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Captivation	By : Rina76 Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 6307 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not know Bill or Tom Kaulitz or any members of Tokio Hotel and this story is a complete work of fiction; it is all made up and not true. I am not making any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
With Bill sitting in my lap, I begin telling him the story of how I fell in love with my brother, or rather, how we took our already-deep love one step further.

“Keiichi – or ‘Kei’ as I called him for short – he and I used to be like you and Tom,” I tell Bill. “We did the whole playing in the bath thing when we were little. We also used to take our pants off and chase each other nude around the bedroom, giggling and poking at each other’s rude bits, but when mom caught us a couple of times, we stopped doing it. When we reached puberty, we compared hair growth down there and measured each other’s dicks side by side, just to make sure one of us wasn’t bigger than the other, but the only actual sexual experiences I shared with my brother consisted of occasionally listening to him masturbate in the bed next to mine. I could hear his breathing and the sound of his hand, the rustling of the sheet. He must have known I was awake but he didn’t seem to care. Maybe he liked having me listen. Quite often, I’d touch myself too as he was doing it, blushing in the dark. It both shamed and excited me. I could always tell by the sounds he made when he was about to come and we’d usually finish up at the same time, trying not to be too loud. Then we’d both roll over and go to sleep.”
I look to Bill. “You ever heard Tom doing it?”
He flushes guiltily. Of course he has. I bet he got turned on as he listened, too.
“You don’t have to answer that,” I offer, saving him the embarrassment. “My brother and I never talked about it either. It was just something that occurred late at night, just a way to release our teenage hormones. Sometimes I fantasised about doing more than that, such as Kei climbing into my bed and jerking me off, or having him turn me over onto my belly and rub against my ass. Sometimes I would put a finger inside myself and imagine it was him. For all I knew he could have been thinking the very same thing but it didn’t happen. Our mother’s scolding words echoed in our ears so we never dared to go there. But it didn’t matter. We were still perfectly content and close enough already. The real story started as we were walking home from school one day. Keiichi and I took a short cut through a vacant block and I scratched my leg on a rusty fence. I ended up getting Septicaemia from it.”
Bill stares at me blankly, not understanding what that is.
“It’s where dangerous bacteria enter the bloodstream. Basically, it’s known as blood poisoning,” I simplify the condition for Bill. “In my case the infection spread from the wound in my leg and I became extremely ill. Kei was the one who first sensed something wrong with me. He wanted me to go to the doctor and have it checked out but I thought it was just a scratch. Two days later, I started feeling dazed and confused and had a very high temperature, as well as chills and vomiting. I was rushed to hospital and treated with strong doses of antibiotics but I began to suffer from seizures and my condition was worsening by the minute. Eventually, I had to get the infected portion of my leg surgically removed or I would have died. Here, I’ll show you.”
Reaching down and rolling up my pants leg, I reveal a large, indented strip of scar tissue on my left calf, about the size of a bacon-rasher. Bill’s eyes widen as he sees it.
“I’m lucky I didn’t lose my whole leg,” I muse, gazing down at the pale, mottled flesh.
“Does it still hurt?”
Shaking my head, I roll my pants back down. “Once the source of the poisoning was gone, I slowly started to improve although it still took me a long time to recover. I was kept in the intensive care unit for a couple of months. As my immune system was weakened, I couldn’t have any visitors in case I caught another infection. That meant I couldn’t see my brother. We’d never been separated before and it was really tough not seeing him or being able to speak to him face to face. We normally did everything together and suddenly I was all by myself.”
My heart twists at the memory of my fifteen year old self lying alone in a hospital bed, feeling utterly lost and incomplete without my best friend and soul mate by my side.
“Even though he wasn’t there, I could sense that Kei missed me badly as well, that he felt the same deep hollow longing that I did. I could sense when he was sad or crying and it made me cry too. At night I dreamed of him, of being back in our room together. He sent me letters and called every day but it wasn’t the same as being with him in person. Sometimes we wouldn’t even talk on the phone, just listen to each other breathe. We knew what we wanted to say without even saying it. I always burst into tears when he hung up. Being apart from Keiichi hurt so much worse than the illness ever did.”
“I know how you feel,” Bill quietly volunteers, touching my arm. “I felt the same way when I was in hospital having surgery on my throat. I was only apart from Tom for a couple of days but it still seemed like forever to me.”
“Then you understand how difficult it can be, being separated from your twin as well as being sick. It was a horrible time for me,” I acknowledge. “I was very weak and depressed and could have easily given up but I forced myself to get better. I was determined to get well, go home and be with my brother again. It was all I thought about. I got out of bed and exercised my leg, made it strong enough to stand on. I stretched the scar tissue and massaged the surrounding area to keep it flexible. I practised some of my martial arts training to build the calf muscle back again, feeling as though Kei was there doing it with me, sharing his strength with me and taking half of my pain. Finally, the skin healed over, I could walk unaided and was well enough to be discharged.”
A smile touches my lips as I recall the uplifting sight of my family arriving to take me home. My father worked long hours as the chief executive of an energy-supply corporation and was often away on business trips but he had taken special time off work to pick me up in a limousine. He wasn’t a very emotional man, at least not outwardly, but I could see the relief evident in his eyes and knew that he was glad I was okay. Of course, my mother was there too, her wavy blonde hair looking like a field of yellow buttercups, a tear-filled beam of happiness on her face. But then I saw my brother following them…
“When Keiichi walked into the room it was like the sun had suddenly shone upon me,” I explain to Bill. “Like I’d been living in an overcast fog for weeks and the clouds had lifted at last. I’d never felt so warm and happy to be alive. We had the longest hug and then held hands all the way home in the limo, something we hadn’t done for quite a few years but it felt natural to do it again, as though we never should’ve stopped. My mother kept turning around to look at us, overjoyed to have both her sons back again. There was a festive family dinner when we returned, to welcome me home. I could tell Kei was impatient for us to be alone but we had to wait until we’d finished dessert and taken our baths and been sent to our bedroom. We had our own beds but still shared a room.”
“Tom and me still do that too,” Bill interjects. “We keep our door shut, though. We don’t want people to look in our room and know that we sleep beside each other because they might think we were babies.”
He looks a little embarrassed by their dependency.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Bill. You’re identical twins. You’re allowed to sleep in the same room if you want. Even in the same bed. Anyway, who cares what people think?”
“I care. I prefer our personal lives to stay private and so does Tom.” The singer lifts his chin in a stubborn manner, very much like his older brother’s. “I know we’re famous but we don’t want everyone knowing every little detail about us.”
I nod in agreement. “You’re right. There are definitely some things you should keep to yourselves. I mean, what I’m telling you now is something I haven’t told anyone else before. Not even my own parents know what my brother and I did that night.”
This is where Bill’s interest grows keener, the young musician’s eyes fixing raptly on mine, his fingers playing with the opened buttons on my shirt. “What did you do?”
“Everything we’d been told not to,” I reply unapologetically. “As soon as all the lights in the house had been turned off, Keiichi crept onto my mattress and under the covers. We had missed each other so much when I was sick that we couldn’t stand to be apart any longer, even if it was only by the space between our beds. At first we linked fingers and talked. I let him touch my scar. He said that he felt my pain, while I was in hospital. He felt it in the exact same spot in his own leg. He also said that he dreamed about me. He told me how many nights he’d lain here in this room, alone and crying, wishing I was home with him. I told him that I was home now and I wouldn’t leave him again. We hugged and that’s when everything began to change.”
I tell Bill in simple terms how it felt for both of us to be together in that bed. I remember that night so well and all the feelings that coursed throughout my body, urgent and demanding and strong. Hugging wasn’t enough. We felt as though we needed to get closer so Kei and I took our pyjama tops off so we could lie skin to skin, feeling the thudding heartbeats beneath our ribs and soaking up each other’s warmth. But it still wasn’t enough. We slipped out of our bottoms so we could be completely naked, with nothing between us, nothing at all to separate us. Entangling our legs together, we started stroking each other’s chests and bellies, as if reassuring ourselves that we were both real and that this wasn’t a dream. We nuzzled like a pair of cats, rubbing our noses and cheeks together, smelling each other’s hair. Soon, we were pressing soft kisses onto each other’s throats and faces, having so much pent-up affection to give and no other way of expressing it. When our lips finally met for the first time, it didn’t feel anything other than natural and right.
As his tongue touched mine, it felt as though he’d reached into my chest and squeezed my glistening, beating heart with his bare hand. I sank my fingers into his hair and didn’t let him go. My mouth melted into his, my bones into his, my flesh into his. Kissing each other was electrifying but we wanted more. We craved more. It was like my brother and I couldn’t get close enough to satisfy our hunger and even when we ground our hips together – his pulsing hardness against mine – it still didn’t satisfy us. I longed to have Keiichi inside of me, to fill the aching emptiness that our separation had caused and I knew he yearned for the same thing. So, I parted my legs under him and silently gave him permission. We were nervous and scared, mainly because we didn’t want our parents to catch us. They’d think it was wrong but we didn’t believe that at all. We both wanted it and knew it was what we needed to make us whole again. We knew all this without even speaking a word. Though we were still virgins and had never done anything like it before, we were teenage boys and thus had a vague idea of how the whole process was supposed to work and what went where. Somehow, with a lot of fumbling and prodding and a bit of spit, we made it happen and he pushed into me. It hurt to begin with but it was nothing compared to the pain of being kept away from each other for weeks on end so we kept going and didn’t stop.
Once Keiichi was fully in, he paused for a minute. He asked if I was okay; I said yes. As we were lying there trying to get used to this strange new sensation, the world shifted and suddenly everything was right and perfect, the way it should be. We were one. We were complete. I found myself sobbing at the inexpressible emotion I felt at that moment so Kei covered my mouth to keep me quiet. He thought that if our parents heard me crying, they might misinterpret what we were doing, that they might think he was hurting me and break us apart and we couldn’t bear that a second time. I nodded to show that I understood and then he took his hand away and kissed me. Whispering soothingly against my lips, he rolled us both over so I was on top of him, wrapped his arms around me tight and rocked us both together, slow at first, and then faster and faster, until our hearts pounded in unison and the sweet, unbearable ecstasy of our joining exploded through our souls and left us shivering and shaken in our bed. I cried again. There were tears on Keiichi’s face too so I knew he was feeling exactly what I was feeling. It wasn’t just sex – it was love.
“That’s when we knew it would never be like this with anyone else, that nobody could ever make us feel this way except each other,” I tell Bill softly, my heart still aching for what I’ll never experience again. “I think we’d always known that, even back when we touched our own bodies in the dark, in our separate beds. We weren’t just touching ourselves like other boys. We had been preparing for that night - for the moment we became lovers. Bonded by blood and by love. It was destined to be, from the day we were born.”
Bill is gazing at me with wonder in his eyes, amazed that mere fifteen year old high-schoolers knew that their destiny was to be together. He’s astounded that we accepted it so wholeheartedly without any of the struggling and resistance that he’s seeing from Tom. I think he’s even envious that our first time happened so naturally for us while he’s still trying to get a simple kiss out of his brother and not having any luck with it whatsoever.
“And you didn’t regret doing it?” he asks me.
“Not for one second. Kei and I got together almost every night, experimenting and exploring, trying new things and getting to know each other’s bodies, inside and out. It didn’t matter which of us did what – we just loved making each other feel good and creating this private pleasure that nobody else knew about. It was exciting, keeping this secret of ours. Sometimes we’d stay up until three in the morning playing around but we’d always go back to our own beds by daybreak. We just knew that our parents wouldn’t understand, let alone anybody else, so we had to remain very careful and quiet.”
I recall the spine-tingling feeling of hearing a noise in the darkened house, always on edge that mom or dad or the maid would open our door and catch us. Somehow though, the constant fear of being caught only made our nightly encounters more thrilling.
“As we grew older Keiichi and I dated girls through high school and had sex with some of them but it was not the same. It always felt as though something vital was missing. Even when we both had girlfriends it was purely for show. We continually kept coming back together in our bedroom because it was only then that we were ever truly satisfied and fulfilled. When we graduated, moved out of home and got our own place, we’d sometimes have threesomes with people we found on the internet, guys or girls who were interested in twincest.”
“You did it in front of other people?” Bill exclaims with raised eyebrows, appalled at the idea of sharing such a private and socially-forbidden relationship with complete strangers.
“Yes. We did it for the thrill of having someone watch us as we touched and kissed. It felt liberating not to have to hide our feelings in front of others. The partners we picked were open-minded enough to accept what we were doing without judging. They just thought it was hot to see twins fucking.” I wryly smirk. “Although, some said our relationship was special and beautiful, which was like validation for us. We knew it was already but it was nice to hear it from other people, to know that they saw the true depth of our bond.”
“You are so brave,” my nineteen year old captive remarks. “I could never do that. I could never let anyone see me and Tom together in that way. I don’t even like people to see us hugging.”
“That’s because you’re celebrities. We weren’t,” I remind Bill. “It was easy to do it with strangers because they didn’t know us and there was no way that what we were doing would ever get back to our family or friends. It was just anonymous sex and afterwards, we never saw them again.” I give a careless shrug.
“Eventually, that novelty wore off and there were no more other people in our lives. We realised we didn’t need them. All we needed was each other and one night my brother and I made a vow to be completely faithful. From then until the day I lost him, Keiichi was my only lover and my only true love. He still is.”



“You haven’t slept with anybody else since he died?”

“Not a soul. In fact, the only sexual contact I’ve had with anybody in four years was with you, Bill, the other day. And that shouldn’t have even happened. It’s like I cheated on him,” I grit out, disappointed in myself.
“But you didn’t, not really,” Bill kindly tries to make me feel better. “You didn’t have sex with me or anything. It was just me doing stuff to you. Stuff that I wanted to do anyway.”
“You’re a sweet kid,” I murmur in appreciation, briefly cupping his cheek, “but I don’t deserve any excuses for what I did. Not just to you but to my brother’s memory. If I can’t be with Kei, then I shouldn’t be with anyone else. I shouldn’t WANT to be with anyone else. Nobody could ever make me feel the same way he did. Nobody could ever replace him in my life. Not ever!”
Bill is staring at me, awed by the passion in my voice. “It sounds like you guys were incredibly close.”
“Yes, we were, but it wasn’t always that way. Remember how I said that in every case of Genetic Sexual Attraction there must be an emotional trigger, like a reunion, divorce, or the passing of a family member?” I prompt my young prisoner. “Well, my illness was the trigger. It forced my brother and me apart – it separated us - and made us realise how much we really needed each other. When we were together again, everything between us felt so much more intense and powerful. If I hadn’t gotten ill, we probably never would have known how much closer and more connected we could be.”
“So, this GSA thing…it’s really real?”
“Absolutely,” is my confident answer to Bill. “I know because it happened to me. And it’s happening to you too. Mainly because of my actions, I admit. I know you’ve been sick and in hospital before but that wasn’t enough of a trigger for you guys. Only your voice was in danger of being lost, not your life. You two needed to feel the terrible threat of death breathing down your necks in order to change the way you thought about each other. Of course, I never intended to kill you at all, just scare you into realising what’s really important in your lives. By kidnapping you, Bill, I’ve triggered the emotions you and Tom normally keep buried within yourselves. By doing what I’ve done, I’ve helped them start to come out. Tom finally sees you in a different light than he did before.”
Bill’s impeccably-groomed eyebrows draw together in perplexity. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, down here I’m Tom’s biggest competitor. When I flirt with you, he hates it. He doesn’t want us to become romantically involved because he sees you as ‘his’ now. That you belong to him. And you like that a lot, don’t you?” I remark knowingly as Bill begins to blush. “You like it when Tom gets possessive over you. You like it when he looks at you the way he normally looks at girls. You want him to want you in that way.”
The accuracy of my statements makes Bill squirm uncomfortably in my lap. “Oh Gott. How can you tell all that about me?”
“I just can. And it’s perfectly okay for you to feel like that.” Smiling, I squeeze his thigh reassuringly. “You’ve had secret feelings for Tom before, wondered what it would be like to be intimate with him. You thought about this even before I brought you here, didn’t you?”
He glances down. “Sometimes. When me and Tom were younger, before we got famous, we used to meet up with girls that we knew from school and such. We would skip classes and spend the day kissing them and smoking cigarettes.”
“Did you like it? Kissing girls?”
Bill twitches a shoulder offhandedly. “Yeah. I guess.”
“But you never went any further than that?”
“No. Tom did, though. Sometimes I would watch him with a girl out of the corner of my eye. While he kissed them he would put his hand inside their top or up their skirt. I would get this strange sensation, right here.” The slim singer places his palm over the middle of his chest. “It would turn me on watching him but at the same time I hated it. One time Tom caught me looking and he grinned at me while he felt this girl up. I had to turn away. I was so angry and confused and I wasn’t even sure why.”
“It’s simple - you were jealous,” I deduce. “You wanted to feel what that girl was experiencing. You wanted Tom to touch you in that way, to give you the same pleasure. You felt that he should have been exploring such things with you because you were his twin and you should’ve shared everything together. Even the sex stuff.”
“I could never tell Tom that. I didn’t know what it was that I was feeling back then. I didn’t even know it had a name.”
“But you do now.” I lightly tap the tip of his nose. “And now Tom also knows what it is.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t like it. Or believe in it. He thinks it’s just incest and that it’s dirty.”
“Well, he’s wrong. The main difference between Genetic Sexual Attraction and other types of incest is that with GSA there’s a very deep level of love and caring involved, whereas with regular incest there is not. Other incestuous acts are about power, pain, perversion and domination, whereas GSA involves two consenting people agreeing to enter into a mutually loving and romantic relationship. They are both inexplicably drawn to each other and find their attraction almost impossible to resist. In effect, they fall passionately in love and want to be together all the time, just like any other couple. Except they happen to be related which only makes their feelings and sense of belonging and connection even deeper, particularly in the case of twins, who are already deeply connected. There’s something very comforting and calming about looking at a face that’s similar to your own and gazing into eyes that are just like yours. It’s like no matter where in the world you are, no matter what else is going on, you’re safe and ‘home’ when you’re with your twin. You know what I mean?”
Nodding slowly, Bill says, “Yeah, I do. Like when we’re touring all these different countries, places where we can’t even speak the language, and we’re staying in all these strange hotels…I find it hard to sleep or relax. But as soon as Tom is near me, I feel…” He searches for the right word. “Settled. I feel calm.”
“And you never feel this way with anyone else?”
“No. Nobody.”
I gaze at him for a short while. “Bill, can I ask a very personal question about your sexuality?”
“Okay,” he answers tentatively.
“Would you ever sleep with a girl?”
“I would, just to experience it and see what Tom’s always raving about. I do like girls very much but to tell the truth, I get a little scared around them.” He cringes bashfully.
“Well, no wonder, with how they’re always following you around like bloodhounds and screaming at you,” I comment dryly.
“Some I have met are very nice and don’t scream at me. I have had opportunities to sleep with them but I never did. I mean, giving your body to another person is a very big thing and I don’t want to give it away to just anyone, you know?” An uneasy expression fills Bill’s face and I can tell he has seriously considered what could happen if he slept with one of these girls. “You always remember that person for the rest of your life. And what if they’re not who you thought they were? What if you find out afterwards that they’re horrible and were just using you? What if they dump you and tell other people what you did in bed with them? I don’t want to remember that!”
I nod understandingly. “You shouldn’t have to. Losing your virginity is a monumental experience and should be shared with someone who can be trusted, someone who knows you as well as you know yourself and who’ll always be there for you. That’s why you’ve waited so long, isn’t it? You don’t trust anyone else with your body. Only Tom.”
He colours a bit. “Yes.”
This is the first time he’s admitted it out loud. Though it might cause him discomfort to confess such a personal thing, I think he’s also relieved to have it out there, in the open.
“I have always felt as though Tom and me are one person with two bodies. That we are separate yet the same. I don’t think anyone else understands how that feels.”
“You don’t have to explain it to me,” I assure him, knowing only too well what it means to be an identical twin. “When Tom ignores you in favour of women, it makes you feel sort of empty inside, as if you are losing part of yourself. But if your two bodies were to come together in a loving act, you will feel complete again.”
“That is what I am hoping. Then maybe after that, when I have learned some things and have some more confidence, then perhaps I could sleep with a girl. Maybe even have a relationship with one.” Bill’s voice turns contemplative. “I think I would like to have children one day. Even if I fell in love with a girl or got married, it still wouldn’t change how I felt about Tom. I’d still want to be very close to him and see him every day. Do you think that could be possible? To have two relationships? To love two people at once?”
“Oh, definitely. There are different types of love and sometimes we need things from different people. However, nothing can diminish the love you feel for your own twin. Your blood bonds you forever.”
Bill appears slightly troubled by this. “You think that’s all it is? Just blood? Just genetics? That’s why I am drawn to Tom so much – because we have the same cells and nothing more?”
“Well, I actually have another theory about GSA and why it happens,” I return. “It’s a bit wacky, though. Wanna hear it?”
“Sure,” he answers curiously.
“You know what reincarnation is, right? How some religions and cultures believe in past lives?”
He nods.
“Well, what if you were someone else in a past life and you knew your brother back then? For example, say you lived in ancient Egyptian times. Say you were a princess or had royal blood. And say you had a handsome lover who could have had a menial job, like a camel herder or even a slave. Say you were deeply in love but you had to hide your love from everyone because it was forbidden and frowned upon by other people. Perhaps your relationship felt right to you but was not accepted by everyone else. And what if something tragic happened, like your lover was murdered or died from an illness? You may have married someone else, like a prince, and had many children and a relatively happy life but you never forgot your first real love or how much he completed you. Now, years later after you die, your soul is reborn into another body. It doesn’t have to be the same gender as before. And your lover’s soul is also reborn, only this time instead of being a princess and a slave you are born as identical brothers. This way, you get another chance to be together and this time nothing can keep you apart. That could explain why you have such a deep connection from birth – because you already know each other from a past life. You may not remember that life but you subconsciously recognise your twin as that other person that you loved and lost and are now reunited with again. Does that make sense to you, Bill?”
His eyes are very round. “So, you’re saying I was an Egyptian princess?”
“You very well could have been. And Tom very well could have been your slave lover. Or maybe your roles were reversed.” I grin, imagining Tom as a strong, stubborn dreadlocked princess and Bill as the gorgeous black-haired boy-slave who caught her eye. “You could have even been a famous couple in history like Antony and Cleopatra for all you know. You could have lived many past lives together, in all different forms and bodies. You could have been sisters, cousins, or husband and wife. You could have been neighbours or worked at the same job together, or went to the same school or orphanage. You could even been born as complete strangers in different lands but somehow you would have managed to find each other every time and you would have always felt that instant attraction and bond, even if you appeared to be total opposites. The bodies wouldn’t have mattered but the souls inside would always be perfectly matched. Hence the name, ‘soul mates’. And now, thousands of years and lifetimes later, you and Tom have found each other again so you can live out this life together, as it should be.”
I pause to smile again at Bill’s wondering expression. “Interesting theory, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Very interesting.”
“You don’t have to believe it, Bill - it’s just an idea I like to entertain. I like to believe that I’ll meet my brother again in the next life, if there is one,” I say whimsically. “But you’re lucky because you get to be with Tom right now. I’m sure you guys fight sometimes and piss each other off but he’s your best friend and you couldn’t live without him. Could you?”
“No. I don’t think I could.” The younger Kaulitz boy squints at me. “How do you do it? Without your brother…how do you carry on every day?”
“Basic survival instinct, I suppose.” My lips twist ruefully. “Although, you and Tom…you help me.”
“We do?”
“More than you realise. When I lost my twin, the pain was immense. Having you boys here makes it hurt less,” I confess, dropping my eyes. “You give me a reason to go on, to keep living. You give me hope. And I thank you for that.”
Empathising with my loss, he puts both his arms around my neck and hugs me, replying softly next to my ear, “I’m glad we can help.”
Touched by his caring nature, I hug him back, feeling how fragile he is. Even though he’s thin, there’s still a lovely softness to his body. It’s wonderfully soothing having him in my lap, holding him close to my bare chest and being able to feel his warmth and light weight, being able to smell the scent of his hair and rub my cheek against the silky brunette strands. This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to Bill and I could easily hold him like this all day. The only problem is, if I did that I wouldn’t want to let him go. I am torn between two distinct and opposing urges and have been ever since I brought Bill here. On one hand, I long to protect him and cherish him and keep him safe from all harm, yet on the other, I want to break him. I want to throw him on the floor, strip him naked and fuck him hard. I want to bite him and bruise him and make him cry for me. It’s confusing and frightening. Apart from my brother, I’ve never had any other man or boy affect me like this and I’m not sure what to do about it.
Perhaps it’s best if I do nothing at all.
“You should get back to your room,” I gruffly advise, before my desires take over and I do something I’ll regret. “Tom will be wondering what I’ve done with you.”
“Yeah, he’s probably freaking out by now. Thanks for the talk.” Bill makes a guilty wince as he climbs out of my lap and glances at my nude torso. “And sorry I tried to seduce you. I should have thought about your brother first. That was very disrespectful of me.”
“No harm done,” I breeze as I’m buttoning my shirt back up. “I’m glad we could straighten a few things out between us.”
Before we go through the door and into the corridor, Bill hesitates. I face him questioningly. He lowers his eyelashes and swallows. It looks like he wants to say something to me, but is almost afraid to.
“What is it?” I encourage him. “You can tell me anything. I won’t get mad, I promise.”
He lifts his gaze, an apprehensive crinkle on his forehead. “Can I ask you for something?”
“Of course. Your happiness is very important to me.”
“Then…I want to ask you not to hurt Tom anymore. Not like you did the other day. I don’t care what you do to me but if I have to watch my brother suffering like that again…I wouldn’t be able to stand it.” Bill’s worried expression turns defiant, even a little angry. “If you keep hurting him, I will start to hate you. And I will start to fight you, just like Tom does. If my happiness is as important to you as you say it is, then please, leave him alone!”
My respect for Bill doubles. I love that he will stand up to me, after everything I’ve done. Even if he is afflicted with Stockholm Syndrome and has started to display the eager-to-please traits of capture-bonding, it still hasn’t made him weak or subservient. This just proves once again how strong he really is under that frail-seeming exterior.
“What happened the other day will never happen again,” I pledge, bowing my head to show absolute compliance, my long hair shielding the regretful look on my face. “The last thing I want is for you to hate me so I will do as you request and won’t punish Tom anymore, no matter how much he tries to piss me off. I will keep my violent side under control and I will never again put you in a situation where you have to choose between me and your brother, or manipulate you into doing anything you don’t wish to do. You have my word.”
When I meet his eyes again, he nods, appearing relieved. “Thank you.”
I tuck my hair behind my ear and sigh. “Bill, I know my methods don’t make much sense and I may be making a lot of mistakes but all I’m trying to do is help you boys. All I want is for you and Tom to love each other. That’s all.”
“I know. I want that too.”
“Then we’re on the same side here. From now on, I’ll work with you, not against you.”
“Good. And don’t tell Tom any of the personal stuff I told you, either.”
His bossy tone makes me raise an eyebrow but I nevertheless reply, “Of course I won’t. That’s for you to tell your brother, in your own time. Whatever you say to me alone in this room will remain completely confidential.”
“It better. Because if you tell him anything, I’ll never, ever forgive you.” The younger Kaulitz boy gives me a sweet little smile and then returns to his anxiously waiting sibling, leaving me feeling as though I’ve just been blackmailed somehow.
- 13
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Captivation