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I'm Not Gay	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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|| Tom’s POV ||

Two weeks in here really haven’t been as bad as I thought they would be. There was a daily routine. I was sent here because I didn’t eat. That was a no brainer. And that’s all anyone wanted to talk about, the stupid counselors here. They really are as dense as I thought they would be.

”Why did you stop eating, Tom?”

“I do eat.” I told Dr. Pasic with no lie in my voice.

“You know what I mean…” She said with an unsure tone in her voice.

“You mean why do I throw up anything and everything I put into my body?” I asked with a raised brow. I was cocky, strait to the point. They wanted to talk about bulimia; I didn’t want to talk about anything. But she just nodded, so I shrugged and answered what she wanted to hear, “A girl.” I told her. It was a lie, but she seemed to accept it. “I was in love with her and she broke my heart.” Isn’t that what everyone was here because of? Someone fucked them over? Well, someone did fuck me over, but it wasn’t a girl, and it wasn’t why I throw up.

“A lot of people get hurt everyday, Tom. It’s not a reason to hurt yourself like this.” She told me, her voice was soft and caring. I wanted to gag. I was already on level one; I got that far for eating the food they brought me without a fight. They were idiots to let me go to the bathroom alone. Pasic told me if I made a breakthrough today I could be put on level two. Only reason I wanted that far was so I could do something other then sit in my damn room.

“Yes, I am aware. I don’t know what came over me then. I was so hurt.” Me, hurt by a girl? Come on, these people are so easy. I’ve hurt girls more times then I could count. She looked at me to continue, so I did. “She wasn’t the first girl to reject me,” I frowned, it was fake, she couldn’t tell, “But the first one I remember who did.”

“You mean you’re birth mother?”

I nodded, I could play her game so much better then she could. “I strived to be the best for girls after that. I have to be the best for any girl.” I heard a laughter form the hallway. Pasic ignored it, so did I, “I want to get better… I don’t like how I am.” More lies. So simple to lie about this. I don’t want better and I don’t want out of here.

But level two I was granted. And then I met her. Riley Jane James, the girl who had laughed, the girl who saw threw my lies when no one else could. I liked her. Not that way, but she was different.

“Tooom!” I heard her call my name like a child and I wanted to gag. But that was Riley for you. Hyper active when she was on the drugs. She fools them as much as I do. Idiot, I swear she is. Well, they are. Riley is here because she OD’d on a mixture of Oxycotton, Valium, and Norco. She was almost out, until she OD’d again and got sent right back to level zero. She was a level two now, like me. And she is still getting away with the drugs.

“Riley.” I said in an annoyed tone as she hoped on the couch of the rec room with me. She just smiled her too bright smile and laid her head on my shoulder, “How’d the meeting with your Nana-dearest go?” I asked her, laying my head on the couch behind me. Saturday. Visiting day. Hailey and Urie have tried seeing me twice. I refused both times. They told me I couldn’t go up another level until I had a ‘successful’ meeting with my family. Gag. Me.

“Nana is good. She want’s me to come home. I let her give me a hug, she slipped the oxy into my pocket.” She laughed. I laughed with her. Drugie Riley strikes again. She’s a runaway. From the states none the less. ‘Nana’ is no more then her friend who always got her the shit. “So, Tom, I was thinking, we need to get out of here.”

“So, Riley, I was thinking. We’re not sneaking out. I’ve told you that.” I rolled my eyes. Besides, sneaking out to what? A life I would much rather not go back too? A life where my brother haunts me completely. Where I’m in love with him. Where my best friends and I get drunk and screw some chick nightly. Noooo thank you. “Besides, I don’t wanna go home.”

“Not sneaking out, you dumbass.” She rolled her eyes at me, “I mean, actually get out of here. Get to level five and be free from this place.” She smiled and sat up, curling her feet under her, “I told Nana about you. She’s agreed to let both of us live with her until we’re old enough to get jobs and shit and move out on our own.” She gave me that smirk I knew so well. Riley happened to know everything. About Bill. About my love for him. She was the only person I can talk to really. And she was more like an older sister; after all, she was two years older then me. “Okay, you’re old enough. I’ll be old enough soon. But, when we’re on our feet. You can meet some pretty girl who looks like Bi-”

“Riley! Shut up!” I hissed, pressing my hand over her mouth and looking around the room. No one was in here but us, thank god. God, her mouth is to damn big. I need to find some thread and a needle and sew it shut. The idiot is gonna get me killed. She opened her mouth and licked my hand; I growled and scowled at her, wiping her saliva on her pant leg. “Gross.” I hissed, “But think about this Riley, to even get up a level, I have to meet with my family. And I’m not willing to do that.”

“Oh yeah!” She smiled and got up, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet with ease, “I was sent to come get you. They know you trust me,” She flashed me her grin again and I groaned, “Someone is here to see you. You’re going to see them. You’re going to get up a level. And we’re going to get out of here. Understood?”

“No…” I growled, trying to pull out of her grasp as she pulled me from the rec room and towards the visiting rooms. I was going to murder her! I’ll make her OD I her sleep damnit! It’ll look like a complete suicide. “I’m not seeing anyone!”

“You’re seeing Bill.” She grinned. I froze and she pushed me easily threw the door and I was face to face with the whole reason I agreed to come in here. Both of them to be honest. Bill and Andreas stood in front of me. Bill smiled wide and Andreas just stood in the corner with his arms crossed.

“Tomi…” The name slipped threw the faerie’s lips as he ran over to me, wrapping his arms around me so tightly I thought I would break in half. I didn’t curse at him for the name, only because I couldn’t breathe with how tight of a grasp he had on me. “Oh god, I’ve missed you so much.” He cried into my chest, my arms went around him and I chewed on my lip. He needed to stop this in front of his boyfriend, he would get suspicious.

“Hey Bill…” I said so softly it could only be heard by him. I wouldn’t talk any louder then this with him in the room. My fingers ran down his back some and I felt him loosen his grip on me some, thank god since I really couldn’t breathe anymore. Though Andreas shifted unsure on his feet, I wasn’t surprised; the glare I was giving him could melt steel. “What are you doing here? Why is he here too?”

Bill looked up at me, pulling my hand and dragging me to sit on the small couch in the room with him. “I had to come see you, Tom…” He said softly, not letting go of my hand even after we sat down. “I miss you so much, and Andreas, he drove me here.” He flashed the other a smile and I rolled my eyes, “He is my best friend… you have to like him.”

“I do not.” I hissed, my brown eyes glaring more then just daggers into my twins. “I do not have to like him just because you’re in love with him, Bill. I don’t have to like him for anything.” My voice was cold, cruel, and I could tell the tone was hurting Bill. Bt I didn’t care. The whole reason I was here was to get over him. Riley said she was going to help me with that. And what does she do? Push me in a room with the faerie boy himself! And the damn boy he took him away from me. I swear to god, Riley has a death wish.

“I don’t love Andi that way, Tom.” He said softly, leaning his forehead against mine which left me completely confused. He pulled himself closer to me and I tried to pull away, but they had me pretty heavily drugged up here on Prozac to help keep me calm, They learned the hard way what I temper I have, and I wasn’t strong from my lack of food, so Bill easily kept me close to him. “I love you that way, Tom. I always will, and Andreas know that.”

The shock of Bill’s admission was enough to give me the strength to pull away from him, standing up with quick movements and just barely stopping myself from attacking my brother. “You told him! Bill what the hell is your problem?!” I screamed at my twin, who took my yelling as nothing, which just pissed me off even more. “What happened to no one was ever gonna find out, huh? What did you think this would do to me, Bill?” I cried, wanting to shake him.

“He just knows, Tom.” Bill said calmly, closing his eyes s he didn’t have to look at my rage. “I didn’t tell him anything. He figured it out on his own. People who are close to us are more inquisitive then you would think.” His words clamed me some, but not much. And since Andreas was still right there, I couldn’t be too calm. “You haven’t told anyone? Even locked up here where they are not allowed to tell.”

I froze, I hadn’t told anyone. Not a soul. She guessed it. Just like Andreas supposedly did with Bill. So I calmed back down and sat across from my brother, “So some people aren’t as stupid as I would like them to be.” I admitted, “But no damn counselor knows a thing.” I said, and then frowned.

Bill’s smirk made me do that. “Who found out, Tomi?” He asked me and I shot him a glare, repeating the words he so often heard and he just shrugged a shoulder. I didn’t know what to say? Tell the truth about the girl (who was still going to die) or just lie and tell him I have no idea what he’s talking about.

The first one. But I told him Andreas had to leave first, and Bill agreed, Andreas nodded, giving Bill a quick hug before patting my shoulder and walking out of the room. I heard him talking with Riley the second he walked out and I groaned. No point in lying now. Riley’s mouth was too big and Andreas would of course tell Bill what she says.

So I spilled everything to my twin just then. About my lies to the people here. About Riley and her plans for us to sneak out, which I always denied. About her plan once we both get out of here. About why I really wanted to come here. Because of him, because he was in love with Andreas. This in turn led to the ultimate thing I was trying my damnedest to deny.

About how I had fallen in love with him.
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- 15
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