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Darren and Richard	By : Leneanna Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Savage Garden Views: 1741 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Savage Garden. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
- 13
So now we’re on a 16-hour flight to Australia. At least we’re flying first class. I don’t really care, but after a few hours in those business-class seats, Darren’s back starts bothering him. At least here he can recline the seat and lie down. He’s fast asleep next to me. I’m just reading and glancing over at my sleeping beauty. Nice to see him relaxed. I think I came up with a pretty ingenious plan. Last time we flew to Australia, they sent my luggage to God-only-knows-where for the better part of a week. I had to wear Darren’s underwear until it was found. This time, we divided our clothes between the bags, so if any gets lost, at least 2 pairs of trousers and undies are in each, so neither of us will be out of luck. I know we just went out and bought more, but it’s so bloody annoying. Right now it’s late summer there. Still blazing hot, and his sister just installed a new swimming pool. Been forever since I’ve been swimming. I can’t wait to see the kids. Especially Darren’s niece, Sarah. My little sweetie. I think she’d be about 8 years of age now. I adore that little girl. She’s got the same big beautiful eyes like Darren. And Mum. Darren’s Mum, whom I love like my own. Especially since mine’s not with us anymore. I’ll bet they’d have loved one another. (sigh) I glance over at Darren and put my book down. Maybe I’ll take a nap too. I can’t touch him, but at least I can hear him breathing beside me. I put my seat back as well. Darren opens one eye.

“Hi.”
“Shh. Go back to sleep, Sweetie.”
“How long was I out for?”
“Couple of hours.”
“Is it dinnertime yet?”
“No. Shall I ask the attendant to wake us when it is, so we don’t miss it?”
“Mmm.”
“Be right back, Luv.”

I go to the station to speak to the attendant, who kindly agrees to wake us for dinner. I tell her to try him first, since he’s much easier to rouse from sleep. I use the loo on the way back, and return to my seat.

“All set, Luv.”

The first class attendant, Marie, fixes me up with a pillow and blanket. Darren just wants a pillow. I explain to her with a wink that he’s pretty hot-natured and ends up throwing off the covers most nights anyway. In fact, he likes the cool air blowing on him from overhead. She smiles.

“Most couples can’t agree on the thermostat setting, either.”
“I’m used to it being cool in the house. I just wear sweaters all the time. Easier than hearing this one complain that he’s hot.”

She laughs.

“Have a nice nap. Dinner’s not for a few hours yet, Luv.”
“Thank you, my dear.”

I turn down the light.

“I heard that, Richard.”
“It’s true, isn’t it?”

He opens one eye and smiles, reaching for my hand. I give his fingers a squeeze and mouth the words, “Love you.”

“Love you too, Darling.”

I close my eyes. I wonder how far off the day is when intercontinental flights only take a few hours? The plane goes into orbit around the earth, like the space shuttle, and comes down on the other side of the planet. I’ll be first in line for that flight. I’m proud of Darren. Normally he’s bouncing off the walls like a naughty child. I guess the exhaustion caught up with him. When we get off the plane, it’ll be summer. There are two lounge chairs pool-side with our names on them. What a lovely thought. Sleeping outdoors, feeling the sun on my skin. Playing with the kids in the pool. I think we’ll have to teach ‘em how to have a proper chicken fight. Definitely. At least we’ll get home with more color than when we left. Maybe people won’t think we’re from the bloody North Pole after all.
Next thing I know, Darren is telling me to wake up, and amusing the flight attendant by tugging on my moustache.

“Ow! What are you doing?”

He giggles. I open my eyes.

“I’m up, alright?”
“Grouchy bear.”
“Piss off.”

More giggles. That hurt! I check for blood, and glare at D.

“You wait, Darren! We’ll see what I yank on to wake you up!”
“Ooh. Sounds naughty, Darling!”

I roll my eyes and trudge off to the loo to splash my face with cold water. I’ve a good mind to shave off one of his eyebrows! I snicker to myself. Nah, he’d feel it. Nail polish. Maybe tape on his leg. Something. Maybe I’ll wait until he’s out cold and put his hand in a bowl of water. He’ll piss himself. And he’ll make me clean it up. Shaving cream. That’s harmless. Corn flakes in his pillowcase. Maybe I’ll get the kids to help me play tricks on Uncle Darren. Trouble with practical jokes is they always escalate into all-out war. Or someone gets their feelings hurt. I don’t want to hurt him. I love the boy, but I’m up for a bit of payback. I’ll have to cook up something.

If you dwell on the fact that you’re stuck on a plane for 16 hours, you’ll go crazy. Might as well plan ahead and bring something to do. Read a book, bring your iPod, laptop, or DVD player, or sleep. Or any combination of the above. I’m surprised that Darren spent a good bit of the flight sleeping. Or pretending to be sleeping. He did go online for an hour or two after dinner. I don’t feel like it right now. I’m not nearly as obsessed with the internet as he is. I look at video screens all day. That’s usually the last thing I want to do when I’m done. I prefer to read.
I glance at my watch. About 4 more hours to go. Darren yawns as he turns off his laptop.

“You should try to get some rest, Honey. It’s going to be early afternoon when we land,” he tells me.
“I suppose I should. We land in four hours.”

So we both turned off the overhead lights and tried to fall asleep. And then a glorious opportunity presented itself. One that I couldn’t refuse. (smiles)
I woke up when the announcement came to “return your seats and trays to the upright position”. We were approaching Brisbane and starting our descent. Darren didn’t wake up. I got an evil grin on my face. I caught Marie’s eye, and she stifled a giggle at what I was about to do. I motioned for her to “Shh!”, and promptly gave Darren’s moustache a proper tug. He yelped “Ow!” loud enough to be heard in the tail section. I cracked up. He’s glaring daggers at me and rubbing his upper lip. And then the hilarity of the situation struck him, and he started laughing too.

“I suppose I deserved that, you little shit!”

He raises his seat up and puts away his electronic toys. Lo and behold, all our luggage actually made it there this time. We arranged for a ride to our hotel in advance, but in my name, so as not to attract too much attention. Not a single paparazzo chased us this time. Darren was wearing sunnies and a baseball cap, just to be sure. Once we and our half-dozen or so bags were safely in the car, he rang up his sister. I could hear the kids screaming in the background. My head’s a bit fuzzy from going from the middle of the night to the middle of the afternoon. The plan is for us to get settled into our room, and call Tracey. She lives about 20 minutes away. She’ll bring us back to her house, where we can relax pool-side for the rest of the day. As for what we do tomorrow, that’s up to Darren. I suppose it depends on how jet-lagged we feel. But you know how he is. He’s the only person I know that can sleep for 12 hours and wake up complaining that he’s exhausted. Bless his whiny little heart.
Finally, we’re in our room, unpacking our things. We divide them into piles, his and mine, and put them away. I flop onto the bed. It feels good to stretch out after sitting for so long. I need to crack my back. Ooh, that felt good!

“Will you help me do mine, Rich?”
“Sure. Swing your leg over. Stretch.”

I push on his leg a bit until his back pops.

“Now the other side.”
“Feel better?”
“Yes.”
“Where’s the bag with our toothbrushes? I feel like I have fur in my teeth.”
“Whose fur? Mine?”
“No, the cute guy who was sitting a few rows behind us. I got up and blew him while you were asleep.”

Darren smirks.

“Oh that’s okay, Rich. I dreamt I was fucking Orlando Bloom.”
“Toucheʹ, Darren!”

I dig the toothpaste out of the bag.

“I’d fuck him. He’s sexy.”
“Okay. I’ll send him to you when I get done with him.”
“You do that.”

While I’m brushing my teeth, he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me.

“You do know I’m just joking, right?”

I turn off the water and roll my eyes.

“Of course!”

I turn and face him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Besides, you’re not his type, Darling. You’re not an anorexic blonde with fake tits and two brain cells.”

I kiss him.

“You’re too smart for him.”

Another kiss.

“And you’re mine. I’m not sharing.”
“I love you, Richard.”
“I love you too, Darren. And I would die for you.”

He has tears in his eyes.

“Don’t cry, Baby.”
“Can’t help it, Rich. You’re the world to me.”
“You and me. Forever, my love. That’s a promise. Now brush your teeth, Luv.”

He steps back, with his hand over his mouth.

“Sorry, Rich.”

I chuckle and go about collecting the things we’ll need to bring to Tracey’s. Swimsuits. Sunblock. Our gifts for the family. We do pack the kitchen sink, don’t we?

“Ever notice, D, that we can’t even walk the dog around the block without packing something?”
“A bag to collect the shit?”
“We seem to collect shit with or without bags.”
“We’re magnets for ‘stuff’, aren’t we?”
“How do some people travel so lightly?”
“Every time you go out on tour, you come home with twice as much as you left with. How does that happen?”
“I do, don’t I?”
“I should just call you ‘Pippi Longstocking’.”

He cracks up.

“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It’s a children’s tale. About a girl who collects junk. She calls herself a
‘thing finder’.”

He grabs his crotch.

“I’ve got a thing you can find right here, Richard.”

I laugh.

“Why, is it lost?”
“No, but I can hide it someplace dark.”
“My favorite game! Hide the sausage.”
“Oh my God! Do you remember that? Last time we were here...”

We both dissolve into fits of giggles.

“Call your sister before I pounce on you. You’re so damned cute when you laugh! Makes me just want to jump on you.”

I smile at him from where I’m lying on the bed. He sits on the edge of the bed next to me.

“I’ll never stop loving you, Richard Cullen.”
“Not even when I do this?”

I let one rip, and he howls and jumps off the bed.

“That’s disgusting!”

“Ooh, but it felt good! Been holding that one in all day.”

I laugh as he goes out onto the balcony to call his sister. I look for something to read and retreat to the bathroom. I hear him on the phone, laughing. He comes back in.

“They’re on the way.”

I exit the bathroom and crash onto the bed with a groan.

“My ass hurts.”

He comes to lie beside me and curls up around me.

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you last time we made love?”
“No. You’re a very gentle lover. Airline food gives me the shits,” I whine.
“It’ll be okay, Sweetheart. We just won’t do it that way until you feel better.”

I kiss him and stroke his face.

“I love you, Darren.”

He smiles and tightens his arms around me.

“I love you too.”
“Feels good to be in your arms after 16 hours.”
“Does your tummy hurt too?”
“A bit, yes.”

He slides his warm hands up my shirt to rub my tummy.

“That feels nice. Did we pack anything for upset stomachs?”
“I think I might have. Chewable pink stuff.”

I pull a face, but I probably should take it, lest I suffer in misery the rest of the day. Darren leans over to kiss my cheek, and gets up from the bed.

“I’ll get it for you, Darling.”
“Oh thank you, Sweetheart. Very kind of you. Oh damn!”

I jump up and bolt for the toilet. Almost didn’t make it. Fine way to begin a holiday! Doubled over on the crapper!

“Are you alright, Rich?”
“What do you think?”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Darren. Did you happen to pack Imodium instead of Pepto?”
“Actually, I think I did, but if not, I’m sure we can get some downstairs in the gift shop.”

He digs through the bag.

“You’re in luck, Hon. I’ll leave it by the sink.”

When I’m fairly sure the entire contents of my digestive tract have left my body at breakneck speed, I make my way back to the bed, stopping to gulp down the nasty green pills. Now my head is pounding. I wish we could just stay in tonight, but I don’t want to disappoint Darren. This stuff usually stops the unpleasantness in one dose. The phone rings. Tracey and her daughter are in the lobby. Darren says he’ll go down and meet them.

“Give me a moment to pull myself together. And air out the loo.”
“I’ll stall for a few minutes, okay Rich?”

I nod. He takes a key and heads down the hall. I’m lighting matches in the loo, but then I decide to just open the window. Don’t want the sprinkler to go off. I wash my face and look in the mirror. Practice smiling. Might as well try to be cheerful. I’ll just rest at Tracey’s house. If he as much as hints that he wants to have sex later, I’ll order him an in-room porno, and he can take care of himself tonight. He’d best not even touch me, or I’ll...I’ll shove him off the bed onto the floor! I chuckle at the thought. I’m sitting in the chair, looking out the window, feeling somewhat drained by the whole nasty business, when Darren opens the door.

“Rich? You okay?”
“I’ll live.”

He lets Tracey and Sarah into the room.

“Hello Richard. I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit under-the-weather. You look great, though.”
“Thank you, Luv.”

I give her a big hug.

“Uncle Richard!”
“Sarah!”

I scoop up my little sweetie.

“You’re almost as tall as me!”
Darren quips, “And that’s not saying much!”
Behind her back, I mouth the words “Sod off!” to him. With a smile, of course.

My stomach distress is soon forgotten as she starts chattering away about her recently-acquired new front teeth, and the swimming pool. Kids don’t let you dwell on your problems, do they? I remember I’ve got a present for her. I designed a T-shirt that says “My favorite uncle lives in London.” In her favorite colour: Purple, of course.

“You made this for me, Uncle Rich?”
“I did.”
“Thank you so so so much.”
“You’re welcome so so so much.”
“Are you coming back to our house? And go swimming with me?”
“Oh, I think that can be arranged.”
“Yes Sarah, Uncle Darren and Uncle Richard are coming back to our house,”
Tracey responds.
“Yay!”
Darren chimes in, “Uncle Darren, remember? I was your uncle first, you little stinker!”
“Oh I know”, she giggles, “But I really like Uncle Richard.”

I cross my eyes and stick out my tongue at Darren.

“See? She likes me better! Nyah!”
“Yeah, because you bribe her with gifts.”
“Do not!”
“Do too!”
I whisper to Sarah, “I think Uncle Darren thinks you don’t love him anymore. Better let him know you do, or he might leave me home next time.”

She flings herself into Darren’s arms, giggling.

“Don’t worry, Uncle Darren. I still love you.”

I wink at her.

“Oh okay then. As long as you still love me,” he teases.

I could really go for a Coke to settle my stomach, but I realize I haven’t got any Australian change in my pockets. I know Darren exchanged our cash at the airport, but it’s all bills. I think.

“D, have you got any change for the vending machine?”
“Not unless it takes dollar bills.”
“I’ve got change, Luv. What do you need?”
“Just a Coke.”
“Sarah, would you get Uncle Richard a Coke from the machine?”

Tracey hands her the change, and she runs off.
We gather our bags and head down the hall. Sarah comes running back with the Coke.

“Here you go, Uncle Rich.”
“Thank you. You’re an angel.”

I’m starting to feel better. Imodium is a life-saver. Might just be up for a swim after all. And then a nice nap on a lawn chair. This day might be salvageable after all.
- 11
- 12
- 13
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Darren and Richard