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Without You I'm Nothing (Chapter 39 up now!)	By : urbanephoenix Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Placebo Views: 5829 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction! I do not know any members of Placebo or their families, and I do not profit from these writings.

Chapter List
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In response to a comment I got on here; ML- your comment made me literally lol XD
See, comments brighten the day of an overworked, underappreciated uni student =p

A/N: Just thought I'd say this again since I think I last mentioned it in chapter 1. This story takes place at the end of 1992 when Brian is 19 turning 20 and Stef is 18. Yes, I realise Brian is too old to still be in high school but I wanted to try and keep the year correct. Also, I'm not sure how schools around the world work, but from what I understand UK school years start in September.
Also, I realise that Stef and Brian didn't go to the same high school. Just thought I'd point all that out. This is fiction, afterall =)
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STEFAN.

Stef had never felt like this before, not even abut Brian. Courtney was completely different from anyone he’d encountered before. “I’m surprised I’m your type.” He smiled, arms around the smaller man’s waist.

“Why’s that?”

“You know,” Stef shrugged. “You’re a scientist, I haven’t even finished high school. You’re some… gorgeous, smart, funny guy and I’m… boring.”

Courtney smiled, brushing aside the blonde’s hair to look him in the eye. “You’re not boring. I don’t care how old you are or what you do, I just… enjoy your company.”

“Really?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

Stef took a sip of coffee. “Well… in the past I think I’ve just been… kinda used. I dunno, I’m kind of, self defeating in a way. I attract the wrong crowd.”

Courtney laughed. “Am I the wrong crowd?” he asked, seeing the shocked look n Stefan’s face. “No, I know what you mean. But don’t worry, nothing could beat my ex. He was a piece of work.”

“How?”

“Come in here, it’s more comfortable. I don’t actually have a sofa.” The red head told him, leading the way into his modest, yet extremely well organized bedroom.

“Don’t worry,” he smiled. “I won’t try anything.”

Laying down on the bed, Stefan looked up at the ceiling. More photos, paintings, sketches. This apartment was like a giant scrapbook. It was beautiful. “So, what was wrong with your ex?”

“Get this,” Courtney lay down beside him. “everything was fine for about… two weeks or so. Then I started thinking he was avoiding me. I went over to his place one afternoon, opened the door and saw him with another guy. Prick. Turns out he’d been fucking all sorts right from the beginning. He only wanted to be in a ‘relationship’ with me for the sex and to help him set up a drug lab.” Courtney chucked. “I don’t think he really understood what kind of science I was studying back in those days.”

Stefan frowned, thinking this through. “What was his name?”

“Mike. Absolutely gorgeous, but bad news.”

“Michael?” Stef’s eyes widened. “Tall, blonde, blue eyes? Dragon tattoo?”

Courtney sat up, alarmed. “You KNOW him?”

Oh shit.

BRIAN.

It was almost eleven thirty and Michael still hadn’t called. Brian picked up the phone and dialed. Ringing, ringing, ringing. Goddamnit pick up! Eventually,

“Yep?”

“Hey, Michael.” Brian said, relieved.

“Oh Bri, sorry I didn’t call you I was uh… distracted.”

“With what?”

“Oh,” Michael paused. “you know. Business stuff. What’s up, gorgeous?”

“Stef is being a bastard,” the black haired boy broke down, letting out the tears he’d been holding in all day. “he said some really horrible things about you.”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to fuck him behind my back.”

Seconds went by with no response. Brian frowned.

“Michael?”

“Yeah babe, sorry. That’s just… unbelievable. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you!”

“That’s what I said! I think he’s just jealous.” Brian spat.

“Who wouldn’t be?”

“Thanks honey. I’m sorry about coming by earlier, I was just… confused.”

“Hey don’t worry about it. Look, hon sorry I’ve got to run but I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?”

“Ye- oh wait… no sorry, I have to go to fucking Stef’s place to do homework. Sunday?” Brian groaned.

“Na can’t do Sunday. Look, I’ll call you Monday. Bye.”

The phone clicked and a dial tone rang out in the small boy’s ear. He didn’t feel as good as he’d expected. Michael usually had heaps of time for him, why not today? Or Sunday? Sadly pulling on his pajamas, Brian snuggled up in bed, tears still trickling down his face.

STEFAN.

Stef woke the next morning feeling amazing. Rolling over he almost ended up on top of Courtney, still sleeping beside him. He looked so peaceful, red hair prayed across his face.

Getting up, he made his way to the kitchen, looking for… anything… to make for breakfast. It was way too organized for his liking.

“Morning,” yawned a voice from across the room.

“I didn’t wake you up did I?” Stef asked, worried.

“Yeah, but I’m not complaining.” Courtney smiled, kissing the blonde on the cheek.

Stef smiled. He’d finally found some bread.

“So, how do you know Michael? You were very clever getting out of answering last night, but I want to know.” The red head teased, plugging in the toaster. “You didn’t fuck him did you?”

“He’s… he’s my best friend’s boyfriend.” Since when was Brian his best friend? Were they even friends anymore?

“That doesn’t answer the second question.”

“Well, I didn’t fuck HIM but…” Stef replied awkwardly.

Courtney laughed. “Oooh I see.”

“Ha, not even close. No he, my friend and I all… kinda…”

“Oh you sly dog you. I mean, tough luck with Mike but is your friend at least decent?”

Stef sighed. “He’s in denial. Michael propositioned me the other day. I told Brian, and he blew up at me.”

“Poor guy. Hopefully he won’t find out how I did.”

The toast popped up, interrupting the silence. Stef knew Courtney was right, but did he really want to risk upsetting Brian again? They still had four more weeks of their music project to go. Hang on… “What time is it?!”

“Bit after ten.” Courtney replied, opening the newspaper.

Shit, he would be late. “Gotta go!” he yelled out, grabbing some toast and running for the door.

“Wh- where are you going?” the older boy ran after him.

“School thing, with Brian. I need to be home before he gets there!”

Courtney’s face dropped. “When do I get to see you again?”

Stef smiled, it was nice being wanted. “I’ll give you a call tonight, ok?” Kissing the pierced boy hard, Stefan didn’t want to leave. It just made him feel so… no, he had to go.

BRIAN.

Clutching his guitar by the neck, Brian rang Stefan’s doorbell. Nothing. Jesus, was everyone ignoring him now? After waiting a little longer, a tall, large man with a beard answered the door. “Yeah?”

“Uh, I’m Brian. Is Stef home?”

Mr. Olsdal grunted. “No, he’s at some boy’s house.”

He’s where? Fucking Stef, the least he could do was show up at his OWN house!

“Hey Brian!” came a voice from behind him. “Sorry I’m late. Lost track of time.” Stef grinned. “Let’s go.”

Pushing past Stef’s father, the pair made their way up the stairs. Brian was surprised with how messy the blonde’s bedroom was. Unlike his, clothes were strewn all over the place, the bed unmade, his desk scattered with pieces with paper. He did, however, like the Labyrinth poster above his bed. “You couldn’t have cleaned up first?” he smiled.

“Well… I had planned to but I didn’t come home last night and… yeah…” Stef blushed.

Brian looked around the room for somewhere to sit, brushing some clothes aside on the bed. “So it went well with… whatsisname?”

“Courtney, and yes it did. Turns out he knows Michael, actually.”

“Small world.” Brian muttered, looking down at his feet.

“Yeah, about that, Brian. He knows him very well. They were an item a few years ago…” Stefan explained.

“Where are you going with this?” The black haired boy looked up, suspicious. He didn’t want to hear more of Stef’s bullshit.

“Well they were together… and then Courtney caught Michael with another guy, and found out it’d been going on the whole time they were together. Mike isn’t a good person.”

“Fuck you, Stefan.” Brian spat. Seriously, where did he get off saying crap like that? “Fuck you!”

“Why would I make this up? I don’t want you to get hurt!”

Brian threw his head back and laughed, standing up to tower over the blonde who was still sitting on the bed. “YOU don’t want ME to get hurt? You who hurt me worse than anyone else has? Bit late to start caring now, Stef.”

“What? I thought we were over all that.” Stef stood up, but Brian wasn’t going to back down.

“NO! YOU are over that! I tried to just forget because I thought it would be easier, but I’m not going to forget. Ever!” he took a step towards Stefan, who, for the first time since Brian had known him, looked scared. “You always think you’re taking the higher ground, like you’re some great person for being above it all, but you know what? You’re afraid and jealous. Afraid of what everybody else in the fucking world thinks, jealous of those who AREN’T afraid! And you know what? I’m not afraid! Not of you, not of anybody, especially not Michael. So you know what, Stef? FUCK! YOU!” Brian was burning up. Everything he’d wanted to say for the past twenty four hours spilled out of him at the top of his lungs. “You are not a victim. You are the problem! And you know what? I’m not a victim either!”

Brian felt suffocated; he had to leave before he said anything else, or did something he regretted. Leaving his guitar, he picked up his jacket and headed for the door. “FUCK! YOU!” he yelled, and slammed the door.

STEFAN.

What had just happened? Stef was shaking. He knew Brian didn’t want to hear Michael was a serial cheater, but the blonde had figured hearing it from him was better than finding out like Courtney did. Plus, once again, they hadn’t done any work. Stefan sighed, slumping back onto the bed, looking down at Brian’s tatted guitar lying on the floor. He needed to get out of the house.

***

Stef didn’t know where he was going, but walking through town surrounded by so many happy people just made him depressed. Looking up at a street sign, he realized he wasn’t far from Michael’s place. He knew he shouldn’t, but it couldn’t hurt just to see if he was home? Maybe if Stef caught him in the act it’d make Brian believe him. It was a risk he was willing to take.

Turning the corner and climbing the stairs to Michael’s apartment block, Stefan held his breath. So many things could go so wrong, but it was worth it. He didn’t want Brian to get hurt. Not again. Creeping along the hallway, the blonde tried to remember what number Michael’s apartment was. Last time he’d been here he’d been off his face and not really paying attention. From down the corridor came blasting music, something psychedelic that Stef didn’t recognize, but he’d bet a large sum of money that was the door he was looking for. Slowly turning the doorknob he was relieved it was unlocked. Not too clever for a drug dealer, the thought.

The music grew louder as he stuck his head in the door. Nothing. Ever so carefully, Stef closed the door behind him, sneaking into the next room. Michael was sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by little zip lock bags full of powder, a pair of scales placed in front of him.

“What’s wrong with you?” Stef asked.

Michael jumped and spun around. “Fuck, Stefan! Where’d you come from? Scared the shit out of me.”

Stefan wasn’t interested in questions, he walked over to the table and grabbed the older boy by his shirt. “I said, what the FUCK is wrong with you?!” he yelled.

Michael just smiled, looking up at him with those huge blue eyes. “You need to chill out, Stef. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Are you fucking high or something? Stop screwing around with Brian.”

“Ahh, yes I heard that you’d been telling him things about me.” Michael wasn’t smiling anymore, he stood up and tugged free of Stef’s grasp. “I don’t like that, Stefan. Not at all.”

“I know your past. I know you cheated on Courtney, and probably countless others. Do Brian a favour, dump him, break his heart before you destroy it.”

Michael shrugged. “It’s no concern of yours who I may or may not sleep with. Unless of course, you’re interested?”

“See, you just don’t know where to stop!” Stef thought he might hit Michael if he didn’t shut up. A bad idea, considering he was sure it wouldn’t end well for him.

“No, I don’t. But guess what, Stef? Whether you want to be or not, you are at my mercy. To do with as I wish.”

Suddenly Stefan felt vulnerable. Michael was right. He was in his house, and much stronger than the younger boy was. “Look, I’m going,” his voice cracked. “just… leave Brian alone.”

“You think I’m just going to let you go?” Michael laughed cruelly. “I don’t think so.”

Stef felt a strong pain in his jaw as Michael punched him, knocking him back several feet. “What the fuck!?” he cried out, clutching his face. A few drops of blood dripped onto this hands.

“Don’t you fucking tell me what to do with MY things.” Michael growled, moving towards Stef until he was backed up against the wall.

“Back off.” Stefan muttered, sounding more confident than he felt.

“No, I always get what I want. And guess what I want right… now?”

Stef’s eyes widened. He was stuck. Idiot, why did you think this was a good idea? Michael gently rubbed his hand on the shorter boy’s cheek, making Stef flinch.

“Don’t touch me, you creep. I’m leaving.”

Michael sighed. “Fine, there’s the door.”

Stunned, Stefan, turned to go only to almost instantly feel a stabbing pain in the back of his head. As he fell, he saw Michael standing over him, golf club in hand. Where had he got that? Stef didn’t have time to think it over. He blacked out.

***

Stef opened his eyes, his head pounding. Trying to sit up, he realized he couldn’t move his arms or legs. He was tied up on his back in a dark, quiet room, naked. Where was he?

“Awake?” came a deep voice from… God knows where. Stef’s eyes had almost adjusted to the darkness, he could make out a tall figure standing at the end of the bed.

“W… what?” He muttered, lifting his head. He heard a loud crack, like a whip.

“You need to learn to mind your own business, my dear.” Michael croaked, now visible leaning over the bed. In his hand he held a large metal ruler, like Stefan had seen in the art rooms at school.

The long haired boy ran the corner of the sharp metal over Stef’s bare chest, making him cringe. It was cold and while it didn’t hurt, it was uncomfortable. Without warning, Michael brought the ruler up and smacked it, flat, on Stefan’s stomach making him cry out. It hurt far more than he had anticipated. He could feel his skin swell and pulse with the pain.

“You know,” Michael started. “I never thought I’d have any use for an art ruler of all things, but this is quite handy.” He held it up in the light, Stef could see little bits shining from the corner of his eye. He didn’t want to look.

SMACK! Down it came again, almost on the same spot as the first time. Gritting his teeth, Stef didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was in pain.

“W…why?”

“Because you just insist on pushing my buttons. I’d be infuriated were it not such a turn on.”

“Then why are you hitting me!?” Stef cried.

Michael ran a long finger over Stef’s stomach, tracing the red outline the ruler had made. “Why? Well… why not? Besides, someone needs to put you in your place. I’ve never thought pleasure and pain had to be mutually exclusive. And as luck would have it, I get the pleasure, and you get the pain.” He hissed.

SMACK! This time it hit Stef on his chest.

SMACK! His shoulder.

SMACK! His face.

SMACK! His thigh.

Stefan was having a hard time masking the pain. His body was shivering not only from the cold, but the terror. He didn’t know what Michael was going to do with him. He was afraid.

MICHAEL AND STEFAN.

Standing back to admire his handy work, Michael smiled. He had Stef just where he wanted him, weak and powerless. The sight of the terrified boy aroused him like nothing else. “Tell you what,” he said casually, leaning in closer. “I’m going to have a bit of fun with you.” SMACK! “A lot of fun, actually. And you’ll never tell a soul.”

“I won’t have to,” Stef cringed, eyes tight shut. “I’ll have marks to prove it, you arsehole.”

“No, actually you won’t.” SMACK! “See, these may hurt now, and boy do they look red, but they won’t last. Give it a few hours and they will have faded away completely.” Michael smiled wickedly, twirling the ruler in his hand. “Oh, except this.” With those three words, he brought the entire length of the edge of the weapon down across Stef’s body so hard it cut through his skin. He could feel it inside of him, tearing apart his flesh.

“Ahh FUCK!” Stefan yelled. He’d never felt anything like it. A cut spanning the width of his chest sliced open, and blood slowly trickled from the wound. “Fu… fu… fuck…” he murmured, gritting his teeth.

“That’s better. Now you’re ready.” Pulling off his clothes, Michael disposed of the bloody ruler and climbed onto the bed, leaning over Stef on his hands and knees.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” He grinned.

Much to his surprise, Stefan felt the ties around his ankles loosen and eventually come off. Taking the opportunity, he did his best to aim a kick at his captor’s head. Michael laughed “Oh come now, I do love a fighter!” holding the squirming legs apart, the larger boy placed himself between them as Stef looked up at him in horror.

He knew what was coming, but he was not prepared for the pain. With no preparation at all, Stef felt a tearing sensation ripple up his body as Michael forced himself inside, wasting no time in building up speed. Stefan couldn’t help it, he felt tears roll down his face, his chest stinging, and now his bottom half being ripped in half. Michael had destroyed him head to toe and the sick bastard was getting off on it.

“Stef,” Michael teased. “come on Stef, I want you to enjoy it too.” Grabbing hold of the younger boy’s flaccid cock, Michael began fisting it in time with his thrusts.
“I want to see you cum as I force myself upon you.”

Stefan was horrified. No, he wouldn’t let that happen, it was impossible, there was no way he could cu-. His body shuddered as Michael tugged on him harder, while forcing himself in deeper. No… no he wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. Ever few thrusts, something Michael did would mask the pain. Stef wasn’t sure which was worse. With tears flowing freely, Stefan fought it as best he could. He tried wriggling away, but where was he to go? It just made his attacker more excited.

“Yeah, fight me you bitch.” He laughed, slapping the thighs wrapped around his middle. He was determined to make Stefan cum, no matter what. Angling his thrusts up, he aimed for Stef’s sweet spot. Either he was good at masking the pleasure, or he was missing it.

“Agh!” Stefan groaned, half in pleasure, half in frustration. He saw a satisfied look on Michael’s face. Damnit. No, he just had to wait it out until he was done. He could do it. “Agh!” Again, no, no this wasn’t happening. Michael had started tugging on his cock harder now as well as rubbing his balls gently. In any other situation Stef would have been relishing the attention and probably already reached his climax, but he wouldn’t let that happen. He focused on the pain.

“Oh no you don’t.” Michael threatened, noticing his captive trying to block everything out. He couldn’t have that. Without missing a beat, he quickly moved his hand up Stef’s chest, covering it in his blood, before returning to jacking him off. Now, moist, his hand moved far easier and the pleasure would be harder to ignore.

Stef had thought it couldn’t get any worse. The sick fuck was actually using HIS own blood to… what the fuck? He hated himself for thinking it, even for a second, but it almost felt… good.

“Try and ignore that, lover boy.” The long haired boy croaked. He forced himself inside harder and harder, making sure to keep hitting that special spot, the spot that reduced all his victims to a quivering mess.

Stef arched his back trying to pull back from the pleasure. No, no he couldn’t. Michael was rubbing him harder and fucking him faster. Fuck he knew what he was doing. His face now soaked in tears, Stefan made one last effort to hold back, no don’t give him that satisfaction! Don’t!

It was too late. Much to his horror and disgust, Stef came all over Michael’s blood-stained hand, which he quickly licked up. “Mm you taste good.” He laughed, still fucking him hard.

Stefan hated himself. Fuck he couldn’t control his body even after all that’d happened! Goddamnit. Seconds later, Michael came into him hard, hot cum racing through Stef’s behind. He hardly noticed.

Getting off his victim, Michael made his way to the ensuite. Stef heard the shower running.

STEFAN.

He had been completely violated. His entire body hurt. He was a mess. After what felt like forever, Stef heard Michael get out of the shower but the water was still running. Returning to the bedroom, he untied the smaller boy and dragged him under the showerhead, rinsing the tears, blood and cum from his body. Stefan couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move of his own free will, let alone get away.

Michael stood there in silence, making sure his victim was clean before dragging him back out and drying him off. Not a word was spoken as the taller boy ordered Stef back in his clothing and lead him to the front door. “Nobody will ever hear about this, will they?”

Stefan shook his head, still unable to speak.

Michael smiled. “Good. Nobody would believe you anyway. Besides, if you DO tell anyone, well... Brian might just be next. Now get the fuck out, I never want to see you here again!”

Stef stood in the corridor for a moment, stunned, unable to move. He heard Michael’s voice from behind the door, presumably on the phone. “Hey Bri, yeah I missed you today too, baby! Come over tonight, yeah?”

Feeling even more sick to his stomach, the blonde dragged himself out of the building. Blood was staining through his blue shirt, he’d have to go to hospital.

***

Trying to hide his injury, Stef made it to a public phone, praying he could remember Courtney’s number. He hated to bother him with this, but he couldn’t call anyone else. The phone rang and a woman answered. Wrong number. He tried again. Wrong number. Third time lucky.

“Y’ello?”

“C…Cour…tney?” Stef stammered.

“Stef? Is that you? Are you ok?”

“N.. I need… to…”

“Where are you?” Courtney asked urgently.

“Corner of… Br..own street and umm.. T..T…” Stef was losing a lot of blood. The cut must have been deeper than he originally realized.

“Brown and what, Stef? Tell me!”

“T..Tower road.” He almost couldn’t stand, resting his entire body weight on the side of the phone box, the phone slipping from the blonde’s grasp.

“Stay there! I’m coming to get you! Are you hurt?”

“B…lood… blood…” Stef could feel himself slipping out of consciousness, his head feeling heavy.

“I’m coming!” the red head yelled, and slammed down the phone.

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A/N: Thoughts?
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Without You I'm Nothing (Chapter 39 up now!)