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Without You I'm Nothing (Chapter 39 up now!)	By : urbanephoenix Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Placebo Views: 5829 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction! I do not know any members of Placebo or their families, and I do not profit from these writings.

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BRIAN.

Waking up the next morning, Brian stretched his arms out, feeling nothing but sheets and emptiness. “Michael?” he called out, sitting up and looking around the room.

“Tea or coffee?” a voice called back from a few rooms away.

Brian smiled, climbing out of bed, looking from his clothes. “Coffee.” He walked into the kitchen and saw Michael standing over the stove wearing nothing but his briefs, flipping pancakes.

“Breakfast of champions.” He grinned, looking over his shoulder. He grabbed Brian’s hand and pulled him close, kissing the top of his head. “Good morning, gorgeous.”

STEFAN.

Stefan spent the rest of his weekend feeling terrible. He had hardly slept, images of Brian and Michael flashing through his head. It would be ok, it was just a fling, Stef told himself.

Arriving at school on Monday he could only hope that nobody had heard of his strange behavior Saturday night. Seemed he was in luck.

“Duuuude!” Matt called out to him, entering homeroom. “I hear it from a very reliable source that you totally HIT that the other night!”

Ok, that wasn’t what he had in mind. “Uh, yeah, sure.” He chuckled nervously.

Thankfully Stef avoided further questioning with the teacher arriving, Brian following closely behind, slipping into a seat when she wasn’t looking. He was looking far happier than the previous week, Stef noticed. Almost… glowing. The swelling in his face had disappeared and he was smiling.

As soon as the bell rang, he got up and made his way across the room. “Uh, hey Brian.” He mumbled.

“Stef?”

“Umm, I just wanted to apologise for the weekend… I shouldn’t have cancelled on you.”

Brian shrugged. “It’s ok. No hard feelings.”

Stef was confused. Brian was just going to let this go? “Oh well ok. I thought you were upset with me.”

“Why would I be upset?”

“Well… you seemed upset when we ran into each other at the club…”

Brian stopped to face him. Never had the smaller boy looked so big in Stef’s eyes. His confidence bursting out of him. “Look, Stef. I don’t care. We’re not friends, we’re partners for a music project and that’s all. What you do with your social life is your business and I couldn’t care less. Now, we’re going to be late for maths.”

He walk off, leaving Stef speechless. So that was it? They were… nothing? “Hold on…” he called, running after him. “What happened? I know I was a jerk, I’m sorry, but can’t we be friends at least?”

“No. It’s too hard being friends with you, I can’t keep up. You say you want to be friends, but you won’t talk to me at school, you say you’re gay and you’ll fuck me but then you need to get some girlfriend to keep up appearances? You ditch me at the last minute, you just… use me, Stef.”

It wasn’t the words that were hurting Stefan the most, but rather the tone of Brian’s voice. He was so calm, there was no anger, just hurt.

“You let me down, ok? I don’t need that. I’ve moved on, you should to.”

BRIAN.

Brian walked away. He’d kept his composure, he wasn’t going to get mad, he wasn’t going to get upset, he’d said what he wanted to say. Now.. just walk away.

“Brian?”

Sighing, Brian turned back once more. “Meet after school so we can actually do some WORK on this stupid project ok? Now, we’re going to be late.”

***

The day dragged on, but Brian didn’t care. He still felt so relaxed from the weekend and it was a relief to know there was someone he could call later on, someone to talk to, and who actually WANTED to talk to him. Sitting on the fence waiting for Stef, Brian couldn’t help but smile to himself, replaying the events of Saturday night over in his head.

“Ready?” Stef asked quietly, making Brian jump.

“You scared me,” he smiled. “Come on.”

The pair walked in silence, neither really sure what to say. Brian could tell Stef was upset by their conversation that morning, but he wouldn’t back down.

“Can you give me another chance?” Stef cried out after a solid ten minutes of silence.

Brian sighed. “Why?”

“Because… I know I stuffed up. I was stupid for taking you for granted, I’m sorry.”

“What is it you WANT, Stef?” Brian was frustrated, this had been the biggest problem in the week they’d known each other. Stef just couldn’t make up his mind and it was driving him insane.

“I want you. Look, I’ll settle for being friends, but I honestly do want more. Look, I’ll even come out to everyone, I’ll tell them all, if you’ll just give me another chance!”

Brian was impressed by his desperation.

“You’d really do that?” he asked. “You’d tell everyone… for me?”

Stef gulped hard, clearly nervous. “Yes… I would.”

“You should do that for yourself, not for me.”

“Huh?”

“Look Stef, I’ll be your friend, but nothing more. I’m with someone now and although it’s early days, it’s looking promising. You’ll understand if I’m not willing to take that chance on you.”

“Oh,” Stef looked down at his feet, disappointed. “Is it that guy from Saturday night?” he asked.

“Michael, yes.” Brian smiled. “He’s lovely.” Sighing as he opened the front gate, he turned to face the taller boy. “You should come out anyway, Stef. You can’t keep pretending forever. Eventually that Maddy girl is going to work it out!”

“Mandy,” Stef corrected him, a small smile appearing in the corner of his mouth. “I know you’re right, but I’m not strong like you.”

“You’d be surprised.”

***

For the first time since they started, the pair actually got somewhere with their music project. Brian had dozens more songs to show Stef and as they sorted through them together, he couldn’t help but feel relieved that they’d settled what had been between them. The sexual tension was gone, and now they could just work.

STEFAN.

Stef felt like he was going to explode. The sexual tension was enormous, at least on his end. He kept flashing back to the first time he’d been in this room, Brian being naked and coming onto him so strong. The first time they’d had sex. Every tiny detail. He wanted nothing more than to take him in his arms and devour him, explore him with his hands. “What does he have that I don’t?” Stef blurted out without thinking. Where had that come from?

Brian looked at him, slightly shocked. “I thought we’d sorted this?”

Stef threw up his hands. “I have to know.”

“Oh, so besides the fact he’s not a TOTAL WANKER?!”

Ok, maybe he shouldn’t have asked. Stupid, Stef, stupid!

“He’s gay and he ACTS LIKE IT!? He’s not ashamed of himself OR of me!? I could go on, Stef…” Brian stood up, throwing pages of music into the air. “You had your chance and you blew it. You had many chances and you threw them in my face! Just, drop it!”

“I said I was sorry!”

“That’s not good enough. I suffered for you, but not anymore. Just be happy for me and go sort your own bullshit out. And for God’s sake, stop leading that poor girl on.”

“It’s not my fault…” Stef said quietly, sitting on the bed.

Brian sighed, joining him. “Yeah, it’s NEVER your fault is it? You think you’re so alone, and nobody ‘gets’ you. Jesus, Stef, grow up.”

Stef knew he had lost him at that point. “I should go.” he muttered.

“Fine!” Bran replied, defeated. “But I don’t want to hear about this, ever again.”

***

Walking home Stefan felt terrible. He had thrown away something so good, so beautiful. Nothing could have made him feel worse at that moment.

Stef walked up to his bedroom, only to hear his father’s voice yelling from the kitchen. As usual. “Boy! Get down here!”

Sighing he walked back down stairs, wondering what he could have possibly done.

“I’m sorry, I was at Brian’s house doing a school project…” he started. His father frowning at him.

“I don’t give a toss about your school project! I got a phone call a little while ago from some GIRL saying she’s your GIRLFRIEND!?”

Oh shit.

“Care to explain that, Mr Gayboy?”

“She’s not my girlfriend…”

“She seems to think he is!” Mr. Olsdal roared. “So are you a poofta or not?”

“Yes!” Stef yelled back.

“Idiot child, go work yourself out.”

***

Another sleepless night ensured Stef woke up the next morning feeling like crap. Forcing himself out of bed, he hardly registered anything that happened between pulling on his school shoes, and lunchtime. The morning’s classes a blur, the voices around him all sounded as though they were in another language. He drifted his way through the day until something snapped him out.

“Hey, didja hear that faggot has a BOYfriend?” Ryan smirked as the group sat down in their regular spot on the school oval. “What a loser.”

“Why does it matter if he’s gay? Stef asked. “Well, he’s bisexual actually, but why does it matter if he has a boyfriend?”

“How do you know he’s bisexual?” Matt asked. “Not that it matters, he’s a faggot, he likes cock. That’s not fucking normal!”

“What if one of your friends was gay?” Stefan asked, not thinking before he spoke. He was doing that a lot lately.

His friends laughed. “One of us? GAY? You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Well, what if one were? What if I was gay?”

Craig laughed, slapping Stef on the back. “You’re the least gay person I know, no way you’d let any guy’s nasties near you! You’re a real man!”

Stefan could feel his blood boiling. No, stay calm, it’s ok. “Well… I don’t see what’s so bad about it…”

There was a long silence as everyone took time to process what they’d heard. “Uh, Stef? You feeling ok?”

“No…”

“Look, don’t let that poofta get to you! He’s just a pathetic little girl ok! You’ve got a sweet piece of ass waiting for you whenever you want, why would you care about some little fag-“

“Because I’m gay!” Stef yelled, standing up. Oh no… what had he done?

Nathan scrunched up his face, looking up at him. “Huh? Stef, what?”

“I’m GAY, ok? I always have been, and I always will be. I like boys, I like looking at them, I like thinking about them, I like fucking them. I do not, and never have liked girls and I’ve never had sex with Mandy. I have, however, had sex with a boy, who happens to be pretty fucking incredible!”

“Dude, what the FUCK!? Is this a joke?” The others stood up now, looking at him with disgust, but Stefan didn’t care.

“Look, I don’t give a shit anymore. If you guys don’t want to be my friends because I’m gay, that’s fine, but I wont keep pretending! And I wont let you hurt Brian anymore.”

“Whoa, are YOU that pansy’s boyfriend!?” Ryan asked.

“No but that doesn’t mean I have to sit here and listen to you talk shit about him.”

Matt, who had remained silent, walked over to Stef and put his hand on his shoulder. “Stefan, mate… you and I have been friends for as long as I can remember. I know you’re stressed out and.. that can make people do and say some crazy stuff. We’ll help you get through this.” He wrapped his arms around the taller boy’s body, much to everybody’s shock.

‘What just happened?’ was all Stef could think, as he was thrust into such an awkward embrace. It seems the others were catching onto Matt’s thinking.

Craig smiled. “Yeah, mate. We’re here for you. Look, we’ll even forget everything that just happened.”

No… this wasn’t what was supposed to happen!

“No, you don’t understand…” he started, confused.

“Look, lunch is almost over. We’ll never speak of this again, and it’ll all be ok.” Matt smiled.

Stefan closed his eyes, frustrated. This wasn’t going how he had planned.

BRIAN.

Brian was relieved. He’d gone two whole days at school without anybody giving him a hard time. Something more interesting must have been going on. Walking down the steps after school, he saw Stef not too far ahead.

“Hey, Stef!” he called out, running after him.

Stef looked terrible, as though he had been crying, though Brian doubted it. His usually lovely face was drained of its warmth and replaced with empty eyes and a frown. “What?” was all he murmured.

Brian smiled. “I heard you came out today?”

“Ha, everyone thought it was a joke. That I was stressed and just… acting like a crazy person.” He grumbled. “Why can’t they just-?”

“You know why. You’ve spent the past however many years convincing them all you’re straight, and then one day you tell them you’re not? You expect them to just buy into that?”

Stef sighed. “I know… you’re right. As always.” A small smile cracked across his face.

“You know…” Brian started. He wasn’t sure where he was going with this, but he hated to see Stef look so down. “Michael and I are going to Mars tomorrow night. Would you like to come?”

“Who goes out on a Wednesday?” Stef laughed. “Besides, it’s a school night.”

“Oh live a little! Every second Wednesday is dress-up night. Drink specials until midnight. Usually the hottest night to go.” Brian smiled up at him. “You should come.”

“Dress-up?”

“Well, don’t put on your trick or treat costume or anything, but you know, masquerade or maybe you could be Elvis?”

“What are you going as?” Stef asked, sounding more interested.

Brian grinned wickedly. He and Michael had planned this in great depth on Sunday afternoon. The pair had been to plenty dress-up nights at Mars Bar before, though obviously not as a couple, and knew exactly how they could dress. “It’s a surprise.”

“I might have a Batman outfit laying around somewhere…” Stef thought aloud.

“Batman?” Brian laughed. “That’s adorable, Stef!” the thought of the taller boy in leggings and lycra was certainly a pleasant one. “But maybe only the top half, we don’t want any underwear on the outside.” He winked.

He could only hope that Stefan would come. It would be nice to go on a proper date with Michael without having an extra tag along, but this was different, Brian told himself. This was Stef. He had just come out, after all, though unsuccessfully. He needed cheering up.

“So, will we see you there tomorrow?” he asked as they came to the fork in the road leading them each to their own homes. He watched his friend walk off and give a wave as he went. Surely, that meant yes.

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A/N: I realise not a greeeeeeeeeat deal happened here, this was more a bridge chapter to what I have in store for 'Wednesday'. Still, any thoughts/comments/criticism is much appreciated =)
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Without You I'm Nothing (Chapter 39 up now!)