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Senseless Indulgences	By : Solariel89 Category: My Chemical Romance > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1427 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction. I do not profit from this story monetarily or otherwise. I do not know MCR, nor do I own the Danger Days universe. I do however own my OC's, so no stealing them, please.

Chapter List
- 10
- 11
- 12
"How is she?"
"She's still a bit shaken."
Poly lay in bed, listening to Dr. Death Defying's inquiries. He stood at her door with Jet Star as they discussed her condition. "When will she be up again?"
Jet shrugged. "She lost her eyesight and got attacked by Radiant Psychosis- all in less than a month. I doubt she's going to want to come out of that room for a while."
"She can't stay there forever," the older killjoy growled. "It's been two days."
Jet glared at his mentor. "She's not a Drac, D. She can't just ignore this. She made a mistake and it cost her more than she bargained for. You have to give her time to work this through."
Poly stiffened as she heard their leader emit a low growl. Apparently deciding it was a losing battle, he stalked down the hall. "Call me when she's ready," he snarled.
Fun Ghoul's footsteps echoed through the hall. He stopped in front of his friend, obviously concerned. "What was that all about?" he asked, pointing behind him to where Dr. Death Defying had just left.
"The longer he spends in that broadcast room, the more he acts like them." Venom laced Jet's words as he stormed off in the opposite direction.
Ghoul sighed heavily and Poly heard him open and shut her door. She listened to his footsteps until he stopped and sat on the end of her bed. "I know you're awake, so you can stop pretending." Poly sat up and stared blankly at the floor. She wasn't surprised to know he'd figured her out- he was more perceptive than most knew. She felt his hand on her shoulder. She listened to the ruffle of his clothes as he settled. She could almost see his leg bent on the bed as he turned to look at her. "Why are you just sitting here?" Poly could practically feel the concern rolling off of him in waves. "Why didn't you come out of your room and talk to us?"
Poly shrugged. "I just don't feel like contact right now…"
Ghoul cupped her chin, lifting her face to see her eyes. His heart nearly broke at what he saw.
With her mask deposited on her desk, the scar tissue around her eyes had lost some of the angry red inflammation it had adopted the last few weeks. Her pupils were now milky white and her irises- once the bright color of a summer sky- had become a pale icy blue. Her sclera were no longer white, both the blood vessels and the cornea scarred crimson. Her right eye, never open as wide as the left, struggled to remain open even a few millimeters.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't get to you sooner, Chris." The soft whisper of his voice trembled with grief. A lone tear trailed a shaky path down his cheek. He lifted her hand to his face to brush it away- a quiet sign that his words were sincere.
Poly shook her head and fought to keep her own tears at bay. "It's not your fault." She absently stroked his cheek as she spoke. "I made a rash decision that cost me my sight and a predator took advantage. It's not your fault." Her hand dropped as her mood darkened. It wasn't his fault. He was blaming himself for no reason. No, it wasn't anyone's fault but her own.
"Poly, are you okay?"
Using all the energy she could muster, Poly gave him a sleepy smile. "Yeah. I'm just tired. I think I'm gonna sleep a little more."
"Okay." Ghoul lingered by the door. He knew she was just trying to appease him. Spending so much time with Party Poison, Ghoul learned when not to pick a fight. If she needed time, he'd give her time. "Just holler when you need anything." Closing the door, he left Poly to her thoughts.
It was all her fault. She left Battery City. She left her family. She joined the killjoy rebellion. She chose to keep her past a mystery. She chose to go out on her own. She did those things. No one was to blame but herself.
She didn't know what her eyes looked like anymore. To tell the truth, she didn't want to know. Kobra Kid tried to describe the burn marks around her face, but she'd stopped him before he could. She didn't want to be able to picture her new face. She didn't want to know the price she'd paid for her arrogance. Her blindness was reminder enough.
She was a fool to think she could do this on her own. Zach depended on her and she threw away his only chance at making it out. She was the only one on the outside that knew who he was, what he looked like. What good was she now? She wouldn't even know him if he walked right past her. She was useless. Worthless.
***
"She needs time, D." Ghoul hadn't even made it through the training room door before Dr. D started grilling him with questions. "You can't expect her to just pick up and move on after a few days."
"It's been three weeks."
"Since she went blind, yes. But she was just attacked two days ago by Rad!" Jet was boiling with rage. Yes, they had a war to fight. Yes, they needed everyone. Yes, they had to all be at the top of their game. But this was ridiculous. Somewhere, somehow, D had lost his humanity- his compassion. He expected everyone to drop everything and commit to the core. Ignore all obstacles and push past all your demons. People didn't work that way. "She needs time. She's got a lot of pain and anger right now. We need to help her through this. She can't do this alone."
"And brow beating her into submission isn't going to help things either." Serene stalked from the training dummy to Jet's side. She'd taken to staying at the bunker when she wasn't at the store. She'd moved her belongings into Cyanide's room, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. If she had nightmares, she'd climb in bed with Cy. The warm body helped her sleep.
"I don't do that." Dr. D groused.
Mad rolled her eyes. "No, of course not. That's why I totally didn't overhear you telling her to 'get over it or get gone.'" She stared at her mentor, imploring him to understand. "That line only works on me, D. Poly's not as strong as the rest of us. She hasn't been molded by the zones, or chiseled out of ice, like the rest of us. She's not battle-hardened. She's been coddled by the security of the city. She needs a gentle hand."
Dr. D scoffed. "I'm not going to baby her."
"I don't expect you to. That would do more harm than good." She scanned the room of killjoys. Pony and Lost nodded in understanding. Dr. D simply glared at Mad. He didn't like being put in his place. Cy stared at the two as though she was watching a boxing match for the first time. Kobra, Jet, and Ghoul remained quiet, but they all looked at their leader with a little more anger than the rest. Mad was pleased to see Party nodding in approval. He was finally beginning to understand. "What I expect," she continued, "is a gentler tone, and firm guidance. No yelling, no screaming, no annoyed glances. Understood?"
***
Time passed in a haze. A deep depression sapped Poly of any energy she might have had left. There were no more tears, no more yelling matches with her pillows. She was utterly spent.
The remaining killjoys in the bunker had called a truce. Dr. D remained in the broadcast room. He never even asked if Poly was alright. Better to leave the muddy emotional garbage to the women and the younger killjoys. He had rebellion to lead.
Kobra, Jet, Ghoul and Party took on more missions, checking in on Poly whenever they returned to the bunker. They ran interference when Mad and Dr. Death would butt heads. When Mad needed a break from the monotony, one of them accompanied her to the store while the rest stayed behind to look after Poly.
Cy kept her distance from the bunker whenever possible. She busied herself at the store and on supply runs. When she did finally make it back to the bunker, it was to eat and sleep.
Mad became the resident den mother. She cooked, cleaned, whatever was needed. She made sure Poly ate, drank and washed. Most days, she had to help Poly walk- not just because of her blindness. Her self-punishment had stolen all her strength.
Poly didn't notice. Without her sight, she lived in the dark. But this was different. She didn't just live there. She floated there. Her darkness had opened like a giant maw and thoroughly consumed her. She saw nothing. She heard nothing. She felt nothing. She was void.
When she was awake, darkness consumed her world. But when she slept, she dreamt. When she slept, her world was colorful.
***
Chris woke in a cold sweat. She'd been dreaming. What was it?
She only remembered the dark. It was cold. And empty. It consumed her and wouldn't let her go.
Fortunately, there was no darkness here. Chris' room looked exactly as she left it. The bedroom suit her grandfather made gleamed, its polished black surface reflecting the sun. The pale blue walls lightened the room and a gentle breeze flowed through the window.
"Chris?" her mother called through the door. "You don't want to be late for school!"
School! Lost was going to meet her in the park today! Chris jumped out of bed and ran to her wardrobe. She had to look her best!
Rummaging through her business suits and dresses, she struggled to find the perfect outfit. White, black, gray, none of these were going to work. Finally, in the very back of her wardrobe, she found it. A thick layer of dust covered the garment bag. It was inside. Bright red halter top, tight leather pants, and black combat boots. To cover her shoulders, a black leather jacket with a roaring tiger on the back.
When she put it on, she felt inspired. No, that wasn't quite right. Empowered. That was it. She felt strong.
It was easy to see her father's disapproval, but Kobra and Ghoul both cheered her on. Her father told her to change, put on her dress suits, but her brothers stood by her. Kobra held her hand in support and Ghoul stood her father down.
School went by in much the same fashion. The other students and the teachers hounded her on her choice of attire. Each time, Kobra and Ghoul stood by her and helped her through the day.
By late afternoon, her mind was reeling, but her hopes were high. She couldn't understand why everyone hated her now. She was happy, for once. She'd found friends and music she was passionate about. She could finally break away from the bland colorless world her life had become and finally embrace her real self. She could be free. She couldn't understand why no one appreciated that. But, she had hope. She wasn't alone. When she needed them, Kobra and Ghoul would always be there. And now, maybe Lost would be there for her too….
Something wasn't right. The park was deserted. The playground equipment- bright and shining the day before- looked broken down and rusted from disuse. An overwhelming sense of dread had descended on the entire park. "Lost?" She was too afraid to call too loudly. She felt as if she was being watched.
Chris crept towards the center of the park, near the basketball court. The nets hung in tatters and the hoops were warped and rusty. The asphalt cracked beneath her feet. "Lost?"
"I'm here." Relief flooded Chris' body when she heard his voice. She turned and smiled when she saw him walk out from behind a tree. But he wasn't smiling. And he wasn't alone. "I'm sorry. I couldn't get word to you."
A man in a pristine white suit and a Dracula mask held Lost at gunpoint. Korse approached her from behind them, his raygun in her face. "So sorry to interrupt," he smirked.
"Let him go." Chris didn't know him, but she'd seen Korse and her father doing business together, behind closed doors.
"I'm afraid I can't do that. You see, he knows about us now. He's a witness. He's collateral damage." Before Chris could blink, the Drac shot Lost in the head and Korse had her by the throat. "You've caused me so much trouble." Chris' heart pounded in her skull as Korse's gun rested between her eyes. "You're time is up, Polyphonic."
***
"What do you think you're doing?" Poly jolted from sleep as she heard her door slam open. "You've been in this room for two months now! Come on."
Serene's voice rang out like a beacon in the dark. It wasn't real. Lost was still alive. She wasn't in that horrible school anymore. Korse didn't shoot her between the eyes. "What time is it?" Her voice was thick with sleep and still a little shaky.
"Ten in the morning. Cy's been beside herself with worry. You snapped at her last night and you haven't left this room for over a month." Mad did a double take. "Nightmares again?" Poly nodded. "You've been having those a lot lately."
"There's been a lot to haunt me."
"You're a killjoy. That kinda goes without saying." Poly felt her bed sag where Serene settled herself. "You know, you can talk to any of us. You don't have to shoulder all of this on your own." Poly sniffed and Mad shook her head. "You know, this tortured soul crap has got to stop. You're not doing anyone any good wallowing in your own self-pity."
Poly shook her head. "You wouldn't understand." No one would ever understand.
"Oh, I wouldn't?" The bed bounced as Mad's anger turned physical. She'd begun to fidget uncontrollably. "I understand that you're sitting here, practically starving yourself. I understand that Cy's been tossing and turning at night because she's worried about you. I understand that you're making things harder for the rest of us by keeping yourself cooped up in the dark. I understand that Lost has had to pick up extra missions just to keep things comfortable for you. What I don't understand is why you won't talk to anyone."
"You wouldn't understand. You're not from Battery City."
"Excuse me?" Mad began to pace. "This is about territory now?" She had to move or she'd take out her frustration on the girl's face. "You think, just because I'm 'not from around here,' that my problems got left behind? My problems and my family didn't just vanish, you know! All the baggage we carry, it doesn't just go away when we leave our homes! No, it fucking follows us around! You think, just because I came from the east, that my family didn't follow with me?! No, they fucking haunt me in my sleep!" Poly hung her head in shame. "My parents ask me why I let them go to D.C. before the bombs went off! My brother asks me why I didn't wait for him at the rendezvous point! My boyfriend asks me why I ran when the Dracs attacked!" Mad marched to the door and flung it open. "You think you're the only one with problems? You think you're the only one with family that has gone missing, or been captured, or been killed? Right outside that door are four men who had it all. Family, friends, freedom. But when Better Living Industries took over, they lost everything." Mad slapped a hand to her chest in mock horror. "Oh, but here comes Christine! Her daddy is the corporate bigwig that made BLI's takeover possible! Her problems far outweigh ours! Let's coddle her and clean up her mess for her!" Mad snorted in disgust. "You think you're so fucking special. There is nothing you could bring to the table that would make you any different than the rest of us."
Poly flinched as the door slammed. She never thought she could feel any worse. She thought wrong.
***
Two days later, Poly wandered out into the bunker. Mad's guilt-trip brought things into perspective. All in all, the killjoys were the same. They all missed their families, friends. BLI had stolen the lives from everyone. In the end, she was no different than the rest. She might just be better off. At least she knew her family was safe.
She wandered into the training room. It was a full house. Jet, Party, Kobra, and Ghoul all stood around a training dummy. Cy sat by one of the targets, staring morosely as they trained. Dr. Death and Lost sat by the wall, smoking and Show Pony helped her through the door.
"You're out!" Cy shouted, leaping to her feet. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" Her voice was muffled as she enveloped Poly in a crushing hug. "You know you can tell me anything, right?
"She would if you'd let her get a word in," Dr. D drawled. "Give the girl some air."
Cy nearly fell as she scrambled back. "I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"
"No." Poly smiled but everyone noticed it wouldn't meet her eyes. "I'm okay. I owe you an apology." She turned to face the entire room. "All of you." She gathered her breath and poured out her thoughts. "I've been nothing but trouble for you since day one. I've made nothing but bad decisions since I got here, the first one not being honest with you. I didn't just leave Battery City because of the breeding program. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back. I left because of my dad." The air in the room changed. "I know you already know all this, but I figured it'd mean a little more if I told you myself. My father is Jonathan Ward. He's the head of the Board of Trustees at BLI. He controls the purse strings. He's the reason the heat's been turned up in the zones. He wants me back in the city and he'll stop at nothing to get me there. I should've told you sooner, but I didn't think you'd believe me. I was going into the city to try and put a stop to all this extra shit I've been putting you guys through. Instead, I guess I just made it worse. I'm sorry. I didn't think about anything but my own revenge and I was wrong. I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you."
Cy jumped into Poly's arms once again, but she was careful not to cut off her air. "You don't have to make anything up to me. I'm just glad you're better."
"Yeah," Jet agreed. "We're going to need you around here for a while, though. With Mad gone, there's no one to keep the store going."
"What?" Poly pulled away from Cy. "What do you mean, Mad's gone?"
Cy sniffed. "She left." Poly couldn't see it, but she felt a slight tremor around her friend. She was clearly shaken by all this.
"When? Where?"
"Two days ago." Party wrapped his arms around Cy, steadying her. Poly's grip tightened on Pony's arm. "She stormed out after she yelled at you. She didn't say where, just that she would be back when she found a place."
Cy broke down. She'd been holding herself together by the threads of her own sanity and now those threads were snapping loose. Party struggled to keep her upright as she cried. Poly groped the air for her, kneeling down with her when she made contact.
Poly held Cyanide until she stopped crying. She ran her fingers through Cy's silky tresses as she rocked. It took several minutes, but Cy eventually stopped shaking and fell silent. Party put his finger to Poly's lips and peeled the sleeping killjoy from her arms. Poly swore to herself that she'd look after her friend. She would need all the care and companionship Poly could give her until Mad returned. Deep down, Poly wasn't so sure that would happen.

A/N: Hey guys. Sorry that took so damned long. I really don't mean to be away for so long. Work exhausts me to where I can't think and I've been getting fucking writer's block every time I try to write.
Anyway, I know the band just split up. I think most people would think that continuing this fanfiction would be a complete waste of time, but I don't think so.... I've been sort of galvanized into keeping this one going. It's like... I don't know.... I feel like this is my one shot to share what their music has taught me and to share my experiences blending their music with other bands. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but that's just how writing this has felt over the last couple weeks.
Also, I only had the first couple paragraphs written when I went on that weird hiatus. Part of it was writer's block. I know where I want the storyline to go, I just don't always no how to take it there from one chapter to the next. As a result, I spent nearly a year with a block on my brain. Also, my mind never seems to want to settle into just one story. I have no less than 10 stories started, none of which I will probably finish. Another thing that caused me to go nearly a year with just a few paragraphs: I didn't know what Poly's eyes would look like.... I love to write, I love science, and I love learning how the body works, but I don't know jack shit about eyes. I know certain terms, but that's it. I wound up looking up pictures of scarred retinas and picking and choosing what I thought would look dramatic. Until then, I was stuck.
But then, I learned the band broke up and it's like a dam broke in my mind. I don't know what happened.... I honestly didn't know how to feel about the split. On the one hand, I was shocked and I wanted to lie in bed weeping to their music. But, on the other hand, I also saw it coming. I can't pinpoint exactly how long, or what started it, but I really did see it looming over the horizon. I found myself thinking less like, "I'm going to go to every MCR concert I can!" and more like, "I hope they come near me when I have money. I just want to see them once, while I still can."
I was so close to making an announcement on all my websites that I was just going to abandon this story. I don't know. It just didn't quite feel right to me anymore. I just didn't feel like I connected with any of my characters- ESPECIALLY Serene. It's really sad when you don't even connect with your own killjoy. But after a couple days, I looked the chapter over, then the whole fic, then just the chapter again. I finished the entire chapter in about a day. Then I got it mostly proofread in about four hours a couple days later, then I made my final changes tonight. The ideas are flowing again, so I hope against all hope that this won't be the last you hear from me this year. I've already started chapter 12, so hopefully I'll have it up soon. To everyone reading, I thank you and I hope you still love reading this as much as I still love writing it.
- 10
- 11
- 12
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Senseless Indulgences