Love Under The Christmas Tree

"MOMMY ! MOMMY ! WAKE UP !"

I was jolted awake by my daughter screaming and jumping on my bed.

"Mmhm" I whined, my head still comfortably buried in my pillow.

"MOMMY ! HE'S BEEN HERE ! SANTA'S BEEN HERE ! WAAAAAAKE UUUUUP !" she insisted while shaking me.

Forcing my eyes open, I reluctantly sat up to take a look at the alarm clock on the bedside table. 

"Baby, it's 6 in the morning. Go back to your bed, we'll get up in one hour or two" I mumbled before lying back down. 

"No Mommy , please !" she nearly begged as she started shaking me again. 

Sighing deeply, I finally gave in, perfectly aware that she wouldn't let me go back to sleep anyway. I got out of bed and put my warm bathrobe on before following her to the living room, where I sat cross-legged on the floor beside her by the Christmas tree. 

I watched as Emily reached out and pulled the big gift-wrapped box from under the tree. She stared at it for a minute and took a deep breath before opening it. 

Her actions left me kind of puzzled. She would usually hurriedly open it without delay, and yet there she was, strangely hesitant, seemingly in deep thoughts. I wished I could've known what was in her head. I mean, she was so excited when she went in my room to wake me up, but now, she was behaving completely differently. In fact, it looked like she was expecting something in particular, and feared to be disappointed with what she would actually find inside the box.

"Are you alright sweetie ?" I questioned, concerned.

"Yes..." she murmured in response, eventually bringing herself to open the box.

She took the cute talking parrot I had bought a few days ago out of the box, and let out a giggle when it began dancing and making funny noises. Her smile quickly died though, a sad expression appearing on her face instead.

"What's wrong sweetheart ? Don't you like it ?" I frowned, tucking a strand of her long blonde hair behind her ear.

"I like it, it's just..." she lowered her head "It's not what I asked Santa..."

My heart sank at the view. I had never seen her so unhappy on Christmas day. But what was she expectng ? Finding Johnny in the box ? Well, I think I would've had quite some trouble wrapping him. 

"Come here" I said, pulling her into a tight embrace and gently swaying back and forth "You know,  there are certain things even Santa can't bring you."

"But...what I asked for was a simple thing" she started crying softy. "I just wanted a dad. I just wanted...Johnny."

Every single tear of hers broke my heart a little bit more. I felt so guilty, it was all my fault. Hadn't it been for me to let Johnny into our lives like this, my little girl wouldn't be crying now. 

"Shhhhhhh" I shushed her as I still hugged her tightly in my arms "It's okay babygirl. Johnny doesn't live here. He has his own life far from here, he can't stay with us forever."

"Why can't we go with him then ?" Emily slightly pulled away to look at me.

I was left speechless and Johnny's words from last night began replaying in my head. 

"I want you to move to L.A. with me."

"I love you and I'll love Emily as if she was my own."

"We'll be a family."

"I-...we..." I stammered, my forehead becoming sweaty because of the stress. My mouth was so dry that I could barely swallow, and a lump had now formed in my throat. "And-and what about your friends ? You wouldn't be able to see them anymore if we moved to a town so far from here. Wouldn't you miss them ?"

"It doesn't matter. I just wanted a dad" she whispered before burying her face against my shoulder. 

♡♡♡

Fortunately, the mood lightened as the day went by. Emily was playing with her little parrot, and the only sound in the whole apartment was her laughter. I was relieved to see her like that, enjoying herself like every kid should on Christmas day, but at the same time, I felt like shit.

My daughter wanted nothing more than a family, a real one, with a mom and a dad. Such a simple and natural thing when you think about it, yet I had managed to deprive her from it. Nobody forced me dating a jerk and having a child with him, it was my choice. I was the one who did mistakes, and it was Emily that was now paying for the damages. it just wasn't fair. 

Though I had no way of going back in time to change anything, I could have made up for it and given her the family she had been craving for so long. The only thing I had to do was accept Johnny's proposal and follow him to Los Angeles. As he said, nothing was keeping me here anyway. My parents, my old friends, all of them were in L.A. 

I abruptly shook my head and scoffed. What was I thinking ? I couldn't quit my job and just move in with a guy I knew for a few weeks only to please my daughter and her desire to have a father. No, it wouldn't make any sense, I'd have to at least love him to do something as crazy as that. And I didn't love Johnny. What happened between us...well, it just happened, but it most definitely wasn't serious.

Or...was it ?