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Nobody's Home	By : EmilyRose Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2271 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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A/N: Thanks to all of you who reviewed!
Song: You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the words I use to put these stories together with.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel
Of that I'm sure.

I woke up this morning with the same pain in the pit of my stomach. The same picture staring back at me from the mirror. The same hate, oozing from my eyes. I hate myself. I really do. Why wouldn't I? I'm worthless, ugly, and no one loves me.

I love someone though. I love the one person in this world that I can never have. And that kills me. My heart beats against my ribcage with such anger. My whole body aches in time with my heart, and nothing ever feels right.

I live like a normal kid; I act like a normal kid. I have friends, I have had girlfriends. I have a mother, a father, a brother. A house, a room, a bed (that's never made) and posters on my walls. I have a style, interests and other things that make me normal. That makes me seem like everyone else. But I'm not like everyone else.

I'm just me. Plain, boring and ugly me.

There must be an angel
With a smile on her face
When she thought up that I should be with you

Another morning. Another boring day of pretending. Another fucking day where I couldn't be with him. This morning seemed to be like all other mornings, but it wasn't.

I sat there in the kitchen, at the table being nice. My mother talking to me about school and girls. Nothing I really cared about.

"Would you like some pancakes?" I didn't even look up. I didn't need to look up. Instead I got up from my seat and walked away.

I had planned this weekend so carefully. I was going to tell him tonight, I was going to come clean. I was going to tell my brother I was in love with him.

"I need to tell you something." My words seemed to have startled him, as he cursed under his breath. Any other time I would've giggled at his cuteness, but not this time. I had something I had to say. "Yeah okay, talk" he ushered me. I stood in his doorway for a few moments. Shifting my weight, unsure of what to do next.

"Don't hate me"

My own words scared me. I didn't know why I said it. Well, why I pleaded it. That wasn't what I was going to say. I had planned this moment so carefully in front of my mirror so many times. I knew what I was supposed to say. But I guess my mind wanted otherwise.

I didn't even notice at first that I was crying. It wasn't until he wrapped his arms around me and told me not to cry I noticed it. I slapped myself mentally; this was NOT how I was supposed to do it. I was going to do it in a casual and calm way. But that's not what my heart wanted.

"I love you Gerard" Finally I had said it. The four words that had taunted me for so long. The words that had wanted to spill from my lips for so fucking long. The four words that made my heart die inside of me. I hate those four words about as much as I love Gerard.

"I love you too Mikey"

At first I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. The kisses told me that. His lips on mine, it was like… no there's no way to describe it. I thought I was going to faint, and I could hear my heartbeats. Or maybe I heard his heartbeats? It doesn't really matter.

I love it so much, his taste, his smell… He tastes like cigarettes and gum. That's a mix that no one else can pull off. But Gerard can. He smells like cigarettes too, mixed with sweat and sugar… for some reason. Our tongues met, and I felt like my insides were melting.

"We can't"

With those two words he ripped my newly repaired heart out of my body. And there's no way to fix it.

I won't lose no sleep that
'Cause I've got a plan.

The only words we said tonight were 'I love you' over and over again. Lying there on his bed, kissing and crying together. Me buried deep within his warm embrace. I tried to tell him it would be okay, that we could do this somehow. But he said no. He said no.

That's why I'm sitting here right now. A pen in my hand, as I try to think of the best way to say goodbye. Finally I decide and write 'I'll wait for you' neatly on the piece of paper I have.

Then I walk over to the door to steal a glimpse of my sleeping brother. I know what I'm planning is wrong. I know I shouldn't do this. As I sit down on the floor I know this is wrong. As I pick up the razor I know this is wrong. But what else can I do?

I love Gerard so much, and I can't live without him. I need him. I want him. And I can't have him. No matter how much I love him it will never be enough. I will always have to stay away, to not touch. All I want to do is to touch him, hold him, kiss him, love him. BE with him. I would be happy just to spend every day for the rest of my life holding his beautiful hand in mine. But that will never happen. I will never be whole, I will always be broken.

No matter what, I can never have what I want.

With these last thoughts I press the razor lightly to my wrist, tears streaming down my face. I want my last thoughts to be of Gerard, of his face. And I make a promise deep inside me as I press the razor harder to the skin. I promise that no matter what, I will wait for him.

You're beautiful, it's true.
But it's time to face the truth.
I will never be with you.

A/N: So, I thought you should know what Mikey thought and felt.
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