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May All Be Pain or Love	By : Skwishee Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 5673 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
"This is from the shogun?"

Kyo scoffed, staring down at the folded paper Toshiya had given him with clear skepticism. It was already a bit worn and the seal had been affixed without care, causing a complete confusion of parchment and wax, and I had to agree that it did not look even the slightest bit official.
    "The courier specified Tokugawa Iemitsu. I didn't hear him wrong if that's what you're wondering." Toshiya clarified in case Kyo was thinking about having it thrown away. It wouldn't have been the first time he'd asked for such a thing. But, in fact, Kyo seemed to have even less interest in it than usual.
    "Aren't you going to read it?" Toshiya asked as he and I both stared at him anxiously, since neither of us had Kyo's apparant sense of foresight.
    "What for?" said Kyo. "If it is from the shogun then it's either an order of detainment because of the feud or it's..."

    I took the paper from him before he could continue and read it myself. And sure enough it was all in formal syntax.

    "It has come to our attention that the houses of Sanenari in Ukyou-ku, Miyamoto in Higashiyama-ku and Tanaka in Nakagyou-ku in Kyoto province have, thus far, been displaced in our records and have not honored the current sanctions implemented by his excellency, the Shogun during the past year."

    "'Displaced'?" Kyo interrupted in a mocking tone. "As if we'd ever been in the records in the first place..."

    Ignoring his outburst, I continued."Our hope is that this matter will be resolved immediately and that all courteous ties between the Shogun and the listed houses will be upheld amiably. Thereupon, in accordance with the Thirteen Laws of the Military Houses, the lords Sanenari Masatsura, Miyamoto Kyo and Tanaka Hirohide are requested to comply with this year's institution of Alternate Residence Duty by which they will travel to and reside at Tokugawa Castle in Edo, remaining in occupancy for no less than five months at the Shogun's court; after which they may be permitted to return to their private residence but will be required to spend alternating years at their assigned residence in Edo. Family of the daimyo, such as: immediate relatives, wives, heirs and retainers will uphold these sanctions also and will stay in Edo permanantly as sureties of the shogunate to ensure loyalty and cooperation between the daimyo and the Shogun. Daimyo are not to travel with or station in Edo more than twenty cavalrey men, one hundred thirty foot soldiers and three hundred petty attendants. A party of escorts will intercept the daimyo on the Nakasendo road once they are within the boundaries of the city and lead them to their appropriate quarters. The dates of travel for each daimyo will be sent by another courier at a later date." I read the words without expression, barely able to concentrate on them as it was. My mind was still ultimately focused on what had occured back at the tavern. "Sankin Kotai, isn't it?"

    "Suspicious it would come now and not last year when the laws were proposed, don't you think?" Kyo said hatefully, but with a slight lilt in his voice that teemed with cynicism. "'One hundred thirty foot soldiers.' ...No more than!" he quipped in amusement. "Curious, isn't it, that our house has so few... less than eighty. We're little more than a simple affluent family with a self-proclaimed lord yet somehow we seem an immeasurable power that even the Shogun has come to recognize. I wonder who we have to thank for that."

Kyo seemed to be infected by melodrama...because we had far more samurai employed than that. Only a certain number actually resided in Miya-tei —the 'less than eighty' to which he was referring— and the others in a bukeyashiki called Ayematsu that was closer to Chishaku-in temple to the south. There were also a small majority that lived with their families on their own land and reported to Miya-tei or Ayematsu weekly. We did have only a handful of attendants though, but that was only because the lot of us detested being waited upon and had, long ago, deemed them unnecesary. It was the families of the samurai within Miya-tei that took general care of the house and the people inside. Kyo had always wanted Miya-tei to be run, not as a master-servant household, but as a community of cognate family. A strange irony then, that he trusted so very few of them.

I could do little more than stare at the paper tiredly, the hand-inked words blending together as my eyes blurred and cleared each time I blinked.

    "It could have been the feud with Ryozen. Everyone knows Ryozen was feeding from the hands of the bakufu." said Toshiya, and it fascinated me that he knew these facts at all. It was another subtle reminder of how often I underestimated him.

    Kyo sighed. "It's possible." He chewed on his lip while he thought awhile, but before he managed to arrive at any set conclusion Toshiya said, "You're thinking it was the same person who framed us for the Ryozen murders."


    "Unfortunately." said the blonde. "We've been so busy trying to settle the preternatural side of our situation that we've completely ignored the humanistic." The sigh he let go of hit against my shoulder as he leaned over me to study the edict intently. His eyes moved across every word, fingers following on the paper as he shook his head uncertainly and continued to read it over until finally he stilled and lifted his fingers to his mouth, which was a sign that he was curious of something. Perhaps even suspicious.

"This can't be a coincidence." he pointed a finger toward the houses named in the document. "Sanenari...Tanaka...do you see this?"

    Toshiya looked at him uncertainly. "I don't recognize either name."

    "Kaoru?" he prodded, but I shook my head to say that I didn't either.
The blonde took a deep breath. "Both ourselves and Tanaka clan have allies among the youkai. I'm not very familiar with Sanenari, but I know them by reputation and the same can be said of them. Can the fact that these two houses are unquestionably allied with youkai be a coincidence? Both by a common aide as well if I remember."

    Kozi, I thought, but refrained from saying the name aloud in case Kyo was still irritable enough to misconstrue it as concern for the kitsune, or that I was still thinking of him. Which I wasn't, presently, but now that I'd thought of it again I wondered what else I was supposed to feel if not concern. And I would have worried over it again if I wasn't so tired of worrying in general.

    "Will we go to Edo?" Toshiya asked, but I already knew his answer.
    Kyo huffed just as I had expected. "Don't be stupid! Of course not!"
    "But..."
    "Besides, I have no wife, no heir... Who could they subject other than close retainers and a male lover." His smirk crept sideways up his face, showing off those beautiful teeth. "You think if Tokugawa was actually aware of our alliances, that he would be any more comfortable with so much power if it was that close to him? He doesn't know what he's asking for. Or...he knows exactly what he's asking for and plans to remedy that power or use it for himself."

    Toshiya almost stuttered. "Wait a minute...Y...you're suggesting that we ignore a summons from Tokugawa...?"

    "That's exactly what I'm suggesting. I see no reason to go. I will not be made to prove loyalty to a government I have no faith in; that would keep the only things I love away from me as hostages just to quell an imaginary threat to their power. No, the only persons I am loyal to are my family, which means I'm not going to send them to Edo where they could be subjected to all sorts of unknowns. Besides, I don't trust their intent now that I see this connection. Kaoru, what do you think?"

Honestly I was amazed he'd asked at all. Still, I was convinced that it was more of a courtesy than a real want to know my opinion on the matter.

"I think you're wrong about this." I admitted.
    "Hmm, which part?" he asked me, and already he had arched one eyebrow as if to say he wanted me to let it go, but I didn't.

    "Well..." I began. Unconsciously I wiped my palm across my mouth and went to look at the paper again, but it wasn't in my hands any longer and I hadn't even realized. Kyo had taken it from me and was staring at it hatefully. "I'm just not convinced that it isn't anything more than a coincidence. All three clans seem to be substantial and influential, which is why the hostage system was created in the first place."
    "So you think I'm paranoid?" he ventured.
    "Not exactly." I reasoned, trying to keep him from getting argumentative. "I just...I don't particularly want to be forced into this either, but I don't know if I can condone your ignoring this. I've spent my whole life protecting every one of you..." I trailed off, shaking my head.
    "I know." he said softly, his face coming into view underneath my bowed head like a sheepish kitten. He was trying to settle my nerves.
    I took a short breath and then blurted out, "Then you know that if we don't go to Edo they'll come to fetch us and then this is no longer a matter of diplomacy. I don't know if I can allow you to..." Toshiya cringed when I'd let the word slip.
    "Allow me!?" Kyo's face was sheer astonishment.
    "Yes." I said flatly. "You trusted me before..."
    "I still do..." he said. "I just...trust myself more right now. Advise me, employ a good argument for your strategy...convince me however you want, but if you can't then we do this my way and that's the end of it."
"Kyo..." I ran a hand through my hair and discovered that it wasn't the most pleasant of textures. When was the last time I washed it?
"I don't want to hear it right now." He sighed, "I'm really not in the mood. I already listened to you once today and nothing good came of that."

    Clearly having said all he had wanted to say on the matter he stood and started towards the house. "I'm not going to make this easy for you." he added as he disappeared inside the residence. I balled up the paper in irritation and mumbled once he was out of earshot. "And he calls me a child."

    Toshiya moved from his place by the wall to sit next to me on the steps. "I don't know why he thinks he has to rebel all the time. Doesn't it ever tire him out?"
    I laughed, but there was no mirth in it. "Hardly."
    After a few minutes of comfortable silence Toshiya turned to me and sighed. "Kaoru...what happens if he ignores that letter?"
    I leaned back against the white walls, the familiar feeling of uselessness winding it's bony fingers around my neck. "Well...it depends. The bakufu could continue to send us correspondence, we might be asked to appear before the Shogun's court, but...it's more likely that they'd retaliate with force. We would be committing treason after all."

    "Fantastic." Toshiya quipped. "I'm only twenty three and already I'm a potential traitor to the shogunate. Can't you stop him!?"
    "I don't know." I sighed.
    "Why? It's you who controls this place anyway. Everyone knows that but Kyo. I love him Kaoru, but sometimes he's so impressed with his own importance that he doesn't see he's just as insignificant as the rest of us."
    "None of you are insignificant!" I protested.
    "Not to you. Not to each other. But it's hard not to think so when he's treating everything so callously."
    "Well, he is daimyo." I said, really just wanting him to drop it. After what I'd seen earlier my nerves were already rattled enough without him adding anything. I needed to deal with one thing at a time.
    "Only because you put him there." Toshiya growled. "You know he used to be thankful for it too. And he used to listen to us, what ever happened to that? When did he start believing all the bullshit that he feeds to the geiko and the soldiers and the servants? I'd do anything for him, you know that, it's not what I'm saying, but right now he's just seeming like a pretender to the throne."

    "That's not very fair." I mumbled. I would have killed anyone else for that accusation. Funny how that works. "He's been through alot."
    "And we haven't? You haven't!?" he argued, tearing a little patch of weeds from out of a crack in the step below him. "That's his problem. You stick up for him too much and he knows that and uses it to get his way. You've spoiled him, you know, and maybe the rest of us have too...but he knows that none of us will go against you even if you veer to his side."
    "What makes me so special?" I grumbled.

    "You analyze everything, listen to all sides and then solve a problem based on what would benefit all parties. And Kyo...Kyo wants to think of an easy solution where he won't be forced into doing anything he doesn't want to do and he won't lose anything he loves, but it doesn't work like that. We listen to you because you're determined enough to make any solution, however far fetched, work and you have no qualms about working extra hard or getting hurt in the process to protect everyone's interest. That's what makes the rest of us want to work every bit as hard for you." I was so thankful for these people...

    "You should be daimyo." he hissed.
    I snapped my head up to glare at him. "Don't ever say that again, Toshiya."
    "I am sorry...but you weren't here during the rest of the fight. Did he tell you the only reason we won that night was because of the yokai. Because Kozi brought that demon thing with him."
    "He had only just lost me, Toshiya..."
    "So had we!" he cried. "We had all lost you!" he threw down the weeds he'd been playing with. "You act as though you are only important to him, but let me tell you something. If you weren't here this house would fall apart. We would fall apart and it's horrifying trying to imagine what would happen then. When Hirota-san told us what happened we all wanted to give up. And Kyo was throwing such a tantrum afterwards that he ran off and left us. He left us! I understand why he did, Kaoru. He loves you, but the rest of us would have loved to simply collapse into our own self pity as well but we had to stay and take care of the house, his house and tend the wounded. If he wants to be respected as daimyo then he needs to act like one."

    "So it's not just me that thinks so." I realized. "But he does have a point." I admitted, which was exactly the opposite of what Toshiya wanted to hear. He made a breathy noise intended to show his frustration. "However...I think ignoring this entirely is going too far."
    I pushed myself up to stand.

    "I'll try to think of something, don't worry, but you have to realize that if he fights me on this there's a chance I will give in. I haven't the luxury of resisting him like the rest of you, but even if I don't our options are thin."
    "Well," Following my lead he wriggled his own way off the stairs. "You know I'll do whatever you need."
    I smiled sadly. "Don't say that yet. I don't want to be responsible for dragging you into anything bad."
    His almond eyes narrowed. "This is my family too, Kao. Don't keep me out of the game just because I can't swing a sword as gracefully."
    "I wouldn't dream of it." I told him, feeling incredibly grateful for him in that moment.

"If I were you Kaoru...I'd remind Kyo how much you've sacrificed for him." He smiled suddenly— his crooked teeth creating a small whirlpool of fond feelings in my stomach— and wound his fingers through the bottom of my hair. "It kills me...that he has no idea how lucky he is."

He gave me one last ghost of a smile before his sillohette faded into the soft light in the house.

O o O

    One of the hazards of having built Miya-tei in the woods was that a gust of wind in the right place could send the trees wavering outside, casting all sorts of wraithy shadows on the walls. Often times I'd see the darkness moving down the corridors at dusk when the sun was at just the right angle for playing tricks. Another was that most of Miya-tei was constructed with a fairly open format—the courtyard and front halls of the house all intertwined with barely anything more than reinforced ornamental lattice doors called koushido to seperate the outdoors from the inner entrances. These 'sliding walls' were built all along the inner edges of the house to bring in light while preserving some degree of privacy. Most usually these were left open in summer and only closed during rainy seasons to prevent any heavy water damage in the main halls. Despite the decorative cutouts, the rain, no matter how fierce, usually never penetrated any more than a few centimeters inside the front halls and any damage done was easily repairable. Because of these koushido being left open, however, sometimes animals such as cats and raccoons and anything else that could climb over the outer walls frequently got into the house. The samurai barracks and the servant's quarter were the only sections of the house, accessible from the outside, that kept these doors closed for most of the year. This was only because of complaints about these little intruders sneaking in and messing up the storage and the pantries.

So, you can imagine, that when I saw an unfamiliar shadow at the end of one of the entry halls my first thought to the matter was that it was either cast by the trees outside or some small animal that decided to sleep the night away in a drier, more comfortable place. Since it had been moving so slowly I couldn't tell which it had been until I investigated it more closely and then I saw it was neither.

    I had the occasion to pull my sword midway from its casing before the figure even noticed my presence. As soon as the short scraping noise hit the air it shot up as though I had scared it, and we both ended up jumping. I couldn't see it very well in the hall. The sun was on the other side of the trees and the hall was unlit and shaded in dark greys and browns. It seemed to blend right in, but it was the distinct shape of a person.

    "You don't need that!" It told me quickly, voice defensive as if I were coming to do it harm. "I'm not dangerous."

    All the same I kept my hands firmly secured to the braided grip of my katana. "Just the same..." I started, a little on edge myself. "When I see strange shadows in my house..."

    It was careful to step slowly into the lighter part of the hall so as not to startle me. "There. I'm not a shadow anymore."

    It seemed human-like, smallish, face like a mankei-neko: round and sweet. He was adorned in silver, it stole away his face...but there was something soft underneath the many rings in his lips. Something loving encircled in the bawdy red and black marking around his almond eyes. It was on top of it's head however that I'd found the answer to my unasked question. Settled in a mop of shorter black and dark reddish hair were two furry, black ears that curved backward like a cat that had been set on the defense. He was yokai. I didn't care what kind, I just wanted him out of the house.

    "I see." I said sternly. "But you are still trespassing."

    "I'm very sorry." he said meekly, his politeness sharply contrasting any of the yokai I'd met before.. "I'm just...looking for something. I'll leave as soon as I find it. I promise."
    "And what is it you're looking for?" I pressed him, unwilling to leave him to rummage through the rooms like a thief.

    "Well...actually...maybe it's not so much a thing as it is...a..." His own words seemed to stump him and after a minute of looking vexed at himself he just settled on, "Kozi."

    "Ah." was all I said in reply. Compressing my lips I frowned hard at this creature. "He's not here...Please leave." I said, a little harshly and headed toward the open door at the end of the walk.

    "Wait!" he called after me. "W-will he be back? Can I wait?"

    "Who are you!?" I growled and he shrank away again as if I would strike him.
    "No one..." he said quietly, in an accent only those that possessed the same sort of lilt could identify. "I am...I belong to him."

    I don't know why, I should have expected it really, but the words completely dissapointed me. Because for all Kozi's protests against his own endemic position, here he was also in the practice of keeping pets. There had been a hope in me, somewhere, that I had perceived Kozi in the wrong way, but now it was almost as if this person were telling me, 'Yes, you were right all along.'

    "Your name..." I pressed him.
    "What does it matter?" he asked me. "I am of no importance." I suddenly knew that wasn't the truth. It was a simple, unexplainable feeling and he had more to do with things than he was letting on.

"Somehow I'm not seeing it that way." I said honestly.
    It took a few moments for him to give in and answer me, but after a little while he simply looked at me and then said, "Hitsugi."
    "Niikura Kaoru." I offered him in return. He made a noise and said to me in a small, nervous voice, "I know who you are."

I felt as though he were scared of me, suspicious, or even...concerned that I would harm him. He was like a skittish kitten shying away from a friendly hand. It unnerved me.
    "Well, you know Kozi, after all." I reasoned, my tone changing from hard to soft as I imagined as though I were speaking to a frightened child. "Is that why you came then? Did you think he'd be here?"

    A deep, steady breath gave him confidence enough to speak. "I followed his scent to this place." he claimed. "But..." Biding his time he stared out the latticework and into the courtyard. "I've lost it again. Where is he?"

    "I don't know." I lied. "I have no idea." I don't know why I lied to him then. Maybe it was just a subject I was reluctant to address at that moment. I would have been content not to think of anything or anyone for the rest of the night.

    Hitsugi made a soft noise that could have been a protest, though it had been born so meekly that understanding it in any form would be only interpretation. The floor, he worried, would crumble and fall from underneath him. It was a state-of-mind I was especially intimate with. I knew because I had felt it so many times. Still, I was here, and the earth had never once swallowed me whole. And I would have left him there to ponder what the subtle cracks in the wood meant, really meant, but something unexplainable in his manner kept me from moving into the house without him.

    I stepped closer, feeling a little sorry for him because his sadness really did seem genuine, but he jumped nervously, watching me as if I were advancing to attack. Noticing this I held my hands up in amnesty. "I'm not so dangerous either." I said but he didn't respond. Then, despite knowing that it was against my better judgement I softened and said, "I can guarantee you he won't be back tonight, but if I let you stay and wait, will you make me regret it?"
    If I hadn't have been paying very close attention I wouldn't have noticed him shake his head at all.

    Leading words with a sigh I nodded once and then said, "Follow me."

I settled him in a small, unused tea room with small latticed windows that overlooked the main hall as well as the koushido in the entryway since he liked to look at them so much. I think he was just suspicious that something was outside the residence...waiting for him. I'd somehow begun to convince myself that it was the reason he was so anxious. That it had nothing to do with me in particular. I couldn't see how I was very threatening, especially since most of my injuries had just barely begun to heal themselves. I must have looked as though I were just clumsy with a sword.

    He immediately ran to a corner of the room that had the best view of the halls and entryways. You couldn't really see the courtyard from that particular vantage but if anything had come through the main entrance you would know it before anyone else. All these little details played on my apprehension, but somehow I couldn't convince myself that he was dangerous or that he meant any harm by being there. When I realized he wasn't inclined to say or do anything more than watch the keyholes I'd left him and hoped I wasn't making a mistake.

    As it happened though, I was probably the most practiced worrier in all of Kyoto. On top of that I was cursed with a particularly sensitive conscience and it had been at the ready to berate me for lying to Hitsugi. I argued that I didn't want to involve myself with any more spirits, having had such bad luck with the ones I'd met already. I'd begun to mentally refer to them as 'mice' since they seemed to be mysteriously multiplying and always sneaking in where they were uninvited. There were probably better analogies but I didn't want to think too hard on the matter.

    Considering, also, that this one in particular had come looking for the kitsune, he 'belonged' to him and that on it's own made me want to shy away from any further association. Then again, everything had already spiraled so far out of my control that nothing more could have possibly happened to bring that spiral any further down. I was certain of that because I had already lost all the things I, myself, could lose and those that I hadn't had already come under this new threat from the shogunate. Anything else the world decided to throw at me would have to have an even greater impact than kasha and military retaliation combined. I just couldn't see that happening. Somehow I would have to find a way to propel ourselves from this depression in relative safety. And really...Hitsugi seemed to be nothing at all like Kozi, but I had only an impression to go on and I wasn't completely sure that I wanted to trust it.

O o O

Instead of wandering the house and letting myself dwell on all the things that were going wrong I headed straight for the bath house after realizing that the last time I'd done so was days ago when Kyo and I had fought. Since then I hadn't really had the time to take care of myself properly. My shorn hair was still uneven, because a dagger was hardly the most precise instrument to groom oneself with and the days worth of grizzled hair on my face was beginning to irritate the healing claw marks Kozi had put there.

The bath house wasn't empty. When I arrived I'd found Dai sitting comfortably in the basin, face drawn as if he were about to fall asleep. Just to be irritating I kicked one of my zori off toward the side wall and watched him jump as it smacked against the wooden frame with a loud echo. "Wake up or you'll drown." I said shortly.

"I wasn't asleep." he argued by way of a drowsy mumble.

"I'm sure." I chuckled. Kyo may have been the most precious person in the world to me, but in my own mind Dai was what I would call my closest friend; the person I would run to when I was at odds with everyone else. Because even under the most straining of circumstances I never seemed to be at odds with him.

In the laziest way possible he sank down futher into the basin and blew bubbles into the water while I worked on removing my clothes. By the time I'd folded the last of them and set them neatly on the bench he'd gotten bored and turned around, but made it a point to stare at the floor underneath my feet.
"What would you do if I ran away with your clothes?" he asked as if it were the most natural question in the world.
It didn't take much guessing to see that he was bored. I narrowed my eyes."Kill you." I said. "There are women in this house, you know."

"Who I'm sure have seen a naked man before." he added.

Choosing not to encourage him by replying I pulled up the small stool beside me and the bucket and set about the task of scrubbing myself down. The sound of the two objects being moved made him lift his head.
"Kaoru..." he started then stopped when his train of thought clearly had turned in the other direction. "...you look awful." I knew he was studying the deep bruising on my body and the large laceration still sitting proudly over my ribcage. And it wasn't just that, I was almost certain he could see the black in my veins, glossing little streams under my skin. I, myself, didn't have to look. I could feel the location of each heavy bruise without even trying. The most painful of which was the one that wound around my torso, following the phantom trail Isshi's tail had left on me. "Has Kyo seen you?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to not run off on a tangent about how everything was still so confusing.I sighed, "Is it that bad?"

"You definitely look like a survivor." was all he could offer.

We had both allowed the quiet to seep across the room while I ran soapy hands over my body, completely lost in thought. Despite all the rest I'd had forceably taken over the past few days I was still so tired. I was afraid that suddenly all the happy days in my life had filled some sort of finite quota and I was left with nothing but stress and worry in the days to come.

And for some reason memories of my days spent trying to raise Kyo into nobility were slowly creeping back into my mind, ones I'd long ago forced into dark corners of repressed retrospection. I'd almost suspected their resurgence had something to do with the ink that was making itself home inside me because they weren't guiltless in nature. Some, in fact, were terribly violent...things I would rather have kept between myself and whatever gods had witnessed them. The fact that it was possible Junji could take them from me was worrying me on and off, but I hadn't had the time to even think about it. The fact that it was happening at all had likewise been pushed from my mind. It's not as though I ever claimed to be a saint.

"What's wrong?" he asked, and I'd realized it was the second time he must have said it.
"I...nothing..."
"Really?" he wondered. "Because you've been scrubbing the same spot for the last few minutes. I doubt it's going to get much cleaner." He folded his arms over the side of the basin and watched me like a curious cat as I rinsed myself off and pushed everything aside, climbing into the water with him.

I sank into it in one steady movement, hissing as it burned my cold feet a little. As soon as I was in the water he was out of it and rummaging through his things for the small blade he used for shaving.
"What is that for?" I asked a little nervously because he was coming toward me with it.
"You look like a bear." he laughed.
"I'm not letting you shave me." I growled, scooting away a little, but it was hard to will my body to do it being that the water was so relaxing.

"I'm not going to do that." he protested. "But I am going even out that hair of yours. You look like you let a child cut it."
I flinched as he sat on the edge of the basin behind me and picked at my hair.
"I don't suppose Isshi had all that much experience at grooming someone else. What are you doing!?" I asked because I couldn't see him and he was making all sorts of disapproving sounds.
"Taking care of you. So, shut up and trust me."
I did, but it was a reluctant sort of participation and the sounds of the blade shearing my hair made me cringe. After a few minutes he slapped the blade down on the floor and told me to wash out my hair. When I came back up from the water he was in it again and looking fairly serious for Dai.

"So.." he began, "What is it this time?" I scarcely found time to answer before he was in front of me, blade in hand again and he was cutting into the hair that fell by my face. Dai hadn't been blessed with the best of vision so I found myself shrinking back a little.
"hmmm?"
"You've got that far away look on your face that says something else has gone wrong. In fact, I don't think I've seen it since that day Kyo came back from Shimabara carrying Toshiya. It's not finances is it? I can collect from some of our debtors if you need me to."
"It not that." I said softly, trying to keep my head as still as possible.Eyes fixed on the glint of silver like a hawk. I couldn't remember ever having my hair cut in my life. "You mean Toshiya didn't tell you about the letter?"
He shook his head, "I've been out helping to fix the gates most of the day, some of the hinges need to be completely rescuplted to even work again."
"You really shouldn't be doing that." I admonished gently. "You're barely better off than I am."
He bristled and sat up straighter in his place, sloshing the water around him. "I'm a lot better off than you, oyaji." But I was eye to eye with the bruising on his chest from where Kyo had caught him with his voice and I knew it hurt because it had happened to me too.
"What about this letter, though? Are we in trouble?"
"Not quite yet." I said, wishing I could rub the tiredness out of my eyes. "Though it's looking a little inevitable."

With a deep breath I began to recount all that I could remember from the letter, without the excessive formality and the way both Kyo and Toshiya had reacted, as well as my own thoughts on the matter. When I'd finished he had set the blade down on the side of the bath again and I laid my head back right alongside it. He gave a snort that echoed through the room.

"Well, don't act as if you're so suprised anyway.It would hardly be like Kyo to accept it all and do what's expected of him. Since I doubt you'll really be able to convince him I'll go ahead and..."
"Don't count me out just yet. I already know he won't go...that was set in stone as soon as I saw that look in his eyes, but I'm going to do my best to..."
If it wasn't a normal occurence for he and I to interrupt eachother I would have been irritated. "Well, for god's sake, don't let him strategize! He may be a brilliant fighter but he's complete shit at tactics."
"I wasn't planning on it." I argued. "I don't know how I'm going to do this..."
He gave me a weak smile. "Try not to worry about it just yet. We've still got time before they even send us any specific orders. I'm sure you and I can think of something. Besides..." he laughed. "It's awkward to talk strategy with you when we're both naked..."

I gave a genuine laugh for the first time in days. "Later then."

When I noticed how much hair he had gathered in his palm from where it had been floating in the water my face went pale. "What have you done to me?"
He had already climbed out of the bath again and tossed the shorn strands out the small slat window. "Nothing bad, I promise."

Instead of climbing back in he sat on the side and kicked a small wave of water at me. "That's not everything..."
"You said you didn't want..." I began, winding my newely cut hair in my fingers trying to guess the length. It was still a little below my shoulders but it seemed to vary in length. I found myself looking around the room for a mirror but was out of luck.
Dai had interrupted me again. "I said no more strategy! Warring, that sort of thing. Unless it has something to do with that, then don't tell me."

"Do you have a mirror?" I asked a little sternly, wondering what on earth I looked like and wishing I could shave off this goddamned beard I was accumulating.
"Ugh." His groan was the only verbal answer I received before he had gathered both the soap and blade again and come after me.
"No! Dai..." I warned but...there was only so much struggling one could get away with in the presence of an insane man and a sharp object. I felt like a child, sitting there...naked...being groomed by my best friend. If the world hadn't ended by now I had taken all of this as a sign it would soon.

Surprsingly he was incredibly gentle. When he finally sat away from me again I discovered, by way of wandering fingers, that he'd left a small patch of hair on my chin...but rather than complaining I decided to let it go. Why encourage another round of emasculation?

"Now...what is it?"
I smiled softly instead, "There is a yokai in the old tea room."
Dai raised his eyebrows. "Did you put it there?"
"I might have." I admitted, lathering up my hair with the sliver of soap he'd left by my side. "He claims to belong to Kozi."
"Oh no..." he laughed. "That doesn't bode very well, does it?"
"No." I grumbled.
"Does Kyo know? If he does I would go check to see if he was still alive..."

"No, and you won't tell him either." I sank my head into the water again and watched as the suds dispersed through the water around me. I could vaguely hear Dai scold me from above the water. When I came back he gave me a look.
"Kaoru...You got soap in the water..."
I sighed, watching the little bubbles collapse into the liquid they were floating on. It wasn't that he cared, even though it was more or less a house rule to wash outside the bath, but...it wasn't like me to neglect a rule of the house. "I doesn't matter." I said. "I'm too tired to care."

A sharp, implicating glance was sent my way as a last word, but he didn't press me any further.

"Well...What are you going to do about the yokai? Are you going to leave him in there all night?" Dai prodded.
"I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. It was a whim to let him stay as it was...What do you think I should do?"

He scratched his nose. "I'm thinking you should talk to him. Who knows, he might know something about all that mess in Aomori. You said it was Kozi that supposedly caused all of it, maybe he knows why."
"And if he doesn't it will just be a waste of time...even if he did he probably wouldn't tell me."

Dai rolled his eyes. "What on earth did you do with that optimistic spirit of yours? Vomit it up with the rest of your innards on that poor bush in the courtyard?"
I made it a point to glare at him.
"Seriously, Kaoru...you are the only person in Kyoto that could raise a family of vagrants into nobility by will alone. If anyone can get what they want it's you. He will tell you."

Will...alone? I wanted to roll my eyes at him but I felt that the gesture would be entirely ineffectual. Instead I went quiet again and closed my eyes. Dai took it as an offensive strike against him.

Smiling cynically, he clapped his hands together as if he had thought of something and announced, "Fine. I'll go talk to him then, since you're being so pig-headed."
Before he could make it out of the water I had lunged at him and caught him by the foot, jerking him—none too gently—back in the water. "I'll do it!" I growled. "And I don't want you going in there to make trouble either."
"Me? Make trouble?" he smirked. "I wouldn't dare."

TBC
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May All Be Pain or Love