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I'm Not Gay	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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||Bill’s POV ||

I never thought I could miss someone so much that it hurt to even breathe anymore. When Hailey told me she was sending Tom away, I understood why. I knew he was getting thinner since I met him. I still remember the first night I came over and he laid on the bed, the way his jersey lay over his stomach showed how small he was. But I didn’t think much of it then. Even when we… Oh god, it’s starting to hurt again. I wanted to cry. I could have gotten him better before he went to Aspen Springs. Before Hailey found out. Now it’s just too late. My Tomi is there, two hours away from me.

I still have Andreas, who I am clinging onto for dear life. I don’t know what I would do if he wasn’t here with me. I held my twins iPod tightly in my hand, curled in a small ball on my bed. “Bill…” I heard my voice being called vaguely threw the music in my ears and only turned it up louder. I don’t like Tom’s music, but it was one of the only two things of Tom I have right now. His music and his favourite shirt he had left here once after school. I curled my feet closer to my chest, whimpering slightly as I was nearly completely engulfed in Tom’s shirt, his scent.

“Billie?” I heard the vice again, but it was even harder to hear then the first time. I ignored it again. Even though I knew it was Andreas. I just wanted to be left alone. Apparently my boyfriend wasn’t too fond of this idea. I felt the bed beside me dip down and it made me want to cry even harder. Andreas is bigger then Tom, I hardly feel when Tom sits on my bed. He put his arms around me and pulled me in his lap without another word and I buried my face in his chest. Crying out in hard heavy sobs.

I need Tom, I don’t know if anyone will ever realize exactly how much I need him. Just seeing his smile for a moment will make everything all better and I can’t even have that. I can’t even hear his voice. Andreas rocked me a bit and waited until I was able to calm myself down enough before he tilted my head up. “Is it Tom, Billie?” He asked me, leaning his forehead against mine. I choked out another sob at his name and nodded, my fingers clenching around Andreas’ shirt. “There is more to the two of you then you let on, isn’t there, Billie?”

I didn’t say or do anything this time. Just let my now silent tears fall from my face onto Andreas’ shirt in thick watery tears. “Shhh,” He whispered to me, curling me onto his lap more and I was starting to calm down more. It wasn’t Tom’s arms around me, but I still knew I was loved. Which made this so much worse. Because I was dating someone I didn’t love that. I had to tell Andi. But how do you tell your best friend that without him hating you?

“Billie, please… talk to me. You’re my best friend; I’ve known everything about you since we met. What is so different about this boy that you can’t tell me?” I sucked my lip into my mouth at Andreas’ question. I need to tell him. I have to tell him. I have always trusted him with everything else in my life. Why not this?

Good-bye Andreas. “I love him.” I whispered, so softly I wasn’t even sure he could hear me. But he must have as his arms wrapped tighter around me and he kissed my forehead. Not in his used to be jealous way. I was confused.

“I know you do, Billie…” He told me and I wanted to scream. Yell at him. Slap him. Do everything to Andreas that I wanted to do to myself. That I wanted to do to Tom. This was unfair… I’m trying to tell him and he’s not listening to what I really mean.

I have to explain it to him. Or else this is not going to turn out well at all. He’s still going to think I’m in love with him and I can’t let him think that anymore. I don’t want to be using him anymore. It was a moment of weakness when I let myself think it was a good idea. “Andi…” I looked him in the eyes, taking a deep breath and putting my hand on his cheek, “I… I really love, Tom. I… I…”

“You’re in love with him.” Andreas said, leaning his forehead on mine. “Yes, I know exactly what you’re trying to say, Billie.” Okay, now I was really really confused! Andreas knew? How could he know? My confusion showed clearly on my face and my friend laughed a little, “For someone so smart, you really are dense, Bill.” He said with a small shake of his head before he continued, “That night you called me crying, I understood a total of two words that spilled from your mouth, ‘Love’ and ‘Tom’. I didn’t know who he was. Anything about him. But I knew you loved him and he hurt you.” I was still confused. Why was he okay with this still when he knew that Tom was my brother? That I was dating him and I still loved my brother more.

“I asked you out again, Billie, because I wanted to help make you feel better. When you said yes, I figured you were over him.” I shook my head, “I know that now, because two weeks ago, when we went to his house, I saw a look in your eyes that I had never once seen looking at me.” I was crying again, Andreas’ wiped my tears away with his fingers, “I was mad at you, Billie. I won’t lie. I can read threw you, little brother.” Little brother? He called me that before. Andreas is a year and half older then me. “You had hoped Tom would want you see you with me, right?”

I flushed, but nodded. I opened my mouth to apologize to him. Beg for him to forgive me but his fingers pressed against my lips to keep me silent. “I understand, Bill. I would have done the same thing to get you jealous.” My mouth dropped open and he laughed, “I still love you, Bill. I’m not going to lie. And it is kind of weird that you love your brother. But… I guess since you guys never knew… I don’t know. With you it makes sense. Leave it to you to be vain enough to fall for yourself.” He smirked at me.

“Andi!” I snapped, hitting him in the chest and he just laughed. No hit from me would ever hurt. I sighed a little and just laid again him, still wearing only Tom’s shirt and my boxers. “I’m sorry I was going to use you like that. I feel horrible about it.” I said softly, he just nodded and ran his fingers threw my hair, “But ever since Tom found out we’re brothers. He doesn’t want to do anything with me anymore. And now he’s gone, Andi. I don’t know what I can do.”

“You can help get him better and come home.” Andreas told me, rocking me back and forth as we sat on my bed. “You can go see him, Billie. It’s Saturday tomorrow… Hailey and Urie have tried to come see him. He wont. But… maybe if you do, he will see you.”

“And what if he doesn’t want to see me either, Andreas?” I asked, my voice slightly shaking. Hailey and Urie… it makes sense Tom wouldn’t want to see them. But, I’m his brother. And he hasn’t seen me for near three weeks now. I miss him so much that I could die. And I knew that Andreas could tell this. “Besides, Shari wont drive two hours for me to see him. I wouldn’t have a way…” I wanted to start crying again, but I don’t think I had any tears left to cry.

“I’ll take you.” Andreas said, which surprised me. He walked into my room as my boyfriend, and now… he’s offering to take me to see the person- my brother- who I am choosing over him. I guess that’s what a real friend is.

“Thank you, Andi.” I whispered, pressing my lips to his cheek, “You really are my best friend in the world.” And thus ends our relationship once more. But Andreas just smiled at me and kissed my forehead. I was so afraid he would hate me. I can’t live without him either.

“I’m a better best friend and big brother then Tom anyways.” He smiled and I nodded in agreement. Tom isn’t a good big brother. He’s a good everything else though. I sighed and laid my head on Andreas’ chest. “I’m gonna go home, Billie. I’ll come get you at seven in the morning. Get some sleep tonight and be ready. You’ll get to see him in the morning.”

xXxXx

Eight o’clock and I was in the car with Andreas. I hadn’t slept that night like he had told me too. I couldn’t. I kept thinking about Tom. My Tom and how I was going to get to see him. I couldn’t wait. My legs were shaking in my seat as I waited for the light to turn green and Andreas pulled onto the freeway. An hour more. One more and I would see Tom again. I couldn’t wait much longer, I don’t think so at least.

Andreas let me sit in my silence, my hand under my chin as I stared out the window. He had Tom’s iPod plugged into the stereo so his hip-hop songs were playing out of it. I refused to listen to anything but this. He easily agreed with me. If it made me feel better, then so be it. Nothing would break me out of this trance I had myself in. We could have hit another car and I wouldn’t have noticed.

“Bill, Bill you’re phone!” I snapped out of it at the snap from Andreas. He normally didn’t snap at me like that. But as soon as I was back into this reality I heard my phone going off and I picked it up. Almost not believing the name of the screen. “Gustav? What is it?” I asked, he babbled on for some time and I rolled my eyes. Something about telling Tom that Georg was taking his girls from the clubs, to get out of Juvi soon, and to call them up when they got a chance. “Yes, yeah I got it all.” I lied with a yawn, “I’ll tell him, Gus. Yes, about Georg too. Uh-huh. Good-bye, Gustav?”

Before Andreas could even ask I smiled at him and shrugged a shoulder, “Gustav is one of Tom’s friends. The one who yanked on my hair the first day at school.” I laughed a little and shrugged, “Him and Georg think Tom is in Juvi.” Leave it to Tom to deny he’s sick and would rather be in jail.

“Well… lets hope you remember all that was said.” Andreas said looking over at me. I hadn’t realized we had stopped. Was I really talking to Gustav that long? “We’re here.” I bit at my lip and looked up at the building. It looked more like a school then a mental hospital… from the outside. Well… now or never. And I need to see my brother. I might die if I don’t.

I just hope he wants to see me.
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