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Equilibrium	By : meow Category: Individual Celebrities > Taylor Pyatt Views: 937 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Taylor Pyatt. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
Chapter 13

I’d been with the team for roughly four and a half seasons. The first season was spent mainly with Jeff Vinnick, the Canucks’ photographer at the time. He had announced his retirement from pro sports and had chosen me from an exhibition of young photographers from the city to train. The team saw it as a joke and I couldn’t blame them. A barely eighteen year old replacing their twenty-year veteran? And a girl, no less? It was unprecedented. But he (and I) had the support of management, and in the end, that’s all the really mattered.

Nervous and shaky at my first practice with them, Mo and Trevor had come up and introduced themselves. Trevor’s friendly, welcoming manner was as warm as rumoured, but it was Mo, of course, whom I had connected with. His lust for life drew me to him and brought out me out from my shell – something that was evident in my photographs. Soon, he’d unofficially adopted me as his kid sister and I had developed a huge crush on the forward, one I’m sure he knew about with such loud-mouthed gossipy men on the team, but thankfully, never brought up.

He and Erin started their family and I was there to welcome Brayden into the world.

His tiny fingers curled around my forefinger as I stared in awe. Great, another Morrison out to steal my heart, I thought to myself.

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Mo said proudly.

I nodded. “He’s got your eyes,” I stated in an amazed voice.

“And he’s got you, for an aunt, if you want to be,” Mo patted me on the head affectionately. I smiled, looking up from Brayden and couldn’t help think that this was how things should always be – that being by his side was where I belonged.

It’d be wrong for me to say that Pyatt ruined that equilibrium Mo and I had going on, because in all honesty, he was more of a catalyst, silently, but quickly, bringing us to this inevitable point. One-night stands were one thing. Being in an actual relationship was another altogether because when it came down to the truth - Mo and I? We weren’t siblings. “Almost” didn’t count. Pyatt helped me grow up because much as Mo supported me, I depended on him.

And it was time to let go.

************************************************************************

Erin called me early two days later.

“Hey, Sam. It’s Erin.”

“Hey, how are you?”

“... I could be better.”

“What’s wrong, Erin?”

“My mom’s sick and it looks like I’ll have to drive to Pitt Meadows Friday.”

“Oh God. Is it anything serious? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No, it’s nothing too serious. Just a case of the flu, though I’ll probably be bring the kids so they can see their grandpa for Christmas … But, that isn’t the reason I called.”

“Oh? What is it then?”

“Brendan.”

“Mo?” I swallowed.

“Yeah, he’s been… different - more withdrawn, ever since the Christmas party. He’s antsy sometimes, depressed other times. He’s only happy and energetic around the kids and even then I can tell he’s forcing himself to be,” she paused before taking a deep breath, “… Is there something going on between you two, Sam?”

I froze.

“He and Taylor got into a fight the other night. I… didn’t defend him, Erin, not like I would have normally,” I paused to think. I didn’t want to lie to Erin, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell the complete truth either because I still didn’t want to believe Trev. “Things haven’t been the same between us since. We talk, but only when we have to – and even then things are tense.” Could she read into the situation more deeply that I hoped she would be able to?

“Oh… “ She trailed off. “…I understand, Sam. He’s too protective of you – and he needs to be reminded that once in a while.” I breathed a silently sigh of relief. “Still… he’s been doing nothing but moping around lately. Look, is there anyway you two could… make up?” There was an awkward pause at her choice of words. “...I know!” Erin continued, “How about you come over Friday and help him bake? The kids will love a fresh batch of my cookies to come home to.”

“I don’t know, Erin…” I bit my lower lip.

“Please? You know I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. You two need to talk this thing through,” she unknowingly echoed Trevor’s words, “... his ego’s just a bit bruised. If he’s this protective of you, I can’t imagine what the girls will have to deal with when they’re older,” she said with a small laugh.

“I...” My voice was thick with emotion and guilt. Oh, Erin, you only know the half of it.

“And besides, he’ll burn down the kitchen if you’re not there,” she added, her voice taking on a much more cheery tone.

I took a deep breath as if to draw up some courage. “All right, I’ll be there. Friday.”

************************************************************************

“It’s weird having the house this quiet, isn’t it?” I said, breaking the uneasy silence as I preheated the oven. Mo nodded. He was mixing in flour to the cream and egg mixture and didn’t look up. I came up beside him just as he added another cup of flour a bit too quickly. The cloud of flour caught me off guard and I turned away just as a sneeze came up.

“Ahh choo! Ahh choo! … Ahh choo!” Okay, make that three sneezes.

“Bless you,” Mo said, a smile spreading across his face.

“You did that on purpose!”

“Not on purpose, all purpose, Sam,” he tisked, grinning like an idiot.

I rolled my eyes. “That is so corny. Even for you, Mr. ‘goals are like bananas, they come in bunches’.”

He ignored me. “You’ve got a little…” Mo reached to wipe flour off my nose. A simple, friendly gesture lingered a second longer than it should have, sending a shiver down my spine as my breath caught.

Being around him was liking walking on egg shells these days; one moment we’d be joking around almost as comfortable and carefree as ever and then a second later, the atmosphere was completely off and a heavy silence would fall between us; just like the one now.

I cleared my throat. “Mind if I turn on the radio?”

“No, go ahead.”

I wiped my hands on a towel and walked to the radio by the toaster. I sighed, what was I doing here anyway? We needed more time to… to what? Let things settle, I supposed. I turned the dial past the local sports station and stopped at Top 40’s pop station.

”That was the latest from Madonna and now for a trip back to the 90’s, by request. This one’s from Megan to a special someone. Enjoy!”

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and brother

No, I cried silently, recognizing the song. I moved to turn it off, but he was suddenly there beside me, stopping me. “Don’t.”

We understood, we'd never be,
Alone

I tried to reach the dial again with my free left hand, but Mo knew me too well and easy grabbed it too so that he held both hands loosely in his, forcing me to face him. “Don’t,” he said again unnecessarily. I shivered again, feeling completely vulnerable as we stood there at the mercy of the painfully slow ballad.

Those days are gone, and I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

Not wanting to look at him, I studied our hands. His were dusted lightly in flour. They tightened around mine and I automatically looked up, forgetting that I was avoiding his gaze.

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

I pulled my hand from his, quickly turning it off with shaking fingers, but the lyrics hung heavily in the room.

“I was a huge fan of theirs, you know? Nick was my favourite for the longest time, but Brian was such a sweetheart, too,” I rambled trying desperately to fill the large kitchen with something other than another awkward silence. “I was obsessed. Everyone made fun of me in high school,” I smiled nervously, glancing up at him. He had an affectionate look on his face, but remained silent, watching me intently.

“Stop it, Mo,” I said quietly, looking away.

“Stop what?” he challenged, softly, taking a step towards me.

“Stop looking at me like... that. You know what? I… I should go,” I chickened out, taking several backwards, grabbing my purse and turning to open the back door, but he caught my wrist and turned me around, pushing me against the solid frame of the door. My purse slipped out of my hands and onto the floor.

“Don’t. Sam, I-” The handsome face that started my crush all those years ago had become more refined and striking. His normally warm hazel green eyes lit up dangerously as they bore into mine. I stared back, letting myself feel the electricity in the air, enjoying it for a moment, but when Mo brought his hand up to cup my face, I shut my eyes. Tight. My heart pounded. A nervous tear slipped out of the corner of my eye and Mo brushed it off softly, his familiar spicy scent surrounding me.

My body ached to give in to the moment, but I couldn’t do it. We were adults and there were consequences, I reminded myself.

“This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come.”

“Tell me you don’t feel the same way and I’ll back off.”

“I don’t think you understand. This isn’t happening. We’re friends. Friends, Mo. Everyone thinks men and women can’t ever be ‘just friends’, but they’re wrong because you and me? We’re friends, the best of friends,” I insisted desperately to him and to myself.

“Friendship isn’t supposed to feel like this,” he whispered, his breath warm on my face. “The tension. Every time we’re alone... it’s far from friendship.”

“… I think I’m falling for him," I continued, ignoring him, "He could be the one,” I said honestly, opening my eyes, “Just like Erin is the one for you,” I finished softy.

“This isn’t about them, Sam. You know that,” he gave me a hard look. “It’s about us.”

“There is no ‘us’,” I shook my head, meeting him straight on. “There can’t be an ‘us’, not like this, Mo. You, you’re married! And you have the sweetest kids in the world. I love your kids. I could never – no. Just… no. This is a mistake.”

He looked torn. “I love them… God, I love them,” he finally replied, letting go of my wrist so he could run the hand through his hair, “… but they aren’t enough,” he bent down, his eyes as bright and determined as I’d ever seen them. He cupped my chin and with his lips centimetres from mine said in a husky voice, “I want to love you, too, Sam,” before pressing his lips to mine in a searing kiss.

I didn’t think it was possible, but it was. My heart broke and soared at the same time. His lips were firm and hot. I found myself grabbing onto his shirt as a wave of desire overwhelmed me. This was what I’d dreamt of all those years ago, but now that it was real, now that it was happening, I had to stop, my conscience screamed. Dreams were just that – dreams. They weren’t meant for real life because real life was complex and messy.

I loved him.

That’s what held me back from committing to Pyatt. This wasn’t some over blown crush or purely physical attraction - it was love that made this so hard to end. But what did he expect this to be? What did we have left if we didn’t have our friendship? Pain and betrayal flooded back as I remembered the look on my mom’s face when she’d found out that dad had cheated on her. I couldn’t be that woman. I couldn’t destroy the trust Erin and Pyatt had in me.

“Then… this is all for not,” I said calmly, pulling away from his lips as more tears slipped down my face. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, almost afraid to let go because once I did, this would all be over and harsh reality would come barging in.

His breath was uneven, his lips found their way onto my neck, but too soon I lifted myself from away from his strong chest and reached out to stroke his prickly jaw, trying to memorize every contour of his face and his wonderful eyes before placing my hands on his shoulders and pushing him away gently. “We’re done.”

“Sam, no -” I pressed my finger to his lips.

“I… I love you, Brendan.” His eyes widened. Whether it was at my saying his name or at my declaration, I don’t know which – probably both.

“I think I’ve loved you all along - your kindness, your passion, your smile, and especially your little slur,” I traced his bruised lips with my fingers with the faintest of smiles. “I can’t do this,” I swallowed, “If we can’t do this friendship thing… if it’s all or nothing,” my voice cracked, “I’m… sorry. I’m sorry,” I repeated, the tears starting again. “You have a life to live – and mine is waiting for me.”

“I’m not going to let you go, Sam,” Mo said stubbornly, refusing to budge.

“I’m not yours to let go,” I countered bravely, squeezing away and opening the door to the cool night air. “Not any more.”

“Sam-”

“Goodbye, Mo.”

************************************************************************

I wished for the rain just then, one that reflected how I felt right then. But it wasn’t raining. In fact, it was a clear night, the cold air nipping at my fingers because I hadn’t bothered to turn on the heat in the car. And I wasn’t crying anymore. Or that’s what I tried to will myself to do. I just ended up gripping the steering wheel harder.

Traffic was light and I vaguely remember passing the right turn to my apartment. What had I done? The question pounded in my mind.

Without much conscious thought, I found myself pulling into his parking lot, fifteen minutes later. I turned off the engine and sat there in the dark for a while in a numb daze. I attempted to shake it off, bringing my fingers to my lips. They felt slightly bruised. I could taste him. Tears pricked the corner of my eyes, threatening to overwhelm me again. I raked my fingers through my hair and took several deep breaths to collect myself before opening the door.

I came to the intercom and pressed “T. Pyatt”.

“Hello?” His deep voice was fuzzy because of static.

“Hey,” I said, my voice hoarse. I cleared my throat and repeated myself.

“Sam?”

I nodded then realizing that he couldn’t see my affirmation, said, “Yeah, it’s me. Can I... can I come up?”

“What’s wrong? I’ll buzz you through.”

I pulled open the door, but froze in front of the elevator, my finger above the button for his floor. I turned away from it, deciding to head back to my car just as the elevator bell rang.

“Sam. Where are you going?” And in handful of his long strides, he’d caught up to me. I turned to him, my breath catching under his worried gaze.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you supposed to be at Mo’s?” I winced, closing my eyes. He pulled me into him. Having realized how drained I felt, I collapsed against him. His hand cupped the back of my head.

“It’s over,” I said in a muffled voice against his chest.

“What’s over, Sam? Are we – are we over?” he pushed me off him gently.

“No,” I shook my head, giving him a watery smile, “I choose you, Taylor.” I broke down right there, mourning all that I'd lost, trying desperately to focus on all that I'd gained.

I prayed that some day, I would be able to give him every piece of my heart and that we could find our own beautiful equilibrium.

Fin
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Equilibrium