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Starting at the Beginning	By : Katma Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Savage Garden Views: 2042 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Savage Garden. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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“Darren…” Daniel stared at the singer, his eyes almost… hungry. But that couldn’t be
right. Hungry would imply that Daniel wanted something from him, and Darren knew that couldn’t be true. He was just projecting his own feelings on Daniel. But he’s here. Why?at dat does he want? Is this… no. Darren firmly shunted that voice aside. He couldn’t afford to get his hopes up, as the twinge in his hand reminded him. Carefully, he schooled his expression into polite neutrality.

“Daniel, what are you doing here?”

Daniel shoved himself upright. “I came to see you. I had to. Darren, I’m so sorry about what happened before you left.”

Darren looked behind him almost nervously.

“Not here,” he hissed. “Come inside and we’ll talk if you need to.”

The singer quickly closed the distance between them and stood at the door, fumbling for the key. Daniel was standing close, too close for Darren’s peace of mind. Memories were rushing back, assailing his senses. His hands trembled as he pulled the key out of his pocket. Darren shoved the key in the slot, praying that it would work this time. Fate did not seem to be on his side, however, as the lock light flashed red. Darren glared at it, feeling a sense of angry betrayal. It wasn’t fair.

“Here, let me,” Daniel said softly. He placed his hand over the singer’s and guided it through the motions again, ignoring the sudden rigidity in the man beside him. When the lock opened, Daniel pushed on the door, but Darren jumped backwards a good three feet. There was a panicked expression on his face.

“No!” he cried, louder than he had intended. “No, stop it. What are you doing here?
What do you want from me, Daniel? And don’t you dare treat me like we’re friends. You made it clear that was not something you wanted.”

Daniel winced. “Daz, come inside. I promise I’m not here to yell at you again. I’m just
here to talk. I need to talk to you. Please, Darren?”

Darren stared at him, weighing the truth of his words. There was a strange, trapped
look in the singer’s eyes. Daniel’s heart contracted when he saw thaok, ok, and he had to fight to keep his posture open and relaxed, and not come closer to Darren. The singer wouldn’t appreciate the gesture now, Daniel knew, but it still hurt. He knew he was the one who put that look there, and it was not something he was proud of. That look was a silent testimony to how much Daniel had hurt the older man a few weeks ago.

“Daz, please. I really need to talk to you.”

Darren hesitated a moment longer, then nodded his head jerkily.

“Fine,” he agreed. “Let’s get this over with.”

Once again Darren closed the distance between the two, but this time made sure to keep more than a respectable distance apart from Daniel. He slipped into the room, trying so obviously to keep from touching Daniel that he knocked the entire right side of his body against the doorframe.
The guitarist followed him inside, respectful of desired distance. Once inside, both men’s gazes were drawn to the huge bed that dominated the room. Darren hesitated for a moment, then made a beeline for the one chair farthest from the bed. He curled into it and dragged his knees up until he could rest his chin on top of them. His entire posture screamed “unapproachable.” The singer then
turned cool blue eyes in Daniel’s direction.

“Well?” he asked.

Daniel shuffled uncomfortably for a moment, disturbed by the coldness in Darren’s gaze. Finally, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“I heard you got hurt.”

“Yeah, I figured. Come to gloat?” The bitterness was unmistakable.

“Of course not!”

“Oh, right. You tell me you never want to see me again, that you wish I hadn’t come back. Then you see on the news that stupid Diva Darren hurt himself, and suddenly here you are, sitting on my doorstep. And I’m supposed to believe you aren’t here to gloat?”

“Dare…” What could he say to that? “Dare, I honestly didn’t know you were hurt before I got here. I had already made the decision to see you when I found out.”

“Oh, yeah? Who told you, then?”

Daniel hesitated. “Leonie. I came to the concert this evening. I wanted to see you. But Leonie wouldn’t let me in. She told me I’d hurt you enough, and then she told me about the accident. She wanted to make me feel guilty. It worked.” Daniel laughed self-deprecatingly. “Not that I wasn’t before, mind you.”

“Ahh, Leo. Always looking out for me. Of course she couldn’t resist making you feel worse.
She never really liked you, you know.”

“Yeah, I’d guessed.” The pair fell silent again. Daniel shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying to think up something to keep the conversation going. Darren glanced at him, then looked away.

“So, if Leo wouldn’t let you in, how did you get here?”

Daniel blushed a little and said, “Well, uh… I listened to your fans at the concert. They
mentioned you were staying here. So I took a chance and drove over. And then I convinced the desk clerk to let me stay and wait for you.”

“You went to a lot of trouble, then. Why?”

“Darren… I had to. I had to see you, to talk to you in person. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since you left.” He paused to gauge the effect his words had on the older man, but Darren was pointedly ignoring his gaze. He sighed a little; it wasn’t like he hadn’t been prepared for this reaction, but it didn’t mean he had to like it.

“Anyway, all that thinking actually did some good. I came to a few important conclusions about myself and my relationship to the people important to me, especially in regards to you and Kat.”

“Kat,” Darren repeated. “And how did she take the news that you had cheated on her, with another guy, nonetheless?”

“I didn’t exactly tell her about that,” Daniel said, looking guilty again. “I, um, figured
that it wasn’t something she really needed to know about.”

“Of course not. Especially as the person you committed the indiscretion with lives on
another continent altogether, and you kicked him rather rudely out of your life.”

“Not for that reason,” Daniel protested, feeling a spark of anger. Darren’s tone was scathing,
and it was hard to listen to it without feeling a surge of irritation. He tamped it down, though, realizing that Darren had a right to speak to him the way he was. “I just… I wasn’t very nice to her after you left. I was so confused, and I was beginning to realize something important about the
relationship between Kat and I. So one night, after I was mean to her, she packed up and left. I had a week to myself, and I actually put it to good use.

“Kat and I… well, I love her, but I’m not in love with her. I realized that. So before I left to come here, I found her and told her it was over. I didn’t think that it was appropriate at that point to tell her that I was leaving her because…” Daniel faltered for a second under Darren’s still-cold gaze, but gathered his courage and continued. “Because I wanted someone else. I thought that would be too cruel.”

“And we wouldn’t want to be cruel to Kathleen. It’s perfectly all right to be a jackass to
your once-partner, but oh, no, we can’t hurt Kathleen.”

Daniel didn’t have a response to that. He knew his behavior had been unacceptable, and he knew that Darren was hurt by it, but he hadn’t understood until now just how much he had hurt the singer that day. Darren’s buoyant personality and natural optimism normally kept him from falling into bitterness or holding a grudge, but it was obvious that Daniel’s actions from before had cut deep enough that Darren wasn’t going to let go of his pain anytime soon. Daniel looked away and bit his lower lip. He didn’t blame Darren, but… he didn’t want to leave with Darren still mad at him, either.

An awkward silence fell between them. Neither man spoke. The only sounds were the rustling of clothing as Daniel shifted his weight again, too uncomfortable to sit down. Darren finally sighed and looked up at the tall musician.

“Daniel, why did you come here? Certainly not to tell me you’d broken up with Kathleen. And an apology could have been made on the phone.”

“If I had called you, wouldn’t you have hung up on me?” Daniel asked softly. Darren looked down and didn’t respond. “I thought so. Darren… I came because I needed you to understand jhow how sorry I am.”

Daniel took a few steps closer so that he was next to Darren’s chair, then knelt so that he and the singer were eye-level. One of his hands reached up to cover Darren’s where it rested on the arm of the chair. The singer flinched but didn’t pull away.

“Darren, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said to you that day. I was just… scared. And
so I reacted, and made you leave me alone the only way I could think of. And it was a bad way. I just needed time to think, and you forced that conversation…”

“So now it’s my fault??” Darren’s voice rose at the end. He yanked his hand away from
Daniel’s and curled tighter in on himself.

“No!” Daniel said, catching Darren’s hand again and holding it firmly. “I didn’t mean to say
that. I’m not as good with words as you are, Dare. I’m just trying to explain why I did what I did. I didn’t mean it. I think… I think I might be able to love you, Darren. But that scared me. It
still does.”

The taller man hesitated for a moment, then lowered his eyes.

“I know I don’t deserve it, but… forgive me. I want to still be friends, Dazza. I’m not against us being even more, either, but I understand that you might not want that after the way I treated you before. Do you think we can go back to being friends, at least?”

Daniel glanced up to see the singer looking off into the distance. His eyes were glazed over,
and there was a frown marring his brow. Daniel felt his chest tighten. Darren looked completely unmoved by Daniel’s last confession. The guitarist wondered if this silence was all the answer he was going to get. After what seemed like an eternity, Daniel couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

“Darren?” he asked hesitantly. The singer jumped, then looked down at Daniel. For the first time, the cold façade that Darren had worn slipped a little, and Daniel could see the hurt in those bright blue eyes. Darren studied his once-partner for a long moment, then sighed softly.

“Daniel… I don’t know what to say. Thank you for coming, I guess. It does mean something that you came to find me. And thanks for the apology. I know you meant it.”

Darren fell silent again, his eyes closing briefly. Da cou couldn’t breathe. This was a better response than the one he had dreaded receiving, but… it wasn’t exactly what he had allowed himself to hope for, either.

“As for us being friends… I don’t know, Daniel. I really don’t. What you said to me…” the
singer stopped and shivered briefly. “I’m not sure I can just forget that. And I know I’m not ready to forgive it, either. It hurt too badly.”

“So that’s it?” Daniel said in a voice he could barely recognize as his own. Darren looked at
him, the blue orbs surprisingly calm.

“For now, yes. That’s all I can offer you, Daniel. I appreciate your apology, but I’m not quite ready to accept it. I don’t know when I will be.”

The two stared at each other. Green eyes filled with pain met sad but clear blue ones. Daniel could see the finality of Darren’s decision there, and he choked back the words that wanted to pour out. Silently, he nodded. The guitarist moved to stand up and pull his hand off of Darren’s when it was caught by the singer’s in a light but strong grip.

“Daniel,” he said softly. “This isn’t necessarily forever, although it might be. I can’t tell you for sure right now.”

“I know,” Daniel said in that strange, unnatural tone. He stopped, then decided to risk
it. “If… if you ever decide that I’m forgiven, please call me. I’ll wait for as long as you need.”

“Even forever?” Darren asked, his eyes calculating Daniel’s sincerity.

“Even forever.” Daniel squeezed the hand that was holding his lightly, then gently
detached himself from the singer and stepped away. He walked to the door, hoping to be called back by Darren, but the singer said nothing, even when Daniel opened the door and stepped
outside. The click of the door shutting was the last noise Daniel heard. He stood in the hallway, looking at the door, and whispered,

“As long as it takes.”

~~FIN~~
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Starting at the Beginning