his head ashamed of what he just said and Die sighted.
“You were alone in this for too long, Kaoru. You should have asked for help sooner. You’ve still got friends, you know? Even though we’re busy, we still can find some time for you and especially Kyo.”
“Yes, Die is absolutely right” Toshiya found his voice to agree, even though he saw that it wasn’t helping Kaoru to feel better.
“I just want to get out of here” Kaoru whispered and tensed visibly. “I feel like I’m going mad myself. I need to get away from all of this…”
There was a tension in the air filled with silence. Die took his and Toshiya’s bag and tried to lighten the mood.
“So tell us all we need to know and you can go. We’re going to take good care of Kyo, don’t worry.”
Kaoru nodded and they followed him to the living room. Kyo was sitting by the window, starring at still colorless and cold scenery outside. Kaoru took a notebook from the table and showed it to his friends.
“I wrote here the most important things you need to know. The schedule of the day is also here. Most importantly, don’t forget his drugs. He gets two pills a day. There’s just one bottle, so you won’t mix anything up. Just put the pill at his lips and he’ll swallow it with water.”
Die and Toshiya were nodding, showing that they understood all of what they were told.
“He always gets up at eight, so set the alarm, please. He might wet the bed if you won’t take him to the toilet when he wakes up. The time of the meals is written in the notes. I’ve prepared and left for you some dishes, so you won’t need to cook much. Kyo likes to listen while I read, so if you’ll get bored, do that. Also…”
“It’s ok, Kaoru, we know everything. And the notebook looks quite thick” Die interrupted him with a smile. “Don’t worry so much.”
Kaoru nodded, but looked as if he still was thinking if he forgot anything or not.
“He can’t take care of himself after the toilet and in the shower, so please, be patient, but…”
“We won’t leave him to rot in his excrements and stinking, Kaoru. We love Kyo as well as you do” Toshiya said silently and Kaoru nodded. It seemed as if he didn’t think that showing his distrust in friends was insulting.
Kaoru thought for a few more moments still and put the notebook on the table. They went to the hall again and Kaoru dressed up. Toshiya’s heart sank down a bit when he thought that Kaoru didn’t even say goodbye to Kyo, didn’t even glance at him before leaving the living room.
Kaoru took his bag and straightened up.
“Ok then, I’m off…”
Die nodded and smiled, but Toshiya just managed to make a grimace out of his smile. Things were even worse than he imagined.
“And please…” Kaoru hesitated for a second and looked at his friends. “Please, call me only if it’s really very important. I want to forget everything at least for the weekend…”
“Of course” Die nodded.
“Thank you, guys… I really appreciate it.” Kaoru said one more time and then he was gone.
Toshiya sighted as soon as the doors were closed. He watched as Die locked the doors and turned to him. He lifted his eyebrows in question, but Toshiya still looked very concerned.
“He’ll be fine, Totchi, don’t worry so much” he said, but Toshiya just wanted to shake his head. “He’ll get this out of his system, have some rest and be back on track.”
“You really think so?”
“Yeah…”
“I hope you’re right, but…”
“Yeah, I know.”
They were silent for a moment, both thinking about the same things. When Kaoru called and asked them if they could watch over Kyo for the weekend, they immediately asked what had happened. Kaoru would never leave Kyo’s side unless it was urgent.
But after a long silence on the phone, Kaoru said that he desperately needed a break, he needed to escape the routine, because it was killing him. He couldn’t take it anymore.
And it made them both worry. Worry was a too gentle word. They never thought Kaoru would willingly want to leave Kyo’s side. But it happened and it scared them. Was Kaoru reaching his limit? Would he come back after hitting the clubs, fucking his brains out or just relaxing in some spa or whatever it was he was going to do? Or would he understand that after the freedom he got for the weekend, he wouldn’t be able to come back to the same routine he had for so long? Would he even want to go back to the hard life he now had with Kyo on his shoulders?
No wonder he didn’t call Shinya, who perhaps was more suitable for this job. He was much more patient than Die and Toshiya together, but Shinya never wanted Kaoru to take Kyo home on the first hand. He was against all of this and to ask him to take care of Kyo for the weekend would prove to Shinya that he was right.
Toshiya and Die were shocked after Kaoru told them for the first time that he was taking Kyo home. They tried to reason with him, but they weren’t that passionately against it as Shinya was. And to ask this from Kyo’s sister… She had the power of making Kyo’s parents change their minds. If she knew Kaoru had such big problems, she perhaps would reconsider this whole idea of Kaoru living with Kyo.
Of course, if Kaoru wouldn’t change his mind himself now.
Die and Toshiya headed back to the living room in silence and unpacked their bag. They just had a few things and as soon they were done, they looked carefully through the notebook that Kaoru had left. There was a lot of information. Kaoru really did a good job of trying to make it easy for them.
“Well, what now?” Die asked, looking at Toshiya as soon as they finished flipping through the notes. Toshiya looked at the clock and shrugged.
“It’s long past the time of supper. Kaoru forgot to tell us if Kyo had already eaten.”
“Let’s see it, then.”
Toshiya came up to Kyo and took his hand carefully, but Kyo stood up and followed obediently. Feeling more confident, Toshiya led Kyo to the kitchen and sat him at the table.
“Let’s see what Kaoru had left us” Die said, already looking inside the fridge.
“Kyo has to go to bed soon” Toshiya said, looking at the clock again. “What will we do then?”
Die turned to look at Toshiya and grinned.
“Well, you know, it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow, so we should do something appropriate for this occasion.”
Toshiya blushed very slightly and quickly glanced at Kyo.
“I don’t think it’s really a good idea” he said hesitantly. “And Kaoru wouldn’t be too happy to know what we were doing on his bed, even if Kyo’d be in another room.”
“We’ll discuss this later again” Die winked.
Toshiya laughed and went to help him to take out the plates and food. He hesitated when he put the plate with food in front of Kyo.
“Just put his hand on the fork, Totchi, you’ve seen Kaoru do that. Kyo will get the hint.”
Toshiya took Kyo’s right arm and put it on the fork. Kyo slowly took the fork and started lifting it, but his fingers loosened and the fork fell down with a clatter on the table. Toshiya looked puzzled at Die and tried again. The same happened the second time. For the third time Kyo didn’t even take the fork anymore.
“Maybe he really ate already?” Die mused loudly.
“Perhaps” Toshiya agreed, but didn’t really like it. He didn’t want to send Kyo to bed with an empty stomach. They ate glancing at Kyo from time to time, but even if Kyo’s hand was on the fork, he didn’t eat.
“Kaoru really takes good care of Kyo. Kyo looks so healthy. I wish Kaoru would recover from this little setback and wouldn’t abandon Kyo now…”
“Totchi, let’s just not play the guessing game, ok? We’ll soon see for ourselves. I wish I could say that he’d never do that, but the state he is in… It’s not very optimistic…”
They finished eating mostly in silence and Toshiya volunteered to take Kyo to the bathroom and the shower. He felt really ashamed while undressing Kyo and looking at his naked body fully exposed to his eyes. But what could he do?
He helped Kyo in the shower cabin and turned on the water. Die soon appeared in the bathroom as well and looked at the scene. He didn’t say anything, but Toshiya could see the sad shadow in his eyes. They washed Kyo in silence and dressed him in pajamas. Die guided Kyo to his room and laid him to bed.
“Well, that’s it for today” he said and turned to look at Toshiya. “Should we wait for him to fall asleep?”
“No, I think there’s no need. The notes don’t say anything about that” Toshiya shrugged and looked at Kyo.
“Goodnight, Kyo” Toshiya smiled and turned off the lights.
They headed to Kaoru’s bedroom and prepared to go to bed. They wanted to watch DVD and just relax. But as soon as they both were in bed, Die rolled over on Toshiya and started lazily kissing his chin and then neck. Toshiya giggled as he was quite ticklish.
“Come on, Die, are we really gonna do this in Kaoru’s bed?”
“Consider this as sex in an unexpected place” Die breathed out his words and hot air hit Toshiya’s neck. Toshiya held his breath for a moment and closed his eyes. Die’s skilful fingers were already roaming all over his body wherever they could reach and Toshiya relaxed, feeling the need already gathering in his lower body.
“Mmm… feels so good…”
Die, encouraged by this, threw the blanket aside and took off Toshiya’s boxers. He loved his lover’s body. It always gave him so much pleasure. For a moment his eyes stopped on Toshiya’s cock and Die remembered nude Kyo in the bathroom, helplessly standing on the cold tiles and waiting for anything that would come his way, unable to resist at all.
“What’s wrong?” Toshiya asked noticing the sudden expression on Die’s face and touched his lover’s cheek. The feeling made Die snap out and he looked down at his lover.
“Your eyes darkened so much suddenly” Toshiya said, looking with concerned eyes at him.
“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
There was no need in upsetting Toshiya with the thoughts that they both voiced out already a number of times. There was no need to spoil the calm evening.
Die leaned down and kissed Toshiya’s belly. It quivered at the touch and Die smiled.
“You’re gorgeous” he whispered. I love you.
Though he never said it out loud. They never actually voiced it more than twice.
The first time was when they confessed their true feelings for each other trying to justify the need to be together, the need to kiss, the need to feel each others bodies. They were torturing each other by feeling that they both knew what kind of thoughts they truly had about each other, but were afraid to voice out. And when they finally couldn’t bare the torture, they both broke down and told the three sweet words.
The second time was in a car, after their visit to the hospital, when they got to know the news that Kyo was not going to get better. When Kyo was found, the happiness was soon overpowered by the sorrow of the Kyo they saw in the hospital. And after the final cruel diagnosis the emotions were running high. Especially for Toshiya.
But to repeat it daily… neither of them saw any need for that. They knew the truth, but were too shy and proud to repeat it more than necessary.
This night their love games were tender and torturously sweet. After it all ended, Die fell on top of Toshiya without even removing his limp member from his lover, and laid there like that, a bit crushing Toshiya with his weight. His breathing was still ragged. Toshiya was lying on his stomach, breathing hard. He felt the weight of his lover on himself, felt the sweat and the rapidly rising and falling chest and smiled just a bit.
Their hands were intertwined and Die felt Toshiya squeeze his gently. Die kissed Toshiya’s shoulder, but didn’t move.
Suddenly they heard the door to the bedroom open. They were so shocked that they couldn’t even move, just turn they huge eyes to that direction.
Has Kaoru changed his mind and got back home?
But they were even more surprised to see Kyo at the door. Kyo stepped in the room and headed right to the bed where Toshiya and Die were still lying – naked, panting, sweaty and still connected. Toshiya jumped so quickly that Die fell off him with a startle. Toshiya frantically gathered the sheets and covered them both as quickly as he could.
Kyo was already next to the bed. He climbed in and laid down just right next to Die. Then he closed his eyes and appeared as if he was already dozing.
Toshiya looked incredulously Die in the eyes and got out of bed. He motioned with his head to the bathroom and they both quickly got in there.
“Kaoru said Kyo doesn’t do anything on his own!” Toshiya squeaked panicking.
“Maybe walking doesn’t count?” Die asked, but barely believed himself.
“I’m so ashamed!” Toshiya cried and hid his head in his hands.
“Totchi, Kyo doesn’t understand anything…”
“As well as doesn’t do anything on his own?!” Toshiya shot back and that made Die shut up.
“What do we do?” Toshiya asked, finally looking Die in the eyes.
“We clean up and go back to sleep” Die shrugged. “Totchi, I don’t really think he understood what he saw. If he saw anything at all, that is. Maybe he sleeps in the same bed as Kaoru and he was used to that. He came back to Kaoru’s bedroom automatically.”
“You might be right… Perhaps Kaoru always sleeps with Kyo, but didn’t want to say anything to us for us not to get any unnecessary thoughts… So he put Kyo in the other room, but Kyo came back here on habit.”
“Most likely story.”
Toshiya nodded and sighted.
“Ok, let’s clean up and go back to sleep.”
They faced a dilemma of where to sleep when they got back as Kyo took up half of the bed. Finally they just found a futon and Die went to sleep on the ground next to the bed on Toshiya’s side while Toshiya slept in bed next to Kyo.
When the alarm went off the next day, Kyo was already awake. Toshiya took him to the toilet and showered him while Die prepared breakfast. But they faced the same problem as in the previous evening. Kyo didn’t eat. Not a little bite.
“We can’t even give him medicine if he doesn’t eat anything at all” Toshiya was already panicking and Die could just helplessly try making Kyo eat again.
Finally Die just took the fork himself and forced a bite in Kyo’s mouth. For some time it worked, but after several forced bites Kyo just wouldn’t open his mouth at all and if by some miracle Die managed to still force the food in, Kyo would just not swallow and the food would fall out of his mouth.
“Why doesn’t he eat?” Toshiya almost cried in frustration. “Kaoru never said he had problems like this before!”
“That’s because he didn’t. He never mentioned anything like this at all.”
“Maybe he doesn’t say half of what he has to go through to any of us? Like with the sleeping in the same bed?”
“I don’t know… Well, at least he ate some of it. We’ll try an hour later.”
But an hour later Kyo didn’t swallow even the smallest bite. When the dinner time came, he refused the food again and even Die started to get really worried. They tried to make him eat for more than an hour, but the results were the same. Kyo didn’t eat or drink anything at all.
When they finally gave in and took him to the living-room, Toshiya was already thinking of calling Kaoru.
“Totchi, I don’t think it’s so urgent. Kaoru really needs his rest and we’ll handle this. We’ll try to feed him an hour later.”
“But what if he won’t eat even then?”
Die sighted and rubbed his temples with his hand.
“Then we’ll think of what to do. But we really should not call him. At least not now.”
Toshiya sighted and turned the TV on, but as soon as they sat to watch it, Kyo suddenly stood up and started slowly walking out of the room. Die and Toshiya looked at each other confused and followed him.
Kyo strolled slowly to the direction of his room and stopped at the doorway. He fidgeted there for a moment then turned to Kaoru’s study. When he was in, he sat in the armchair and leaned on one side.
Toshiya looked at Die with concern.
“Kaoru really said he doesn’t even walk on his own anywhere. What does this all mean?”
“I don’t know, Totchi” Die shrugged looking as confused and concerned as Toshiya was. “We just have to wait for Kaoru to get back and he’ll hopefully explain it all.”
The guys didn’t have anything else to do than move to the study where Kyo now was. They didn’t want to leave him alone. Die took one of Kaoru’s guitars and entertained his lover with playing old Dir en grey melodies.
But after an hour or so they tried feeding Kyo again. Until the evening they managed to make Kyo eat a bit, but it was just a few forced bites and a half of glass of juice. Toshiya was not happy with this at all.
“I’m very worried” he said, looking at Kyo helplessly. They were still in Kaoru’s study. Die suggested to try to feed Kyo there, but the results were the same.
“Kaoru’s coming back tomorrow. Maybe Kyo will be so hungry tomorrow morning that we won’t need to even try forcing the food down his throat.”
“I hope so” Toshiya said. They were already exhausted from this day of trying to make Kyo eat and never leaving him out of sight. It was a hard job to do.
“Should we go to the living room now?” Toshiya suggested and Die nodded. He went up to Kyo and took his hand and to their relief Kyo obediently stood up and followed. But in the living-room he didn’t sit down even though Die tried to make him. Kyo went up to the window and lingered there for a moment. Then turned around and started slowly walking around the room.
“I can’t take this any more” Toshiya whimpered and sank down on the sofa. “He looks like a mindless zombie…”
“Because he is like one” Die said silently and Toshiya growled in frustration.
Kyo was already at the living-room’s door. He headed to the kitchen and walked around there for a moment. Then went out and headed to Kaoru’s study again. Then out of it and to Kaoru’s bedroom. Die followed him for some time and Toshiya just sat in the living-room. His mobile was already in his hand. It was so tempting to call Kaoru.
This behavior was not normal. He was almost sure of it. Kyo hasn’t eaten almost anything the whole day and was strolling around the room as if looking for something. If it was normal, Kaoru should have warned them about all of this.
“Hey!”
Toshiya almost dropped the phone startled unexpectedly. He looked up to see Die in the doorway.
“I laid him to bed and he seems to have calmed down. At least he’s not walking around anymore”
“Did he fall asleep?”
Die shook his head.
“But I think we should go to the bedroom as well.”
Toshiya nodded and stood up. He glanced at his mobile.
It was only 7:38 in the evening.
TBC
Comments are more than welcome! ^^
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Blurry Days